Less than a year ago, we were living in Franklin. We were surrounded by neighbors, about eleven two-family homes on our cul-de-sac. There was hustle and bustle all around us. We had random drop-bys from friends, family, former cheerleaders, and youth group kids. It kept us on our toes and meant we were rarely (if ever) alone. We were involved in a small church where we knew EVERYONE. Going to church wasn't just a spiritual event, it was a social event too. The grocery store was just 5 minutes away and Taco Bell, blessed Taco Bell, was just 5 minutes away as well.
Today, we live in Butt-Nowhere, WI. Our current cul-de-sac holds about seven single-family homes. Our doorbell never rings. Friends have to plan most of a day in order to come visit us. Our church is HUGE, and we hardly know anyone there. The grocery store is 3x as far, and Taco Bell, blessed Taco Bell, I hardly remember what a run for the border feels like.
This morning I was feeling loneliness settling around me. While last week was rough, this week started out even better! (heavy sarcasm here) This weekend Hannah had a bit of a cough, but really nothing to blog about. Sunday afternoon and evening she was running around playing, with a cough, cough here and a cough, cough there. About 8 or 9 p.m., we were lying in my bed watching Hannah Montana The Movie, and she said to me, "Mom I can't keep my eyes open." The poor baby was so wiped out. What I didn't know was that moment was the beginning of a downward spiral. She spent the night vomiting mucous and spiking a fever. At its height her fever was about 103 UNDER HER ARMPIT!!! The next morning we called the pediatrician who wanted to see her, and our fears were confirmed. She has pneumonia. The good news: it was caught early, and therefore will require only a course of antibiotics to get rid of it. The bad news: she can't stand the "pink medicine," and it is VERY hard to get a 3-year old to swallow something they don't want to swallow.
Anyway, I was feeling the exhaustion of having a sick baby on the heels of an emotional week and I started to feel so lonely. As I peered out the window at the gray fog enveloping my neighborhood, I felt the gray fog of sadness crowding in close. All of a sudden in my spirit, I heard Eva's beautiful voice singing:
This world holds nothing for me
I will follow you
This world holds nothing for me
I will follow you
I let the words of that song wash over me:
I need you Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I felt Him swarming in and surrounding me. I felt His presence comforting me. My troubles were still there: Hannah still has pneumonia. I am still struggling through an emotional battlefield. I have worries and cares, but:
Lord, I put my trust in You
I think that's the lesson of my "season of solitude..." THIS WORLD HOLDS NOTHING FOR ME. I think my Father has pulled me apart from all the busyness and noise of service and friendship and fun to place me in a simpler, quieter place where I can focus more on Him. Where I allow Him to fulfill all my needs. So here I am these words running through my head:
This world has nothing for me
This world has nothing for me
I will follow You
I will follow You
With my eyes refocused for the day and new hope planted in my heart, I'm going to go start my day. Hope This world holds nothing for you today too.
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