Quick Update and a nugget of inspiration...

Mention was made at John's appointment (I am still awaiting contact from the Dr.'s office so I can get my answers "straight from the horses mouth.")  About the possibility that medication caused (or intensified) the problems John faced which took him to the hospital last month.  Therefore, John is on a mission to eliminate all pain meds from his life.  He dropped them cold turkey (but is still taking anti-inflamtory med and muscle relaxers).  So far not so bad... please pray for him in this endeavor.

My doggie has me thinking lately... All the snow combined with the bitterly cold tempeartures are making "doing her duty" not so fun for her.  She races out into the harsh world to "take care of business" and then zooms back to the warmth and comfort of her home.  Jaunts through the neighboring farm are the furthest thing from her mind.  She goes out into the icky world only for what she HAS to do.  Then she basks in the warmth of her family, her home.

Shouldn't we be like that?  Shouldn't all the sin and ICK of this work make "doing our duty" out there not so fun?  Shouldn't we race out into the harsh world to "take care of business" and then zoom back to the warmth and comfort of our Father's presence?  So often during this season, time with God, spiritual endeavors take a back seat to working, shopping, wrapping, etc...  Those "jaunts through the neighboring farm" pull us away from God.  Doncha wanna just get back to basking in the warmth of His presence?

I do.

[Worship Wednesday later in the day... I promise!]

Day 1.... Garden

Today I decided to just take a look at my vegetable garden. I had given up on it a few weeks ago. See when I was planting my tomato plants back in May, I dug up an ant hill. Ever since then I have been warring with the ants for control of that tiny little plot of land. A few weeks ago with anthills everywhere and plants which looked like they hadn't grown a millimeter I threw in the towel. However, today out of morbid curiosity I took a little jaunt over there to check out what had become of my little guys. What I saw shocked me! Several of my tomato plants were blossoming! I could NOT believe my eyes! I got to work fighting a new battle, this time against the weeds and grass which were threatening to overtake my tiny little garden. Three hours, one aching back and more blisters then I can count later I had reclaimed about seventy-five percent of my garden and come away with a great analogy.

See this soul cleansing John and I have embarked on is a REALLY good idea. However, I couldn't miss the lesson from my neglected garden. Ignoring a garden for weeks and then trying to reclaim it is MUCH more back breaking then simply caring for it daily. A thorough soul cleansing is good for us, BUT if it is all the "tending" we do for our spirit it will be back breaking and gut wrenching. A cleanse of our spirits will be much easier to weather if it is coupled with daily caring for our soul.

However, even with daily care, our souls can get gunked up with the ick of this world. That's why John and I are on this soul cleanse. And today was a GREAT day! We stuck to all of the things we have resolved to do (and not do) today. We had decided yesterday to share with the children what we were doing but not force them to do any of it. We wanted them to make their own decision on the matter. It has been QUITE a blessing to observe the cleansing of their souls. When I asked Hannah what she wanted God to do this week, she answered, "Heal my Daddy's owie." This morning Noah showed he had really been pondering this concept when he showed me what he had written in his journal, that God would "make me a better man."

Our "Interim Church" turned out to be pretty cool. We weren't taken aback by the fact that our little posse of seven was about one-fifth of the congregation today. It was SMALL! While I still really LOVE LifeChurch, I had the oddest sensation that we just kinda "fit" at Marshview Ministries. Only God knows what is in store for us there, but for now it is a great place for the Kastners to worship closer to home. Two random thoughts from the sermon that I REALLY liked:

1. Elephants in the Sahara desert have ears that are sensitive enough to hear rain falling from miles away. I want to be that sensitive to the voice of God.

2. We need to hunger and thirst for righteousness like we HAVE to eat or drink or we will die!

I did have a brief moment today where I nearly lost my resolve (and my marbles). I was trying to make lunch and EVERY SINGLE person who lives in this house besides John was talking to me at the same time. Noah and Elijah were begging to play Xbox. Auntie Marge was chiding me for not letting her buy McDonalds for lunch cuz "that would have solved your problem of what to make for lunch." Jeremiah was repeatedly asking to watch a show. I started to go postal on everyone's butts, but then I remembered what I was supposed to be doing this week. I dropped my mayonnaise-covered knife and went to John and asked him to pray for me. Then with my spirit calmed, I returned to making sandwiches and listening to everyone clamor my name at the exact same time.

So Day 1 is nearly over.... I'm feeling pretty good about this thing we've embarked on. I'm also feeling this odd sneaking suspicion that God has already freed me from two of the things I am asking Him to bring me healing in. However, I don't want to jump the gun on proclaiming victory so I think I will simmer on it a little while. All I can say is I just feel DIFFERENT in my thoughts/fears/worries/even actions towards these two specific topics and if that is ALL I get from this week it will be so much more then enough.

Please pray for us after you read this. Tomorrow will be the true test if we can really clean our icky souls out... Taking a soul cleanse into the work week... I'll let you know how it goes!

Cleansing my soul....

This morning a friend's Facebook status (Sarah Bowling) caught my attention: it said, "I think ever so often we should consider doing a soul cleanse - just some food for thought." I immediately took this idea to my bff. "What do you think, Hon? Are you game?"

Together we started pondering the idea of a soul cleanse. We are SUCH huge fans of cleansing diets. While we never seem to make it all the way through one, we still believe deeply in the concept of cleansing toxins from one's body. So the idea of doing a cleanse for our souls really appealed to us.

We started thinking through what a cleansing diet involves: eliminating junk food and increasing healthy food.... the result of which is a cleansing of toxins from one's body. Then we marinated on how could we fashion a "cleansing diet" for our souls.

First we contemplated what things are junk food to our soul. Junk food in our diet isn't necessarily evil, but it does fill our bellies with food that does not bring much nutritive benefit to our bodies. There are things in our life that do the same thing to our spirits. They are not necessarily evil or sinful, in and of themselves, but they fill our time with stuff that does not bring much benefit to our spirit. We tried to identify what things in our life have little to no spiritual value. The list John and I came up with included: secular music, talk radio, and TV. We decided these things, while not "sin," are taking up space that could be filled with more spiritual pursuits.

Next we contemplated what is spiritual health food. What are the good things we should increase in our daily spiritual "diet" in order to eliminate spiritual toxins. We thought, "How can we get more God into our lives?" These spiritual "health foods" boiled down to three things: 1. Prayer 2. Reading the Word 3. Worship. We started thinking through our schedules and coming up with ways to get more and more of these three things into our lives.

One thing we change we have ABSOLUTELY got to make is: we have to get back to church! Car problems have kept us from traveling the 40 minutes to church for months now. We need a BIG repair to fix the problem and are not able to drive long distances right now. Today we spent some time searching for an "interim" church, and we found one just 15 minutes away! Even if it isn't the church where our hearts are, at least we will be at church. And who knows! Maybe God has plans for us at this "interim" church.

Another thing we are committing to: Family Worship. For a long time in the beginning of 2009, our family faithfully worshiped together on Friday nights. We would spend an hour or so, praising and worshiping, dancing and clapping, crying and praying. It was an AMAZING thing. However, somehow when the storms started we let that habit fall to the wayside. It is being revived again this week. In fact, this week we are going to try to do Family Worship EVERY SINGLE night! (Some of you BETTER keep me accountable and ask how many times we actually did it!) Then after our cleansing week ends, we plan to return to weekly Family Worship times.

It didn't take long as we were hatching these plans, for me to feel my stomach drop with the realization that Satan was NOT going to like this. I wanted to throw up, but yet I was not really deterred. See quick rewind back to 2009. John and I were ON FIRE for God! We were praying fervently and faithfully for a revival in our church. We were working hard to lead the youth of our church closer and closer to Christ. Using Facebook, I started a prayer group. I spent nearly every morning praying through long lists of requests, some from people I didn't even know personally. We might as well have been waving a red cape in front of a raging bull. John even posted on Facebook one day, "Bring it on Satan." Only we didn't fully realize how what we were doing was going to stir of the forces of the evil realm, and I don't think either of us had a healthy enough respect for what exactly Satan is capable of. So when Satan charged at us we didn't have our eyes on him, we weren't prepared for his attack. He blindsided us from what seemed like out of NOWHERE. He brought weapons to the fight that we didn't even know existed, and while he did not win (for he NEVER does) at the end of the battle John and I found ourselves face down in mud that was tinged with our own blood. Gravely but not fatally wounded, we found ourselves with a new appreciation for Satan's crafty power, a sickening realization of our frail, wicked humanity, and a triumphant assurance of His sovereignty, goodness, and never-ending, loving, kindness.

But this time I feel we will weather the battle better. I stopped the second I got that sick realization that we were about to HACK off the devil. I went to John, and we agreed in prayer, covering our entire family, our possessions, our relationship with the blood of Christ. I know we are about to make the devil a very unhappy camper, but this time we are ready for him. I don't want to fight him again. I don't relish the thought of battling him, especially since we really haven't even recovered from the last series of skirmishes. But I want MORE of God in my life. I want to know Him more deeply. I want to love Him more completely. I want to reflect Him more clearly. And if I have to fight to get that, so be it.

Last night we watched Independence Day. (I LOVE that movie! However, during our soul cleansing it will not be on the list of approved pursuits.) After an air battle with an alien which results in a crash, Will Smith opens the alien craft to find the alien inside is STILL alive. He punches the thing full in the face and knocks it unconscious. That scene inspired me! His character had just finished a grueling dogfight in which his best friend was killed. He was tired and weary yet when he saw the enemy was still writhing he rose to the challenge and knocked that alien OUT!

I too have been through a grueling battle. The past 12 months have been wrought with battles. My husband, my marriage, my family, my very life, and everything I hold dear have been threatened. I am tired and weary, but I tell you what, I am NOT going to go down without a fight! I am going to keep on taking swings at that crafty old snake, and I will crush him under my foot because I am a child of the King and MY SIDE WINS IN THE END! No matter how many stupid little battles Satan appears to have won along the way, in the end WE WIN!

So I am inspired and motivated, and I am girding up my loins for battle. But I am also reaching out my hands to my Father the King, expectantly and confidently waiting for Him to fill my begging hands with good and amazing things from above.

I'm going to do my best to chronicle this journey here daily. I will try as hard as I can to be as transparent as possible and let you all walk with us through this cleansing of our souls... I don't think it will be easy. I'm reminded of the vomiting that occurred the time I tried to begin my new year with a cleansing diet but the shock of caffeine withdrawal had me nauseated by the severe headache pain. I'm thinking that a spiritual cleansing might not be much more pleasant than that. However, I full, well believe that the benefits of cleansing my soul will FAR outweigh the benefits of any kind of cleansing of my physical body.

So here we go! Project soul cleansing begins when I wake up this morning. One week of eliminating spiritual junk food and increasing spiritual health food. I have made a list in my journal of "toxins" that I hope God will purge out of my soul and breakthroughs I hope He will bring. But I FULL WELL expect that at the end of this week, the list of actual toxins purged and actual breakthroughs made will far exceed my expectations and will be exceedingly more than anything I could ask for or hope for.

Worship Wednesday: Power in Worship

Worship is such a powerful thing! Worship can encourage your soul, turn your day around, pick your chin up off the ground. The reason why is very similar to what I wrote about last week: Worship gets your eyes on God and OFF of all that is around you. When we focus on God, our circumstances fade away.... our problems are minimized.... worship fades out the screams of this world.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way

when sorrows like sea billows roll;

whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul.

So there you sit in the midst of a mess. Your bills are all past due. Your aging body is aching and sore. Your precious baby is infirm. Your marriage is a mess. Your job is about to make you stroke out. Your elderly mother is sick. You're lonely and sick of being alone. Your womb aches to be filled. You have PROBLEMS! No one is denying you have problems. With a grumpy look on your face (and firmly in your heart too), you reach out and turn on some praise music. The words start to flow over you:

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come

let this blest assurance control,

that Christ has regarded my helpless estate

and hath shed His own blood for my soul.

All of a sudden the bills, aches, illness start to fade away as that last line echoes in your soul: hath shed His own blood for my soul! You see his bloody body hanging on the cross and realize that His gift, His sacrifice is worthy of concentrating on. Your attention is drawn away from the ick all around you and you start to focus on Him.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It starts to dawn on you that YOUR SIN was nailed to the cross. YOUR SIN. You don't have to bear it anymore. Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! As that sinks in, the stress, worry and fear start to fully break away. Gratefulness and thankfulness are revealed.

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

even so, it is well with my soul.

Hope! Hope! Hope infuses your soul! There is HOPE! One day in the not too distant future, the trump shall resound! But until then, it is well with my soul.

Worship IS a very powerful thing. Just yesterday I text my dear friend Ros asking for prayer. "PRAY!" I told her, "We need prayer!" She replied in her wise way (wonder if she ever gets tired of reminding me of it), "Praise Him. It opens the doors to the Miraculous!" At the bare minimum, even if praise doesn't usher in the exact miracle you were hoping for, it adjusts your attitude and does a miracle there.

Real quick in closing..... here's a couple of quick Jami ideas for getting more worship (and power) into your life:

1. Let your house resound with worship! Why not have worship be the background music in your house? Is there anything more worthy? Spongebob? Eric Clapton? Cable news? There's nothing wrong with any of these things. BUT oh the power if as you walk around your house all day, your mind is called to worship instead of your attention being caught by Spongebob getting hooked on a fishing line. Would the whole climate of your house change if you caught your self singing along, "Lord reign in me" instead of "Layla... you've got me on my knees?" Don't you think it would make a difference if your were dwelling on the thought of kneeling at the throne of God instead of the latest plunge of the stock market?

2. Let your car resound with worship! I'm not in the car all that often. I like being a hermit/shut-in. But when I am in the car (especially if I'm stressed) I turn it to K-Love (our CD player doesn't work so well and CD's do NOT last long around Kastners). Why not use that time in the car to worship? Let your mind be drawn to Him.

3. Workout to worship music. I've been trying to get my butt back into shape, and I have been more successful because I've been viewing my workout time as some quiet time with God too. I pop in my ear buds and away I walk with praise music resounding in my ears.

4. Make worship a part of your quiet time. Plan to sing at least one worship song as a part of your daily quiet time. OR... maybe take one day per week and have your entire quiet time be worshiping God.

5. Family worship. Last year we were SO good at this. We have drifted away from it, and keep trying to get back to it. Once a week, we have a family worship service. Just us... (well in the past it sometimes included a friend or family member). We don't have a lot of musical talent, so we just turn on a worship CD. We sometimes use a power point with lyrics, but that's not really required. Sometimes we'd take communion as a family. But no matter what we PRAISE! We'd sing and dance and PRAISE OUR GOD!

Try to think of worship like water.... everyone could use a little more of it in their life. Have a great Worship Wednesday!

Coffee

The first sips of coffee were in me, and I was starting to feel the energy and peace they bring. Yes my coffee brings me peace. I am in a difficult spot right now. One of those times when people say to me, “I don’t know how you do it all!” and I want to scream in a almost psychotic voice, “I don’t! I don’t! I’m losing my mind.” I won’t bore you with the specific details of the stress, but suffice it to say that I am stretched beyond my flexibility in every area of my life. I awoke this morning feeling like I had run a marathon in my sleep. I did not get ANY rest or recovery from that night’s sleep! I was walking around in a fog trying to get my day started. Finally the pot was done, and the magic began.

First the smell of the coffee started hitting me. It beckoned me away from my stress and called me to come pour myself a cup. Just the sight of that precious liquid filling my cup helped my heart beat slow and my shoulders relax a little. I stirred in the cream and sugar and took joy in the caramel color that developed. As I lifted it to my face I breathed deeply of the intoxicating aroma. Then the moment arrived, that moment when I got that first sweet taste of that blessed nectar from God. Before I knew it that coffee was doing its job, it was coursing through my veins and bringing energy to my sleep-deprived body.

I am sure that as you read this many of you are thinking, "Dear God this girl is ADDICTED to coffee." I am. I am woman enough to admit it. Last week we returned home from staying at my parents' house and found I had forgotten we were out of coffee. It was about 9 p.m., and we were FRIED! We had spent a week living out of someone else's house and caring for my elderly grandmother. Yet still I made John run to Piggly Wiggly to get coffee for I was starting to get a little sketchy thinking about how I'd weather the morning without any.

You know I want to be like that about God. I want to be so addicted to Him that the thought of one morning without an encounter with Him is unbearable. I want to anticipate His aroma. I want to hear Him beckoning me away from my stress. I want the mere thought of Him to help slow my breathing and relax my shoulders. I want to take joy at my first glimpse of Him, and I want Him to course through my veins bring energy to my stress-ridden soul.

Well, now I can't wait until tomorrow morning! As I brew my coffee I'm going to think about God. As I smell its aroma I am going to allow my mind to be pulled to Him. Do it along with me. As you inhale that first breath of freshly brewing coffee say good morning to God. Then as you sip in that beautiful brew, sip in some peace from Him. Let Him be what gets your heart pumping tomorrow morning. Let Him be better than Starbucks!

Perfect People

This song by Natalie Grant really socks me in the gut. It is one of my least favorite parts of the Body of Christ. We are here to serve and help others. Yet within the church so many of us try to "tell the world you've got it all together..... and never let him see what's underneath." We hide away the hardest things. We cover up our foibles. We try to deny our sinfulness. But those things are the VERY things which minister to others most! People need to know they are not alone! People need to know it is possible to struggle with the ick of this world and still trust Jesus. People need to know it is okay to scream and cry and kick and think "THIS SUCKS!"

The other day I was driving down the street and this song came on, and I just started bawling. Here's why: I am so hard on myself. I am such a perfectionist. When things in my life don't line up to the image I have in my head of "perfect," I feel evil, flawed, worthless. As I drove down the street it was like Natalie Grant was screaming it JUST for me:

There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God, yeah

NONE of us are perfect! NONE of us have a perfect life! EVERYONE has their trials, their struggles, their failures. So don't let your messy, sinful, shattered life keep you from God. Take your broken, nasty nonsense right TO Him. Lie in His arms and be changed. Spend time at His feet and be amazed. Satan wants your shame to drive you from your Father. God wants your failures to drive you to Him.

I hope you'll let the words of this song wash over you today. Remember there is NOTHING you've done He can't forgive. NOWHERE you've been He can't lead you back from. NO WAY you could EVER make Him stop loving you.

Jolly Old St. Nicholas

Fill the stockings... Hang candy canes on the tree... Restock the kisses in the centerpiece... Affix the easy-to-remove (ya right... we'll see about that) stocking hooks to their rightful spots.... Phew! St. Nick was busy in Iron Ridge tonight!

As I scurried around playing St. Nicholas in the wee hours of the night (and throwing in a load of dishes for good measure), I was amazed by how much I can quickly get done when no one else is awake. With no stopping to pour glasses of juice, referee fights, clean up new messes or cut peanut butter and jelly into exactly FOUR (or six or even eight) pieces, a mom can really get a few things done! A little peace and quiet shifts me into overdrive, and the results are heavenly.

That got me thinking. My heart's like that too. Sure God can speak to me in the busyness, through the chaos, when life is out of control, but oh how much MORE work he can get done in a quiet heart. When I set aside my craziness and still my heart, He shifts into overdrive and the results are heavenly.

During this busy holiday season, don't forget this. Cherish those quiet moments with your Savior. Protect your alone time with Him. Don't "pencil Him in" to your holiday mayhem. Write his name in bright red Sharpie across EVERY single day. Make a point to seek Him. Make sure to schedule a little one-on-one time with your God. Sneak away whenever you can. For in the"wee hours" of your heart, He can get a WHOLE lot done.

Safe in my Father's arms....

As I walked through the door to the recovery room, I heard his pitiful, scratchy voice wailing, "I want my Momma. I want my Momma." My heart leapt into action as I raced across the distance separating us to pull my baby into my arms. He was clawing at the tape holding his IV in and crying, "It hurts. Get it out!" My heart was breaking over his pain. I pulled him into my arms and held him. I just tried to get his attention off his pain with the soothing sound of my voice. Within mere seconds he was sound asleep with his head resting on my shoulder..... safe in his mother's arms. As I sat there cradling my tonsil-less baby, I pondered this phenomenon. The second he was in my arms, he quieted and fell into a deep restful sleep. Hmmmmm.....

Maybe that's why whenever trouble hits, I long for Heaven. I always used to focus on the leaving the troubles behind part, but that is not the root of why when my husband is about to undergo brain surgery, I long for Heaven... why when I don't have the money to pay the rent, I long for Heaven... when my life is falling apart, when my marriage is in ruins, when my fear is at an all time high, I long for Heaven.... It is NOT just to escape the pain of this world. It is to be safe in my Father's arms.

See in my arms, Elijah's pain didn't disappear. In my arms, Elijah was simply comforted knowing his Momma was there. In my arms, Elijah knew I cared enough to come as soon as I could. In the Father's arms, our pain doesn't disappear. In His arms, I am comforted knowing my Father is there. In His arms, I know He cares enough to be there for me. In my arms, Elijah was able to calm down enough to fall into a restful sleep and let his body do the healing it needed to do. Maybe that's all I need from my Father's arms... the restful "sleep" which will allow my spirit to heal. Lately, I have suffered through a lot of pain, disappointment, fear.... I go to Jesus for help and I bring my needs continually before Him, but maybe all my soul needs is to put my head on His shoulder and REST... so that His healing can take place.

Today I encourage you to do this. Don't just take your needs to God. Don't just tell Him everything. Don't just wait on Him to work. But take a few minutes just to REST. Bask in the warmth, the comfort, the support of His arms. For rest is GOOD for the soul and it will bring about the healing that you need.

Today I am resting.... Safe in my Father's arms.

The voice of God...

Last night I heard the voice of God speak to me. I had sent Elijah to his room because he would not listen to me; however, after sending him I realized I had done it mostly out of my own frustration. So I walked to his room to release him from "doing time." As I arrived outside his door, I heard him wailing and weeping. I walked into his room and sat down on the bed next to him and just let him cry. I couldn't really talk over the weeping and gnashing of teeth, so I just kept waiting. He carried on and on, not knowing I was there to release him. He wouldn't stop crying and as I waited for him, I heard God speaking a lesson to me.

I heard him say, "Jami, you're like this a lot." See when bad or tough things happen, I have a tendency to wail on and on. I have a tendency to get stuck in my pain and my misery. As I sat there waiting for Eli to quite down long enough for me to get in the words, "You can come out of your room." I thought.... he is wasting so much time with this wallowing. He could already be outside by the bonfire. I wondered how much time I have wasted wallowing in my pain. Over the years, I'm sure I've wasted months just crying and wailing and carrying on. "Hmmmm..." I thought , "I would have MUCH rather been out at the bonfire."

Finally, his sobbing quieted down enough for me to get a word in edgewise and I said, "You may go outside." He jumped up (apparently the sobbing was mostly crocodile tears) and raced out to the fire. I sat there realizing that it was I who had received the discipline that night. I was grateful God had taken the time to instruct me. I determined to spend less time wallowing and more time looking for the lesson so I, too, can be more quickly released from "doing time."