Worship Wednesday: From the Inside Out

This song WRECKS me every time I hear it!

From the Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed

Still Your mercy remains

Should I stumble again

Still I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else

My purpose remains

The art of losing myself in bringing You praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul

I give You control

Consume me from the inside out 

Let justice and praise

Become my embrace

To love you from the inside out

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise

From the inside out

Lord my soul cries out...

A thousand times..... again... STILL.... no matter how much... no matter how many times... When I fail, I'm CAUGHT in Your Grace! 

When the newness and excitement fades.... when the nearness of friends and family fades... when even my hope fades... YOUR LIGHT will shine when ALL else fades!

Even when my emotions want to run away from me... Even when I'm scared and uncertain.... Even when things are a chaotic jumble of tasks and bills and aches and pains... In my heart, in my soul, I give YOU control.

My whole purpose... is about bringing You praise. Whether I'm standing at the altar with a smile on my face or whether I'm knee-deep in the muck of troubles and pain... I just want to be lost in praising You Lord.... I want to disappear as You shine through me and the situations I face.

AND MY FAVORITE PART.... the part that TRULY wrecks me... leaves my face tear streaked... breaks my heart and heals it again.... and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise....

Today Lord, my soul cries out to praise you....
all I ever want to be known for....
all I ever want to spend my time on...
my legacy...
my purpose....
is to bring You praise.
Lord may You be PRAISED in my life today,
may You be PRAISED in my family today,
may You be PRAISED in this world today.
Amen

Somehow this just turned into a prayer. I couldn't help myself I guess.  I hope this song... it's lyrics... or my jumbled up thoughts regarding them both have ministered to someone in some way. Have a great Wednesday everyone!

Worship Wednesday: Oceans

I feel this song will be the theme song of this next season of my life... it grips me and speaks RIGHT to my aching heart.

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

See I might fall.... my feet may fail.... but my faith it will always STAND.  Through surgeries. .... through financial hardships... through heartbreak.... MY FAITH WILL STAND.

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

And when it gets tough.... when the waters start to rise.  When fears assail and worries come.... I will call Your name. I will focus on you... I will just rest in Your arms....

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

When the road gets toughest.... when the water rise highest.... when the tears flow abundantly then His Grace ABOUNDS.

You've never failed and You won't start now

This is my FAVORITE line of the whole song.  It WRECKS me every time I hear it. He has NEVER failed.  He has NEVER dropped me in my face.  He has NEVER let me drown. AND HE WON'T START NOW.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Trust that has no borders.  Standing when I should be falling. Deeper than I can even fathom.  How? By staying in His presence. By drawing near to Him.

I hope this song ministers to you like it ministers to me.  Please remember:

HE'S NEVER FAILED AND HE WON'T START NOW.

Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.
Psalm 62:1

Worship Wednesday: Glorious Ruins - Hillsong Live [church]

Hello, my name is Jami, and I'm a perfectionist. I still am... I always have been... I will struggle to my dying day to realize that God does NOT expect perfection from me....

Lately God has been working me through a season of removing a few layers of my perfectionism. It is NOT comfortable... It is not fun.

I want life to be orderly: bills paid on or ahead of time, rooms clean, beds made, children happily working on their lessons.... but there is BEAUTY in the disorder too. There is FAITH and TRUST in looking for God amid the late charges, rumpled beds, math tears.... Imperfection is my lot because I am human, and I need to learn to embrace that.... For in MY weakness HE is made strong, and with ALL of me I only want to reflect HIM more.  When will my thick skull realize that those very imperfections that drive me nuts are the areas where HE can shine through most brightly???

Anyways.... I haven't done Worship Wednesday in a long, long time, but this song is GRIPPING my soul as I walk through what seems like NOTHING but imperfections.... trying to crucify my longing for them to be perfect and trying to surrender to allow God to show me the beauty in my Glorious Ruins....

Here are the lyrics... and a video.... hope they minister to you.

Glorious Ruins
Hillsong Live

When the mountains fall and the tempest roars You are with me... When creation folds still my soul will soar on Your mercy... I'll walk through the fire with my head lifted high and my spirit revived in Your story... And I'll look to the cross as my failure is lost in the light of Your glorious grace... Let the ruins come to life in the beauty of Your name rising up from the ashes God forever You reign... And my soul will find refuge in the shadow of Your wings... I will love You forever and forever I'll sing... When the world caves in still my hope will cling to Your promise... Where my courage ends let my heart find strength in Your presence... I'll walk through the fire with my head lifted high and my spirit revived in Your story... And I'll look to the cross as my failure is lost in the light of Your glorious grace... Let the ruins come to life in the beauty of Your name rising up from the ashes God forever You reign... And my soul will find refuge in the shadow of Your wings

Worship Wednesday: Stronger

[I know it's not Worship Wednesday yet, but it is Worship Wednesday Eve... that counts right?]

So this day has been spiraling downward. Not to be a Polly Pooper, but -- BEWARE! of days that start out a little too good to be true. So I was feeling down in the dumps... discouraged by the lack of writing assignments at Demand Media, downtrodden by thoughts of my nasty vehicular situation, and beaten down by my inability to connect with my honey because of his AWFUL defective HTC phone. Then to top it all off... I started feeling nauseous.... (LOATHE vomiting!) I laid down to rest for a few minutes and awoke still feeling like I was going to blow chunks. I reached deep down in my cheerleading bag of tricks and pulled out my DETERMINATION... you know that stuff I used to use when there were 3 minutes left in the 4th quarter and my team was down by 15 points. I forced myself to make an espresso and sit at the kitchen table doing math with Jeremiah. I did NOT feel like it. I was willing myself not to vomit. I just wanted this day to GO AWAY.

I didn't notice Hannah playing with my phone... [AMAZES me what apps this girl can launch by herself] She launched Pandora and all of a sudden Mandisa's Stronger was POURING out of my phone. (I swore I blogged about Stronger before, but I can't find it. How is it POSSIBLE that I haven't blogged about the one and only Mandisa before???)

Now for those of you who don't know this... I <3 Mandisa! She inspires me! She makes me laugh! I follow her on Twitter and she actually responded to my tweet once! AHHHHHHHHHHH!  Have you ever seen Notting Hill? Where Hugh Grant's sister is that actress with the googly eyes and the red hair that sticks up? When she follows Julia Roberts (who's playing a celebrity in the movie) into the bathroom? Just before that she tells Julia, "I absolutely and totally and utterly adore you and I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world and more importantly I genuinely believe and have believed for some time now that we can be best friends." Well I am the googly eyed redhead to Mandisa's Julia Roberts! I truly believe if we met, Mandisa and I would be BEST friends! [go ahead John J. Kastner... MOCK me... but I think Mandisa could be my friend!]

So anywhoos... besides the fact that I MAJORLY adore Mandisa... this song!  ohhhhhh this song! It reminds me of the DIFFICULTIES of 2009... brain surgery, moving, out of work, BAH! I just LOVE and ADORE it.

And then one more thing... the TIMING! it was PERFECT! Here I am down in the dumps... trying not to puke... wishing it were the end of this awful day... AND my sweet little princess conspires with my celebrity BFF to CHANGE MY DAY! Even Elijah refusing to write the days of the week on his math paper is not irritating me as much as before.

Thank you Mandisa! In the hopes that you can change someone else's day, I'm gonna attempt to embed the video for Stronger here:



Btw... just in case the AMAZING Mandisa stops by this page, when Pandora opened and this album cover came up, Hannah pointed at your picture and said, with awe in her voice, "Mom, she's BEAUTIFUL!" Yups... I know how to pick my friends ;)

[P.S. OHMIGOSH y'all!!!  read the comments! she read it! SEE! I told you! we'll be BFF's some day... maybe not till Heaven but that's okay too]

Worship Wednesday: Your Great Name

I know that Wednesday was yesterday. This blog hit me yesterday (if that counts), but I just wasn't able to get back downstairs to blog last night so here it is a day late and a dollar short (what else is new eh?).

[I want to dedicate this blog to my second Momma, Rosalind Stancil. You are SUCH an example of godliness, strength and faith to me. I LOVE YOU!  Bad things sometimes happen to GOOD people, but God remains "HIGH AND LIFTED UP" through it all and "the enemy, he HAS to leave, at the sound of HIS great name."  I know you know that but I wanted to remind you.]

Your Great Name

Natalie Grant

Lost are saved; find their way; at the sound of Your great name

All condemned; feel no shame, at the sound of Your great name

Every fear; has no place; at the sound of Your great name

The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of Your great name

Jesus, worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man

You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name

Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name

The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of Your great name

Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name

Jesus, worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man

You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

Redeemer, my Healer, Lord Almighty

My Savior, Defender, You are my King

Jesus, worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man

You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

This song isn't that profound really. We all know what it's saying. So I'm not sure what it is about the song that just GRABBED me in the gut when I heard it for the first time ever yesterday. Maybe the haunting melody? Maybe Natalie Grant's amazing vocals? or maybe just the PURE SIMPLICITY of the message.... HIS NAME IS ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS and maybe that IS profound.

Whatever you are going through today, I hope you will take a second to listen to this song in its entirety and really HEAR the message. Let it seep into your soul.... He's your Redeemer... your Healer... your Lord Almighty.

[I know this blog is dedicated to Roz, but my other Georgia friend... you know who you are... He is your Defender!  So charge into that conversation CONFIDENTLY!  It is not you who is speaking but God speaking through you as your DEFENDER!] 

This song ripped my soul wide open and allowed God to pour HEALING balm all over my broken parts yesterday. I hope it (and this blog) does a tiny bit of that for you today.

God bless!

Worship Wednesday: What if the Mountain is You?

Take 7 minutes of your life... Watch this video... It is an original song by Dave Loftis (GREAT set of pipes on this guy!  I promise.)  But listen to the lyrics and contemplate this simple idea... What if YOU are what is holding you back from what God has in store for your life.. Yeah... I know.. It cut me to the quick too!  Hope it ministers to you today.

Worship Wednesday: This is the Stuff

[I couldn't find this song on Playlist.com yet because it is so new.  But you NEED to hear it while you read!  So first before you read, follow this link and click PLAY on the music player on the right side so the song will play in the background while you read this.  Don't forget to scroll down and pause the normal music player so it doesn't clash with Francesca.]

MWAH!  I have at least three songs backed up in my soul for Worship Wednesday!  I'm tempted to just put them out there on normal days, but I'll try to hold back!  Here's the first one... heard it Sunday for the first time EVER and it ROCKED my world!

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind
Whoa

Come on!  Admit it!  Isn't this SO my life???  Isn't it so everything you've ever read about me here on this blog?  Ohmigosh!  It is MEEEEEEEEE!  Forgotten checkbook not discovered till I'm at the register... Riding lawn mower vs. Blackberry... No water! "HANNAH!  did you turn that lever again?!?!?!".... No taillights AGAIN?!?!?!?  And here it comes!  The one-two punch:


So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh Oh Oh

Impatience - irritation with anything that causes delay... BREAK ME LORD!


Frustration - the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals... CONQUER IT LORD!


This week I truly do have a NEW APPRECIATION for NONE of these stressful, difficult, even HUMONGOUS things have been the end of the world... Here's one of my favorite sayings:

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

So go on today and trust that He knows EXACTLY what He is doing.  In the little things... In the big things... He knows what He is doing!

Love to you all!

Worship Wednesday: Hear my Cry

[disclaimer: I did not mean to go all reggae on you this morning, but this little snippet was the ONLY version I could find on playlist.com but I figure it is kinda a nice taste of Jamaica for those of us who are stuck in 12 degree WI]

Wowzer! The past 48-hours has been a whirlwind. Christina and I have decided that we should contact Webster's and ask them to add the following definition:

Jami (noun): a 24-hour period in which more catastrophic and minorly irritating events happen to you than happen to most people in an entire year.  Car accident, forgotten lunch, trip to the ER, and cat peed all over the comforter, what a Jami yesterday was!

It started when I received some heart breaking news about a dear loved one of mine. (names and details withheld to protect the innocent who didn't sign on to be a part of my blog)

Hear my cry, Oh Lord 

Next came some GREAT news... but it was hugely momentous as well and not without a great deal of stress. (same as above regarding details)

Attend unto my prayer

Then began the truly sketchy part... Awoke to a text from my mom:  Dad's taking me toWaukesha Memoria ER... heart... will text details.


From the ends of the earth, will I cry out to Thee


The entire day was FILLED with stress:
*snoblowed the driveway TWICE because John's neck flare up didn't allow him to do it; propane truck STILL couldn't get up the driveway; had to PAY THE SNOWPLOW GUY to plow driveway even though I sweated and labored and slipped my way through snowblowing it... TWICE!
*got ALL the way through the grocery store AND CHECKOUT only to find I had left my checkbook at home
*as I raced home to get the checkbook I didn't get over into a lane fast enough for some jerk behind me... he decided to just LAY on his horn until I moved... by that point I was ready to go POSTAL on someone.
*Mom was kept in the hospital overnight and scheduled for a 6 a.m. heart catherization.

And when my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the ROCK
That is higher than I

I have often wondered how people get through tough stuff without God.  I mean I can hardly get through it with Him!  I'm so glad I don't have to know.

Well my Jami is behind me (hopefully)... Today peace and calm has settled about my house. Gma spent the night last night so my dad could stay at the hospital with my mom. All four kiddos are still sleeping. John got off to work on time.  I'm on my second cup of coffee.  And BEST of all, I just got a text from my dad, Great news.  All arteries virtually unchanged from ten years ago.  Sending her back to room. We may be out by noon or so.

Thank you Jesus for being my Rock.  I could NOT do this thing called life without you.

Worship Wednesday: Better is One Day

I love this song! It gets my thoughts on Heaven, but not just that, it brings a little piece of Heaven here to earth.


How lovely is
Your dwelling place
Oh Lord Almighty,
For my soul longs
And even faints
For You
Oh, here my heart
Is satisfied (is satisfied)
Within Your presence
I sing beneath
The shadow of
Your wings


Mmmmmm beneath the shadow of His wings. What comfort there is in picturing myself there, resting, protected, safe, in the shadow of His wings.


Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
(Than thousands elsewhere)


One day in Heaven is SO going to be better than thousands elsewhere, yet I always feel MORE when I sing this part. I feel... One day spent in worship is better than thousands spent: working, cleaning, even playing. Being in His presence just TRUMPS all!


One thing I ask,
And I would seek,
To see Your beauty
To find You in
The place Your glory dwells
(One thing I ask)
One thing I ask
And I would seek,
To see Your beauty
To find You in
The place Your glory dwells


That's really truly the ONLY think I seek... I want to see Him, find Him. I want to see Him in the gentleness of a summer breeze. I want to see Him in the fierceness of the worst winter storm. I want to see Him in my child's sweet face. I want to see Him living, breathing, and moving THROUGH me.


(My heart and flesh cry out)
My heart and flesh cry out
To You, the Living God
Your Spirit's water to my soul


I am a BIG water girl! Ask anyone. Any one of my cheerleaders.... Any one of my children... Anyone who has met me.... Jami LOVES water and Jami PREACHES:  Drink more water! Water! Water! Water!  One of my favorite stories is after a b-day party I had some leftover Kool-Aid (a sugary bunch of garbage that I don't keep in the house except for special occasions). I wanted it GONE because it was in my way. So I was trying to get Jeremiah to have a glass.  He was about 3, and he stood in the kitchen red-faced and SCREAMING at the top of his lungs, "Don't give me that KOOL-AID! I want water!"  Love it!  


God's Spirit, God's voice, His presence.... it's like water to my soul. Refreshing me, replenishing me, flushing away all my impurities.  Just like Jeremiah, I'm screaming, "Don't give me that busyness or stupid television show! I want God's presence!"


I've tasted, and I've seen
Come once again to me
I will draw near to You
I will draw near to You
To You

And there it is... the money maker... the part of the song that it's all about... I will draw near to You....  He's already there. He's already waiting. He never, ever left. I have to draw near to Him. One day in His presence is always RIGHT there waiting for me.... Will I choose to draw in??  If I do, it will be better than anything else.  So much BETTER!


Have a great day everyone!

Worship Wednesday: Carol of the Bells

Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells
All seem to say throw cares away
Christmas is here, bringing good cheer
To young and old, meek and the bold

Ding-dong, ding-dong, that is their song
With joyful ring, all caroling
One seems to hear, words of good cheer
From everywhere, filling the air

Gaily they ring, while people sing
Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here
Merry merry merry merry Christmas
Merry merry merry merry Christmas
On and on they send, on without end
Their joyful tone to every home
Ding-dong ding-dong, ding-dong ding-dong
Ding-dong ding-dong, ding-dong ding-dong


Meh... I know this one is not very spiritual, but today, THIS day, I need to hear, "Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells; All seem to say THROW CARES AWAY"  over and over and OVER again!


My days before vacation are going out like a LION!  I am stressed!  Trying to work... the kids let the dog out... didn't listen to me about how to get her back... I had to race out in my pajamas and robe to try to catch her... couldn't get the minivan back up the driveway... foot is ice cold from being in a snow bank... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  "THROW CARES AWAY!!!!!!  THROW CARES AWAY!!!!!"    My silver bells are screaming, "ONE MORE DAY JAMI! ONE MORE DAY!"


So anywhoos... there is my not very spiritual Worship Wednesday, but WAIT!  I think I just got my spiritual application!!!!


Throw your cares away!  Don't just be "merry" this Christmas but throw your cares away!  Because this isn't just about snow and lighted trees and presents!  The light of the world came to SAVE OUR SOULS!  How can ANY of our cares matter in light of that truth???


Hope you all have a BLESSED Christmas!  I literally have at least three blogs backed up in my heart, but I just have NOT had time to write about them lately.  Hopefully on my vaca I will find time to get them up here.


God bless!

Worship Wednesday: Breath of Heaven

I only get to hear this song around Christmas... You know because it's "Mary's Song" and all.  But it grabs me ANYtime of the year.  The story of a faithful servant following God's direction when all those around think that servant is nuts.  The tale of someone KNOWING God spoke, having NO proof but his/her own certainty.  The wonder of the courage of standing against ALL:  friends, family, loved ones, those secular, AND fellow believers, who just don't GET what God has spoken, partially because they didn't hear it and partially because the message from God was so stinking LOONY!  That storyline SPEAKS to me:  Noah building the Ark, Abraham placing his only son on the altar, the virgin with child, the disciple walking on water....

As one who loves God deeply and tries HARD to follow His voice NO MATTER WHAT, I too have been in that place.  The place of KNOWING that God wanted me to do something and FEARING what others would think.  That predicament of KNOWING that I had NO good reason for what I was doing and that "God told me to" sounded so weak.  That terrifying, tumultuous, crazy place of PEACE.  Somehow experiencing BOTH the storm of uncertainty and at the same time the CALM of peace.

That's why I <3 this song!  Because I can SCREAM along with it, "Breath of Heaven, hold me together; Be forever near me, breath of Heaven; Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness....."  But my favorite part.... It is so poignant... it is:

Help me be strong...
Help me be...
Help ME...

Love it!  Love it!  LOVE it!

Whatever God is telling you to do today, no matter how crazy, take heart!  If God is asking you to do something off-the-wall, you are in GOOD company.  You're standing beside Noah, Abraham, Mary, Peter and so MANY more!  Take heart.  Have faith.  But most importantly let Him "hold you together."

Merry Christmas everyone!


I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, You have come
And chosen me now to carry Your Son

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now

Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy
Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong, help me be, help me

Breath of Heaven, hold me together

Be forever near me, breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness

Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy

Breath of Heaven, hold me together

Be forever near me, breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness

Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy

Breath of Heaven, breath of Heaven, Breath of Heaven

Worship Wednesday: Mary Did You Know?

Last night we watched the Passion of Christ.  Actually, I tried hard NOT to watch it.  I am just WAY too sensitive for that movie!  Even ignoring the subtitles and concentrating on my crocheting with the movie only as background noise, I bawled like a baby.  What my Lord went through for me!  The horror He suffered!  The pain of his earthly mother!  They are TOO much for me to bear!

I kept thinking about the glory set before Him.  Yet, even for the glory set before Him, I could not stop BAWLING over the horror He endured.  As a mother I am always especially hard hit by the focus on Mary.  How could she watch them do that to the Child who came from her womb?!?!  Yet I'm sure she never even entertained the idea of leaving her Child in His toughest hour.

My thoughts turned towards this song.  It has always haunted my soul.  How much of the PLAN did God reveal to Mary?  What did God reveal to her soul?  She knew her womb carried the child of God, yet....  The miracle of the blind seeing?  The horror of the cross?  These details....  What did she know???  When did she know???

It reminded me that we OFTEN do not know.  The wonder of a generous gift...  The uncertainty of a sudden relapse... These details....  We never know they are coming.  But here is the GLORIOUS part!  (...for Mary and for us...)  Mary did not HAVE to know.  As glorious as the beginning of His life was...  As gut wrenching as the end was...  Mary did not HAVE to know!  God knew.  He knew and He would give her the strength to endure.  He knows and He will give us the strength to endure!

Whatever this day brings, do NOT forget He knows!  He knows.

Mary, did you know
that your baby boy will one day walk on water?

Mary, did you know
that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?

Did you know,
that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered,
will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?

Mary, did you know
your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?

Did you know,
that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little baby,
you've kissed the face of God.

The blind will see
The deaf will hear
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?

Mary, did you know
that your baby boy will one day rule the nations?

Did you know,
that your baby boy is heaven's perfect lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding, is the great I AM.

Worship Wednesday: O Holy Night

I decided that this month, Worship Wednesdays should be about Christmas Carols!  How fun hey?  I am starting this my new directive with my FAVORITE Christmas Carol of all time....

Not going to really say much...  Today worship is enough.  The only thing I will say is:

THIS is what this season is all about:  the holy, HOLY night when Christ came to earth to live and then die and finally to rise again all for the purpose of saving a sinner like me!

I read a GREAT blog this morning from my friend (the now famous) Lori...  The Kastner's are going to focus more on what this season is REALLY about by starting an Advent Project today too... Thanks for the inspiration Lori!]

Now stop reading my words and focus in on these!

O Holy Night


O holy night!
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!


Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born
Oh night divine
Oh night divine


Truly He taught us to love one another 
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we 
Let all within us praise His holy name

Worship Wednesday: Blink

I have been consumed by this song for several weeks now.  I keep meaning to blog about it on a Worship Wednesday yet my Wednesdays seem to be so busy I NEVER get the time to blog on one of them!  Today I am BOUND and DETERMINED to blog about this song.... especially since it has come to mean SO much more to me in the past five days.

Teach me to number my days 
And count every moment before it slips away 
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray 

I don't want to miss even just a second more of this

The very first time I heard this song, I burst into tears.  This band, Revive, they PERFECTLY captured the entire theme of my parenting career.  God has been teaching me this lesson since I squeezed Noah's slightly large head out of my body.  I remember one time standing in the corner of my living room holding one of the boys (it had to be Noah or Jeremiah... something tells me it was Miah).  It was the middle of the night.  This child was FUSSY! He wanted to be held but not just held... he needed to be held WHILE I stood up... every time I tried to sit down he would start WAILING the second my rear hit the couch cushion.  I was exhausted!  I too was crying by this point.  John found me half asleep, still crying, standing in the corner using the two walls to prop my body up so I wouldn't sit and make the baby cry again.  I remember that night thinking this will NEVER end!  I will NEVER sleep again!  I will NEVER get this child to stop crying!  BAM!  WHAM!  SLAM!  Here I am and that "baby" is nine years old and babbling on and on and on about Power Rangers.  He is HUGE!  He wears a size 10/12.  He SLEEPS through the entire night all night and OHMIGOSH!  What I wouldn't give to have his tiny little newborn body in my arms for just a second again!  Since I can't go back, I have tried SO hard to apply that lesson to my RIGHT NOW!  When I am lying in bed with Hannah's little piggies poking me in my privates while I try to sleep, I remind myself... before I know it this baby girl will be perfecting her toe touch, applying makeup for prom, or EEK!  walking down the aisle!  So I snuggle in tight embracing the intrusion into my peaceful sleep reminding myself... IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK!

It happens in a blink 
It happens in a flash 
It happens in the time it takes to look back 
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time 
What is it I've done with my life 
It happens in a blink

This past five days happened in a blink too.  Just five days ago, we were cruising along....  No worries... Just some irritation over John STILL having to take pain meds and muscle relaxers...  No stress....  Actually planning to BUY semi-decent Christmas presents for the kids this year and take them to the water park too... No fear...  We hardly remembered our neurosurgeon's name...  IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK!  IT HAPPENS IN A FLASH!  We were catapulted back into the thick of it all!  But guess what???  This girl isn't THAT dumb!  I am LEARNING my lesson.  As much as I am anxiously hoping Dr. Ahuja's staff will call us SOON, I am also cherishing the last moments I have of NOT knowing.  I'm glorying in the extra time spent as a family... (we went into town to get John's car last night... stopped at Qdoba for dinner...  shopped at Walmart...  I remember at Qdoba thinking this is SUCH a precious moment... my babies and my honey and I gathered around this booth... we NEVER eat "in" a restaurant... we always gulp our food down in the car on the way to this or that.... last night we just sat and laughed and shared and it was DEFINITELY a moment to memorize!)

Slow down, slow down 
Before today becomes our yesterday 
Slow down, slow down 
Before you turn around and it's too late 


Wherever this day finds you:  on the top of a mountain... in the depths of a valley.... PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take the time to realize:  IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK!  whether this is a good moment you want to memorize or a gut wrenching one you want to fade quickly into just a memory.... IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK!  


It happens in a blink 
It happens in a flash 
It happens in the time it takes to look back 
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time 
What is it I've done with my life 
It happens in a blink


Hang on my dear friends!  Enjoy every second of this marvelous thing called life!  Enjoy every second of RIGHT now... for in a BLINK it can ALL change and there will be another brand new set of circumstances to appreciate.

Happy day before Thanksgiving everyone!

[Oh and btw... NO!  we still have NOT heard ANYTHING from the doctor!]

Worship Wednesday: Get Back Up!

[sorry couldn't find this song to add it to my playlist and play automatically here... if you want to listen to it follow this link]

I have been waiting and waiting to do this song by Toby Mac for Worship Wednesday FOREVER!!!! It is an AWESOME tune, but week after week has found me TOO busy on Wednesdays to blog about this song! Well this week I am bound and determined to get this blog posted before this Worship Wednesday ends!

Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta nowhere

Have you ever had this happen to you? You saw something coming yet STILL it "hit you outta nowhere? I have and let me tell you what! It KNOCKS you to your knees! I've been the one to fall and the victim of hurt resulting from another's fall, and I tell you... Both situations knock you to your knees! HARD!

We lose our way,
We get back up again

Here's what we do: we lose our way??? Get back up again! Fall into sin??? Get back up again! Devastated by the sin of another??? GET BACK UP AGAIN!!!

It's never too late to get back up again,

Never, ever, ever, EVER! It is NEVER too late to get back up again. God will not run out of mercy! Jesus' redeeming blood NEVER runs dry! It is never too late so GET BACK UP AGAIN!

You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,

...because a knock down does NOT mean you are out forever.

This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken,
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin',
I am so broken
This is love callin' love callin

God loves you, broken. God know you are, broken. God is calling you, broken. So go to Him, broken.

This blog is SUCH GOOD NEWS!!!! It is ok that you fell. It is okay that you're broken. He is calling you!!!! Just GET BACK UP AGAIN!!!

I hope you have a great end to this Worship Wednesday, and I hope that you will have the courage to get back up again. Remember: I'm routing for you!

Worship Wednesday: Lead Me

Guest blogger:  John J. Kastner

Blogger’s Intro:  [Yes!  I got permission before posting this!]

Last week I received the following in an e-mail from my hubby.  I told him I was going to post it at my blog.  I think he thought I was kidding, but I was not.  I think this e-mail will minister to someone’s heart, but I also wanted to share it with you because I wanted to show a little of his heart here on my blog because I find the heart of John J. Kastner to be a precious place to enter, and I feel honored to be allowed into it. 

Hope you enjoy!

Jami

Jami,

I’m not a blogger.  Most times, I don’t know where a sentence should start or end.  I hear things like, "Spell check makes things so much easier!" but when I spell words and click spell check that super computer with every possible word combo for every possible word just stares back at me with a dumbfounded look on the screen as if to say, "WHAT??? the heck are you trying to spell here???"

But I did feel God telling me this fine, sunny, blistering hot morning to write this down... to put this in words before the busyness of the day consumes me, and my thoughts on this fade away.  There is a song... don’t know if it’s new or old.  Can’t say with 100% certainty why, but it did three things for me this morning:

1. Brought this 245lb., 100%, real man to tears.  I’m not talking about eyes watery.  I’m talking about full- blown, saltwater running down my face, TEARS.

2. Brought clarity to how blessed I am because of you and the fact that you love me in spite of all my faults 

3. Showed me no matter how hard I work, or how much I work, that’s not all you're looking for in your mate. (I’m sorry I’m not always there for you the way you need me to be.  I am most often there for you the way I feel I should instead of the way you need.)

4. Showed me that I fall short of my wife, children, and family's needs way too much on a daily basis. 

I know that I know that turning on a dime is an unobtainable goal, but I will say that from now on in every situation, I will do my best to hear this song in my heart and act in a Godly, husbandly and fatherly way.

The song is by Sanctus Real.  Here are the words.  You'll have to google the music.

WITH ALL MY HEART I LOVE YOU ALL, AND I’M AM TRULY SORRY FOR THE MAN I AM TODAY.  I LOOK FORWARD TO THE MAN I’LL BE TOMORROW.

Love,

John

Lead Me

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?


Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”


I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...


“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?


Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”


So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way


To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up


I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone


Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone