Unfollow

I'm in a Facebook group for families at this Basic Training.  At least once a week,  someone posts a long GUSHING post about how this group had been a lifeline, how much comfort it brought them,  how much valuable information they gleaned.  That has not been my experience. 

What I have experienced: 

*increased anxiety - wait what do you mean you're checking your child's bank account every day for fraud

*new worries - what are you talking about your graduation was canceled

* feelings of shame - reading "anyone who brings 10 people to graduation is a disrespectful piece of garbage"

*borderline bullying - you can't disagree with them or they shut down your post or even block you from the group

I'm sure you're thinking why don't you just leave the group, Jami? Because it is one of my only connections to what is going on with Hannah! We get 15 minutes on the phone with her every week... maybe. She writes letters, but they are very behind and they rarely tell us everything that's going on in the training phase. So I endure.  

But here's the life lesson (Well actually lessons):

1. As much as possible I try to just scroll on by. I do NOT engage.  Even if I have a VERY valid comment.  Even if I desperately want to encourage a struggling mom. NOPE. I scroll on by. I'm trying to treat this group like a newspaper that I glean information from and that I stay uninvolved in. I'm also trying to scroll on by when a post starts to trigger my anxiety. This morning, I read someone saying their soldier was told they can only have five people at graduation. NOPE. I cannot worry about that right now. That's tomorrow's problem. If we get there and we can't all go in to graduation, we'll deal with that then.

Here's the thing (and hold on I might get a little preachy here): I think this might be a principle we could all apply to our Facebook activity as a whole. Maybe not as extreme as I've gone (refusing to interact at all) but maybe just honestly stopping and thinking, "Do I really need to interact with this post?" And also asking ourselves is this thing that might possibly be true or might possibly happen worth the time and energy of me investing in it? Worrying about it? Dwelling on it? Ask yourself that. I am.

2. Both. Things. Can. Be. True. One person can find that group to be an absolute lifeline the best thing since sliced bread, and another person can find it to be their own personal hell that they are only enduring to get more information about their child. This is diversity at it's purest and rawest form. We aren't all alike! We all have different experiences! And this too needs to be heard by so many of us. (Mostly by me.) It's okay that someone's experience is 100% different than mine. It's okay if someone's opinion is 100% different than mine. My job on this earth is not to convince other people to agree with me. So as much as my flesh dreams about a July 2nd post saying this group did nothing but tear me down, heighten my anxiety, and give me a teeny tiny speck of helpful information, instead come July 2nd, I'm just going to (with a full and happy heart) click unfollow on that group.

a good, good Father....

In April 2025, our sweet little baby girl ran away. I didn't sleep or eat for 36 hours until we knew where she was and that she was safe. She then spent maybe a little more than a week away from home but not on the street. In retrospect, it wasn't long... but it was traumatic and terrifying and left us all with some pretty deep scars. Our dear, dear family supported us through it... making sure some of those deep scars didn't end up life-altering wounds. Family members gave her a place to rest her head after the first night while also saying, "I'm not supporting you in doing this to your parents." They checked in to let me know they had heard from her so I could have some peace that she was okay. It was a time in our life I didn't really share widely and that I never want to revisit.

However, the past two months I've thought of it so often. It's odd how closely the timeline parallels when she left for Basic... right in the middle of April. It's crazy how many times I'm missing her right now and thinking but at least I know she's not sleeping on a park bench or being trafficked. Even though I would never want to go through that again I am just so grateful it happened because in comparison, the 10 weeks of Basic seem so much easier than the one to two weeks when she had run away.

Our God is a good, good Father. Sometimes that looks like miraculously healing us. Sometimes it looks like bringing back a prodigal daughter. Sometimes that just looks like reminding us how bad it has been in the past and that we got through that so we'll get through this. I'm so grateful for my good, good Father.

My Isaac on the altar...

I just realized this is the last morning she'll wake up here. This is so hard. The closer I get to goodbye, I feel a bit of desperation welling up in me. This is so hard. I know I've done this two times before, but the last one... my baby... my girl... it's the same but different. This is so hard.

I'm trying to stay rooted in right now. God will carry me through. I'm trying to be compassionate with myself. God will carry me through. I'm remembering that I have survived every single tough thing I've faced before. God will carry me through.

Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.

Genesis 22:8

drowning...

You know you think you get to the fourth child, and you've got it figured out, you'll be able to do this, but hey you just need a new challenge then! Here's this tiny pair of glasses. Figure out how to keep those on a 4-month-old!

 #thebabywiththeglasses was quite an adventure! If we were ever in the car for more than 10 minutes, Hannah would get bored, take off her glasses, and toss them around. She teethed on those things! They were constantly getting lost, and because they were these little plastic things kind of similar to goggles which were designed to not get broken or hurt her, the lenses popped out easily, so we would always be searching for those ridiculously expensive, thick, little bifocal lenses. One time on the way home from Madison when she was almost two, I looked back, and she wasn't wearing her glasses. I said Hannah where are your glasses, and she pointed to the window and said, "Windo!" Sure enough while we were flying down I-94, she had thrown them out the window.  She had glasses from the time she was four months old. We had to patch her eye for what felt like a very long time (maybe from 2 to 4 years old). Finally when she was 4 years old, she had to have eye muscle surgery.

I really only have two very vivid memories from that surgery. She was in my arms when the doctor came to get her, and they took her from me, and she cried all the way down the hallway, "Momma! Momma! Momma!" It SHREDDED my heart.  But this second memory is what this blog is about. As I sat in the waiting room during her surgery, I couldn't pray for her surgery. Every time I tried to close my eyes and pray about it, I was assaulted with this image of her eyeballs cut open. So I reached out to my loved ones and ask them to please carry me through this surgery on their prayers, because I was not capable of praying about it right then. 

Sometimes in the heat of it when you're going through an extremely difficult trial, you have to prioritize survival. If a person is drowning, it isn't the time for them to worry about how they fell out of the boat or analyze boats and oceans and falls. It isn't the time to start contemplating lessons for the next time they're about to fall out of the boat. It also isn't the time to be grateful for the salt water hitting them in the face and rushing down their throat or to be grateful that they didn't die upon impact. When you're drowning, you have to prioritize survival. Contemplating and learning lessons and sometimes even praising God can wait until you survive. And sometimes all you can manage is a very short, succinct cry for help, "Save me, Lord!"

I'm not positive what Jami's 7 stages of trials would actually be, but I do know a few things you don't have to worry about when you're drowning in trials:

1. You don't have overanalyze what got you there.  Tell the story as much as it soothes your soul. Talk about it if talk is beneficial for you. But when you're walking through the worst of the fire, it is NOT the time to analyze.

2. You don't have to learn lessons while you're fighting to keep your head above water. Survival is not the time for taking notes! It's time to focus on those skills you learned in water safety: tread water, keep the limbs moving, start swimming, head above the water! Just. Get. Through. Just survive.

3. When your drowning, it really doesn't matter how many have drowned before you. The 4,000 others who drowned before you this year are not a comfort or an aid to you when you're just trying to survive. Don't worry about them! Also when you're drowning isn't the time to worry about what other people will think about your situation or to worry if your treading water form is on point. Let the audience (imaginary or real) fade into the blur of the background.

4. It's okay not to praise with salt water rushng down your esophagus. There will be PLENTY of time after you survive for praising. You don't have to try to time the beats of your legs pedaling through the water to praise songs. 

5. Finally, it's okay not to pray. You can ask others to pray for you because it just hurts too much to pray yourself. You can throw up short pleas for help or just be carried on the wings of your prayer support. Again focus on surviving! Once you get close enough to the shore to put your feet down and start walking through the waves to the beach, you can start truly praying. Save you strength! Survive! Just get through the hottest part of the trial.

The surgery was incredibly successful. She even got back her depth perception, which isn't the outcome for every child who has eye muscle surgery.  We learned so much! Heck we learned so much from the entire #babywiththeglasses saga! But most importantly,  we survived.

Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 

Personal Theology

Senior year Bible for my kids is Personal Theology. All year long, they dig into different timely topics and report back: 

*what does God say? 

*what does the world say?

*what do my parents say?

*what do I say?

This year, my last year teaching Personal Theology, I added a new final project. Based upon all that you dug into this year, how are you going to live your life? The assignment, write 10 "I will" statements. Today I did the assignment, both to give my student a sample of how to do this and to put my money where my mouth is. 

I like my "I will" statements. They are a great combination of facts of who I am and things I aspire to be. You don't have to like them.  They aren't your "I will" statements.  But maybe this will inspire you to think about your "I will" statements and write them down too. 

This post isn't private;  however,  it's mainly intended for my three previous students who took the course before this great assignment was developed.  I hope you three will send me your "I will" statements or at least think them through.

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.

Proverbs 20:5