My Gramma...

My gramma is not doing well. She is back in the hospital, second time this week. I can't focus very well right now; my grief is kinda fogging up my brain. I can't think of how much of Gramma I have shared here on this blog, but just to be safe, let me tell you a little about my Gramma.

Gramma & her sisters:  Auntie Dodo, Gramma, Auntie Birdie

In 1950, she gave birth to twin baby girls, and when they were just three years old, her husband left her for another woman. My gramma was a single mother in the 1950's, that was NO easy gig. She raised those two little girls into amazing, successful women. Those two girls went on to give her 7 grandchildren who have so far given her 9 great grandchildren.

Last night a friend and I were texting about how special grandparents are. She told me her Grandpa was "the love of her life." What a special sentiment! I started thinking about what I would call my Gramma. I've decided that I would have to say that my Gramma is the gravity of my life.

My Gramma sometimes can be a little crotchety, and she doesn't always earn a PG rating. She isn't a warm and fluffy, knitting kind of Gramma. But she is a FAITHFUL Gramma. I can always count on her. Just like I can always count on gravity to hold me to this earth, I can count on my Gramma to be there. Every single important memory of my life has her in it. She was ALWAYS there:  birthdays, graduations, recitals, weddings, baby showers, at the hospital EVERY time I had a baby, at every single one of my children's birthday parties. Gramma is ALWAYS there. She shows me her love by being PRESENT in my life ALWAYS.

Gramma and her great-grandchildren

And just like gravity keeps me centered and steady, my Gramma's love, and the love she poured into my mom, keeps me centered and steady.
And gravity isn't frilly and neither is my Gramma.
And gravity isn't flashy and neither is my Gramma.
But gravity can be counted on, and so can my Gramma.

Two years ago, just after John had brain surgery, Gramma had "an episode." Doctor's really couldn't give an exact diagnosis but the result was pretty tragic. I guess in some way I always knew that 2009 was when we first lost Gramma, because after that "episode" she was never the same. It was then that she started to struggle with confusion. It was then that she stopped remembering how many kids I had. It was then that she moved back in with my mom, and we all started caring for her.

Gramma reading to Hannah

This week it seems she has had another "episode." She is slipping away even more. When I went to visit last night, I really, truly don't think she knew who I was. Every once and a while she would start to say something that made absolutely no sense, "The sock is... on the TV... talking about that..."  I would say, "What Gramma?  What did you say?" and she would reply, "I didn't say anything."  It was heart breaking and left me sad.

But finally here we are to the part where I find a way to put a positive spin on this. It came from something my mom said to me tonight. This is hard and horrible for all of us who love Gramma. But it is also inspiring. We should all be so lucky to be LOVED and CHERISHED as much as Gramma Hilly is. Losing her slowly like this is torture, but it wouldn't be if she weren't so darn LOVED. I know in my heart, her time is drawing near. And guess what I am GLAD it makes me so sad and I am GLAD that it tears my heart out to lose her because those facts are an AWESOME testimony to the amazing woman she is.

If you think of it, please pray for my Gramma. As much as I don't want her to leave, I do pray that Jesus will take her home soon so she doesn't have to suffer anymore. But as in all things, His timing and not mine.