The feelings are still all jumbled in my brain and my heart, so please excuse me if they come out a mess. John called a little bit ago to tell me that the truck was sputtering, spewing out blue/black smoke, and would not go over 30 miles per hour. My head spun and my stomach started to hurt. I full well know all the proverbial sayings which fit this situation: you get what you pay for, buyer beware, be careful on craigslist (okay that one’s not really a proverb). Yet they don’t help at all. When we were sitting on the side of that street after test-driving this thing, we were nervous and we prayed, and every day since then we have nervously waited as John turned the key fearing that our worst suspicions would be confirmed and the cheap p.o.c. (piece of crap) would reveal its true colors.
So now that our worst fears about this truck have been realized, what do we do? How to reconcile the blog of three days ago Thank you Jesus for this truck with today’s blog?
I guess the first thing you do is pray, and you rally the troops around you to pray. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 You pray because He holds all the answer. You pray because He is all powerful. But being gut-wrenchingly honest, you pray because it is about the only thing you can do.
Next I think you remind yourself that He is in control. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth (or this truck) give way and the mountains (or this truck) fall into the heart of the sea, Psalm 46:2 This whole situation did not take our God by surprise. He is not wringing His hands wondering what to do. He can see the final outcome, and He is in control even when it feels out of control.
Finally, you remind yourself that He has your best interest in mind. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 No matter what it feels like. No matter what it looks like. God is working things out for your ultimate and eternal good. Never forget that no matter how badly Satan tries to tell you otherwise.
I wanted so badly to just gloss over this situation. To only blog about the nicer things. To only reveal the less embarrassing foibles of the Kastners. But I felt such a strong urging from God to lay this all out there. I think it is mostly because I need all of you who read this blog to please PRAY for us. We are discouraged and unsure of what to do. We need God’s touch, guidance, and help.
So there it all is. The dirty laundry laid out for you. But no matter how ugly my pile of laundry looks, don’t you dare doubt for one second that I am JUST as safe and secure in my Father’s arms as I was three days ago. Therefore I am going to end this blog with what might seem like nonsense, but makes a whole lot of sense to me and God. “Thank you Jesus for this truck!”
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