Could you please pray for me???

I don't mean just for "US" over here. I'm actually asking for prayer for me... myself... It's nothing earth-shattering. It appears for the time being my hubby's brain is holding steady. Nothing is really "in the toilet"... But here's the deal:

1. I'm tired. I'm really, really, really tired. I decided yesterday that I'm not tired from the fact that I am again carrying the load of this entire family on just my back. [No offense to the guys out there, but let's all just be real: The mom typically carries most of the load anyway.] I realized that it isn't the carrying of John's share that is wearing me out. It is the fact that he CANNOT help me. It is the knowledge that when I run out of steam and the last drop is gone he can't pick up where I left off. Don't get me wrong, he has worked himself up to doing some stuff around here: laundry (what a folding maniac! you should have seen the living room on Sunday!), dishes, being the heavy with getting the kids back on schedule with school (just a FEW days off cuz daddy had a seizure and they are all kitty wambus!), and on Sunday night he stayed up and got the kids to bed. I got more sleep then I normally get in TWO nights (so much that I'm embarrassed to admit the exact number here on this forum)... So he's helping, BUT for example: the same Freecycler who gave us Kiah has some computers to get rid of. The kids DESPERATELY need a computer in their school station! She promised to hold them for us... I just need to get out there and get them. But I don't know how to fit in the one hour round trip to West Bend, and I can't ask John to do it cuz he can't drive. And it is only beginning... we have 5 more weeks of this!

2. I am DISCOURAGED about my writing. (Yes I purposely capitalized that word to try to show the depth of my discouragement.) I am so very discouraged. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a writer. Maybe I'm not gonna get published. Maybe God doesn't have something special for me to say. Sure my dad said the other day, "You're the best undiscovered writer I know." But I'm pretty sure they told John he had to say those kinds of things too when he got his "Father Badge." I'm going to tell you a secret: I'm writing a manuscript. I'm trying to finish it in time to submit it to the Women of Faith Writing Contest. (No, I'm not going to tell you what it is about yet.) When I started it about 3 1/2 weeks ago, I felt God was CALLING me to write it. Then John had a seizure, adding further confirmation that THIS topic was what I was supposed to write about. Now, I'm just discouraged.... my Demand Studios writing has TANKED. I've written TWO articles in the past three weeks. I used to average 25 - 35 a week. There is NO work to be had there. I have searched for other freelancing opportunities but haven't found any yet. I haven't written anymore of my manuscript since before John had the seizure. I don't have much time to blog right now. I just keep thinking maybe I misheard God. Maybe I wasn't supposed to start a platform with this blog and publish a book that would minister to people. *sigh*

So could you please pray for me? I would really appreciate it. I have my first official meeting with my new cheerleaders this Friday. The kids are finishing up swim and then diving RIGHT into basketball. John returns to work next Monday (I think we have a carpool worked out but please keep that in your prayers too... organizing and executing that is going to be FUN.) Elijah and Hannah are both sick. If you could lift me up in prayer today I would really appreciate it.

Thanks everyone!

Friends are like a box of crayons.....

My friend Lori is such a blessing to me lately.  She thinks that I am the one that is blessing her.  We talk about spiritual life applications, and she literally jots down notes about what I say!  She thinks that God put me in her life to help her understand some of the things she is struggling through right now, but HA!  the joke is on her!  I think God put her in MY life to help build me up and encourage me.

What some of you may not know about me (but what my mother knows INTIMATELY and I think sometimes wishes she could change) is I am very, very, VERY hard on myself.  I very often struggle to find good things... really any redeemable qualities in myself.  I am the quintessential perfectionist.

Since this perfectionist has been through a very hard year, she is battered, weary, and little bit bruised.  Lately, however, I have felt myself gaining back a little strength, starting to have the ability to lift my head on my own and look around a bit.  The problem is... as a perfectionist. my natural tendency now that I have a little strength, is to critique myself.... to think of every single thing I've let slide over the past year... to get down on myself for lacking in this... slacking in that... failing in EVERYTHING!

Here's where Lori comes in:  she thinks that I am giving her all these great insights (gleaned only from a wealth of suffering I might add), but I don't think she fully realizes what she is doing for me.  She is building me up.  She is encouraging me more than I can express.  She is helping me to find a few things good about myself... in FACT!!!!  In a VERY, VERY, VERY rare occurrence... during a conversation with her this morning, I actually complimented myself!  ME!!!  Jami!!!  I independently found something good about myself and actually said to her, "I am really good at this."  What a BREAKTHROUGH!  When she says to me, "You have SUCH a great way with analogies."  She thinks she is just stating what she sees to be true, but it is SO much more for me.  It is like she is pouring soothing, healing oil on a aching wound.

About now I'm sure many of you are wondering... so what's with the Forest Gump blog title then....  Here it comes... I wanted to write this blog about Lori, but then I thought, "Well... I don't want to make anyone feel bad."  Will it hurt Christina's feelings that I singled out Lori?  Will Peggy worry that I don't value her friendship enough to blog about her?  Will my dear amazing sisters who are more valuable to me than gold think, "Humpf!  she didn't blog about me!"  Which is when I heard the voice of Forest Gump in my head, "Friends are like a box of crayons..."  (Actually friends are the crayons, but work with me here.)  While Lori is great and amazing and wonderful, she's not the only crayon in my crayon box.  I have many other colors and without them, the pictures I draw would be incomplete.  We all need Loris and Christinas and Peggys and Jodis and Coris...  (actually we all need one of those little crayon sharpeners, like the one on the box of 64 crayons, too... but that's not what this blog is about)...  And it is okay if right now most my pictures are heavily tinged with pink and some of the other colors get a little rest to hang out in the box....  Eventually I'm sure I'll go through a season of my life where I'll pick up the red more often or the green or the blue...

My encouragement to all of you is to remember:  Friends are like a box of crayons.  The more colors we have at our disposal the better the pictures we draw will be.  It is okay if sometimes you get a new crayon (or in the  case of Lori... you discover an old crayon at the back of the box you haven't used in awhile and move it to the front lines) and you LOVE to color everything that color...  That doesn't make the other colors any less important... any less valuable.  In my opinion, the prettiest pictures of life are drawn by those of us who have the most crayons in our crayon box.

The best thing since sliced bread....

Early, early morning.... BLAH!  I was awoken at 4 a.m. because I had NO covers.  Hannah was awake as well so we just laid there snuggling until it was a respectable hour to get out of bed.  As I lay there gazing upon this perfect thing called my daughter, my heart swelled with love for her.  I whispered to her, "Hannah, if I tried for the rest of my life, I could NEVER explain to you how much I love you."  She said, "I love you too Momma."  Then I said, "I think you are the best thing since sliced bread."  She just smiled and snuggled in closer.

I was just talking with my friend Lori about this yesterday.  About how I try so hard to pour as much positive, as much love, as much cherishing into my children as possible.  I remember being a first year teacher and attending a seminar where I was told that it takes ten positive comments to outweigh one negative comment.  I have tried so hard to remind myself of that while parenting.  There are SO many negative things we NEED to say to our children:  "You forgot to turn off the light." "You missed a spot." "Do NOT hit your brother!"  Making sure to get in ten positive comments per negative can be a daunting task!  But I am a sucker for the daunting tasks, so I try HARD to make sure that my children know I think they are the best thing since sliced bread.

When I was a teacher and I struggled with a difficult student, I would employ the "catch 'em being good" theory of teaching.  I often use this theory with my children too.  See I have found that when you praise a child (or any person) all they want is MORE and MORE praise from you.  So if you "catch" someone doing a few good things and you recognize those, they want to do more good things to get more recognition.  I employed this yesterday with Elijah.  He was NOT interested in reading, but that is really not a choice I'm willing to allow.  So I started out reading some of the words I knew he would have to sound out to read and paused when I got to REALLY familiar words.  As he read the familiar ones I cheered and effused about how great he was!  Before I knew it his attitude had changed RIGHT AROUND, and we were zipping through that book!

I'm not sure why this is on my heart today.  I'm not sure if someone reading this needs to hear it to help them with their relationship with a child, a student, a friend, a husband.  I don't know, but I know this:  people like to be praised.  People like to be appreciated.  People like to be built up.  Stop and THINK!  Is there someone in your life you are struggling with right now?  Can you "catch 'em being good?"  Or could you even just remind yourself of the good things about them and then tell them those things?  Positive words and affirmation are like rain to parched ground.  Try to shower those in your life with some today!