Information from the Neurosurgeon

Well John has two things wrong with his brain (I know, I know you thought there were many more than that).

1. Cavernoma – he has a spot on the left side of his brain which the neurosurgeon suspects is a cavernoma. Apparently a cavernoma is a leaky blood vessel. The doctor does not believe this is what is causing his symptoms: right side weakness, headaches, vision problems, etc… However, this area must be looked at more closely to confirm the doctor’s suspicions that it is not the main culprit.
2. Chiari Malformation – John also has a Chiari Malformation at the base of his brain. Basically, his brain is sinking into the top of his spinal column and putting pressure onto his spinal cord. The doctor suspects this is what is causing the symptoms. The solution for this is brain surgery.

What is the gameplan? It’s gonna move pretty quickly. Apparently the quicker this is resolved the more likely that John’s right side weakness and other symptoms will be resolved and not be permanent.

1. Tomorrow he goes to Hartford Hospital for an MRI of his cervical spine.
2. Monday he goes to St. Luke’s (in Milwaukee) for an angiogram of his brain.
3. Thursday we go back to the neurosurgeon to see if brain surgery is the recommendation.

Prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer! We need PRAYER!

1. Wisdom for the doctors, nurses, technicians, etc…. to figure this out for sure and come up with the proper plan of action.
2. Complete and total healing. Whether through God’s miraculous intervention or through the healing hands of the doctor doing surgery….beggars can’t be choosers. We will take it however we can get it.
3. Practical matters: caring for the kids during all of this, paying the bills if John ends up out of work for surgery, short-term disability, FMLA, how much sick time does he have left, etc, etc, etc…

As far as the children go: Alex is in Afghanistan and will find out what he needs to know when he needs to know it. Amanda and Amber are adults and we are including them on everything we know. Noah, Jeremiah, Elijah and Hannah are way too young to process this. We will be telling them in bits and pieces on an as need basis. For example, Monday they will be with my sister Cori all day, and they will know that Daddy has to have a better picture taken of his brain. If any of you have chance to talk with any of them about this, we wanted to make sure you know what we are telling them.

We are exhausted, a bit overwhelmed, but completely secure in the verse that closes every e-mail I send: He knows the plans He has for us and they are plans to prosper us and not to harm us… plans to give us hope and a future. Thank you in advance for your prayers.

Update on John

Out of respect for John’s privacy, this e-mail may leave some of you with unanswered questions. I will provide as many details as he is comfortable with and ask that you simply hold us TIGHT in your prayers.

The end of last week was a whirlwind of emotion….I frequently found myself thinking, “Seriously God? Seriously?” As if we have not been on enough of an emotional roller coaster laterly, throw in a little stroke and brain abnormality for good measure.

Here’s what I can tell you:

On Thursday, John had a TIA (Transiet Ischemic Attack) or a mini-stroke. We went to the Urgent Care and they called 911 and sent him to the ER in an ambulance. He spent the night and most of Friday admitted to Hartford Hospital and was release late Friday evening. He is doing better this weekend; however, there is obviously something going on in his body. He still has some obvious right side weakness, a persistent (and often excruciating) headache, and a few other troubling symptoms/side effects. Today at Wal-mart he fell to the ground because his leg simply gave out. The doctor has him on an aspirin regimen and high blood pressure medication. He explained to John that he is not sure if the stroke-like symptoms caused him to have ridiculously high blood pressure on Thursday or if the ridiculously high blood pressure caused the stroke-like symptoms. Regardless for the time being, lowering his blood pressure is a very good line of defense.

The MRI of John’s brain revealed an abnormality (we FULL WELL realize what an open door for wisecracks this statement is ). The doctor told us quite frankly, he has no idea what (if anything) this abnormality indicates. It is beyond his medical expertise. This is why John is going to see a neurosurgeon on Thursday.

Prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer… please COVER us in your prayers…
1. Please pray that the side effects of the medications along with the after-effects of the TIA (mini stroke) will subside and John’s strength and balance will return and his pain will subside.
2. I am doing the delicate dance of trying very hard to make a VERY independent man take it easy and rest in the face of how useless and restless these symptoms/side effects make him feel. After one day John is pretty much to the end of his patience with being ill; therefore, he is not interested in being restricted or giving in to my requests that he rest. Please pray that he will bend his will to reason and take it easy.
3. Please pray that he will continue to be upfront with me regarding the difficulties he is experiencing and that I will have the discernment to know which symptoms require a call/visit to the hospital.

I will admit to all of you that I am VERY scared about the recent turn of events in our lives. I pray every minute that the neurosurgeon will tell us this abnormality is nothing to worry about, that we simply need to get John’s blood pressure and cholesterol under control and all will be fine. I am RESTING in the FIRM knowledge that God always has us in His grip; however, I also recognize the reality that being His child does not mean an exemption from illness and even death. Please, please, please pray for us.

I pray frequently the words my Savior uttered before going to the cross, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42

hard pressed, perplexed, struck down

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but NOT ABANDONED; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Cor 4:8-9

Wow! I am hard pressed, perplexed, struck down.... I have suffered several sucker punches over the past few days. Quickly let me share this one....

I finally had the common sense to google the agency that I was communicating with about my book, and it is a scam. Every entry I found warned people not to get involved with them. I’m not sure what is worse: the rejection that so far the only people who want my writing are scammers, the embarrassment that I laid it all out there and shared with everyone that “someone wanted to read my stuff” and now it’s a scam, or the fear that now they will steal the work that I have already sent them and all that time and energy is wasted.

What do you do when all your dreams are lying in a pile at your feet? Run to Jesus. Climb up in His lap. Cry your eyes out. And never stop believing that He is in control. I have to cut this short. My eyes are leaking a little.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord (Isaiah 55:8)

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea (Psalm 46:2)

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)

Be Patient!

The Be Patient Song
Be patient!
Be patient!
Don’t be in such a hurry!
When you get impatient, you only start to worry.
Remember, remember that God has patience too,
And think of all the times that others have to wait for you.

Wow! What a day today has been! I woke up with a sore throat after not sleeping very well last night. I immediately picked up my sword and started fighting battles on every side:

1. Have to figure out how to scrape together enough money to get a few groceries in this house. We have been creating “pantry meals” all week long and have run out of almost every single staple item which could create a meal. How exactly do you feed a family of 6 for a week on just $36.89? I'm about to find out in a few minutes when I go to Aldi's.

2. I need to FAX!!!!! On Monday the trial version of the faxing software I use ran out. I purchased the full version, but must have screwed something up with my paypal payment because I ended up paying with an echeck which takes 3 to 5 business days to clear. I have been without a fax machine now since Monday. I have been mooching off a coworker to get faxes sent and obsessively checking e-mail to see if the software serial number has been e-mailed to me yet. But no worries! They expect the situation to be resolved between 6/25/09 and 6/29/09! AHHHHHH!

3. I have been trying since February to get this eyeglass/contact prescription issue figured out. On Saturday, I went to reclaim my glasses and was told they did nothing to them because they didn’t need anything done to them only to wear them on Monday and get a KILLER headache from them. Today I ended up just hanging up on the lady after I told her three times I did not have time to schedule another appointment with the doctor right now, and she kept answering but you need another appointment with the doctor.

4. My work has been so up and down lately. NO work AT ALL on Friday GOB on Monday NOTHING yesterday GOB this morning THEN on top of ALL of it: power outage this afternoon took down whole system, and I have been unable to work at all since lunch.

5. I have been deducing lately that I might have allergy-induced asthma. I have noticed that when there are severe changes in the weather (a storm blowing in) or when it is really hot or when I am around second-hand smoke I have a VERY difficult time getting a deep breath. Today has been MISERABLE for me. I cannot get a good breath and that is making me light headed.

I finally turned away from my desk at about 4:30 p.m. and closed my eyes and said, “LORD! What do you want me to learn from this?!?!?” Instantly, The Be Patient Song, started dancing through my mind. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to be patient? How can I NOT be in such a hurry??? I have 4 children, 2 jobs, and a HUGE move coming up. It is nearing 100 degrees outside, and the second-hand smoke from next door has been choking me for two days. How can I be patient under THESE circumstances?!?!?!

“You can’t. I can.” Was the answer I heard. “You cannot!” In and of myself, I do not possess what it takes to be patient faced with so many stressful situations. Like Peter sinking into the water as the waves and wind crashed around him, I can do nothing to save myself. Also focusing on, stressing over, and rehashing the crummy stressful stuff does absolutely NOTHING.

What is the answer then? I must be pretty darn dense because God has to tell me this answer over and over and over again. Nearly EVERY single DAY! I need to take my eyes off the wind and waves and fix them on the one to whom I am trying to walk across the water towards.

I am little calmer. I still have only $36 and some change to get groceries. I still can’t fax. I still can’t breathe. I still have glasses that give me a headache, and I still cannot get onto my work’s remote site. But standing here in the middle of this storm with my eyes on the One who will eventually calm it, I feel peace surrounding me and calming my spirit. I am so grateful God sang The Be Patient Song to me today, and I am hoping for this craziness to turn around soon.

Worst day yet...

AHHHHHHHH! One of those literary agents wants to see my work!!!! I am FREAKING out! So excited and nervous all at the same time! Here's another recycled blog:


This was one of the worst days on record for the Kastner family. All of the following happened by 11:00 a.m.:

*I was upstairs finishing up my shower and Noah came running up and said, “Elijah’s in the refrigerator, and he has eggs!” I ran downstairs to find Elijah had been cracking eggs onto the carpet and them stomping them deep down into the fibers. I wanted to cry, but instead I cleaned up all the egg and eggshells and then used the spot cleaner on the carpet.

*A little later I was working at the computer, and I heard what I thought was the faucet in the bathroom running. I said, “Noah, I think you forgot to turn off the water in the bathroom.” He said, “No someone plugged the sink and left the water on and there’s a flood in the bathroom upstairs.” I got up and opened the door to the basement and saw water pouring out of the basement ceiling. So I ran upstairs to survey the bathroom. I found at least two inches of water on the bathroom floor, all of the drawers on the left-hand side of the sink were completely filled with water, and the carpet in the hall outside the bathroom was soaked up to about 12 inches from the bathroom door. I again wanted to cry, but instead I just got to work. I started using the shop vac to remove the water. I emptied all of the drawers: makeup was drenched, hair brushes were floating, hair dryers were completely submerged. In the process of cleaning up the bathroom, I slipped and fell into the tub running my already styled hair through the shower and getting it sopping wet. However, as this was not enough disaster for this family, the day continued as follows.

*I came downstairs from cleaning the mess up and watched Elijah throw an entire bowl of popcorn at Noah. By this point I had resigned myself to the madness and I just swept up the popcorn quietly.

At one point I was sitting in the corner drooling for a little bit. It was a very difficult day. I even googled “military preschools.” But alas, one must be in junior high before a military school will enroll you. I wanted to pull my hair out that’s for sure.

Thank goodness His grace is sufficient! I (and my children) used up a whole lotta His grace this day. That is all I have to say about that!