Unfollow

I'm in a Facebook group for families at this Basic Training.  At least once a week,  someone posts a long GUSHING post about how this group had been a lifeline, how much comfort it brought them,  how much valuable information they gleaned.  That has not been my experience. 

What I have experienced: 

*increased anxiety - wait what do you mean you're checking your child's bank account every day for fraud

*new worries - what are you talking about your graduation was canceled

* feelings of shame - reading "anyone who brings 10 people to graduation is a disrespectful piece of garbage"

*borderline bullying - you can't disagree with them or they shut down your post or even block you from the group

I'm sure you're thinking why don't you just leave the group, Jami? Because it is one of my only connections to what is going on with Hannah! We get 15 minutes on the phone with her every week... maybe. She writes letters, but they are very behind and they rarely tell us everything that's going on in the training phase. So I endure.  

But here's the life lesson (Well actually lessons):

1. As much as possible I try to just scroll on by. I do NOT engage.  Even if I have a VERY valid comment.  Even if I desperately want to encourage a struggling mom. NOPE. I scroll on by. I'm trying to treat this group like a newspaper that I glean information from and that I stay uninvolved in. I'm also trying to scroll on by when a post starts to trigger my anxiety. This morning, I read someone saying their soldier was told they can only have five people at graduation. NOPE. I cannot worry about that right now. That's tomorrow's problem. If we get there and we can't all go in to graduation, we'll deal with that then.

Here's the thing (and hold on I might get a little preachy here): I think this might be a principle we could all apply to our Facebook activity as a whole. Maybe not as extreme as I've gone (refusing to interact at all) but maybe just honestly stopping and thinking, "Do I really need to interact with this post?" And also asking ourselves is this thing that might possibly be true or might possibly happen worth the time and energy of me investing in it? Worrying about it? Dwelling on it? Ask yourself that. I am.

2. Both. Things. Can. Be. True. One person can find that group to be an absolute lifeline the best thing since sliced bread, and another person can find it to be their own personal hell that they are only enduring to get more information about their child. This is diversity at it's purest and rawest form. We aren't all alike! We all have different experiences! And this too needs to be heard by so many of us. (Mostly by me.) It's okay that someone's experience is 100% different than mine. It's okay if someone's opinion is 100% different than mine. My job on this earth is not to convince other people to agree with me. So as much as my flesh dreams about a July 2nd post saying this group did nothing but tear me down, heighten my anxiety, and give me a teeny tiny speck of helpful information, instead come July 2nd, I'm just going to (with a full and happy heart) click unfollow on that group.