You can't always get what you want

Things are pretty dark in this house right now. John is EXTREMELY discouraged by the events of yesterday. I am trying SUPER hard to "keep the faith".... hope.... believe.

This morning it's a little easier for me to do that because I awoke from a VIVID dream this morning.  It was so real! In my dream, I was on the phone with Dr. Ahuja's office, and they said they could fit John in this year if we were willing to come in on Saturday. I told them I'd come in wearing only my underwear if they could get him in this year, and then there we were FRANTICALLY prepping for a hospital visit. As I came awake, I had to struggle to remember it was just a dream because it seemed SO real.

I'm not gonna lie, I want that scenario SO bad. I desperately WANT to be rushing around making arrangements for a surgery this week. I desperately WANT to be SCREAMING on FB... "It's a miracle! It's a miracle!" I desperately WANT to save money by doing surgery this year,  to have this in our rearview mirror,  to have my honey OUT of pain. But in the words of the great Mic Jagger,  "You can't always get what you want." And the reality is that sometimes (actually more like OFTEN) God's plans don't look like my plans AT ALL. In fact,  let me tell you about "the best surprise God ever gave me."

My plan did NOT include having 3 boys in under 4 years.  My plan did not include being BROKE NO JOKE and finding out,  "Surprise! You're pregnant!" My plan included more than one form of birth control and a teeny tiny side-by-side.  But God's plan was SO much better.  God's plan included this sweet,  sensitive,  long-eyelashed, smart,  funny,  KEEP-ME-ON-MY-TOES,  little boy named Elijah,  and like I always tell him he is "the best surprise God ever gave me."

I don't pretend to know why this is the way.  I'm not gonna lie and say I WANT it this way.  All I know is that even though I don't like His way, I FULLY believe His way is better.... even though I still WANT my way, I'm going to submit myself to His way....  and no matter when or how this all goes down,  I KNOW that we are FIRMLY in His grasp....

being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6