A woman who fears the Lord.... (part 2)

Yesterday's post was getting TOO long so I had to cut it into 2.  Make sure you read it though or today will make NO sense at all.

Soooooo, one day last week, I was putting Hannah down for a nap. As she and I snuggled in my bed, I gazed into her beautiful face... those criss-crossed eyes, that flawless skin, that GORGEOUS smile that lights up my world (even though it is missing a baby tooth), and that itty, bitty nose that it OH SO MUCH cuter on her face than mine... They melt me!  COMPLETELY!  ALL the time!

So I started the routine:

      Me (gazing upon the beauty of her loveliness):  OhmiGOSH Hannah!  You are just SOOOOOOO adorable!

     Hannah (with a giggle):  I know Momma!  

     Me:  I could just gobble you up you're so cute!

     Hannah:  hee hee hee (at this point I was gnawing on her neck a little so she HAD to giggle)

     Me:  But Hannah, you know that's not what's important right?

     Hannah:  yes Momma

     Me:  Hannah, what does the Bible say?

     Hannah:  Beauty is fleeting and charm is deceptive but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised 

And it HIT ME!  From outta nowhere!  a KNOCKOUT punch delivered from the mouth of my sweet little girl!

     Beauty is fleeting and charm is deceptive but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised 

I heard the whisper from God, "Do you believe it, Jami?"

His voice grew a little louder in my heart, "Then why don't you live it, Jami?"

SCREAMING through the halls of my soul, "A WOMAN WHO FEARS THE LORD IS TO BE PRAISED!"

I believe that!

I preach that!

I am INSTILLING that, DEEP, DEEP in my daughter's heart, but am I living it???

If I'm living it, then why...

     do I beat myself up every time I button my jeans?

     do I cringe every time I find a new wrinkle?

     do I roll my eyes at the sight of a new gray hair?

     do I put SO much emphasis on SO many things that just DON'T matter in the grand scheme of things???
          spotless kitchen,
          perfectly attired children,
          orderly life,
          picture perfect scenes

I needed so badly to hear my Father teaching me, 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Do you need to hear that today too?  Then let me SCREAM it at you:

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

I know you want to feel beautiful.  I know how great it feels!  Sunday as we got ready to go to the Super Bowl, I put on makeup and did my hair.  John said, "Why are you getting all dolled up to go watch a football game?"  I replied, "It just makes me feel good."  Feeling pretty is fun... 

     Me:  But Readers, you know that's not what's important right?  RIGHT???

a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised

a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised

A WOMAN WHO FEARS THE LORD IS TO BE PRAISED!

Get your eyes off the mirror!  Who cares about your jean size! Leave those gray hairs RIGHT where they are!  And chant it along with me:

A WOMAN WHO FEARS THE LORD IS TO BE PRAISED!

Spend a little time "prettying" up what is important today, your soul.  Take a few minutes from your grooming routine and love on your Jesus a little bit.  It is WAY more worthwhile than plucking your eyebrows!

A woman who fears the Lord.... (part 1)

For those of you who weren't along for the entire ride, I'm going to back up and start somewhat near the beginning... 

I was never really a GIRLY girl, but I have been a cheerleader from the moment I was born.  Mom says when I was a baby she prayed a little too hard because not only did I "make the team" but here I am 41 years later and not quite done with this thing called cheerleading. Sooooo it was kinda "off" that by 2005 it appeared I would likely be a lifetime member of the M.O.A.B. Club (Mothers of All Boys)....  I mean it isn't that boys can't do cheerleading but STILL I couldn't imagine life without at least a few bows and one set of real pom poms.  

May 4, 2006, a day that shall go down in infamy. The SCREAMS echoed from Froedtert Hospital to the halls of Franklin High School, "It's a girl!"  I'm not sure who was most excited:  my mom?  the FHS cheerleaders?  me?

Fast forward four years, nine months and four days and WOWZER!  has that little girl been everything that was promised and SO MUCH MORE!  Hannah is the PERFECT kinda girl for this family:  tough as nails!!!! [last night the Peifer family stared in amazement at that girl's diamond pushups] sweet as sugar!!!!  [how many times have I picked her up from a church nursery to hear, "She followed a crying baby around the entire time trying to comfort him."] and OH the bows and pom poms!  [we have an ENTIRE basket of bows and a rainbow of pom poms]  I often marvel at the fact that God didn't just give me a girl, bows and pom poms, someone to wear a cheer skirt, but He gave me a BEAUTIFUL girl!  I tell this little girl ALL the time, "You are SO beautiful!"  I mean COME on!  She is!!!! 

Isn't she???

Someone once asked me, "Aren't you worried you'll make her conceited from telling her she's beautiful all the time?"  You know what I answered??? NOPE!  This world with it's fashion magazines, skinny jeans, and unobtainably flawless skin is gonna knock that little girl down soon enough!  I'm considering it my mission to make sure that I build her up EVERY SINGLE DAY so she feels beautiful.

Alas before you worry that I am creating a hopelessly vain girl... before you fear that we too highly value outer beauty around here...  let me get around to the point of this blog...

Ever since this BEAUTIFUL little girl has been able to talk, she has known this verse by heart, 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Our routine goes something like this:

     Me (gazing upon the beauty of her loveliness):  OhmiGOSH Hannah!  You are just SOOOOOOO adorable!

     Hannah (with a giggle):  I know Momma!  

     Me:  I could just gobble you up you're so cute!

     Hannah:  hee hee hee (at this point I'm usually gnawing on her arm or cheek or neck a little so she HAS to giggle)

     Me:  But Hannah, you know that's not what's important right?

     Hannah:  yes Momma

     Me:  Hannah, what does the Bible say?

     Hannah:  Beauty is fleeting and charm is deceptive but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (sorry but when she was two years old we somehow got the order wrong and she just can't seem to switch it around to literally correct)

     Me:  That's right, baby.  The important thing is that you have Jesus in your heart and love Him ALWAYS!

See I know that every little girl, every single woman, wants to feel beautiful.  It's just something that is wired into us.  And I want MY little girl to have that need fulfilled.  I don't want her to grow up thinking she is too fat, too short, too pimply, too, too, too! BUT so much more than that, I want her to know DEEP IN HER HEART, that in the end, that is NOT what really TRULY matters...

a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Worship Wednesday: Beauty in Worship

I have been blog stalking and seen some interesting things... Like blog themes for certain days of the week. I've seen Silent Sundays or Wordless Wednesday where bloggers just post a picture or pictures, no words, on that day. I like this idea, but I am nervous about stepping out and committing to blogging a certain thing on a certain day of the week every single week. Will I be able to keep up with it? What if I miss a week? What if I run out of material? BUT this one idea keeps coming back to me. I think it is a PERFECT place for me to start, because of my deep, desperate love for worship: Worship Wednesdays.

Today, this first Worship Wednesday I thought I would broach this topic: beauty in worship. I feel beautiful when I worship. I really do. Right now I am in a season of life where I do NOT like the way I look. I am heavier than I want to be. I have lost a SIGNIFICANT amount of hair from the stress of the past seven months. What is left of my hair is getting grayer and grayer with each passing day. Things are sagging that ought not to be sagging. Yet, when I worship, I feel beautiful. I really do. It is the one time that I feel STUNNING! And you know why? Because it is the one time that what I look like doesn't matter. It is the one time when my bulging abdomen and my graying hair fade into the background, and the spotlight is shone where it belongs ALL the time: on Jesus. It is the one time what matters is what's pouring out of my heart and streaming up to the Father's throne. All that matters then is loving Him and loving Him is ALWAYS beautiful. It is stunning. It is breathtaking.

The past few times I've worshipped this feeling has been overwhelming me, and nagging there in the background is this lesson. I've kinda been ignoring it a little. I know its application would be life-altering, but I am scared I will fail at applying it. So I side-step it and refuse to "look it in the eye." But now here it is for all of you, my audience of accountability, to read: If I were to SLOW DOWN and worship Him with every breath, every minute of every day, I would have less time to feel gross about myself. I would have more time to feel beautiful.

What an amazing world this would be if we judged ourselves upon the beauty of our soul! Can you think of a more worthy thing to measure our self-worth upon? If we woke up every morning and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking, "Ugh! There's another wrinkle." We looked up to Heaven and said, "Ah! There's my Savior!" If instead of stepping on the scale and groaning, "Bah! It's more than yesterday!" We stepped into His presence and shouted, "Yes! I love you more than I did yesterday!"

See I think this is the secret this dense old lady is missing: I feel beautiful when I worship because I'm no longer focusing on me. I am focusing on Him. And he is BEAUTIFUL! He is STUNNING! He is BREATHTAKING! When I focus on Him I can't help but be covered with, wrapped in, saturated by His beauty, and I, in turn, feel beautiful!

So will you join me today? Be beautiful! Give me just 4 minutes of your time. Stop and really listen to and hear the words of the song that has been playing in the background while you've read this. [Sing, sing, sing and make music with the Heavens] Focus in and worship with THOSE words. [When we shout Your praise lift high the name of Jesus] Let the beauty of Christ... let the beauty of worship, surround you. [What's not to love about you? Heaven and earth adore you.] Lift your hands if you feel like it. Close your eyes if it helps. Look at Jesus and let the ick of this life, the ick of your sinful self fade away. [You are the love that frees us. You are the love that leads us.] I promise you that four minutes will make a difference. God bless you and give you a GREAT Worship Wednesday! [Son of God You are the One, You are the One, we're living for!]

Fearfully and wonderfully made

This weekend God spoke loudly and clearly to me about being kinder to myself. I went to a birthday party for a friend I went to high school with. She and I have not seen each other since graduation, but through this wonderful thing called Facebook we have recently reconnected. Let me tell you all, this woman is doing forty WELL! She looks gorgeous! I did not see a wrinkle on her. She is either not graying or she is covering it up VERY well. She is fit and tan and well-dressed and adorable! You know what? I heard her say so many negative things about herself that night. I stood there trying not to gouge out her eyes with my jealousy realizing she did not see ANY of the things I was seeing!

I wanted to shout at her, “Be kind to yourself!” You are thinner than many others our age. You look way younger than forty. You are funny and sweet, and you have a heart of gold! Stop being so mean to yourself! All of a sudden I realized, I do the very same thing. My inner demons wanted to fight back, “But she is skinny! You are not.” I started to rationalize that she did not deserve to be so hard on herself, but I deserved my own self-abuse. But God wouldn’t let me go. He whispered to my heart and screamed to my soul, “I made you! You are my creation! You are fearfully and wonderfully made!”

As I rapidly approach my fortieth birthday (23 days and counting), I am so sad that I still have not completely learned to love myself. Yet realizing that I will always be a work in progress, I am trying very hard to remind myself to stop focusing on all the things I dislike about myself. I am trying to be kinder to myself. When I think negative thoughts about myself, I try hard to dismiss them immediately and move along.

I hope that this blog will reach out to any of you who struggle with your self-image. As Christians, I really don’t think God wants us spending too much time focusing on improving the way we think about ourselves. Every minute we spend with our eyes on our own self is one minute we could have been focusing on Him. However, at the same time, I cannot imagine that our Creator enjoys being told by His creation that He did not do a good enough job either. Today when you look in the mirror, don’t you dare grimace. When you step on the scale, don’t let out a sigh of disgust. When you want to cut yourself down or think negative thoughts about yourself, try something different. Try saying this: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14. I think you'll find that it is hard to be negative when you are praising God. I also hope you will find comfort and come to believe that you ARE fearfully and wonderfully made.

What do others see when they look at me?

Today my little princess had her 3rd birthday party. It was a wild extravaganza of pink, presents, and princess-like behavior. At one point I walked into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was not at all happy with what I saw. I have gained so much weight! Not just since having babies but in the past 18 months since quitting the WAC…wowzer! Wide load coming through! And the dark circles under my eyes…. Seriously! I should probably stop wishing I could get a black eye because I live with two of them on my face all the time! As I sat there assaulting my own self in my mind, I wondered: What do others see when they look at me? Do they see all those things I just critiqued? Do they see the extra weight and the other flaws? Do they see my wide load and wrinkles?

As I pondered this thought, a verse popped into my head. It was something I had read earlier this week, and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. (I Samuel 16:7b) God is looking past my shabby exterior. He is even looking past my failed attempts to be good and pure and holy. He is looking at my heart. He sees how much my heart loves Him. He sees how much my heart WANTS to be good and pure and holy. He sees how much I desperately desire to teach my children to love Him. He sees how desperately I want to be a blessing to my husband. He doesn’t get hung up on what my outside looks like. He sees through to what my inside looks like.

Think hard about the context of this verse too. This verse is talking about David. It is referring to how David was the youngest of Jesse’s sons and how unlikely (from the outside) he was to become king. But God had looked at David’s heart and deemed him king material. For me it is helpful to remember that later on in life, David was going to doubt and fear and that later on in life David was going to lust after another man’s wife, commit adultery with that woman, and finally murder that woman’s husband. God knew this! God knew this was all in David’s heart. Yet God looked at that heart and found it to be worthy.

God doesn’t seek the perfect. (Good thing too because from what I have seen not too many of those exist.) God isn’t looking for someone who has it all together. He doesn’t need someone whose body is in perfect shape, whose wrinkle cream is doing its job, and who is faithful in covering up the gray. He isn’t even looking for a heart that is perfect. Not our God, His standards are not that high at all! Here is what He desires: a heart that loves Him... just loves Him. A heart that wants nothing more than to delight in Him, worship Him, serve Him, know Him, that is all He wants.

So don’t fix yourself up. Skip that silly wrinkle cream! Don’t stress about how many crunches you did today. Don’t spend even one minute wallowing in the guilt of already confessed sin. Love Him! Just love Him! Stop wasting time on the nonsense and LOVE HIM!