Great.... stressful... frightening... uplifting.... amazing.... Yesterday was AMAZING yet also all of those other things too. I got soooooooo much done during the day! My house was in better order than it has been since John's diagnosis. There's just something liberating about an organized house. (Now a spotless house...that's a whole different high which I am not sure I will feel until my children are grown.)
All morning long, I kept begging John to take it easy. Sit down and rest a little. Take a nap. But this whole thing: illness, weakness, being restricted, FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS these are all VERY difficult things for him.
John's nephews showed up early, and they all started "having a few beers." We had asked the doctor if John could drink alcohol or smoke a cigar. When he was discharged from Hartford Hospital, his discharge paperwork had said no tobacco. Therefore, he had just abstained from cigars and alcohol to be safe. They said alcohol would be fine (cigars too), but who would have known the exact set of circumstances which was developing.
Bocci Ball... he REALLY wanted to play. We don't have Bocci Ball and he loves it. So then he played several games of that. Then on the way in to pray, stupid comments were made which led to a challenge that John could not back down from. He sat at the kitchen table arm wrestling his nephew. It was bad. He was having a VERY hard time winning. I could see his face getting red. I knew this was NOT good. I kept saying, "C'mon people are waiting for us to pray. Let's just go." But John does NOT back down from a challenge. Finally he won, but the damage had been done. That was about the last of his strength.
We were praying for him, and I felt him starting to slump forward. Having his eyes closed was dramatically increasing his dizziness and the effects of overdoing it, alcohol, pain meds, bocci ball and arm wrestling started showing. When we said, "Amen" he told me he needed to lie down, but when he tried to stand he collapsed to his knees.
It took three of our biggest, strongest friends to get him to the bed. I was very scared. I didn't want to leave him alone because I was scared he would stop breathing. One other symptom which has developed lately is while he sleeps it seems like he has sleep apnea. He will stop breathing for a second and then sorta choke himself awake. It is TERRIFYING! Because of this weird breathing thing, I was scared to leave him alone. After finally saying goodbye to some of our guests, I arranged with Amanda and Amber to kinda take shifts sitting in the bedroom with him to make sure he was okay. He slept soundly from about 7:30 p.m. until 5:45 a.m. I tried rousing him several times during that 10 1/2 hours just to make sure he could wake up. He kept waking up a little. Then this morning I poked him at 5:45 and he didn't fall back to sleep.
He is good this morning. Right now, he and Hannah are lying in bed watching Bridge to Terabithia. I have banished him to bed (or a chair) for the WHOLE day! And I am SOOOOO not budging. One thing I think that God wants me to learn through all of this is to get a stronger backbone. I told him to take it easy yesterday morning but then I gave in. I asked him to take it easy on the alcohol, but I should have taken it away. I wanted him to just play one game of Bocci Ball, but I didn't fight him. I kept saying, "Stop! This arm wrestling is nonsense!" but I should have trusted my instincts and FORCED the issue. Lessons learned. Lessons learned. Be prepared because the new and improved forceful Jami who has a backbone is being released today. Do NOT be surprised when you come into contact with my iron will. I will fight HARD to protect my husband's health NO MATTER WHAT! well at least that sounds good ;) we'll see if I can actually do it or not.
Part of the ignoring my nagging and overdoing it in ALL areas yesterday was due to the fact that the closer we get to this surgery, the more wigged out John gets. He is trying not to be, but the weakness, the looming surgery, the difficult recovery, being out of work... these things are really terrifying him. Being a typical guy, he is not quick to identify what he is feeling. But last night as we sat in our bedroom (before he collapsed into unconsciousness), he kept saying, "I'm really scared Jami. I'm just so terrified. I didn't really know how scared I was."
1. THANK YOU! to all who came last night. Your support and prayers were AWESOME! Sorry if I missed saying goodbye to some of you. I planned to write you each an individual thank you, but I am soooooooo wiped out, and I have a long day of cleaning up after the party, cooking meals to freeze, and even entertaining more guests.
2. Please pray. Remember when praying for John's health to also pray for his peace and also to include a few prayers for me to be strong.
Have a blessed Sunday and a great holiday tomorrow!
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