[btw... I am full well aware of the fact that the White Elephant in the room is, "Where the heck have you been, Jami?" Suffice it to say I am running a wedding marathon like none other, and I hardly have time to do ANYTHING that is not wedding or work-related right now. Besides Noah's, Jeremiah's, Elijah's and Hannah's, there are likely only three other weddings in the WORLD that will have my heart so completely and TWO of them are happening within the next five weeks! I am WIPED and completely inundated with flower girl dresses, bridal showers, spa dates, tie finding, bachelorette dinners, tux fittings, shoe searching, and wedding gift ordering... I'm so busy I hardly have the time to just ENJOY the festivities... so sorry for not blogging, but I hope you'll understand.]
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
Today as I was taking my morning walk, I was praying. I fell into my long-ago learned default mode of ACTS: Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving Supplication. During the confession portion of my prayer, some serious conviction hit me. I have been struggling with jealousy lately and with just being content with what I have. I am struck SO hard with jealousy EVERY SINGLE time I pass a Chevy Traverse (or actually any other SUV crossover which appears to have third row seating) on the road. I LONG for a new vehicle. One that has 4-wheel drive... One that has brakelights which don't need to be replaced once per month... One that has air conditioning that works, or even just a driver's side window that rolls down so I don't DIE of heat exhaustion in the summer... and one that has the inside of the driver's side door so I can't see the ground rushing by as I drive and feel the cold air pouring in during the winter....
I'm also struck with jealousy on behalf of my hubby.... He's driving a 1990 Buick LeSabre... We will be FOREVER grateful for the dear gift we were given in this FREE car; however, I am continually terrified that it will breathe its last breath leaving us with only one vehicle again... and he is, I'm sure, sick of driving with a broken front seat, missing headlight doo-hicky, driver's side window that doesn't roll down and brakes that have to be replaced every nine months because the suspension is shot. I typically feel VERY justified in desiring new vehicles. I'm not just wanting something new and shiny. The vehicles we currently possess are OLD as dirt with SEVERAL cosmetic and even some operational flaws.
However, this morning as I confessed my sin, I felt nothing but CONVICTED. God has given me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much! He has practically handed me the EXACT life I asked Him for on a shiny silver platter. All I ever, ever, EVER wanted was to be a mom and wife. I have that, and it is so much more perfect FOR ME than I could have ever imagined.
The boy, boy, boy, girl design of my family is IDEAL for me. The fact that I get to be the one teaching my children EVERYTHING that I hold most dear: Bible, Grammar, History, manners, good study habits, proper fitness practices is DREAMY.
Even the fact that I'm no longer crammed into a tiny side-by-side with a postage stamp lawn but am instead on 2 acres in a HUGE house with a dog and a cat and an AMAZING, quiet, country setting.
I have a hard-working husband who's willing to work himself to exhaustion for this family. I have a HEALTHY body that while it may be ridiculously HUGE right now (sorry NOT showing photos of that image... NOPES) still has NO chronic or fatal ailments or even major issues.
I have family that is loving and supportive. I have not one BUT TWO work-at-home jobs that allow me to homeschool and BE HERE for my children.
I have the most gentle dog ever created and the best mouse-catcher cat in the world. I have a mother who treasures me and sisters who just "get" me and friends that are a tonic to anything that ails me.
I have these GORGEOUS step-daughters (no seriously GORGEOUS have you seen them lately???) who somehow became women seemingly overnight. I have EXACTLY what I asked God for and sooooooooo much more! It's not His fault I forgot to include schnazzy cars and a fat bank account in my initial fantasies.
So this morning instead of feeling justified for wanting newer less beat up vehicles I felt nothing but conviction washing over me. I have what is really important. And my fears that the cars will stop working are silly. While my God may not care if I have a/c or a shiny paint job, He sure does care that I have transportation that will get my family to and from work, family events, et al... so I need not worry... and I should not be jealous...
I guess I'm a little slow on the uptake... but I too am learning the secret of being "content whatever the circumstances..." Hope you are too!