[I know it's not Worship Wednesday yet, but it is Worship Wednesday Eve... that counts right?]
So this day has been spiraling downward. Not to be a Polly Pooper, but -- BEWARE! of days that start out a little too good to be true. So I was feeling down in the dumps... discouraged by the lack of writing assignments at Demand Media, downtrodden by thoughts of my nasty vehicular situation, and beaten down by my inability to connect with my honey because of his AWFUL defective HTC phone. Then to top it all off... I started feeling nauseous.... (LOATHE vomiting!) I laid down to rest for a few minutes and awoke still feeling like I was going to blow chunks. I reached deep down in my cheerleading bag of tricks and pulled out my DETERMINATION... you know that stuff I used to use when there were 3 minutes left in the 4th quarter and my team was down by 15 points. I forced myself to make an espresso and sit at the kitchen table doing math with Jeremiah. I did NOT feel like it. I was willing myself not to vomit. I just wanted this day to GO AWAY.
I didn't notice Hannah playing with my phone... [AMAZES me what apps this girl can launch by herself] She launched Pandora and all of a sudden Mandisa's Stronger was POURING out of my phone. (I swore I blogged about Stronger before, but I can't find it. How is it POSSIBLE that I haven't blogged about the one and only Mandisa before???)
Now for those of you who don't know this... I <3 Mandisa! She inspires me! She makes me laugh! I follow her on Twitter and she actually responded to my tweet once! AHHHHHHHHHHH! Have you ever seen Notting Hill? Where Hugh Grant's sister is that actress with the googly eyes and the red hair that sticks up? When she follows Julia Roberts (who's playing a celebrity in the movie) into the bathroom? Just before that she tells Julia, "I absolutely and totally and utterly adore you and I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world and more importantly I genuinely believe and have believed for some time now that we can be best friends." Well I am the googly eyed redhead to Mandisa's Julia Roberts! I truly believe if we met, Mandisa and I would be BEST friends! [go ahead John J. Kastner... MOCK me... but I think Mandisa could be my friend!]
So anywhoos... besides the fact that I MAJORLY adore Mandisa... this song! ohhhhhh this song! It reminds me of the DIFFICULTIES of 2009... brain surgery, moving, out of work, BAH! I just LOVE and ADORE it.
And then one more thing... the TIMING! it was PERFECT! Here I am down in the dumps... trying not to puke... wishing it were the end of this awful day... AND my sweet little princess conspires with my celebrity BFF to CHANGE MY DAY! Even Elijah refusing to write the days of the week on his math paper is not irritating me as much as before.
Thank you Mandisa! In the hopes that you can change someone else's day, I'm gonna attempt to embed the video for Stronger here:
Btw... just in case the AMAZING Mandisa stops by this page, when Pandora opened and this album cover came up, Hannah pointed at your picture and said, with awe in her voice, "Mom, she's BEAUTIFUL!" Yups... I know how to pick my friends ;)
[P.S. OHMIGOSH y'all!!! read the comments! she read it! SEE! I told you! we'll be BFF's some day... maybe not till Heaven but that's okay too]
Showing posts with label Stronger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stronger. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I made it through...
Yesterday as I was driving Hannah to a follow-up appointment with Dr. Patterson, it came across the wires... Matt Redman "You Never Let Go." That's been the theme song through this recent trial... In fact, it is what I was singing to Hannah as I held her, waiting for her to come out of anesthesia.... And oddly, (well maybe not so oddly) she has been singing it ever since her surgery too. It was a gentle touch from God. A little reminder, that He's there... He's always there.
I started to think about the rest of the soundtrack of my life. See music is so powerful for me, and it seems every season of my life comes with a theme song. Of course, John & I have a song... I chose songs for each of my babies when they were born. In addition, every tough thing I have gone through has a song that "attaches" to it. It was either a song that "got me through" the season or sometimes a song that came out after the fact that reminds me of the time, but regardless when I hear the song, powerful emotions surge. It is as if I'm transported back in time. I can feel the emotions, feel, wonder, excitement of that season of life as real as if it was just yesterday!
I always mean to burn a mix CD of the songs... problem is life keeps adding more songs to my list :) Here's a little snippet:
Blessed Be Your Name - when Luke was diagnosed with Leukemia
Praise You in This Storm - financial devastation of 2005
By Your Side - tumultuous summer of 2009
Stronger - John's Brain Surgery
You Never Let Go - Hannah's Eye Surgery
But see yesterday as that song came on the radio, a thought was planted in my soul and this morning it grew into a big grown up concept to blog about.
Here's the thing with all those songs.... Here's the thing with all those seasons... They represent the PAST... I'm through them. A few of those songs still stab me like a hot poker in the gut when I hear them. Some of them bring a warm fuzzy, my God carried me through that feeling. And some of them cause my hackles to rise as I get myself in fighting stance ready to kick the devil's butt for what he tried to take from me. This morning though it occurred to me.... All of those seasons are IN THE PAST.
I remember that I feared losing my husband... I remember fearing being evicted because we couldn't pay the rent... I remember having the air socked out of my gut with one word, "Leukemia".... I remember the constant dread of lining the bills up against the salaries and ALWAYS coming up WAY short.... I remember the cloak of humiliation I couldn't seem to shake because of the financial troubles we were struggling under.... I remember telling God time and time again that SURELY His bookkeeper had lost track and Jami Lynn Kastner was getting HER share of struggles and someone else's too.... Mostly I remember feeling that SURELY this would be the one thing to "do me in"..... SURELY I would NOT make it through THIS struggle... this battle for my life, heart and soul... But guess what everyone??? I did. I made it through. Sometimes it wasn't pretty. Sometimes I could have stood taller. Sometimes I should have trusted more or held it together longer, BUT regardless I MADE IT THROUGH!
Someone out there needs to hear this today! You are facing one of those bloody knuckle, gripping for dear life, I canNOT do THIS one more second situations! You feel at the end of your rope, strength depleted, can't see two feet in front of you, hope tank on E. But I'm here to tell you, "HANG ON!" You will make it through. And when you're at the end of your rope... when you have NOTHING left... when you are empty... you are in the PERFECT place for Him to work.
One day in the not too distant future, maybe you too will have a song that triggers memories of this time, this season in life. Your gut may knot up in remembrance. Your heart may surge a little. But then you will STOP and realize, "I MADE IT THROUGH!" Please hang on. Please stand strong. You WILL make it through!
I started to think about the rest of the soundtrack of my life. See music is so powerful for me, and it seems every season of my life comes with a theme song. Of course, John & I have a song... I chose songs for each of my babies when they were born. In addition, every tough thing I have gone through has a song that "attaches" to it. It was either a song that "got me through" the season or sometimes a song that came out after the fact that reminds me of the time, but regardless when I hear the song, powerful emotions surge. It is as if I'm transported back in time. I can feel the emotions, feel, wonder, excitement of that season of life as real as if it was just yesterday!
I always mean to burn a mix CD of the songs... problem is life keeps adding more songs to my list :) Here's a little snippet:
Blessed Be Your Name - when Luke was diagnosed with Leukemia
Praise You in This Storm - financial devastation of 2005
By Your Side - tumultuous summer of 2009
Stronger - John's Brain Surgery
You Never Let Go - Hannah's Eye Surgery
But see yesterday as that song came on the radio, a thought was planted in my soul and this morning it grew into a big grown up concept to blog about.
Here's the thing with all those songs.... Here's the thing with all those seasons... They represent the PAST... I'm through them. A few of those songs still stab me like a hot poker in the gut when I hear them. Some of them bring a warm fuzzy, my God carried me through that feeling. And some of them cause my hackles to rise as I get myself in fighting stance ready to kick the devil's butt for what he tried to take from me. This morning though it occurred to me.... All of those seasons are IN THE PAST.
I remember that I feared losing my husband... I remember fearing being evicted because we couldn't pay the rent... I remember having the air socked out of my gut with one word, "Leukemia".... I remember the constant dread of lining the bills up against the salaries and ALWAYS coming up WAY short.... I remember the cloak of humiliation I couldn't seem to shake because of the financial troubles we were struggling under.... I remember telling God time and time again that SURELY His bookkeeper had lost track and Jami Lynn Kastner was getting HER share of struggles and someone else's too.... Mostly I remember feeling that SURELY this would be the one thing to "do me in"..... SURELY I would NOT make it through THIS struggle... this battle for my life, heart and soul... But guess what everyone??? I did. I made it through. Sometimes it wasn't pretty. Sometimes I could have stood taller. Sometimes I should have trusted more or held it together longer, BUT regardless I MADE IT THROUGH!
Someone out there needs to hear this today! You are facing one of those bloody knuckle, gripping for dear life, I canNOT do THIS one more second situations! You feel at the end of your rope, strength depleted, can't see two feet in front of you, hope tank on E. But I'm here to tell you, "HANG ON!" You will make it through. And when you're at the end of your rope... when you have NOTHING left... when you are empty... you are in the PERFECT place for Him to work.
One day in the not too distant future, maybe you too will have a song that triggers memories of this time, this season in life. Your gut may knot up in remembrance. Your heart may surge a little. But then you will STOP and realize, "I MADE IT THROUGH!" Please hang on. Please stand strong. You WILL make it through!
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