Birthday blog....

On the occasion of my birthday I thought I would reflect on what I've learned over the past 12 months. It's been a rocky year... one that resembles some sort of boot camp experience... but I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I learned A LOT:

1. It is God who holds my heart in His hands. He is the only One who will never let me down, leave me, or betray me. Friends, family members, spouses... They disappoint, leave, betray, even die... But He NEVER will. NEVER!

2. It is very important to keep my focus forward; however, glancing backward to remember where I have been is VITAL when attempting not to repeat past mistakes.

3. You can't fix stupid. This may sound funny coming from a teacher; however I have come to see that I CANNOT change the inane rules my insurance company has... I CANNOT change a headstrong, mule-like person... I just CANNOT fight city hall.... Therefore, some battles are better left unfought.

4. Stress.... It's a killer! Stress will catch up with you. It doesn't matter how much I think I resemble Wonder Woman. It doesn't matter that I think I can handle it. Put your body through continual and constant stress, and eventually, the effects will begin to show.

5. His grace is ALWAYS sufficient. No matter what I FEEL like. No matter what I FEAR. No matter what the devil is whispering to me.... No matter that those aforementioned effects of stress are beginning to show... His grace is ALWAYS sufficient.

6. People are crazy and we live in strange times. (Have to admit I stole this one from my mom and her healthcare seminar).... it's so true... read it again... marinate on it... I think you'll agree.

7. One ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of friendship. (Spanish Proverb) When push comes to shove.... When I am down on my luck... When I feel like I have no one else to turn to... My family is ALWAYS there for me and this I can ALWAYS take to the bank: my Momma loves me.

8. This thing called parenting... Heck this thing called marriage... it just ain't as easy as it looks. There are days when I want to throw the whole kit and caboodle out with the used dishwater, BUT... the benefits... should I choose not to throw in the towel... are well, well, WELL worth it.

9. I am sooooo glad that God chose these specific angels to be my babies. They may be daredevils.... Their heads have been known to spin around.... But they are sweet and smart and kind and polite.... They LOVE Jesus with all of them and THEY ARE MY BABIES! And I am GRATEFUL!

10. John Joseph Kastner is the bravest man I know. He is no saint, and he is not perfect. But he bravely faces down EVERY challenge that comes before him. He will fight to the DEATH for his family and especially his wife. He will never give up no matter how insurmountable the odds seem... no matter how scared he is... no matter what it might cost him. I am ever grateful that my God chose THIS man to complete me... for without him I would be NOTHING.

So there it is... another year older, and actually, I think this year (more than many others) I am actually another year wiser as well. It is NOT a year I wish to repeat EVER again, but it is definitely a year that brought me closer to God, my husband, my children, and my family. It was definitely a year that made me stronger. Hope I'm not too whimpy though if I ask just one thing as a "birthday wish"...

Dear God, Can I please have an easier year next?

Blog silence....

WOW! Last week hit me in the face like a ton of BRICKS! Sorry if you missed my ramblings here online, but I had a CRAZY week with NO time for blogging. Quickly, lessons I learned:

1. Snow makes EVERYONE crazy! It makes drivers crazy. It makes Mommas crazy. It makes EVERYONE lose their minds. Note to all: snow is just rain but a little colder!

2. Cassie Jastrow is ALREADY an amazing hair stylist. No joke! The girl's only been in stylist school (or whatever they call it these days) for about 5 months and she is AWESOME! Must be a natural, because she did a GREAT job! (Shameless plug for Cassie: You TOO can get your hair cut by her all day on Monday's at the Aveda Institute downtown.... just $15!)

3. A family of 7 makes A LOT of laundry in just 4 days of a broken wash machine. Especially when day 1 of said broken wash machine started with the Momma behind on laundry. AYE CARUMBA!

4. 40-year olds should NOT attempt to sleep on couches... or on floors for that matter.

5. A certain blog writer maybe should have listened more carefully to Momma made crazy by snow in order to avoid being snowed in down in Franklin and having to endure #4.

6. Things always seem to work their way out. No matter how crazy and undecipherable they seem... they always seem to just work their way through.... Very seldom ending in complete and utter destruction. (This thought should be recalled next time I am up to my eyeballs in elephant dung.)

7. Traveling up my driveway should NEVER... repeat NEVER be attempted when said driveway is snow covered.

8. Country peops are not THAT friendly. Sure they'll wave as they pass by but will any of them stop to help a woman struggling with and bloodying herself on a stalled snow blower.... not really.

9. I should NEVER, EVER again treat McDonald's in a disdainful manner. Not even counting the fact that a good portion of our livelihood comes from this establishment..... the number of times that place has been a godsend bringing peace to my insanely loud minivan... bestowing comfort to my weary ears.... and even bailing me out when I'm trapped at the bottom of my driveway, can't get into the house to feed the kids, and have to leave for AWANA in 20 minutes.... NEVER again shall I speak an ill word of ANY McDonald's ANYWHERE!

10. 15 homeschoolers hopped up on TONS of sugar make A LOT of noise.

11. 9 hours sleep after nearly 2 weeks of complete and total sleep deprivation can make a person feel BRAND NEW!

12. Old people can drive you a little crazy. No matter how much you love them, they can seriously push you to the edge sometimes.

13. Quite often all your hard work will not result in glory for you, but will yield great rewards for the next person in line. Think of this at two times: 1. when you're the person slaving away and seeing no real results.... take hope because someone, somewhere, sometime WILL reap the benefits of your hard work. 2. When you have great success, do NOT forget to look back and give some thanks to those who came before you and laid the seed that you are harvesting now.

14. EVERYONE needs a day of rest. Especially four exhausted little children who are now congested and sore throated from being dragged all-around the State of Wisconsin (from Green Bay to Franklin) this week and only spent 2 days in the past 7 in their own house..... and especially their exhausted parents who did all the dragging and put up with 4 crabby little urchins.

15. Some wounds run so deep that they take a VERY long time to heal. Be patient with yourself. Keep moving forward. Healing will come and a stopwatch should not be put on it.

So PHEW! A new week has begun, and I for one am GLAD! Although I see there is more snow in the forecast this week.... AYE CARUMBA!

Safe in my Father's arms....

As I walked through the door to the recovery room, I heard his pitiful, scratchy voice wailing, "I want my Momma. I want my Momma." My heart leapt into action as I raced across the distance separating us to pull my baby into my arms. He was clawing at the tape holding his IV in and crying, "It hurts. Get it out!" My heart was breaking over his pain. I pulled him into my arms and held him. I just tried to get his attention off his pain with the soothing sound of my voice. Within mere seconds he was sound asleep with his head resting on my shoulder..... safe in his mother's arms. As I sat there cradling my tonsil-less baby, I pondered this phenomenon. The second he was in my arms, he quieted and fell into a deep restful sleep. Hmmmmm.....

Maybe that's why whenever trouble hits, I long for Heaven. I always used to focus on the leaving the troubles behind part, but that is not the root of why when my husband is about to undergo brain surgery, I long for Heaven... why when I don't have the money to pay the rent, I long for Heaven... when my life is falling apart, when my marriage is in ruins, when my fear is at an all time high, I long for Heaven.... It is NOT just to escape the pain of this world. It is to be safe in my Father's arms.

See in my arms, Elijah's pain didn't disappear. In my arms, Elijah was simply comforted knowing his Momma was there. In my arms, Elijah knew I cared enough to come as soon as I could. In the Father's arms, our pain doesn't disappear. In His arms, I am comforted knowing my Father is there. In His arms, I know He cares enough to be there for me. In my arms, Elijah was able to calm down enough to fall into a restful sleep and let his body do the healing it needed to do. Maybe that's all I need from my Father's arms... the restful "sleep" which will allow my spirit to heal. Lately, I have suffered through a lot of pain, disappointment, fear.... I go to Jesus for help and I bring my needs continually before Him, but maybe all my soul needs is to put my head on His shoulder and REST... so that His healing can take place.

Today I encourage you to do this. Don't just take your needs to God. Don't just tell Him everything. Don't just wait on Him to work. But take a few minutes just to REST. Bask in the warmth, the comfort, the support of His arms. For rest is GOOD for the soul and it will bring about the healing that you need.

Today I am resting.... Safe in my Father's arms.

A bad rap for Martha....

You know the story don’t you? Jesus comes to town. Martha opens up her home to Jesus. Then she’s left to do all the work of having guests, while Mary sits at the feet of Jesus listening to Him. Jesus says, “Mary chose what was better.” Well what’s a Martha to do then? Who’s going to greet the guests, prepare the food, serve the meal? The food is not going to serve itself.

I will admit it. I am a Martha. When our church needs someone to cook a meal, I am there. When a new family comes to church, I jump to welcome them. Someone’s sick? I offer to cook a meal. The nursery people called in sick? I offer to help out. I am just doing, doing, doing; moving, moving, moving. So this story gets under my skin a little.

Of course! I would love to just sit at the feet of Jesus worshiping all day long. I would love to take long prayer walks, interceding, conversing, communing. I would love to savor every word I am reading in scripture and spend hours meditating on it. What a great world it would be if I could just spend my whole day dancing and singing and praising my Savior. But there are children to be cared for, there is laundry to be done and a living to be earned. I cannot spend my whole day relaxing at the feet of Jesus like Mary did. It just isn’t feasible. What then is the lesson? What then is this Bible story calling us to?

I have been a Christian for a long time, and I have heard this story peddled over and over and over again. The take I always seem to hear goes something like this, “Don’t be a Martha. Be a Mary.” But I would like to assert that there is nothing wrong with being a Martha. For it is the Martha’s among us that get things done. It is the Martha’s who take care of people and make life run a little smoother. Fellow Martha’s, unite with me! Stop crucifying your inner Martha! Stop chastising yourself for not being more like Mary! Instead be a Martha, but purposefully allow for Mary moments in your day. Find some time each day to stop and spend a little time with your Savior. No matter how busy life gets, do not allow Him to get crowded out. My Martha/Mary theory goes something like this: It is okay to be a mover and a shaker. It is okay to get a lot accomplished. These things are fine as long as you also remember to take a little time to sit at the feet of your Savior.

I am going to take this theory a little further for the mom’s out there. (I can do that because it is my blog.) Remember to take the Mary moments with your child too. I do this thing. I call it “Memorizing the Moment.” I will find myself in a moment with one of my children that is so sweet and perfect it practically brings tears to my eyes. I will stop and take a deep breath and whisper a quick prayer, “Jesus, please help me always remember this moment.” Last night I had one. It might not seem like a moment many would want to remember. I was awoken at about 11 p.m. to the sounds of a child screaming, “Momma! Momma!” I rushed to Elijah’s side and within seconds my Mommy sense (kinda like Spidey sense but WAY better) kicked in and I asked, “Are you going to puke?” Before he could answer, the answer was forecefully spewing out of him. I spent the rest of the night kicking off covers and lurching out of bed to run to his side each time he threw up. At one point, I was snuggling him back to sleep, trying hard to push the words swine flu from my brain, when it hit me. In ten years, he won’t need me like this. In ten years when he is puking he might want my comfort, but not like this. He won’t be this dependent. I won’t see that look of I cannot do this without you here mom. He might even just rush to the toilet all by himself and tell me in the morning that he was sick. I pulled him closer to me, inhaling deeply in spite of the fact that a hint of vomit still tinged the air, and prayed, “Jesus help me memorize this moment.” You know it is almost impossible to be a mom without being a little bit of a Martha, but I promise you’ll be a better, happier, more loving mom, if you give a little face time to the Mary that’s inside of you.

So give Martha a chance. I don’t think she deserves the bad rap she’s gotten, but her sister Mary got a few things right too. That’s why this Martha is going to wrap it up and post this blog, so she can go sit at the feet of her Savior for a little bit.