Chiseling

The other day I read that trials are God chiseling away the parts He wants to remove from our lives. That image has stuck with me, and this morning it formed into a blog.

I was thinking this morning about how I respond to the chiseling. If you know me you know, I respond to pain by talking, musing, writing, even obsessing about it. I examine it from every angle. I worry over what I did wrong to cause it. I wonder, "If I had only done this differently." All of a sudden it occurred to me... it must be incredibly difficult to chisel a hunk of rock, marble, whatever I am that is constantly in motion.

I realized that the best posture for chiseling is a stationary one. If I would just be still, God's chisel would take exactly what He is aiming to remove. I wondered how often do I flinch, or try to run away, or even just shudder a little, causing the chisel to dig a little deeper. I wonder if some of the pain of going through trials isn't self-inflicted. Worrying about how this will affect my future.... will I be on the streets cuz I can't pay the bills.... how will I live without that person in my life... I bring a lot of the suffering on myself by trying to pick up burdens I have no business carrying.

So as I approach the mountain of basic training in front of me (and as I glance back on the broken relationship behind... even as I look around at the finicaial struggles that are my constant reality) I want to work harder to be still. I want to remain as stationary as possible soaking up every ounce of the lessons God has for me in each season so He can chisel me into a better replica of Himself.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18

Let go

Today I'm struggling with my people pleasing tendencies. I want everyone to love me. I want to make everyone happy. I want a perfect, peaceful, happy world where I offend no one, and I'm never misunderstood. Well Barbie, shake the dust off... we arent in Neverland anymore.

This morning, God is trying to pierce my heart. He's trying to get me to hear something I don't want to hear.... "Let go." I need to stop pouring my heart, my dreams, even my prayers into people I will NEVER please. "Let go." I have people, children, loved ones all around me who love and accept me inspite of my flaws. They deserve my time, my attention, my acts of service. "Let go." I'm not meant to minister to, be in relationship with, be loved by everyone.

I need to "Let go." and allow God to remove from my life relationships that shouldn't be there. I need to "Let go." to free up my hands to pour into the relationships that are God ordained. I need to "Let go."

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
Matthew 7:6

Laying down my why

I like to know why... why I have to walk through this... why I have to be Christlike in the face of vicious, sinful behavior... and my favorite: why is this happening???

This morning as I was wrestling with the why of an ugly, painful, confusing play I've been cast in, I heard my own voice in my head, "Because I'm the mom, and I said so." It's something I say often... when I just dont have the energy to give a 5-point dissertation to my brilliant, precocious, tenacious child. It's something I've threatened to have put on t-shirts to sell. Some things are just because I said so. Doesn't mean I don't have a reason. Doesn't mean I don't care about my child. Doesn't mean I didn't think it through. Sometimes it means I'm too busy to give the reason. Or that I'm too tired to explain. Sometimes it even means that God hasn't even revealed the reason to me yet. I just know in my bones that is the answer.

This morning as I whined, "Why???" I felt, "Because I'm God, and I said so." And it struck me. Might be this painful route will protect me from even worse pain. Might be to protect the other actress in this scene. Might be logical consequences of sinful actions need to be felt. Might be so others can see Jesus in me (In fact, I feel this is an almost constant subpoint why... let's call it a "subwhy" to any suffering. So others can see Jesus in my suffering.)

So this morning I set a new goal... to lay down my why. To place it at the feet of my Heavenly Father.... in submission... in respect... as an act of worship... because HE IS GOD AND HE SAID SO.

I know it won't be easy. A sassy girl like me is going to have to lay down that nasty why over and over and over again. But today I'm going to start trying.

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9