When I was 13, I broke three bones across the top of my foot at gymnastics. Apparently I had a slight tendency towards tears, therefore because I didn't cry, no one believed I was really hurt. I didn't cry because I was trying to tough it out. I didn't cry when it happened. I didn't cry when my coach examined it. I didn't cry when my friend's mom picked me up to drive her turn in the carpool and get me home. Oh but when I arrived home, the floodgates opened up! The second I saw my Momma, I couldn't put up a front any longer. All the tears I had been holding back, rushed forth in a torrent. See it is hard to keep our defenses up around those we know love us unconditionally.
I observe this phenomenon quite frequently in my own children. You've seen it too. You know you have! The same child who walks in the front door of your house and immediately drops his coat on the ground goes to a friends house, and the mother tells you, "He is such a wonderful child! He offered to help me with the dishes after dinner!" And you think, "I wish he would just 'offer' to pick up his coat once in awhile!"
As with all things we cannot accept the good without the bad. It is wonderful to know that I am someone that my children, my husband, my family can be real with. I love knowing that they do not feel they have to put up their defenses with me. However, it can also sting too. See the dark side to this principle is that we often "let it all hang out" for the ones we love the most. Like when I am crabby and grumpy with my husband, and the phone rings, some random person calling, and I pick it up with a smile and in a sweet voice say, "Hello!"
I also see this in the fact that it seems the closer someone is to us, the less often we engage the filter between our brain and our mouths. Now I guess we could, therefore, consider it a compliment when we get the unadultered (and sometimes painful) truth out of the mouths of those we love; however, I personally find it a bit of a shame. That the ones who matter most to us often don't get the courtesy we give to even strangers. That we are able to bite our tongue and hold back our negative or snarky comments with our friends, but are able to quickly spout off, "Mom this roast tastes like a tire tread."
With the holidays comes more and more "quality" time with our families. So I think it is a good time to consider a few things. Let's just call these Jami's rules for family gatherings.
1. It is okay not to say every single thing you think, and just because people are related to you, they are not entitled to your EVERY opinion. Do you REALLY think your sister-in-law needs to hear that you noticed she's put on a few pounds this year? Nopes. Chances are her scale is working JUST fine, and she does not need a reminder from you that there is more of her to love this year.
2. Gratefulness is not for the tangible gift given or the act committed; gratefulness is mostly for the sentiment behind the gift. If your grandmother gives you a pair of hot pink, shiny, spandex pants, just like those Olivia Newton John wore in the Let's Get Physical video. Even though with all your might you feel like screaming, "The 70s called. They want their hot pants back!" It would be much better to simply say, "Thank you." When mom slaves away all day over the turkey dinner, and it is so dry the turkey needs to be swimming in gravy in order to make the trip down your throat, it is okay to just be appreciative of the effort she put forth in making the meal.
3. Above all else put on kindness. You know kindness is about the most beautiful garment you could don this Christmas season. It will make those extra ten pounds seem like they just melt away. It can turn that dried out turkey into succulent fare. It can bind up old wounds. It can say, "I love you." like no other gesture can. It can be the best gift you give this year.
Good luck! Like any good thing in this world, families in excess can be a little hard to take. During this holiday time with tons of forced family fun, I urge you to tuck away the dark side of love and let the brightness, goodness, and kindness of your love for your family shine.
No comments:
Post a Comment