God's billboard.....

So yesterday I spent some time skimming through my blog entries and adding labels to them in order to encourage people to read more parts of my blog. As I read I started to feel a deepening sense of shame settle upon me. Ugh! Our life as chronicled in my blog reads like a never-ending story of destitution! I started to feel embarrassment and shame creep in. Maybe I shouldn't be telling everyone all this. It is so HUMILIATING! I felt a quiet whisper to my soul, "I have a purpose. This is not for nothing." Without fully getting the "purpose" I plodded on finishing up my labeling and moving on to another task.

Later I was sharing this with Christina. I said to her, "I guess my faith must just be REALLY weak because it keeps on being tested." She responded with words that comforted my soul, but more than that, I believe they were a word directly from God. She said, "No.... Your faith is really STRONG. People around you need to have their faith strengthened and God knows you are strong enough to do that for us." I pondered that a little and tucked it away.

Finally, the third piece of the puzzle came to me during Family Worship. We were singing the song Undignified by the David Crowder Band. We got to this part:

And I'll become

Even more undignified than this

Some may say

It's foolishness

And I'll become

Even more undignified than this

Leave my pride

By my side

and it HIT me! HARD! Maybe God is calling me to lay my shame and humiliation out there for everyone to see so that they can ALSO see His power and greatness revealed through it, and if that is the CASE!!!!! I'll become even more undignified than this!!! I completely WILL leave my pride by my side! This stinks! It is humiliating! I'd much prefer to be living with creature comforts... bills paid on time... vehicles that WORK! but if just ONE person sees Jesus through my humiliation, then BRING IT ON! Let me be debased! Let me be humbled! Let me be poorer then poor for I am being used by God.

This morning God revealed more to me: John and I are a billboard for God. He is using us to broadcast His power because he found us to be strong enough to take it and to have big enough mouths to blab about even the embarrassing parts of our struggles!

Here's what happened this morning..... If you've been keeping up on my blog, you know that our minivan is in the shop. The original estimate was $600. A preliminary report (which we thought was their "final answer") was that the repair would only cost $118.92; however, not too long after, we were told that was only the figure for the FIRST thing they were trying to fix the problem. We have been CLINGING to hope and REFUSING to let the devil make us worry since TUESDAY. Yet still NO answer from the repair shop.

Yesterday John's Buick started having some troubles. We prayed HARD, but this morning he called me at about 9 a.m. and said he could NOT get the car into gear. Trying not to panic at the thought of being completely without a car, I called my parents who are out of town for the weekend (and by my count would have at least two if not three unused cars sitting in front of their house right now). Dad said, "Go get the truck." So I started making plans to figure out how to pick up the truck, while John called the repair shop to see if they could tell him what the problem might be with the Buick.

I went in and rallied the troops. Told them that we needed to pray for a miracle. The kids sat up rubbing sleep out of their eyes and immediately bowed their heads. After we prayed for a miracle, I returned to the kitchen and started texting my "prayer warriors." Before I could even FINISH the text, John was calling back. When he called to ask about the Buick, he was told the minivan was READY. While the guy didn't have the exact total, he remembered it was less than $130!!!! PRAISE JESUS!!!! I didn't even have time to ask my friends to PRAY for a miracle before I received it!

Over and over and over again over the past few weeks God has been speaking to me, "If God is for us who can be against us?" That is what I want to speak to you today. For those of you who need a miracle RIGHT now, please listen closely and read this part carefully: He already has your miracle PREPARED! Just because you don't see it yet, doesn't mean it isn't coming!!! Do you believe that He is on your side???? Then what does it matter what you face??? You have a BIG HUGE GOD on your side! Doesn't matter what the devil has on his side. It can't compare to what you have.

Let's imagine that Elijah and a bunch of 7 year olds are going to play basketball. Let's say that standing among the 7-year olds waiting to be picked for a team is Shaquille O'Neal. Elijah is a team captain, and he gets first pick. He, OF COURSE, picks Shaq. Does it matter who the other kid picks for his team???? Does it matter if he takes ALL the 7 year olds available???? Elijah has SHAQUILLE O'NEAL on his team!!!! The game is OVER before it begins!

That is what you have. Does it matter if the other side scores a few points? Does it matter if they win a few battles??? You have GOD on your side!!! We ALL know that NO ONE can beat God so Satan can have his trivial little victories for in the end.... GOD WINS!

I hope this installment of the Kastner's destitution turns into a MIRACULOUS victory for God has encouraged you. I know it encouraged me... and Christina... and Rosalind...