God doesn't play favorites....

When we coached cheer and ran the youth group, there were always those few kids we were closer to.  I'm sure it seemed to an outsider, that John and I had "favorites" on the squad or "favorites" in the youth group.  However, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:  we loved each and every cheerleader who cartwheeled into our heart and each and every youth group kid who shuffled through our doorway.  Our love for those teenagers was equal.

"Well, Jami?" you might ask, "Then why was Sarah Gorski at your house so much more then anyone else?"  Here's the secret:  the difference was Sarah Gorski.  Sarah Gorski stopped over at our house after school got out.  Sarah Gorski called us and said, "I don't have plans tonight.  Can I come over?"  Sarah Gorski would call/text/e-mail... Sarah Gorski came to the birthday parties we held.  Sarah Gorski made herself a PRESENCE in the Kastner household and in every part of our lives.  We loved every single teenager just as much as we love Sarah Gorski, but we were closer to Sarah because SHE made the effort to be close to us.  Over the years there have been MANY just like this.  Maybe to you they appear to be favorites:  Krista Olearnick, Jessie Pennington, Erika Conner, Alicia Gac, Christina Miklos, Danielle Mabrey, Tracey Jenkins, Kat Friedl, Ben Houle, Royce Pochowski...  but you know what ALL of those kids had in common?  They made the effort to be closer to us... so they were.

I see this phenomenon happening in my very own family.  John loves ALL our children equally.  However, he has a special closeness with Noah.  This isn't because he loves Noah more.  It isn't really even because he and Noah are more similar (he's actually more like Jeremiah than Noah).  This is because, if Daddy is home, Noah is by his side.  Noah wants to be wherever John is.  Whether that's sweeping up garbage in the garage or playing Xbox, Noah wants to be there.  Jeremiah loves John but he doesn't pursue John the way Noah does.

It's like that with God you know.  He doesn't play favorites either.  He loves each and every one of us EXACTLY the same.  You know what the difference is?  Those who appear to be closer to Him.... Those who appear to "hear" from Him.... Those who seem to walk in sync with Him.... They are like that because THEY pursue Him.  People hear from God because they are listening.  People are close to God because they pursue Him.  People walk in sync with God because they want to be with Him.

Look at your life today.  Are you as close to God as you want to be?  No one can change that but YOU.  He has been pursuing you.  He loves you.  He WANTS to be closer to you.  He WANTS other people to think that you are His favorite.  He IS talking to you... are you listening?

Come near to God and He will come near to you.
James 4:8a

My friend Shannon....

This morning as I drove into Franklin, it was very easy to sing God's praises. On the heels of an AMAZING blessing, it is EASY to be grateful, positive, chipper. Then all of a sudden the face of my dear friend Shannon popped into my head, and I felt a bit of conviction twinge in my heart. See Shannon, my dear Shannon, she can call me excited about her brand new job shoveling elephant poop at the zoo. Shannon can be positive about anything. She can make lemonade out of her house burning down or her arm falling off. She is the QUINTESSENTIAL cheerleader... completely adept at cheering VORACIOUSLY for her team all the way through the fourth quarter when they are down 127 - 0. She can do it! Her positive little face made me wince.

Sure it's easy to be that positive when something good just happened to me, but am I that positive when the bad stuff happens? Typically I can do a pretty good job of keeping my chin up during hard stuff, but I want more. I want my HEART to wear a Shannon smile. I want my HEART to rejoice in having a job shoveling elephant poop!

Life is going to give you lemon drops and lemons... The challenge my dear friends is to face BOTH with joy in your heart and praise on your lips. Yesterday, as we were taking a walk, AFTER we had been JUST given a HUGE blessing, God bestowed another small one on us. As we passed a house in our cul de sac, the owner pointed to a bike in his front yard and said, "We're getting rid of that bike. If you know anyone who wants it....." We now have a bike for both of the adults in our family! Noah looked at me and said, "Mom, God sure loves us hey?" I replied, "Yeah, He sure does, Noah. BUT He loves us just as much when we're suffering."

He is not any less good when bad things happen to us. He doesn't love us any less when the rain is falling. So I for one am purposing in my heart to pull out my cheerleader smile ALL the time and to work HARD to get that smile to reach all the way to my heart during the worst of the storms.

A word of encouragement from the past...

I submitted queries to 3 different literary agents today. I decided to then get started cleaning up some more of my manuscript. In doing that I stumbled upon this blog. It took my breath away because it is as if August of 2006 Jami is speaking DIRECTLY to July of 2009 Jami. For those of you who know the details of today's disappointment, I think it will take your breath away too. I hope it ministers to you, wherever you are at today as much as it ministered to me.


written on August 2, 2006...

You know people CONSTANTLY say to me, "I don't know how you do it Jami." They're referring to the fact that I have four children (who are beautiful and sweet, but AMAZINGLY "precocious"), I work 20 - 30 hours per week from my home (while watching said children), I coach the (amazing and incredibly talented) FHS cheerleaders, and I teach fitness classes. I always tell them that I just love my life, and I love to keep busy. The truth is I love everything in my life so much: my husband, my children, my cheerleaders, cheerleading itself, working out, that I'd rather work myself into the ground than give any of it up. However, the past two weeks or so, I myself have been thinking, "I don't know how you do it Jami."

I am so past exhausted! Having all four of the kiddos at home is just killing me. If I leave them upstairs so I can get in some work, they just get into trouble. A few weeks ago Noah used up all of my Victoria's Secret body spray. I asked him what he used it for, "knockout gas" was the answer. He was playing Splinter Cell and the sprays were his knockout gas. So while I really don't like to wish time away, I am ANXIOUSLY anticipating the beginning of school this year.

Not only that but summer is just SUCH a crazy time. I think we've had only two weekends this whole summer when we didn't have something planned: weddings, graduations, cheer camps, family reunions, class reunions, church picnics.....our summer has been FULL.

Add to it the fact that I have a newborn; however, in all honesty she is the LEAST of my problems. Hannah is SERIOUSLY and HONESTLY the best baby in the world. For the past three and a half weeks, she has been sleeping through the night. She sleeps about 10 hours EVERY night! She's an absolute dream. I figure though that with all the broken toilets, perfume used as knockout gas, bald spots cut in hair, and urinating in places that are NOT the toilet, I deserve at least one easy one right now. There are short skirts and midriff-baring tops that she will undoubtedly torture me with later, so I'm glorying in the angelic season of her life now. I digress....so the point of this is I'm barely making it.

I'm at the end of myself, but gratefully I'm finding that, as in all things, in the midst of my self-induced insanity, God's Grace is enough to see me through. Right now that is all that's getting me through. That and the knowledge that before I know it we'll be in the throes of fall. Summer's craziness will have given way to my FAVORITE season: it will be time for cool, crisp air, sweaters, trips to the apple orchard, new school outfits and lunchboxes, football games, and pumpkins....they are all on the horizon. So if I can just hold on a little longer. If I can just make it through the sweltering heat, a class and a family reunion, if I can just keep the boys from burning down the house, I will make it to the promised land - FALL.

Now I know this is getting kinda long, but I can't end without a plug for my amazing Lord and Savior...this is true of all of life. I know things get tough. Life can really suck at times. But if we can just make it through the heartbreaks of this life, through the broken marriages, Leukemia, financial hardships, and other tragedies, we will make it to the promised land – HEAVEN! Where we'll be done crying and hurting and wailing. There will be nothing but joy, peace, and praising our Lord and Savior.

So hang on if your life is tough. Mine is too right now. Take the time today to thank God for the joy in your life...there is always some joy, even if it's hard to find. Mine isn't hard to find at all...in spite of my troubles and strain I am filled to capacity with joyful things: John, Noah, Jeremiah, Elijah, Hannah, Amanda, Amber, Alex, my mom, my dad, Jodi, Cori, Seth, Shawn, Alyssa, Luke, Savana, Grammas Hilly and Haugh, Shannon, Christina, Tracey, Nicole, Angie, Danielle, Megan, Whitney, Marki, Kayla, Cassie, Brittany, Vicky, Carol, Theresa, everyone of my myspace friends, all of my former middle schoolers, my amazing church, my God-filled pastor, my Jesus, my Jesus, my Jesus. Then after you thank Him, just hang on through your troubles, because before we know it, this hard world will be behind us and we'll be walking the streets of gold, praising our Savior for all eternity.

Appointments by God

Did you ever have one of those moments when you come to the stark realization that God is orchestrating your daily appointments? Most of the time, my life is so full of chaos not much time is left for introspection. In the words of one of my dearest friends, “I am busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger.” I race from task to task hardly ever “in the moment.” I typically am completing a job with my mind on the next job on the list. However, every now and then, something happens that brings all around me to a screeching halt, as I realize that life is not just a series of tasks on MY list, but it is actually a series of divine appointments scheduled by God.

Several months ago I hatched a plan to start a youth cheerleading program here in Franklin. It looked to be a great proposal and was sailing along towards becoming a reality when it hit a roadblock that knocked the wheels right off the track. However, in true Jami/OCD fashion, I had already: mapped out the entire year’s schedule, chosen the uniforms, fully planned the cost, and even started a website. Therefore, yesterday I received a call from a parent interested in Franklin Youth Cheerleading. I felt terrible as I explained to her that the idea never really actually took flight. Somehow, I do not recall how, it came up during the conversation that I homeschooled. The mother gasped and said, “Really? I am actually contemplating homeschooling my children next year, and I really need some advice. Can I ask you a few things about homeschooling?” We proceeded to have a 30-minute conversation which was 50% about cheerleading and 50% about homeschooling. After I hung up, I stopped for a moment to contemplate. That was not just a coincidence; that was not just by chance; it was a divine appointment from God. I do not know what that woman’s relationship with God is like, but I know that He wanted her to call me so I could give her some advice from the unique perspective of someone who fully understands the world of cheerleading and the world of homeschooling.

It made me wonder though: How many times do I have appointments like this and because of my hectic life I do not slow down enough to realize that it was a divine appointment? And how much do I miss out on learning because I do not take the few minutes of introspection necessary to say, “Hmmmm? What was the higher purpose here?” I believe there are probably many of those times. I bet frequently God works to schedule a divine appointment for me, and I just breeze through it not even realizing that it was something sent from God.

So today I am purposing in my heart, to slow down a little. I am taking stock of the things that happen in this day and contemplating, “Why did God want me in this exact spot today?” I believe that God speaks to those who want to hear Him, and God reveals Himself to those who want to see Him. So today, look and listen and be blessed for it!