Day 2... Prayer Walk

Have you seen Facing the Giants? It is one of our FAVORITE movies. I haven't blogged about it in quite some time though. That movie just ROCKED my world and is the source of MANY good ideas, blogs, and resolutions for John and me. One of those ideas came to us in April 2009. Inspired by the man who walks the halls of the high school praying over each locker, John and I began walking the aisles at our church prior to Sunday service, and praying for a revival. Well today John spring boarded off his initial good idea and came up with another doozie!

Ever since leaving New Day Church, John and I have felt God calling us to take a break from service. At New Day, we were self-admittedly over-committed. It seemed we served in every ministry they had available: set-up, worship team, lunch-making, youth group, meals for those in need. After four years we were POOPED and really felt that God wanted us to abstain from getting involved in church ministry for awhile. However, anyone who knows us can probably imagine what a difficult pill that was for us to swallow. We are doers. We are servers. We are NOT ones to just sit there in warm a pew. However, that was exactly what God was asking us to do. I fought back a little, testing the limits my Heavenly parent had set and begged, "Isn't there ANYWHERE I can serve God? I feel so useless without service!" Quietly I felt Him answer, "Your neighborhood is going to be your mission field."

As a result John and I have made efforts to reach out to those in our little neighborhood. We have gotten to know a few people, and we have reached out a little through prayer and service. Well today God gave John an idea which flowed perfectly with this new commission God had given us. He said that, just like we used to walk the aisles of New Day Church and pray, we should start walking the streets of our neighborhood and pray. GENIUS! I LOVED it!

So we started tonight. Admittedly we only made it down "our" cul de sac and part of the adjacent one. The kids pooped out halfway back up our cul de sac. Initially I told them they could go inside while we walked/prayed the rest of the neighborhood, but just a short way down the second street, I started feeling very uncomfortable about walking while they were at home and out of my line of sight. So we did a blanket prayer over the last two streets and headed back home.

As we walked down our little street, we prayed for all our neighbors. For the ones we know, we prayed specifically. Our friends Mike and Rose were out in their garden, and John even walked up the drive and asked if he could pray for Rose. We have been holding them tight in our prayers for several months as Rose has suffered some medical struggles that even the Mayo Clinic has been unable to diagnose. (I would really appreciate it if you could pray for them too. Pain and sickness are so hard to bear but when it is undiagnosed the suffering is greatly increased.) (Yups Kristie we prayed for you and your little clan too as we passed by your abode). For the ones we've yet to meet, we prayed more generally. Regardless it was a GREAT inaugural Prayer Walk, and I look forward to making it a weekly occurrence.

An update on the rest of the Soul Cleanse:

We are doing GREAT so far. No TV. No talk radio. No secular music. This morning we arose at 5:30 a.m. and had our individual quiet time which ended with prayer together as a couple. Immediately after "wake up call" I read the Bible with Auntie Marge and the kids and we prayed. As a family we did our prayer walk and followed it with Family Worship. Right now, John is doing bedtime Bible reading and prayer with the kids while I blog (last night's blog kept me up WAY too late).

We are experiencing some breakthroughs, but on a few issues we are still pounding against the barriers praying that God will bring them tumbling down. An odd side effect that I really didn't think of or expect has been a RIDICULOUS increase in intimacy. The more frequently we pray, praise and read the Word together the more I see of my husband's heart, and I REALLY like what I see. I know we're only on day 2 here, but I SURE hope that we can keep a consistency to some of this.... especially in the area of prayer together. We've always kinda gone in fits and starts in this area, and I just keep thinking if this is how much we've grown and learned and reaped after just two days of GREATLY increased prayed time, what would 2 weeks bring us? or 2 months? or 2 years? We shall see I guess.

Okay everyone I gotta close this up. We still have intercessory prayer on our Soul Cleanse agenda for tonight and my eyelids are already drooping. Have a great night!

One foot in front of the other

Seriously? Seriously? I think the title for this weekend should be, God Pampers Jami. Just THIS weekend, I/we received the following gifts from God and His people:

*help with running errands
*time spent catching up with my step-daughter
*a mini-spa day in my own bathroom
*help cleaning my house
*4 dinners prepared for me
*time spent catching up with a former cheerleader
*a COMPLETELY ordered and cleaned house (which the kids TRASHED within 2 hours of returning home last night….oh well it was nice while it lasted)
*monetary gifts (one which COMPLETELY paid the rent which is due in 3 days)
*much needed time reconnecting with my family
*the blessing of reconnecting with our NDC church family
*a chance to run to the grocery store ALL BY MYSELF

It all got me thinking about how the night is always the darkest just before the dawn.

My blog from Thursday revealed the deep desperation of my soul. I was depleted, exhausted, completely wrung out and DRAINED. While I really never would “throw in the towel,” I desperately WANTED too! I desperately wanted to just toss down my dishtowel and crawl in my bed pulling the covers over my head and crying and drooling until this all went away. Friday dawned and more of the same. I developed a wretched headache as the day wore on. I had an invitation to a girls’ night with friends from high school I haven’t seen in 20 years. I wanted DESPERATELY to go, yet I just couldn’t gather the strength. Still in my stubborn head I tried to make it work, until a bunch of work rained down on me making it impossible for me to finish up in time to make it into the city for that. My night seemed so dark and deep. I didn’t see how I was going to keep walking through it.

Then like a pin prick of light FAR in the distance, I got a text from Amanda. “How’s it going?” I asked her if she wanted the reality answer or the sugar-coated answer a step-mom should give. She said, “Give it to me REAL.” I told her it was pretty brutal. She offered help and the day started to dawn on my dark night. What followed was an AVALANCHE of relief and brightly dawning day (see above list). This weekend replenished me and rejuvenated me more than I could have imagined was possible.

Here’s the thing: we never know if this part of the night is the darkest. When walking through it, I didn’t know. Was the point I was at on Thursday night the bottom of the barrel? No. Okay then Friday morning when I thought my head would explode? No. Well how about Friday night when the disappointment over having to miss the little girls night reunion. Yups! There is was… the turning point. But until the light starts to dawn, there is no way to know how long the night will last. So what are we to do? What is the word from God to tell us how to proceed? When the night seems so long? When the darkness just WON’T break? I got the answer from my pastor, “Just keep putting one foot in front of the other Jami.” Until you see that first pinprick of dawn, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It is hard. It is scary. You can’t see where you’re going. You’re tired. You’re READY for the dawn. But until that pinprick of light breaks through, JUST KEEP PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER!

So! The Kastner’s made it through that dark night. I am sure there are MANY more to come even just in this chapter titled, “Chiari Malformation.” Right now I’m praying this light of day part lasts for a little while so we can have a little rest. But when the darkness crowds in again, I will try hard to remember: one foot in front of the other…. one foot in front of the other….

Poised on the threshold of a miracle....

It started a few months ago. John said to me one day, “Do you realize that we have put $80,000 into renting this place?” I had never really thought of it that way. I love my house. I love its location. We have NO way to qualify for the purchase of a home. So I never really batted an eye at the almost $1,000 rent check we’ve written every month for the past 7 years and 5 months. As the bile rose up in my throat, I decided to start petitioning God for a miracle. I wrote on my prayer list (right next to secondary form of transportation), “house.” I shared this with John who was not very optimistic. He said, “Jami do NOT get your hopes up. There is NO way we are going to be able to buy a house.” I threw back at him the words of one of our favorite movies, “Tell me Coach Taylor. What’s impossible with God?” I then proceeded to pray.

Fast forward about one month, I started the process of reconnecting with a former cheerleader. She lives far away in butt-nowhere Wisconsin, so the first time we met, we picked a place halfway between and planned a play date. Our children played well together, so we decided to see if our hubbies played well together too. We planned to get together on Memorial Day, and the fateful decision was made to meet at their house.

Driving out to Iron Ridge, WI dredged up old memories in our hearts. This was where our old church was. It is the setting for all of our fantasies about our “dream house.” Our Memorial Day celebration at Borkenhagen Manor (yes their house is impressive enough to deserve this title) was AMAZING! It was love at first sight for our husbands and our first born children. We didn’t referee one fight, and we spent over eight hours together just enjoying ourselves.

At some point we began joking about buying the property across the street from them. Ben and Stacey informed us not only was it for sale, but it had been vacant for over a year. The very next weekend found us back at Borkenhagen Manor. The “boys” (the big boys that is) went fishing and the women did what women do, minded the house and the children. Inevitably the jokes about the house across the street came up again, “It would be SO much more convenient if you just lived across the street.” On this occasion, we decided to take our pipe dream a little further by walking across the street, circling the house and peeking in the windows. It was no dream house, but it was WAY far above anything we could even conceive of purchasing. It is a 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch with a finished exposed basement. The house sits on nearly 2 acres of land. (click here for photos)

We never really prayed for this specific house. I plugged along praying faithfully that God would give this family a home so we could start making an investment instead of throwing our money away on rent without really picturing this one in my head. Well this week at almost the exact same moment, John and I independently came to the exact same conclusion, “We should contact the seller and see if he would consider a rent-to-own situation.” We reasoned the house has been on the market and vacant for so long with hardly a bite, maybe the owner was getting antsy and would consider such a situation.

Right now we are poised on the threshold of a miracle. We are praying HARD that God will lead and direct us. I do not know how to explain the mixture of excitement and apprehension inside of me. Here’s how I put it, “I asked God to give us a house, but I didn’t expect Him to really do it.” This coming weekend we are meeting with the owner to see the inside of the house and discuss a rent-to-own contract.

It went down something like this: Monday we sent an e-mail to the realtor who is listing the house asking if a rent-to-own situation would be considered. We heard nothing all week. Friday Stacey sent me a text that said, “Do you think it would help if we talked to the owner? He is over there cutting the grass right now.” I said, “Couldn’t hurt.” She sent Ben over to talk to him, and he returned with good news. The owner was getting very anxious. He told Ben he is NOT looking forward to paying two mortgages through another winter. He said he is very interested and could Ben pass his number along to us. John contacted him directly, and there was more good news. The monthly amount he is considering is between $150 less to just $50 more than our current rent. What?!?! We thought. We might get into this house for LESS that we currently pay in rent?!?!?! Tonight we timed the drive from our possible new house to the new venue for New Day Church. It is just 53 minutes! That was, for us, another hurdle cleared.

Besides spending this coming week in almost constant prayer, we are researching rent-to-own agreements and land contracts. Please, please, please keep the Kastners (especially John and I) in your prayers. We desperately desire only God’s will. We have always believed that the first step to building wealth is home ownership; however, we have always felt left out of that blessing because of our terrible financial condition. This place we are standing in is both terrifying and awe-inspiring. Initially we were keeping this crazy situation “close to our coats.” We are such unlikely candidates for a miracle such as this. It is still just such a pipe dream. However, the closer we get, and the more it seems like it might actually be a possibility, we are desperately coveting prayer.

We are not asking that you pray we get this house. We are asking that you pray God closes the doors He wants closed and opens the doors He wants open. Finally, pray that we will have the courage to walk through whatever doors God opens up.

Thank you so much, and I promise to keep you updated.

Be the Change You Want to See!

These words have been floating around in my head for several weeks. I decided it was time to blog about them and quickly googled them to see if maybe I had heard them somewhere and that’s why they have been stuck in my head. They are part of a quote from Ghandi. (Odd… it’s not like I have ever consciously studied Ghandi.) Regardless, the wisdom of these words has been coming at me frequently. Here are a few examples:

John and I have been praying HARD for revival for many weeks now. After seeing the movie, Facing the Giants, we were inspired by the man who walked the halls at the high school praying for revival as he touched the lockers. We have been focusing most of our prayer for revival on New Day Church; however, we pray that revival will spread to all corners of this earth. Therefore on Sunday mornings, we arrive early to church, and we walk through the rows of chairs praying for revival and touching each chair. Recently, I keep hearing God telling me, “Be the change you want to see.” I think he is telling me if I want revival at my church, in this land, then I need to spark a revival in my own heart. I need to get set on fire for God anew. Then that spark in my heart can start to spread to my church and throughout the whole earth. “Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” (James 3:5).

Another way these words have been ministering to me is sort of a new twist on an old favorite, the Golden Rule. I am a very sensitive person (this might possibly be the biggest understatement in the world). I get hurt so easily, and once hurt, I often find myself wallowing around in the pain, “Why, oh why, did they do that?” “How, oh how, could a person be like that?” Lately I have heard God calling me to step out of the mud and muck of the pain I am wallowing in and do something to make a difference. I have heard Him saying, “Be the change you want to see.” It is inspiring me to greater heights of patience, loving kindness, and impartiality. When someone is impatient and rude to me at the grocery store, I counter with patience in my reply to them. When someone is cruel or unkind to me, I try to respond with love and kindness. When I feel slighted by a judgmental comment, I vow to strive harder to be impartial and never pass judgment.

I am sure some reading this are thinking but that doesn’t make a difference! You being nice to a rude person doesn’t stop them from being rude to the next person. You being kind doesn’t mean everyone in this world will be kind. You refusing to be judgmental doesn’t end unfairness around the world. But I believe differently. I believe that one person can make a difference, and I believe that even if all I changed was my filthy, rotten, sinful response, than that is still something good.

So go out today and “Be the change you want to see.” If nothing else you will change yourself, and that is still something very good.