Day 5... Praise is NOT dependent upon our circumstances

The title of this blog seems a little more ominous then it really is. It is simply the thesis of the final prayer I prayed with the kids yesterday, and it is simply the lesson God taught all of us yesterday.

Yesterday was not a ridiculously difficult day. I was EXHAUSTED by the severe weather of the previous night. We had four storms role through Dodge County, and I FINALLY got what I wanted: a little SEVERE weather up in Dodge County! When I conversed with a friend at church (Dale Houghton insert your name here) about us moving to Dodge County last summer he said, "Isn't there always a tornado warning in Dodge County?" Then we moved here, and NOTHING, NADA, not a severe storm to be found. Well, I got my wish on Wednesday night. Only, as is the case with many things we wish for, I didn't realize the FULL ramifications of a night of severe weather. I was awake more than I was asleep on Wednesday night. First I was trying to calm four children terrified by a power outage. Then I was lying awake wondering if "this was a tornado" because the tree in my front yard looked like it was going to take wings and find another yard to reside in. During the third storm, I really truly thought the lightening was exploding in my front yard. So I was very, very, very tired yesterday. However, we had a fairly normal day. We did our summer school work. I worked. Laundry and dishes and chores were completed. Not much out of the ordinary occurred.

Well, as we have ANOTHER birthday approaching, there are party preparations to be made, and I had to get to Wal-Mart to get the supplies and some much needed groceries. (When your only option left is mayonnaise sandwiches you KNOW you gotta get to the store.) I thought a little bit about how this might put a crimp in Family Worship for tonight, but I had NO other option. I work all day and don't have time to go to Wal-Mart during the days. We waited until John was almost done working his second job so that he could shop with us. Somehow the Seventh Circle of Hell (shopping at Wal-Mart with four kids in tow) is a little more bearable with the daddy's help. The actual shopping wasn't THAT bad, although it didn't take more than 15 minutes for Hannah AND Elijah to be relegated to riding in the cart for bad behavior. (I do NOT know what it is about Wal-Mart! AHHHHHHH!) So we left Wal-Mart driving down 60, and we saw a cop stopping someone. I start driving a little more carefully and placed a quick warning call to John (who was behind me) that there was a cop. (I just KNOW that Cori thinks she knows exactly where this is going, but keep reading... I think you'll be surprised). I continued on and made the right turn onto P, but as I turned I took the turn a little too wide and crossed over the center line. A little bit down the road and flashing lights were in my rear view window. "Well, here it is," I thought. "My day of reckoning is here." I had been expecting it for quite some time. See I have been driving for longer then I care to admit with tail/brake lights that are possessed: sometimes they work/sometimes they don't. I know FULL WELL that they need to be fixed, but the estimate that the shop gave us is a little tough to swallow, and I'm just not sure where to fit that amount into our budget. So I just stopped driving unless I HAD to and tried to stay as close to home as possible. Well... that was all over now.

I have to take a quick rabbit trail to announce that (I'm sorry AIMEE! I know law enforcement is supposed to be near and dear to my heart BUT) I am NO fan of the Dodge County Sheriff's Office. NONE! And I am NOT kidding you it is ALWAYS the EXACT same officer causing me woe! Does he fricken follow the Kastners around? Since we moved to Dodge County (just one year) we have had more encounters with law enforcement (and all but 1 of them have been with this same officer) than we have in the entire rest of our marriage combined. Not-my-favorite officer, did take the time to point out that he only gave me a ticket for inattentive driving when he could have given me "crossing over the center line" which would cost me more points and more money. Well thank you so much kind sir. He also gave me 15 days to get my tail/brake light fixed. GREAT! because I'm sure I will be able to figure that out in 15 days when I haven't been able to figure it out in the 15 weeks (I'm estimating here but it's my blog so I can do that!) it's been manifesting the evil spirits. He also let slip that he was only "working overtime tonight because of the traffic initiative" they have going, which explained why John saw another THREE cops on the country roads leading home to our house. Whatever... there are SO many things I could say about my not so little ticket. I could defend myself by pointing out it is my first one in over seven years. Or I could admit how much it humbled me because I GRIPE CONTINUALLY at my husband about his poor driving habits. Or I could just be responsible and realize that I did something wrong and it was well within dude's rights to ticket me because of it. But this is not about any of those things.... it is about this:

I arrived home in not the best mood. It was already after 9 p.m. We had to put away hundreds of dollars in party supplies and groceries. The kids STILL hadn't even had dinner. I threw a frozen pizza in the oven and turned on the music and we PRAISED! We sang our VERY favorite song: Set me on Fire. We screamed it out! We danced about! We praised our Jesus!

Then before we consumed the frozen pizza that was to be our dinner, we prayed and I uttered the words that were the lesson of the day:

"God we praise You, not because we are in a good mood, not because the events of the last few hours were pleasing, but because You are worthy of PRAISE and Your praise does NOT depend upon our moods." I paused for a second, a catch in my throat, praying silently that my babies were GETTING THIS! "We praise You right now because You are good ALL the time."

I hope YOU are getting this too. Yesterday wasn't a HORRIBLE day. Yesterday had horrible parts. But no matter how horrible or how amazing my day (or your day) was, God remained the same. He was worthy of praise when I was standing on the side of Hwy P being eaten alive by mosquitoes and chastised by Deputy After-the-Kastners. He was worthy of praise when Hannah looked up at me and sighed, "I just LOVE you Momma." He was worthy of praise when my head was POUNDING from lack of sleep. He was worthy of praise when Noah got that averaging problem all by himself on the first try. See, praise is NOT dependent upon our circumstances. Praise is dependent upon Him... and He is good ALL the time!

It's all about love....

Palms sweating, heart racing, knees knocking she willed herself to enter the room. Seated on the couch, the mother who rocked her to sleep, taught her right from wrong, and wiped away all her tears. Only this was NOT right and even a mother's love could not wipe away these tears. Behind the paper in his favorite chair, her daddy, strong and sure, always firm but loving, never angry or worried. Yet this time she feared he would be both. For what she had to say would change it all. "Mom, Dad," she said her voice shaking, "I'm pregnant."

I've known that girl over and over: a cheerleader, a student, a youth group kid. In fact, I'm the child of that girl... a young scared teenager carrying love in her belly. You know what that girl taught me? You know what her tears told me she needed? Love! Love! Love! It's all about love!

So often in the Christian world, we hit that girl with condemnation, judgment, disapproval. We try to teach her a lesson about her sin. Let me tell you what.... LIFE is going to teach that girl a lesson over the next 18 years. We don't need to present our silly little lessons. And there is therefore NO condemnation! And judge not lest ye be judged!

I've heard it said that Christians are the only ones who shoot their own wounded when they are down, and I have seen that to be true. Time and time and time again when a fellow Christian has fallen (or been shoved) face first in the mud I watch other Christians walk right over them shoving them deeper in the mud, delivering a well placed kick as they pass by adding to their mud covered pain, or tossing out a quick "I told you so!" to deepen their shame.

It makes me sad that so frequently the very place we should run in our darkest hour, becomes a place of ridicule, shame, and pain. The church should be where we can go to find acceptance, forgiveness and LOVE when we are swimming in the consequences of our bad choices.

Dreams crashing, heart breaking, eyes welling up with tears, she jumped from the couch and rushed to this child that had come from her womb. Grabbing the face of her precious baby between her palms, she wiped away the tears with her thumbs and said, "I love you and we WILL get through this." She pulled her pregnant baby into her arms and held her sobbing body close. Their sobs mingled, and the girl whimpered, "I thought you'd be mad. I thought you'd hate me." She pulled back a little, sniffed aside some of her sadness and told her baby girl what she had been saying since the girl was a baby at her breast, "I love you when you're naughty and I love you when you're nice."

When I was about 20 or so, my dad had this Plymouth Laser. It was a GREAT little sports car. He loved that car! One day at home on break from college, I had to drive that car to a doctor appointment. On the way home I totaled the thing. I remember the fear and terror in my heart. I did NOT want to tell my dad I had totaled his precious car. I trudged over to a nearby McDonald's to use the phone while the police cleared the wreckage. I remember standing next to the fryer, the smell of french fries in my nostrils as I told him, "Dad I had an accident, and your car is ruined." I waited for the screaming and anger. I waited for the disappointment in his voice. But you know what his response was??? "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" That was all my dad wanted to know. That was all he asked. When I said I was fine, he said, "I'm on my way. I will pick you up in a few minutes."

See that's how I envision God when I sin. I don't see Him barking out fiery destruction in His RIGHTEOUS anger. I see Him broken by my sin, but still arms open wide. That's what I aspire to be when confronted by the sin of those I love. Broken and damaged by the effects of their sin, but still arms open wide to pull them in with my love. I may not always be as gracious as this fictional mom I created here (or as my real life dad). I may not remember to love first and leave the lecture for another time, but I aspire to be JUST like that when faced with the sin of someone I love.... arms open wide... with nothing but LOVE for them.

GET OUT!

For whatever reason, this morning it occurred to me that we've been living in this house for six months now, and we have yet to discuss our "Fire Safety Plan." I'm sure it has something to do with the chaos that consumed our first few months here, but I decided not to waste any more time. I planned to do a lesson today on fire safety during school time. I put a task in my Blackberry to remind myself and moved along through my morning tasks.

During the devotions portion of the morning, I resumed my study of Zechariah.... today's reading: chapter 7. In the notes section of my Bible I found this comment on verses 11 & 12:

Zechariah explained to the people that their ancestors brought God's great wrath on themselves by hardening their hearts. Any sin seems more natural the second time - each repetition is easier. Ignoring or refusing God's warning hardens you each time you do wrong. Read God's Word and apply it to your life. Sensitivity and submission to God's Word can soften your heart and allow you to live as you should. (I underlined here just as I underlined in my Bible this a.m.)

Continuing on: read my Love Dare, did my morning workout, started a load of laundry, calmed some babies who woke too early, came downstairs to get started on my early morning work and school plans. I made up a really cool little worksheet Kastner Fire Plan. Number one on the plan: Get out FAST! And that's when it hit me. That's when the two concepts (Fire Plan & Zechariah 7:11-12) came together in my head and rocked me like the collision of two cars traveling in opposite directions: GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!

Do you know how much easier life would be, if when we are standing in the burning building of sin, we just GET OUT! ? How much destruction is wrought through standing still? How many lives are ruined when we smell the smoke a little? How much regret results when we think, "Just a little longer. I can make it just a little longer without getting burned." But why!?!?!?! Why do we stand frozen in the midst of temptation? Why must we smell the smoke of enticement? Why are we so stupid as to think that we can get away with dabbling in sin and not getting burned?

I absolutely LOVE the inspiration I get from the story of Joseph. When Potiphar's wife propositioned him, do you know what he did? He FLED! The Bible says, "But he left his cloak in her hand, and ran out of the house." (Genesis 39:12b). He didn't waste time waiting around. He didn't think about it. He didn't rationalize it. He smelled smoke and thought: GET OUT!

I'm not sure why this is on my heart this morning. I just feel the need to say to someone: GET OUT! Don't play around where you are! Don't think you are the ONE person who can resist! Don't think you won't get caught up in Satan's web when you dance too close to what he's put in the middle of your path! Turn around and RUN! Leave your cloak behind and RUN! I promise you with everything in me, you do NOT want the destruction that will result from your sin and you will NOT be the one person in this whole world to play around in sin and come out sparkling clean.

I'm a little sorry, but only kinda. My blog is so forceful and blaring today. But I can't help it. God put it heavy on my heart, and I know that someone out there needs to hear this warning: Turn back before it is too late and regret is your continual companion. Sure God will forgive your sin. I'm pretty certain the people who love you will give you another chance. However, you will regret for the rest of your days not just turning away from that stupid sin and fleeing.

Just GET OUT! You'll be really glad you listened. I promise.

On potty training regression and sin

“Hannah pooped on the floor!” I am getting so tired of hearing those words. Our little princess has been sliding down the slippery slope of potty training regression for several months now. She was completely potty-trained at the beginning of last fall, but since about January, not so much. Her most recent setback is in the area of “number two.” For our little diva, it is not enough that she fails to make it to the potty when she has to go “number two.” Nope! She is so independent that she has to try to rid herself of the mess because she doesn’t like it in her underpants. Last night my bathroom looked like someone tossed a poopy diaper grenade in there. At least twice, I heard shouts of, “I stepped in Hannah’s poop!” It seemed we kept finding little “care packages” tucked away in different places around the bathroom and beyond. The smell was overwhelming, and the clean up was torturous to say the least.

But come on….you know me right? You can feel me heading toward the lesson. Are you thinking, “DISGUSTING! How in the world is she going to turn that YUCK into a lesson from God?” Ladies and gentlemen, I do NOT turn them into lessons from God. He does, and here’s what He revealed to me.

How often are we like Hannah? We sin, and try to clean up the mess by ourselves. But what results is a nightmare of poopy proportions. As we try to clean up the sin by ourselves, and sometimes long after, we keep finding remnants of our sin tucked away in unexpected places. Sorrow or pain the sin brought or a tender spot left by the hurt of the sin or that sense of shame when the sin flits through our mind. And the stench! Ahh the stench of our sin! It is overwhelming and makes our attempts at clean up so torturous.

But imagine this. Imagine if Hannah had not tried to clean up that accident by herself. Imagine if she had trotted down the stairs, uncomfortable from the mess in her pants, but contrite and looking to her mother for help. I would have carefully removed the offending underpants, cleaned up the mess on her, and taken care of the soiled clothing. The floor would not have had to be cleaned, seventeen towels and three shirts would not have been stained, and the entire upstairs would not have smelled like it desperately needed to be fumigated.

Let my daughter’s poopy problem bring you to your senses today. It is humbling and uncomfortable to turn to God with our failures, but He is much better equipped to deal with the mess we made then we are. He will take our sin (every single time we commit it), clean us up, and care for the mess we made. We just have to humble ourselves and go to Him.