The Hand of God....

We're home... I'm exhausted... I am suffering from a VICIOUS sleep deprivation headache, BUT I have to stay up a little longer to get our comforter out of the dryer (puppy left alone had an accident on our bed). Before I go to bed I wanted to quickly give credit to the Hand of God which was ALL over this most recent chapter in the saga of our life.

1. Atlanta... In August, we made plans for me to take a "women's retreat" to see my brown-skinned Momma in Atlanta. We put it on our calendar, scheduled it with Ros, and started shopping for airplane tickets. Just a few days before I needed to buy my ticket, I started to get this catch in my spirit... This just wasn't the right timing. I told Ros that with how much John's pain had been flaring up, I did not have a peace about flying to Atlanta and leaving him with the children. What if he had a flare up while I was gone? Then a few weeks ago my writing job TANKED out of the blue. I thought, "See! That's what God was protecting me from!" I figured God was protecting me from the "leanness" of our budget. Until Friday night... see my trip was scheduled from Thursday 10/20 to Sunday 10/23. I would have been IN Atlanta when John had the seizure.

2. Jean & Tanisha... Last night as we drove to McDonald's to get dinner, Tanisha said, "I'm just so glad we got home in time." Apparently she and Jean had been out running errands. They arrived home just 10 minutes before John started seizing. If they had not arrived home when they did, Noah would have been handling the situation virtually alone. As it is Noah was very traumatized by what he witnessed. I can only imagine what would have happened if he had been alone.

Besides these two MAJOR examples, there were many, many small things God worked out to bring the best outcome possible for us.

Now I know that some of you may be reading this thinking, "This girl is LOONY!" Her husband just had his second seizure in a year, his fourth hospitalization in just over two years.... his condition is unknown [we're just waiting till Monday to connect with John's neurosurgeon... no answers... no clue...] right now... our future is quite uncertain.

But I am not CRAZY! I saw the Hand of God ALL over this latest episode and it ENCOURAGED me in the midst of my terror... it calmed me in the midst of the storm....

I have NO idea why God is taking us through yet ANOTHER season of this nonsense.... I don't know if my faith needs to be perfected... I don't know if my spirit needs to be broken... I don't know if one of my readers needs to be encouraged by my testimony...I have NO idea... but you know what? I don't have to know WHY I am going through this... I just have to know WHO is taking me through... and He is right by my side... He orchestrated every last detail of this ICKY situation because He had OUR best interests in mind.

Last night when I finally got to the emergency room, Noah came to me and collapsed in my arms.

I said, "Noah, I am SO proud of how you responded today! You were SO brave!"
He said, "But mom I was SO afraid!"
I told him, "Noah, courage is not about whether you were afraid or not. Courage is being afraid and acting anyway."

Tonight I tell you, "Readers... faith isn't about whether you're afraid or not... faith is about trusting God even WHEN you are afraid."

I'm not gonna lie... I am TERRIFIED of the medical cesspool I am swimming in right now... but even though I'm afraid, I trust God. I know His Hand is over me... I know He has me covered.'

Thank you for your prayers! I feel them keeping me strong!