Gleaning from our suffering....

I believe the reasons for this thing called suffering are many faceted. I've blogged about it before. Suffering can be a natural consequence of a choice made. Suffering can be our faith being tested and purified. Suffering can be for the blessing and encouragement of others. Today I think maybe suffering can be for the sake of my children.... so that something beautiful can be birthed in them.

Back at Christmas, when Christmas Angels blessed us with a MULTITUDE of gifts, our children became inspired to do the same for another family next year. They've been saving their allowance ever since. Today I saw in my children another beautiful thing birthed out of our suffering.

This afternoon, Elijah brought the mail in, and the second I saw the return address, I knew what was inside. As I pulled out the note card and opened it up, tears started to build in the back of my throat. A check was taped closed inside, but I bypassed it savoring the encouraging words I found. I started reading the note, "Kastner family, The Lord has laid your family on our hearts..." Then at the end a P.S. that let me know someone is reading these words I blog, "I hope from this your little ones can enjoy their favorite meals." Without opening the check yet, I lifted it to read the words written beneath, "Thanks so much for sharing on your blogs....." Finally I opened the check. My breath caught at the sight of the amount! This check wouldn't just help our little ones enjoy their favorite meals.... it would help us get our new washer too!!!! The tears spring quickly from my eyes, and I hiccuped a quick cry.

Hannah said, "Guys! Mom's crying." As I closed the card, I said, "It's good tears, Hannah. It's good tears." Noah, wise beyond his years and "first in class" in this course entitled, "The suffering of the Kastner family," quickly said, "Someone blessed us with a check didn't they?" I nodded, words eluding me.... the discernment of my baby... the BLESSING from God.... the conviction of how ONCE AGAIN my faith had wobbled a little... they were all overcoming me again. Noah came to me and grabbed my hands in the middle of the kitchen and just started praying,

"Dear Lord,

Thank you for blessing us! Thank you for the people who blessed us. We pray that you bless them. Bless them today. Bless them this month. Bless them this year. Keep on blessing and blessing and blessing them.

Amen."

I opened my eyes and gazed at this 10-year old man of God standing in front of me. If I never, ever have another penny the rest of my life.... If I have to rely upon the goodness of God's people, humbling myself and laying down my pride to accept the charity of my brothers and sisters in Christ all the days of my life... it will all be worthwhile. For my children IMMEDIATELY look to God when we are blessed. They immediately KNOW who blessed us. It wasn't Mr. & Mrs. ___________ from Podunk, OK who blessed us. It was GOD! So they immediately give Him praise. But they also know the second thing to do when someone blesses us, they ask God to bless them right back.

So thank you Mr. & Mrs. ______________ from Podunk, OK. Thank you for blessing us! The Kastner children WILL eat their favorite meals all weekend and into next week for sure! And the Kastners will finally have a wash machine again too. But more than that.... so much more valuable than that, your gift helped teach four little children (and their ever forgetful Momma) that God NEVER forgets them.... that there are angels walking among us.... and that it is VERY blessed to be generous.

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40

An open Thank You to all of our Christmas Angels

This Christmas, the one which closed out the most difficult year in the history of the Kastner family, was the best Christmas we have EVER had. Thanks entirely to the generosity of God's Christmas Angels, the Kastner children had a better Christmas then they have ever had before.

As Christmas approached, John and I started to realize that we might not be able to give the children any Christmas gifts this year. God was so generously providing for our needs during this time; however, we weren't sure presents would qualify as a need. So many had given us generous gifts, and we were sure God would get us through the rest of this trial with food in our bellies and a roof over our heads; however, we did not at all anticipate the "cherry on top of the sundae" He would provide. We gently began to prepare the children for this reality. Jeremiah so wise beyond his years said, "That's okay mom. I have everything I need in this wonderful family."

But then in a gesture designed solely to show us how much He loves us. In a totally unnecessary and purely lavish act, God impressed upon Christmas Angels to bless us. First from New Mexico arrived the presents Santa "accidentally delivered" to the wrong place. Then the cafeteria ladies from John's building sent home a ridiculous amount of loot for the children. Finally, we were contacted by our church and told a family from the community would like to provide presents for our Christmas. And of course there were the typical GOBS of presents the children are always blessed with from Oma, Poppa, and Riri. We were blessed beyond measure with an AMAZING Christmas. While I am eternally grateful for the smiles on the faces of our children and the joy in their hearts over all the Christmas presents they received, it is for the intangible, everlasting gifts that I am most grateful. Our children learned lessons of generosity and kindness that I do not think they will ever forget. Through the gifts of our Christmas Angels, our children learned that God doesn't just care for their needs He cares for their wants too. Through the gifts of our Christmas Angels, our children were inspired, and they are already saving some of their allowance for next Christmas so they can bless a family just like we were blessed.

John and I were humbled to the point of tears over the charitable gifts we were given this Christmas (and actually since the beginning of this ordeal), but it is not for the tangible things that I am finding myself most grateful. I am finding myself most grateful that my children know, I mean REALLY know, that God will always provide for them. That they have learned to depend on Him and Him alone for all their needs. That they have learned to be humble and generous and to always look for ways to bless others. Truly this brain surgery, this entire year.... what Satan had crafted to be the destruction of this family and our faith has become our greatest triumph. We are stronger than we were at the beginning of 2009 and we will NEVER let go of the faith that got us through all of this.

Thank you to ALL of our Angels (Christmas, Fall, rent, and food Angels). We are truly blessed because of you.

The Library, Wal-Mart, and Random Kindness

This story is a little old, but it is a GREAT read so I am recycling it as a new post here on this blog.

On Wednesday, I waited for my husband, John, to return home so I could go run my errands; however, by the time he arrived home from work at 6:30 p.m., I was too exhausted to go anywhere. Therefore, Thursday I decided to be brave and attempt my errands with all four children tagging along.

We set out for our first stop, the library. As the typical protocol is to be quiet in a library, this looked to be our most harrowing endeavor. Upon arrival in the parking lot, I promptly put four-year old Jeremiah and two-year old Elijah in the double stroller (ensuring that Jeremiah was in the back seat, because whenever Elijah is in the back, he pulls the hair of whoever is in the front). I then got one-month old Hannah situated in the baby-sling and grabbed my purse. With six year-old Noah walking alongside me, I headed into the library.

It was a very successful trip. I did have to say "Shhhhhh" about a hundred times; however, other than that, it was quite uneventful. Each of the boys got a book and a DVD. I got several items I'd requested, and we left in an orderly fashion. I wasn't really feeling prideful (just lucky) so I'm not certain how to explain the "fall" which came next. I guess I just pushed my luck too far.

We arrived at Wal-Mart, and all appeared to be going well; made it through the baby section without incident, and then on the way to the paper products and cleaning section it began. Hannah started fussing, which as is typical for many newborns was a few seconds of pitiful mewling mixed with moments of sheer ticked off SCREAMING. Jeremiah and Elijah took this as their cue to begin pulling as many items as they could off the shelves we passed. Noah was the only bright spot in a very dismal Wal-Mart experience. As I again had Jeremiah and Elijah in the stroller and Hannah in the sling, Noah was pushing the cart and obediently filling it with the items I handed him.

Since all mayhem was breaking out, I had to abandon my efforts to track how much I was spending and make sure that I stayed within my budget. I just threw caution to the wind and got everything on my list hoping the total would not be too shocking. We finally had all the items we needed and proceeded to the checkout.

Now for some reason there were only about two non-express lanes open at this time and there were about six people in line at each of those registers. I took my place in line with Hannah screaming her head off and Jeremiah and Elijah now trying to pocket candy as we passed through the lane. I contemplated trying to nurse Hannah right there in the sling, but determined that the little boy in front of us would see WAY more of me than he needed to, so I instead just kept bouncing Hannah and whispering to her. Finally when we were about three from being checked out, an associate came up to me and said, "I can take you on aisle 12." I hightailed it over there, and Noah and I emptied our cart onto the belt.

After what felt like hours of being in Wal-Mart, the end was in sight. The checker gave me my total. I handed her my coupons and then used a $25 gift card to pay the first part of it. Then I took out my debit card to pay the balance (about $40). I swiped my card and chose credit. It was declined. I swiped it again...declined. At this point I was sweating, Hannah was screaming, Elijah and Jeremiah were tired of trying to shoplift and were now attempting to escape from the stroller. Noah was still behaving WONDERFULLY. I swiped my card again and tried debit. Still no go. I was ready to cry. Much to their credit, the people in line behind me had nothing but sympathy on their faces and not a one of them made an irritated sound. I called John and told him of my plight. He said he'd be there in five minutes with cash to pay the bill.

Just then the shopper at the next register turned to my checker and handed over her credit card. She said, “Put her total on my card.” I was stunned. I don't think she even knew or asked what the total was. She said to me, “I have two kids at home and I have no idea how you're doing this with four.” I asked her to please give me her name and address so I could send her a check. She agreed; however, she didn't know me from Adam so she had no way of knowing that I would really send a check. She paid my bill, with me thanking her profusely, and never blinked an eye. The kids and I left the store and headed for the car.

As we were loading the van, John drove up and my angel of mercy (who just happened to be parked right across from me) got to her car with her purchases. I was able to send John to get cash for her and to talk with her for a few minutes, thanking her over and over again.
The lesson I learned that night: don't go to Wal-Mart with more children than you have arms. Upon arriving home, I checked my bank account online, and sure enough there was PLENTY of money in there. I have no idea why that happened. All I know is that my faith in humanity grew a little that night, when I was the recipient of someone's random kindness and I learned that there is an angel in Franklin named Aimee.

Blog writer's note: That angel in Franklin has now been my dear friend for almost 3 years, and many times over the course of our friendship I have again been the recipient of her random acts of kindess.