"Thou shalt not bear false witness..." Exodus 20:16
Honesty.... It is a good idea to be honest, because God commands us to be. It is also a good idea, because it is difficult for people to trust us if we are not honest. So we all agree.... It is GOOD to be honest.
I've never really had a problem with honesty. As long as I can remember I have been a TERRIBLE liar. My mom loves to tell the story of how when I was about fourteen or so she picked me up from a party. I got in the backseat and started WIGGING out. I told her I had done something really bad. She was freaking out! "Is she pregnant? Does she smoke pot? Did she knock over a liquor store?" These thoughts were racing through her brain. Nopes! I was at a party where there was drinking and smoking, and I had a beer and a few puffs on a cigarette. I freaked out and fessed up the second I saw my momma. She was SO relieved because it was just one beer and a few puffs of a cigarette! So as you see lying has never really been a problem for this girl. I couldn't lie well to save my life.
But the Bible also commands us:
"...instead speaking the truth in love," Ephesians 4:15
God wants us to put on love above all things... to be kind and gentle, and I am VERY good at filtering my comments through the love of Christ. Therefore I EXCEL at the "in love" portion of this command, but sometimes at the expense of the "speaking the truth" part.
See sometimes the truth is ugly and nasty and not kind or gentle. Sometimes the truth of how we feel or how we see something is COMPLETELY changed when covered over with love. Sometimes the things I feel in my heart pass through the filter of Christ's love and upon exiting look NOTHING as they looked upon entering the filter. I used to always see this as good, assuming it showed that I had self-control in this area and was able to deny my sinful urges. But lately I'm not so sure.
Being so good at employing a filter has made it VERY difficult for me to not only say what I am really feeling, but even sometimes to even KNOW what I'm really feeling. Recently John challenged me with this thought, "Are you being honest when you have such an EXTREME filter in place?" I don't know.
Also I have recently realized that when I feel an icky feeling and process it through the filter of Christ's love, the icky part goes somewhere too. It's like the filter of Christ's love has this refuse container.... Have you ever used a juicer? You know you put a piece a fruit in and fresh juice comes spurting out? Well, opposite the side that's squirting out fresh juice is a side that is shooting out the skin and flesh and seeds and all the part of the fruit that is NOT juice. It is the refuse container. This past year I have had so many things pass through my filter of Christ's love that it is almost broken because the refuse container is OVERFLOWING!
So that's my dilemma and actually writing through it really hasn't gotten me towards any clarification. Speaking the truth in love.... obviously both the truth and the love parts are important or God wouldn't have commanded it this way.
***But how do we know how much truth and how much love is right in the equation?
***AND by adding a little love to dilute the truth have we made it less true???
***FINALLY, what do I do with this overflowing refuse container? how do I empty it out?
I don't know, and I would LOVE it if you would all comment and give me your thoughts on this. Let the teacher become the student... or the blogger become the reader, because I need INPUT this time for I haven't worked through it on my own!
great as always. Love hurts Christ was on the cross because of it. the truth is we are all sinners. The love is the cross where He DIED for that truth. Christ did dilute anything on that cross. It was the worst pain ever. That worst pain ever came out of His love for us. Truth and love go hand in hand and yes sometimes it's painful. But in the long run it's for the best for all involved
ReplyDeleteLove is having the other person's best interests at heart. It is not in their best interest to phrase things in such a way as to water down what they need to hear. If you have a friend who has fallen and is sitting in a big mud puddle, it is not loving to shout encouragement from the side lines. "Your clothes look slightly damp, but don't worry about it. I'm sure it will wash out. You didn't mean to fall in. I'm sure you couldn't help it. It'll be ok. I'll come check on you tomorrow. I'll pray for you." No. True love rolls up their pants and steps in far enough to yank the friend out.
ReplyDeleteI love your comment Renee! :) That's exactly what people do sometimes, and I don't think it is helpful, but more in the other direction...I guess my thoughts are to tell the truth (depending on how well you know the person) but always have their best interests at heart. Never speak judgmentally or talk down to them, but don't say "it's ok" if it is not. The "truth in love" part is so hard to pin down because it is different in every situation with every relationship. As long as you approach them with the goal of getting across a truth and keeping your friendship intact in the process, they will appreciate your honesty.
ReplyDeleteRenee, Good Stuff!
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this as well and walk a fine line of being brutally honest even when it may be hurtful to hear.