Worship Wednesday: Beauty in Worship

I have been blog stalking and seen some interesting things... Like blog themes for certain days of the week. I've seen Silent Sundays or Wordless Wednesday where bloggers just post a picture or pictures, no words, on that day. I like this idea, but I am nervous about stepping out and committing to blogging a certain thing on a certain day of the week every single week. Will I be able to keep up with it? What if I miss a week? What if I run out of material? BUT this one idea keeps coming back to me. I think it is a PERFECT place for me to start, because of my deep, desperate love for worship: Worship Wednesdays.

Today, this first Worship Wednesday I thought I would broach this topic: beauty in worship. I feel beautiful when I worship. I really do. Right now I am in a season of life where I do NOT like the way I look. I am heavier than I want to be. I have lost a SIGNIFICANT amount of hair from the stress of the past seven months. What is left of my hair is getting grayer and grayer with each passing day. Things are sagging that ought not to be sagging. Yet, when I worship, I feel beautiful. I really do. It is the one time that I feel STUNNING! And you know why? Because it is the one time that what I look like doesn't matter. It is the one time when my bulging abdomen and my graying hair fade into the background, and the spotlight is shone where it belongs ALL the time: on Jesus. It is the one time what matters is what's pouring out of my heart and streaming up to the Father's throne. All that matters then is loving Him and loving Him is ALWAYS beautiful. It is stunning. It is breathtaking.

The past few times I've worshipped this feeling has been overwhelming me, and nagging there in the background is this lesson. I've kinda been ignoring it a little. I know its application would be life-altering, but I am scared I will fail at applying it. So I side-step it and refuse to "look it in the eye." But now here it is for all of you, my audience of accountability, to read: If I were to SLOW DOWN and worship Him with every breath, every minute of every day, I would have less time to feel gross about myself. I would have more time to feel beautiful.

What an amazing world this would be if we judged ourselves upon the beauty of our soul! Can you think of a more worthy thing to measure our self-worth upon? If we woke up every morning and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking, "Ugh! There's another wrinkle." We looked up to Heaven and said, "Ah! There's my Savior!" If instead of stepping on the scale and groaning, "Bah! It's more than yesterday!" We stepped into His presence and shouted, "Yes! I love you more than I did yesterday!"

See I think this is the secret this dense old lady is missing: I feel beautiful when I worship because I'm no longer focusing on me. I am focusing on Him. And he is BEAUTIFUL! He is STUNNING! He is BREATHTAKING! When I focus on Him I can't help but be covered with, wrapped in, saturated by His beauty, and I, in turn, feel beautiful!

So will you join me today? Be beautiful! Give me just 4 minutes of your time. Stop and really listen to and hear the words of the song that has been playing in the background while you've read this. [Sing, sing, sing and make music with the Heavens] Focus in and worship with THOSE words. [When we shout Your praise lift high the name of Jesus] Let the beauty of Christ... let the beauty of worship, surround you. [What's not to love about you? Heaven and earth adore you.] Lift your hands if you feel like it. Close your eyes if it helps. Look at Jesus and let the ick of this life, the ick of your sinful self fade away. [You are the love that frees us. You are the love that leads us.] I promise you that four minutes will make a difference. God bless you and give you a GREAT Worship Wednesday! [Son of God You are the One, You are the One, we're living for!]

The other side of the coin

I can't wait for this day to end. Stress has been my constant companion. There were several times today when I wanted to lose my Christian testimony or maybe just my mind, but it was you, my blog readers, who inspired me to keep plugging on. I kept on thinking, "I have to keep going so I can give them a good report."

Just yesterday, just YESTERDAY, I ended my blog:

Wherever you are this morning: at the top of the sunny mountain or in the depths of the darkest valley, HE IS STILL GOD! So give Him what he deserves: your praise, your worship, your love.

And right away today, I had to put my money where my mouth was and live that theory out. It was NOT so easy, but I am happy to say that so far, I've made it.

I awoke for the first time at 3 a.m. when a sleepwalking child invaded my bed, then again at 4 a.m. when a nightmare required some soothing to get a little princess back to sleep and finally at 5 a.m. when it was time to get up and get started with our day.

It wasn't looking good from the moment we pulled out of our garage door. It had snowed... not much, but it doesn't take much to make for treacherous roads out here in Dodge County. We prayed, slipped and struggled our way up Madison Road to Hwy 33, but by the time we reached 41, it was becoming quite evident that we would NOT be on time. We had to drop John at MU instead of going straight to my parents' house (today was one of our days to care for Gramma). After dropping him off safely, the children and Auntie Marge and I continued on our way to Oma and Poppa's house.

Once I walk in the door on the mornings I care for my Gramma, the mania seems to commence IMMEDIATELY. Everyone needs me at once. Four little children dragged from their beds a little too early for them have weathered the one-hour drive and are now awake enough to realize they are HUNGRY. Their noisy clammering tends to wake Gramma who needs a lot of attention first thing in the a.m.: blood sugar needs to be tested, blood pressure needs to be taken, meds need to be administered, breakfast must be made, etc... Somewhere in the middle of all that I attempted to get Hannah a glass of water, I was pushing the lever for the ice dispenser and I could hear something, but nothing was coming out. I thought, "Where in the WORLD is the ice?!?!?!?" I opened the freezer door and was met with the answer: LOUDLY and MESSILY several cups of ice poured out onto the floor answering my query. It was at that exact moment, that I realized I was having the complete opposite of "A beautiful morning...."

In the next few breaths as I swept up and tossed out the ice, I mulled over the choice before me: loose my temper and get frustrated with all this chaos or live out what I had blogged about the day before. A few moments later as I cleaned some dishes the following started pouring out of my soul (and my mouth): "I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus." It grew in my belly and was exploding out of me with fervor and emotion. "No turning back! No turning back!" I thought to myself, "From now on, every time that Satan throws these pathetic little darts at me in an attempt to steal my joy, ruin my acts of service, or even cause me to sin, I am going to fight back with THIS song!" I promised myself that I WOULD remember that he wouldn't be attacking me if I weren't doing some good for the kingdom. I purposed in my heart to "count it all joy" and praise Him at the top of my lungs whether it was sunny or stormy in my world.

I wish I could say the day instantly got better. It didn't. There was still a cantakerous 6-year old to deal with, a VERY messed up wireless network adapter in my way, worries about the bills I can still hardly pay, and the continual stress of constantly trying to do more than I should. As we traveled home in the car tonight, I was nearing tears. My exhaustion, the tensions of the day, abundant conflict all around me, threatened to overwhelm me. I sat there with wails building in the back of my throat and started just chanting in my head, "I won't give up. I won't give up." (It was SO very important to me to weather this day and be able to tell all of you I did.) When all of a sudden like an answer STRAIGHT from God, the sun broke through my clouds. K-Love started playing Sing, Sing, Sing by Chris Tomlin. I LOVE that song, and earlier in the day when I first arrived at my parents' house it had come on but I had to get out of the car and start the insanity so I couldn't listen to it. I started singing that song like my life depended on it. I was belting it out. I lifted my hands as I sung, "LIFT HIGH THE PRAISE OF JESUS!" And then I felt it.... the moment when my praise actually ushered in the peace of God.... I literally FELT it.... the children who had been bickering WAY too loudly quieted down and actually heard the song.... Even my Aunt stopped commenting on all she was seeing around her somehow transfixed by the presence of God which had entered the minivan..... I could feel Him all around me.... I could feel Him crowding in and bringing peace with Him.... My spirit settled down and my emotions followed suit. What followed was odd... K-Love seemed to being playing a playlist entitled Jami Lynn Kastner's favorites: Perfect People came on, then a few worship songs I LOVE and finally Free to be Me.... I got a 20 minute retreat into the presence of God and I was GREEDY for it! It refreshed me! It encouraged me! It strengthened me to go on!

Again I wish I could say it made everything better, but it didn't. We arrived home to more lunacy.... putting away all of the Wal-Mart stuff... unpacking the basket from Oma's house... a stack of bills a mile high in the mailbox... trying to get 4 VERY crabby and completely spent children into bed..... the discovery of a towel used to wipe up a milk spill that REALLY should have been washed before we left.... and then traipsing down to my office because I vowed I'd type this blog before bed only to have the cat step on the power strip and shut off my puter.....

But guess what y'all? I did it. It wasn't pretty. But I did it. I stood strong, and it was mostly because of all of you. Because I wanted to be able to say to you at the end of this day, "By the POWER OF GOD alone, I was able to stand strong." I wanted so badly to be able to give you all a good report afterwards. What a vast supply of accountability partners you all served as today! Thank you so much! I hope in return I could encourage you a little with this blog. Hang tight! Don't give up! Try using a little praise to usher in the breakthrough, peace, or just a tiny little oasis of rest from the struggle... but whatever you do remember this:

Wherever you are this morning (evening): at the top of the sunny mountain or in the depths of the darkest valley, HE IS STILL GOD! So give Him what he deserves: your praise, your worship, your love.

Peace out y'all! I am going TO BED! Praise Jesus! (I might have to get a little charismatic over that thought.) Hope you all have a great night and a blessed tomorrow.