My husband... my family... my country

I love my husband.  I don't love him because he's perfect.  I don't love him only when he's doing things that make me happy. I love him. Period. All. The. Time.

Somedays it is EASY to love him... like when he's giving me handmade farmhouse benches or making me the perfect eggs.  Somedays I just stubbornly make a CHOICE to love him... you know he's not everyone's cup of sunshine.

I love my family.  I don't love them because they're perfect.  I don't love them only when they're doing things that make me happy. I love them. Period. All. The. Time.

Somedays it is EASY to love them... like when mom is taking me out to breakfast or when we are gathered around a table laughing together.  Somedays I just stubbornly make a CHOICE to love them... when you live life closely with people they can be offensive and unpleasant.

I love my country. I don't love it because it's perfect.  I don't love it only when it's full of things that make me happy. I love it. Period. All. The. Time.

Somedays it is EASY to love my country... like when I hear about everyday people helping stranded hurricane victims or I read about a couple adopting an entire family of orphans.  Somedays I just stubbornly make a CHOICE to love it... like when I am assaulted with the knowledge that we have made it LEGAL to murder babies in the womb... or when I watch people using their freedom to assemble to trash and destroy the property of others.

If you love only when the object of your affection is lovable, might I suggest that is not love. Love  isn't loving only those you like.... Love isn't being supportive when they are pleasant... it isn't just pretty pink or red heart shapes.... it isn't just red, white, and blue bunting... love can be dirty and ugly and flawed and DIFFICULT... but what makes it love is that it NEVER ends. No matter how offensive, rude, unjust, and even unlovable... love. NEVER. ends.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:7‭-‬8

Worship Wednesday: Get Back Up!

[sorry couldn't find this song to add it to my playlist and play automatically here... if you want to listen to it follow this link]

I have been waiting and waiting to do this song by Toby Mac for Worship Wednesday FOREVER!!!! It is an AWESOME tune, but week after week has found me TOO busy on Wednesdays to blog about this song! Well this week I am bound and determined to get this blog posted before this Worship Wednesday ends!

Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta nowhere

Have you ever had this happen to you? You saw something coming yet STILL it "hit you outta nowhere? I have and let me tell you what! It KNOCKS you to your knees! I've been the one to fall and the victim of hurt resulting from another's fall, and I tell you... Both situations knock you to your knees! HARD!

We lose our way,
We get back up again

Here's what we do: we lose our way??? Get back up again! Fall into sin??? Get back up again! Devastated by the sin of another??? GET BACK UP AGAIN!!!

It's never too late to get back up again,

Never, ever, ever, EVER! It is NEVER too late to get back up again. God will not run out of mercy! Jesus' redeeming blood NEVER runs dry! It is never too late so GET BACK UP AGAIN!

You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,

...because a knock down does NOT mean you are out forever.

This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken,
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin',
I am so broken
This is love callin' love callin

God loves you, broken. God know you are, broken. God is calling you, broken. So go to Him, broken.

This blog is SUCH GOOD NEWS!!!! It is ok that you fell. It is okay that you're broken. He is calling you!!!! Just GET BACK UP AGAIN!!!

I hope you have a great end to this Worship Wednesday, and I hope that you will have the courage to get back up again. Remember: I'm routing for you!

Jami's friend manifesto

Cultivate friendships which provoke you to love Jesus more/better.... Sarah Bowling

This was Sarah's FB status earlier this week.  It hit me like a slap in the face.  For over a year now I have REALLY been struggling in the area of friendships.  Truth be told it has been A LOT longer than a year.  Probably since I started coaching cheer at FHS and then on through when John and I led the youth group, I had a VERY full social life, but all of my relationships were mentoring type relationships.   I didn't really have any friends my own age or any who were at my same stage of life.  I started feeling the void left by this deficiency about two years ago.  I prayed and begged God to send me a friend or two.  I just wanted someone who was in my own generation.

What followed was a quick succession of friends who betrayed me, judged me, and believed only the worst about me.  These friendships left me battered and bruised.  In fact, JUST THIS WEEK I said to my sister, "I don't want any more friends!  Friends hurt TOO much!".

So when I first read that FB status it stung across my face leaving a red, hand imprint.  It hurt!  Because even this week my eyes have been furtively darting about searching for a safe hiding place where I could hole up and keep myself safe from these prickly, sharp-edged, pain causing things called friends.

Backed into a corner, setting up sandbags of defense I all of a sudden STOPPED as the application of that statement washed over me. I thought, "Wait a minute!  I have to BE the kind of friend who provokes her friends to love Jesus more/better."  That's all I can control!  The answer isn't holing myself away from the world becoming a friend-a-phob.  The answer is being the kind of friend who spurs people on to loving Him!

I learned long ago that the only person whose actions I can control is ME.  I can't sit around waiting for people to come to me.  I have to go out and BE the kind of friend I need.  So here it is:  my friend manifesto.  What follows is a description of the kind of friend I want to BE.

1.  Loving... I want to be the kind of friend who LOVES people.  I believe that we lead people to Jesus with love.  No one wants to be told how they don't measure up or what they don't do well enough in.  I want my friends to find love and acceptance in my presence.  I don't want to be an encyclopedia of how things should be done or how life should be lived.  I want to be like a pair of those ubber soft, warm and comfy slipper socks.  I want my friends to find softness, comfort, warmth from me... I don't care so much if they find cold hard learning here.

2.  Giving.... I want to be the kind of friend who would give the shirt off her back to help ANYONE.  I want to give lavishly of my time, attention and resources.  I want to reach out to those in need.  I want to cook meals for those who are laid up.  I want to give our hand-me-downs to bless someone.  I don't care how "down and out" I am... I never, ever, ever want to stop being generous.  I never, ever want to stop giving.  I want my friends to know if they need something and there is ANYTHING I can do, I will do it.

3.  Forgiving...  I want to be the kind of friend who forgives ANYTHING.  I want to forgive 70x7.  I want to turn the other cheek EVERY SINGLE TIME I am slapped.  I know that I am inviting pain by doing this.  I know I could avoid some of the agony by walking away from friends who continually hurt me, but I don't CARE!  I wanna forgive because I have been FORGIVEN!  I want my friends to know that our friendship is secure.  That no matter WHAT I will forgive them.

I guess as I typed this I realized that I want to be Jesus to all my friends.  I know that is a tall order, but that's okay because I am a stubborn old girl, and I will not give up on reaching that goal.  So starting today, I am going to do everything in my power to be the kind of friend I want to have.  One who provokes others to love Jesus more/better.  

Worship Wednesday: More Like Falling in Love

It has been a LONG time since I've posted a Worship Wednesday blog.... so sorry. I keep hearing this song, and it GRIPS me! I want you all to hear it and FEEL it today!

Give me rules

I will break them

Give me lines

I will cross them

Give me words

I'll misuse them

Obligations

I'll misplace them

Did you ever notice how the second you go on a diet you crave things you NEVER would have ever entertained the idea of consuming prior to the diet? I've tried low carb diets before, and I tell you a few days without carbs, and I swear I would eat a piece of cardboard just to have a little substance in my diet! There is just something about a list of rules that makes you crave the things that are against them.

'Cause all religion ever made of me

Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet

When your faith becomes a religion, it is just a list of rules you can't possibly follow perfectly. Anytime you break one of those rules you are DOOMED, evil, banished! So what are you saying Jami? It is just a big free for all then? Since we can't follow all the rules we just get to break them all??? Nooooooo....

It's about LOVE! Scream this part with me:

It's gotta be

More like falling in love

Then something to believe in

More like losing my heart

Than giving my allegiance

It's like I'm falling in love, love, love

Deeper and deeper

It was love that made

Me a believer

Forget religion! It's about a relationship! It's about being wildly, passionately, madly, CRAZY in love with JESUS!!!! When you fall in love, all you want is to be with the object of your affection. When you're not together, he/she is all you can think about. When you are together, you're already anticipating the NEXT time you get to be together. Other relationships in your life tend to wane a little. You might lose a little weight because of the butterflies in your tummy. You might have a little trouble sleeping because you can't stop thinking about your love... It's almost like a sickness... You couldn't stop it if you tried. That's what we need with Jesus. We don't need a list of rules. We need to fall head over heels in love.

And here's the secret:

Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

When you fall for Him, the rules will become easier to follow. You will start to genuinely, truly WANT to follow them. Falling in love with him is what brings the change.

So how do you fall in love with Him? It really isn't that hard. STOP focusing on all those things you have heard all your life about what you have to DO to be a Christian. START focusing on Him... Think about all He has done for you. When I start to list my blessing, my heart swells for my Creator, my Savior, my King.

List your blessings today and fall in LOVE with Jesus! Cause it has GOT to be more like FALLING IN LOVE!

Birthday blog....

On the occasion of my birthday I thought I would reflect on what I've learned over the past 12 months. It's been a rocky year... one that resembles some sort of boot camp experience... but I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I learned A LOT:

1. It is God who holds my heart in His hands. He is the only One who will never let me down, leave me, or betray me. Friends, family members, spouses... They disappoint, leave, betray, even die... But He NEVER will. NEVER!

2. It is very important to keep my focus forward; however, glancing backward to remember where I have been is VITAL when attempting not to repeat past mistakes.

3. You can't fix stupid. This may sound funny coming from a teacher; however I have come to see that I CANNOT change the inane rules my insurance company has... I CANNOT change a headstrong, mule-like person... I just CANNOT fight city hall.... Therefore, some battles are better left unfought.

4. Stress.... It's a killer! Stress will catch up with you. It doesn't matter how much I think I resemble Wonder Woman. It doesn't matter that I think I can handle it. Put your body through continual and constant stress, and eventually, the effects will begin to show.

5. His grace is ALWAYS sufficient. No matter what I FEEL like. No matter what I FEAR. No matter what the devil is whispering to me.... No matter that those aforementioned effects of stress are beginning to show... His grace is ALWAYS sufficient.

6. People are crazy and we live in strange times. (Have to admit I stole this one from my mom and her healthcare seminar).... it's so true... read it again... marinate on it... I think you'll agree.

7. One ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of friendship. (Spanish Proverb) When push comes to shove.... When I am down on my luck... When I feel like I have no one else to turn to... My family is ALWAYS there for me and this I can ALWAYS take to the bank: my Momma loves me.

8. This thing called parenting... Heck this thing called marriage... it just ain't as easy as it looks. There are days when I want to throw the whole kit and caboodle out with the used dishwater, BUT... the benefits... should I choose not to throw in the towel... are well, well, WELL worth it.

9. I am sooooo glad that God chose these specific angels to be my babies. They may be daredevils.... Their heads have been known to spin around.... But they are sweet and smart and kind and polite.... They LOVE Jesus with all of them and THEY ARE MY BABIES! And I am GRATEFUL!

10. John Joseph Kastner is the bravest man I know. He is no saint, and he is not perfect. But he bravely faces down EVERY challenge that comes before him. He will fight to the DEATH for his family and especially his wife. He will never give up no matter how insurmountable the odds seem... no matter how scared he is... no matter what it might cost him. I am ever grateful that my God chose THIS man to complete me... for without him I would be NOTHING.

So there it is... another year older, and actually, I think this year (more than many others) I am actually another year wiser as well. It is NOT a year I wish to repeat EVER again, but it is definitely a year that brought me closer to God, my husband, my children, and my family. It was definitely a year that made me stronger. Hope I'm not too whimpy though if I ask just one thing as a "birthday wish"...

Dear God, Can I please have an easier year next?

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth....

I have been struggling to reconcile two Biblical mandates in my heart lately. Writing always seems to help me get my thoughts together so here goes:

"Thou shalt not bear false witness..." Exodus 20:16

Honesty.... It is a good idea to be honest, because God commands us to be. It is also a good idea, because it is difficult for people to trust us if we are not honest. So we all agree.... It is GOOD to be honest.

I've never really had a problem with honesty. As long as I can remember I have been a TERRIBLE liar. My mom loves to tell the story of how when I was about fourteen or so she picked me up from a party. I got in the backseat and started WIGGING out. I told her I had done something really bad. She was freaking out! "Is she pregnant? Does she smoke pot? Did she knock over a liquor store?" These thoughts were racing through her brain. Nopes! I was at a party where there was drinking and smoking, and I had a beer and a few puffs on a cigarette. I freaked out and fessed up the second I saw my momma. She was SO relieved because it was just one beer and a few puffs of a cigarette! So as you see lying has never really been a problem for this girl. I couldn't lie well to save my life.

But the Bible also commands us:

"...instead speaking the truth in love," Ephesians 4:15

God wants us to put on love above all things... to be kind and gentle, and I am VERY good at filtering my comments through the love of Christ. Therefore I EXCEL at the "in love" portion of this command, but sometimes at the expense of the "speaking the truth" part.

See sometimes the truth is ugly and nasty and not kind or gentle. Sometimes the truth of how we feel or how we see something is COMPLETELY changed when covered over with love. Sometimes the things I feel in my heart pass through the filter of Christ's love and upon exiting look NOTHING as they looked upon entering the filter. I used to always see this as good, assuming it showed that I had self-control in this area and was able to deny my sinful urges. But lately I'm not so sure.

Being so good at employing a filter has made it VERY difficult for me to not only say what I am really feeling, but even sometimes to even KNOW what I'm really feeling. Recently John challenged me with this thought, "Are you being honest when you have such an EXTREME filter in place?" I don't know.

Also I have recently realized that when I feel an icky feeling and process it through the filter of Christ's love, the icky part goes somewhere too. It's like the filter of Christ's love has this refuse container.... Have you ever used a juicer? You know you put a piece a fruit in and fresh juice comes spurting out? Well, opposite the side that's squirting out fresh juice is a side that is shooting out the skin and flesh and seeds and all the part of the fruit that is NOT juice. It is the refuse container. This past year I have had so many things pass through my filter of Christ's love that it is almost broken because the refuse container is OVERFLOWING!

So that's my dilemma and actually writing through it really hasn't gotten me towards any clarification. Speaking the truth in love.... obviously both the truth and the love parts are important or God wouldn't have commanded it this way.

***But how do we know how much truth and how much love is right in the equation?

***AND by adding a little love to dilute the truth have we made it less true???

***FINALLY, what do I do with this overflowing refuse container? how do I empty it out?

I don't know, and I would LOVE it if you would all comment and give me your thoughts on this. Let the teacher become the student... or the blogger become the reader, because I need INPUT this time for I haven't worked through it on my own!

Put on love...

Did you know that a state trooper without much to do on a Sunday morning can pull you over because your front license plate is only attached by one of the two bolts? We know that now.

Serious as a heart attack, this morning lead-foot hubby is driving WELL within the speed limit because now that he is driving on an occupational license from too many points for speeding he knows hasn't-had-a-ticket-in-6-years wifey may KILL him for exceeding the speed limit by even one mile. We drive past about four cops pulling people over (boy that crowd headed to church on Sunday morning must be more dangerous than the bar crowd letting out at 2 am). Speed demon hubby (again INCHING along at the posted limit) is exiting freeway while wifey says, "Boy are they out in force this morning!" Sure enough... flashing lights in the rearview mirror.

I am actually starting to believe my husband's paranoid assertion that the man with the badge is out to get him. We got a warning for violating a traffic regulation. There was no fine associated with the warning. It comes with no points. I asked the police officer, and we don't even have to take the citation in and prove we fixed the problem. Pretty much that whole pull over was just to make sure that we nearly missed church. We deposited the children at their respective Sunday school areas and scooted into service just in time to catch the very last song of the worship set. (Which was lucky cuz at our church, you cannot reenter the sanctuary during the preaching of the word.)

Pastor Aaron was ON FIRE again today, and coincidentally enough (although I, just like Leroy Jethro Gibbs, do not believe in coincidences) his sermon included EXACTLY what I had planned to blog about today. The second thing that God has been teaching me through this incredibly stressful, testing time: And over all these virtues put on love, (Colossians 3:14a)

See through all the things I spewed about yesterday: caring for two elderly (and not always very agreeable) relatives, having no wash machine, crabby husband plagued by tight neck muscles, still not quite able to pay the bills, and a SERIOUS desire to assault a law enforcement officer this morning.... besides praying without ceasing, God has been telling me to put on love. When I am at the end of my patience.... when I have nothing left to give.... when I have cleaned up one too many poop accidents... when I am frustrated with lead foot hubby... when I want to deck a cop who had nothing better to do with his time then make us late for church because of a stupid license plate.... put on love....

You can NEVER go wrong with this strategy. You are NOT going to EVER stand before God and hear: Gosh you just loved too often. I really wish you had been cranky more. or You were too kindhearted. You shoulda been a bit more selfish.

And over all these virtues put on love.... It has been seeping slowing into the recesses of my mind. I am not getting the application of it very well, because with the heat turned up pretty high on me, I am having a hard time donning the coat of love.... I'd prefer to blow up when the kids are whining about doing their lessons. I'd prefer to be snarky when Gma is fighting me about watching her sugar intake. I'd prefer to offer some CHOICE words to sore, stiff-necked hubby. And I REALLY would have preferred to punch that State Trooper in the face.

Instead, I am trying very hard to remind myself that love is NEVER a bad option. It should be my "go-to" strategy ESPECIALLY when things get hot. So today (THANKFULLY because it kept us out of jail) instead of punching that officer, I pleasantly said, "Have a nice day." As John slowly pulled away.

Here's to putting on love! It is a wonderful strategy.

Pastor Aaron for President????

Wowzer! Aaron Cole you KNOCKED my socks off yesterday! I seriously do not think I have heard Pastor Aaron preach ONE sermon that has not socked me right in the gut. But yesterday was REALLY good. I loved it! It challenged me. It affirmed me. It was AMAZING!

His new series is Prisoner's Blog. It is a series on Colossians. Before I get into the spiritual ramifications of this sermon, let me just address the aesthetics. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the current"ness" of Lifechurch. They continually use media, lighting, and atmosphere to create a contemporary environment that just SPEAKS to me! I love the creativity of this series title. I love the use of audio visual presentations to introduce it. But strip that all away... were it just Aaron Cole standing in his grubbies in the middle of an empty warehouse with wooden crates for seats, yesterday's sermon STILL would have rocked my world!

Lord Jesus Christ - I always find it funny that I have been a Christian since I was 10 years old and have been ACTIVELY pursuing a relationship with God at least all of my adult life, and yet STILL portions of scripture or Biblical concepts can rock my world like I've never heard them. It happened last week when I was working on AWANA lessons with the kids. We read the story of the rich man and Lazarus in Luke 16:19-31, and I thought, "I SERIOUSLY do not EVER remember hearing this story!" I mean I have read through the entire Bible cover-to-cover at least once and the New Testament SEVERAL times and this story JUMPED at me like I had never heard it before. When Pastor Aaron explained the significance of the usage of the name Lord Jesus Christ all together, it did the same thing. He said that when Paul used all three terms together it wasn't random. It wasn't just what he felt like calling Jesus at that moment. When Paul refers to Jesus as the "Lord Jesus Christ," he is doing so deliberately to call attention to Jesus being Lord (the only way), Jesus (humanity), and Christ (divinity). Wow! Paul was preaching a sermon in just three little words! Amazing!

Power in the name of Jesus - There is POWER in His name. I learned that VERY intimately this summer. I battled some pretty tough attacks from Satan, and the ONLY way I got any victory was through over and over and over again calling the name of Jesus. His name is the only one that saves. His name is the only one that defeats Satan. His name is the ONLY one. When we pray "in Jesus' name," we are praying something powerful. When we use the name of Jesus in ANY way, there is POWER!

LOVE will change the world - LOVE! Not judgment. LOVE! Not lectures. LOVE! Not picketing. This part of the sermon really, really, really ministered to me. I loved how Pastor Aaron went on about how loving someone is NOT condoning their actions. There is NO WAY we are EVER going to shame someone into the kingdom. Oh and one more thing... the Bible doesn't say God is shame... it says God is LOVE.

That's between you and the Lord - It's our job as Christians to lead people to the Lord. It is the Holy Spirit's job to bring conviction about sin in their lives. I guess I just don't get why so often we (Christians) think it is our job to tell other people how they should live their lives. I wrote it down and underlined it twice when Pastor Aaron said, "That's between you and the Lord." We have two things to worry about: 1. spreading the gospel and 2. getting the plank out of our eye. We don't have to worry about the speck in someone else's eye.

Again I've yet to find a sermon Pastor Aaron has preached that wasn't earth shattering for me. I cry almost EVERY time I hear him preach. I would be hard pressed to order his sermons from best to least best because they are all SO good, but this one is at the top of the list right now simply because it is freshest in my mind. And maybe Pastor Aaron for President is taking it a little far, but I will tell you this... That man was PREACHING yesterday!