A season of solitude....

It seems for quite some time now that God has been walking me through a season of solitude. Some days this solitude is welcome, but some days it is just lonely.

Less than a year ago, we were living in Franklin. We were surrounded by neighbors, about eleven two-family homes on our cul-de-sac. There was hustle and bustle all around us. We had random drop-bys from friends, family, former cheerleaders, and youth group kids. It kept us on our toes and meant we were rarely (if ever) alone. We were involved in a small church where we knew EVERYONE. Going to church wasn't just a spiritual event, it was a social event too. The grocery store was just 5 minutes away and Taco Bell, blessed Taco Bell, was just 5 minutes away as well.

Today, we live in Butt-Nowhere, WI. Our current cul-de-sac holds about seven single-family homes. Our doorbell never rings. Friends have to plan most of a day in order to come visit us. Our church is HUGE, and we hardly know anyone there. The grocery store is 3x as far, and Taco Bell, blessed Taco Bell, I hardly remember what a run for the border feels like.

This morning I was feeling loneliness settling around me. While last week was rough, this week started out even better! (heavy sarcasm here) This weekend Hannah had a bit of a cough, but really nothing to blog about. Sunday afternoon and evening she was running around playing, with a cough, cough here and a cough, cough there. About 8 or 9 p.m., we were lying in my bed watching Hannah Montana The Movie, and she said to me, "Mom I can't keep my eyes open." The poor baby was so wiped out. What I didn't know was that moment was the beginning of a downward spiral. She spent the night vomiting mucous and spiking a fever. At its height her fever was about 103 UNDER HER ARMPIT!!! The next morning we called the pediatrician who wanted to see her, and our fears were confirmed. She has pneumonia. The good news: it was caught early, and therefore will require only a course of antibiotics to get rid of it. The bad news: she can't stand the "pink medicine," and it is VERY hard to get a 3-year old to swallow something they don't want to swallow.

Anyway, I was feeling the exhaustion of having a sick baby on the heels of an emotional week and I started to feel so lonely. As I peered out the window at the gray fog enveloping my neighborhood, I felt the gray fog of sadness crowding in close. All of a sudden in my spirit, I heard Eva's beautiful voice singing:

This world holds nothing for me

I will follow you

This world holds nothing for me

I will follow you

I let the words of that song wash over me:

I need you Jesus to come to my rescue

Where else can I go?

There's no other name by which I am saved

Capture me with grace

I felt Him swarming in and surrounding me. I felt His presence comforting me. My troubles were still there: Hannah still has pneumonia. I am still struggling through an emotional battlefield. I have worries and cares, but:

Lord, I put my trust in You

I think that's the lesson of my "season of solitude..." THIS WORLD HOLDS NOTHING FOR ME. I think my Father has pulled me apart from all the busyness and noise of service and friendship and fun to place me in a simpler, quieter place where I can focus more on Him. Where I allow Him to fulfill all my needs. So here I am these words running through my head:

This world has nothing for me

This world has nothing for me

I will follow You

I will follow You

With my eyes refocused for the day and new hope planted in my heart, I'm going to go start my day. Hope This world holds nothing for you today too.

He is!

This place called Lifechurch is really just watering my dry and weary soul. It has been a long hard road for me this past year, and I am so grateful God has placed us in this church to get a little restoration. This week Eva was back leading worship! Gosh I LOVE that girl! Her love for Jesus OOZES out of every pore. She beckons me to come worship Him. THAT is what I want from a worship leader. I guess I want someone who can hit a few right notes, and it doesn't hurt that she dresses pretty cute too, but show me how to WORSHIP! LEAD me to WORSHIP! That's what I need!

And Pastor Aaron.... Oh Pastor Aaron... I do NOT know how he does it EVERY week, but I've yet to hear him preach a sermon that's a flop. I'm really enjoying his series, Prisoner's Blog. Today's entry: He is... I thought I'd just ramble a bit and give excerpts from this sermon with my thoughts on it. How it hit me. How God impressed it upon my heart. How He spoke to me through it.

"Whatever issue you are facing today, He IS." It doesn't matter what you're going through. It doesn't matter what is in front of you, He IS. He IS big enough to conquer it. He IS powerful enough to defeat it. He IS rich enough to pay it. He IS loving enough to heal it. He IS. "He IS whatever you need." If you need healing today, He IS. If you need provision today, He IS. If your marriage is in trouble, He IS. If your bills are overdue, He IS. If your children are walking in rebellion, He IS. If your alcoholism is out of control, He IS. If your heart is breaking, your world is crumbling, and you are ready to throw in the towel, He IS.

"God wants to be first or nothing at all." How many times do we give God sloppy-seconds? How often do we put Him on the back burner? How often do we push our Bible aside and pick up the newspaper instead? He wants to be FIRST place. He wants to be what we rush too. You know when you wake up in the morning, and you have that morning dry mouth feeling? You are PARCHED! All you can think about is getting a drink of water to rehydrate your sleep dried mouth. You rush for that glass and fill it up quick! Then relief, as that water rushes down your throat, refreshing you. That's how God wants us to feel about Him. He wants us to have an urgency to meet with Him. He wants us to rush to His Word like that first morning glass of water. He wants us to let His promises, His instruction, His encouragement, rush down our soul and refresh us. When we are in trouble, He wants us to run to Him FIRST. When we are excited, He wants us to run to Him FIRST. When we need guidance, He wants us to run to Him FIRST.

"It rains on the righteous and the evil." "God is the Sustainer." When your life is falling apart, when your marriage is falling apart, when there is chaos all around you, He will sustain you. I thought back to last fall. I remember how terrified we were to walk through the trial of brain surgery. I remember the fear of losing my husband. I remember the fear of not being able to feed my family. But when I look back on that time, what stands out the most is NOT negative feelings. I praise God continually for that time. We had SO much family time. We LOVED having John home. That extended period of Forced Family Fun saved this family from the rocks of destruction. I also remember how AWE-inspiring and FAITH-affirming it was to see God provide for our physical and financial needs over and over and over again. From sources unknown and through people we had NO idea were even following our saga. It was one of the most incredible things we have EVER been through. He truly was our Sustainer in the midst of those troubled times.

Finally, I just HAVE to close with a few funny things Pastor Aaron says that I just LOVE! I absolutely love it when he says, "I'm in someone's kitchen now!" when he is starting to preach something that's hitting close to home. I also loved his Granny's saying from a few weeks ago, "If if's and but's were candy & nuts, my what a Merry Christmas we'd have." I love it when he says, "Tell the truth and shame the devil." This week he said, "Opinion's are like armpits. You've got a couple and some of the time they stink." But this was my ALL TIME FAVORITE so far! "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than going to Taco Bell makes you a Grande Buritto." Marinate on that for a moment!

It was a GREAT Sunday to be in the House of the Lord! This girl got her worship on, was blessed by the preaching of the Word and even ran into a few old friends. Hope your Sunday was good too.