More on forgiveness and forgetting....

I didn't have much time to blog the other day when I posted the link to Pastor's Aaron's sermon. I don't really have more time today, but when something BURNS on my heart, I gotta write it out.

forgive - to give up resentment of or claim to compensation for

forget - to lose the remembrance of: be unable to think of or recall

First of all, just to be clear, does everyone know that the Bible doesn't tell us to forgive and forget? The Bible's directives regarding forgiveness include:

*forgive seventy times seven
*forgive as your Father in Heaven forgives

But the Bible does NOT tell us to forgive and forget.

Here's the deal folks: forgiveness is NOT forgetting. Forgiveness is letting go of our hurt and anger over the injustice caused. Forgiveness is letting go of the slight, betrayal, offense. Forgiveness says you don't have to pay me back for this sin any more. You don't have to make this up to me. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting the slight, betrayal, offense happened. Forgiveness is not removing it from your memory (which is impossible).

God forgives our sins. God tosses them as far as the east is from the west. But God doesn't allow us to forget them because we need to remember. Just the same, we should forgive those who have sinned against us, but that doesn't include forgetting!

1. We need to REMEMBER so we REMEMBER how much we have been forgiven of. REMEMBERING the mercy God (and others) has shown us makes us grateful and increases our love toward them.

2. We need to REMEMBER so we learn a lesson. Our past failures... The past failures of others.... These things forgiven teach us VALUABLE lessons. As I stated on Monday, REMEMBERING that a hot stove burns, helps us LEARN not to touch it again. Also, REMEMBERING that I have no self-control when it comes to chocolate helps me LEARN not to keep chocolate in the house. REMEMBERING that a situation led to sin helps us LEARN to avoid it in the future. REMEMBERING that a friend blabbed a secret we begged them not to share, helps us REMEMBER not to reveal so much next time.

3. We need to REMEMBER so we can be used. The best comfort in pain and agony comes from someone who has walked the road we are on before us. The best comfort to someone struggling with the pain from a broken marriage, comes from another who has been there. The best comfort to someone walking down the dark path of the loss of a child, comes from another who has been there. The best comfort to someone battling an addiction, comes from another who has been there.

So here's the deal...

Do you need to forgive others?  YES! How often? INFINITY times INFINITY.

Do you need to forget what they did? NO! Absolutely not. You can't.

I look at it like this... most of the time when you forgive a slight it couldn't have been "made right" anyways. Sorry doesn't make it better. If I punch you in the face as hard as I can, sorry doesn't take away the pain, the redness or the swelling. Sorry doesn't make it better. If I say sorry, it doesn't magically erase the fact that it ever happened. If I say sorry I'm saying, "I wish I could go back and NOT do that the second time." And when you forgive me you are saying, "I let go of it. I won't make you pay it back." (The funny thing about it is OFTEN there is NO way that it could be paid back anyways.) There is also NO way it can be forgotten. The next time I lift my hand up in a fist aimed at your face you're going to flinch!  You should! It's called self-preservation. AND the next time a friend gets punched in the face you are going to be able to say, "I remember how that felt. I hated that!"

Forgiving is GOOD for you and the person who slighted you. Bitterness, resentment, anger held onto... these things are a cancer eating away at the bones.

Forgetting is IMPOSSIBLE so stop trying. Instead embrace it. Remember the lessons your pain has taught you. Remember the pain and use that to help others. Finally, REMEMBER how much you too have been forgiven of!

Forgive but don't forget....

I have LONG struggled with this concept. I loathe when people say we should "forgive and forget." I can't get past that concept. It drives me nuts. If we "forgive and forget," we would CONTINUALLY stick our hand on a hot burner burning our hand over and over and over again. It is just not WISE to FORGET the things we forgive. Remembering is helpful.

Yesterday Pastor Aaron preached about this.  WOW! He hit a grand slam, outta the park, unbelievable HOME RUN!

Please follow this link when you have a good 35 minutes.  This sermon is AWESOME!  I'm not sure what will happen to this link after this week so check it out before 10/1 or it might not be viable anymore.

There's an App for that: Forgiveness

70x7 STINKS!

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?  
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Matthew 18:21-22

Are there ever portions of scripture that just "stick in your craw"??? There are for me... and THIS is one of them!

490 figurative times??? are you KIDDING me God?  Forgiveness is painful. Forgiveness is HARD. And sometimes to be honest I just get stinking tired of forgiving people for the same old EXACT selfish, rude, cruel thing!
But I forgave YOU.

This blog isn't going to be long... it isn't going to be eloquent... it's going to be short, sweet and TO THE POINT.

If you ever get to the point where you are sick of forgiving.... If you ever want to snip 70x7 right out of your Bible.... If you're ever moping around in the injustice of forgiving some sinful, self-centered human being again and again and AGAIN...

STOP!

and remember:  God forgave YOU. Jesus hung on that cross for YOU. His precious, holy blood was spilled for YOU.  And when turned back around towards YOU that 70x7 thing ain't so bad anymore... is it?

Here's hoping that visions of the brutal, somber, excruciating cross bring a smile of hope to your face today... because all that pain was suffered for YOU and because in just three days...

:)

Worship Wednesday: Get Back Up!

[sorry couldn't find this song to add it to my playlist and play automatically here... if you want to listen to it follow this link]

I have been waiting and waiting to do this song by Toby Mac for Worship Wednesday FOREVER!!!! It is an AWESOME tune, but week after week has found me TOO busy on Wednesdays to blog about this song! Well this week I am bound and determined to get this blog posted before this Worship Wednesday ends!

Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta nowhere

Have you ever had this happen to you? You saw something coming yet STILL it "hit you outta nowhere? I have and let me tell you what! It KNOCKS you to your knees! I've been the one to fall and the victim of hurt resulting from another's fall, and I tell you... Both situations knock you to your knees! HARD!

We lose our way,
We get back up again

Here's what we do: we lose our way??? Get back up again! Fall into sin??? Get back up again! Devastated by the sin of another??? GET BACK UP AGAIN!!!

It's never too late to get back up again,

Never, ever, ever, EVER! It is NEVER too late to get back up again. God will not run out of mercy! Jesus' redeeming blood NEVER runs dry! It is never too late so GET BACK UP AGAIN!

You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,

...because a knock down does NOT mean you are out forever.

This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken,
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin',
I am so broken
This is love callin' love callin

God loves you, broken. God know you are, broken. God is calling you, broken. So go to Him, broken.

This blog is SUCH GOOD NEWS!!!! It is ok that you fell. It is okay that you're broken. He is calling you!!!! Just GET BACK UP AGAIN!!!

I hope you have a great end to this Worship Wednesday, and I hope that you will have the courage to get back up again. Remember: I'm routing for you!

Jami's friend manifesto

Cultivate friendships which provoke you to love Jesus more/better.... Sarah Bowling

This was Sarah's FB status earlier this week.  It hit me like a slap in the face.  For over a year now I have REALLY been struggling in the area of friendships.  Truth be told it has been A LOT longer than a year.  Probably since I started coaching cheer at FHS and then on through when John and I led the youth group, I had a VERY full social life, but all of my relationships were mentoring type relationships.   I didn't really have any friends my own age or any who were at my same stage of life.  I started feeling the void left by this deficiency about two years ago.  I prayed and begged God to send me a friend or two.  I just wanted someone who was in my own generation.

What followed was a quick succession of friends who betrayed me, judged me, and believed only the worst about me.  These friendships left me battered and bruised.  In fact, JUST THIS WEEK I said to my sister, "I don't want any more friends!  Friends hurt TOO much!".

So when I first read that FB status it stung across my face leaving a red, hand imprint.  It hurt!  Because even this week my eyes have been furtively darting about searching for a safe hiding place where I could hole up and keep myself safe from these prickly, sharp-edged, pain causing things called friends.

Backed into a corner, setting up sandbags of defense I all of a sudden STOPPED as the application of that statement washed over me. I thought, "Wait a minute!  I have to BE the kind of friend who provokes her friends to love Jesus more/better."  That's all I can control!  The answer isn't holing myself away from the world becoming a friend-a-phob.  The answer is being the kind of friend who spurs people on to loving Him!

I learned long ago that the only person whose actions I can control is ME.  I can't sit around waiting for people to come to me.  I have to go out and BE the kind of friend I need.  So here it is:  my friend manifesto.  What follows is a description of the kind of friend I want to BE.

1.  Loving... I want to be the kind of friend who LOVES people.  I believe that we lead people to Jesus with love.  No one wants to be told how they don't measure up or what they don't do well enough in.  I want my friends to find love and acceptance in my presence.  I don't want to be an encyclopedia of how things should be done or how life should be lived.  I want to be like a pair of those ubber soft, warm and comfy slipper socks.  I want my friends to find softness, comfort, warmth from me... I don't care so much if they find cold hard learning here.

2.  Giving.... I want to be the kind of friend who would give the shirt off her back to help ANYONE.  I want to give lavishly of my time, attention and resources.  I want to reach out to those in need.  I want to cook meals for those who are laid up.  I want to give our hand-me-downs to bless someone.  I don't care how "down and out" I am... I never, ever, ever want to stop being generous.  I never, ever want to stop giving.  I want my friends to know if they need something and there is ANYTHING I can do, I will do it.

3.  Forgiving...  I want to be the kind of friend who forgives ANYTHING.  I want to forgive 70x7.  I want to turn the other cheek EVERY SINGLE TIME I am slapped.  I know that I am inviting pain by doing this.  I know I could avoid some of the agony by walking away from friends who continually hurt me, but I don't CARE!  I wanna forgive because I have been FORGIVEN!  I want my friends to know that our friendship is secure.  That no matter WHAT I will forgive them.

I guess as I typed this I realized that I want to be Jesus to all my friends.  I know that is a tall order, but that's okay because I am a stubborn old girl, and I will not give up on reaching that goal.  So starting today, I am going to do everything in my power to be the kind of friend I want to have.  One who provokes others to love Jesus more/better.  

I *heart* Karen Kingsbury!

I don't think I've written much about Karen Kingsbury in this blog. I believe it is because I don't find myself having much time for reading anymore. But I LOVE Karen Kingsbury. In fact, if I had more time, I think I'd stalk her. She is the BEST author I have ever in my life encountered. Many times, John has found me huddled in the bathroom (because I didn't want my sobs to wake him) at 2 a.m. finishing one of her books. However, last night her writing did something new for me. The sobs which emanated from me as I read weren't just sobs of empathy. They were sobs which brought waves of healing that I needed SO badly. This time her writing did not just make me feel something, her novel brought me healing. The topic at the root of the book was not something I could relate too, but every issue that spring out of that main topic hit me hard.

***I was convicted about my propensity to sit up on my high horse when I've been wronged and think how LUCKY the person who wronged me is that I extended my royal scepter and deemed to forgive their lowly butt.

***I was humbled by the reminder that no matter how sorry we are about a sin we can't go back and change it and its consequences will be endured no matter how contrite we are.

There were so many life applications I found in this novel that I literally had to sit still a few minutes after turning the last page. I was a bit stunned, and my head was spinning. God was whispering SO many things to my heart that I didn't know which one to allow my brain to settle on first. I am still in the process of working through all of this, but here is the part I wanted to share with all of you.

A few days ago I blogged about my struggle with the concept of forgiving and forgetting. Remember I talked about the salt (like our sin) being completely dissolved in water?? Well in processing the thoughts and feelings I had after this book, I came to an understanding about a new facet of forgiveness that I would like to share. Here is is.

As previously stated, I don't believe forgiveness is forgetting. I also don't believe forgiveness and healing are synonymous. I don't believe I have to be completely over a sin to forgive it. I don't believe that I have to never ever bring it up or mourn the consequences of it in order to have forgiven it. I think that forgiveness means choosing to continue loving in spite of the sin. I think that when someone hurts us we can IMMEDIATELY let go of that sin and FORGIVE. I believe that forgiveness can take place instantly. But depending upon the magnitude of the sin, it make take us a while to heal from the wound of it. It may take us a while to rebuild. But needing time to heal or slowly rebuilding these things do not indicate an absence of forgiveness and in order to heal and rebuild we must REMEMBER.

Here's my analogy:

Imagine being sinned against is like an earthquake in your life. Forgiveness is your choice to go on living. You may have lost loved ones in the earthquake. Your house may be rubble and your livelihood may be in ruins. But you make a choice to forge ahead. As you forge ahead, you may need time for the injuries you sustained to heal. Rebuilding your home and reestablishing your livelihood will not happen overnight. The pain of the loved ones you lost will sting for a very long time. However, none of these things mean that you are not going to continue on living.

When someone sins against us, we can make the choice IMMEDIATELY to forgive. We may have lost innocence or trust because of their sin. Our hearts may be rubble and our spirits may be in ruins, but we make a choice to forgive. Forgiveness isn't a magic wand that makes everything "okay." We still need time for our injuries to heal. We still need time to rebuild trust and to whittle away bitterness and anger. The pain of what was done to us will sting for a very long time. However, none of these things mean that we have not forgiven.

More then a decade ago, I was sinned against in a grievous way. What made matters worse was the sinful thing was done to me by a fellow believer in Christ. I was not just hurt by that single incident. My world was rocked by the thought, "How can part of the body of Christ DO THIS?" I was not as good at forgiving back then, and it took me awhile to get to the point that I even wanted to forgive. Yet to this day, nearly twelve years later, when I look back on that situation, I cringe a little at the memory of the devastation it wrought. I do not believe that means I did not forgive. I believe that means that I suffered a PAINFUL betrayal and the more painful the betrayal the longer it will take to heal from it.

I guess that is all I wanted to say for today.... I already feel a blog for tomorrow building in my heart... Wish I had a good teaser for it, but I don't want to give anything away...

See you tomorrow.

I'm an Idiot (I mean optimist)

Why do I ALWAYS believe the best in people? Why do I get these lofty ideas that THIS time will be different? They won't let me down. A Christian wouldn't do THAT to me. They've learned their lesson. They care about me too much to make that choice. Normal people aren't that mean.

The truth is much of the time, people WILL let you down. A Christian would do THAT. It takes a LONG time before people learn their lessons. Even when someone cares about you they can make BAD choices. Finally, normal people are sinful, vile creatures... just like me.

What to do when faced with FILTH of another person's act? A boss, a friend, a spouse, a family member...

Well first of all you do the forgiveness thing.... yada yada yada. I'm not being flip here because I don't believe in forgiveness. I'm being flip because forgiveness is like Christianity 101. I've got that one down. In fact, many people in my life are on me because I am TOO forgiving. They purport there are certain things that should NOT be forgiven and/or that I forgive a little too easily and completely.

Here's where I get hung up.... I get hung up on wallowing in the WHY of it all. Why did they let me down? Why did they do it again? And WHAT can I do to avoid it in the future. See there is a very dark side to the fact that I am very good at taking personal responsibility for things. I often find myself slipping into blaming myself when things happen to me, even things that are CLEARLY out of my control.

I'm sitting here right now staring at a situation. I keep saying to myself, "Maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time will be different." But deep down in my soul I know, I just KNOW it will not. This person is going to make the same poor choice again. They will not have learned a THING from their past actions. [I promise with ALL of me if they surprise me I will admit it here. I swear I will.] But even though my soul is so sure it will turn out exactly the way it always has in the past, my heart keeps whispering, "Not this time. Not this time." I guess it's good that I'm able to be optimistic, but it feels like I'm just an idiot.

This past summer I faced a similar situation. I could see the writing on the wall. I knew that an ICKY thing was coming my way. Yet there I sat believing the best, trusting and hoping. Even while all the evidence was being laid out in front of me, I continued on in my idiotic (optimistic) hopeful ways. Firmly and surely, God kept advising my soul, "Do NOT put your trust in men. Put your trust in ME." He kept saying it to me over and over. At first, I thought that meant I was supposed to trust Him to keep the bad thing from happening, but then the ax fell, and I saw the truth. He was there to pick up the pieces from what man had broken. He was there holding me the whole time. Before, during, and after, my life fell apart. He will NEVER let me down. I feel Him saying this to me again today, in this much more minor situation. The path that is chosen this time may be similar to the one that has always been chosen before. Man may let me down AGAIN, but God NEVER, EVER will. God will be there when the sin of this world has been spewed all over me. God will be there to pick up the pieces of my shattered hopes. God will be there in the life-altering and merely annoying disappointments. He will be THERE.

While sometimes I think it would be easier if I prepared for the worst, so the good things were a pleasant surprise. I guess I'm mostly glad that God has got this Idiot (I mean optimist) in the palm of His hand. I'm glad that no matter what man might do to me, He will NEVER let me down.

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20b