HIS mighty power....

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in HIS mighty power. (emphasis mine)
Ephesians 6:10


HIS power has been on my heart a lot lately. HIS power.... When I'm struggling through difficulties, fears and worries, I often find myself begging God for help to be strong, help to withstand the test, weapons to fight away the darkness.  But I forget that:

For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Cor 12:10

God doesn't want us to be stronger. He wants us to let HIS power work through us. He wants us to admit our weakness and let Him take over.

All this crazy heat and severe weather lately.  Have you thought about the fact that OUR GOD created the forces that make those temperatures sore? He made the physics that make that booming thunder and awe-inspiring lightening possible? He made that! He is bigger than that!  HIS power FAR exceeds that!!!

So instead of trying to fight things on my own.... instead of even asking God to help ME fight things.... I need to just utter one tiny, pitiful cry, "Help."  That's all I need to do... whine out, "Help. God this one is yours. I pass this battle over to you. Don't help ME fight it... fight it FOR me! HELP!"

Whatever you are fighting today: temptation, loneliness, depression, exhaustion, discouragement, worry, fear... Let it go! Hand it over to God. Release it to the One who has the power to make forces as great as thunder, lightening, and OPPRESSIVE heat.  Leave it to God, for HIS power is so much GREATER than ours.

The devil

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  

Ephesians 6:1

Last night as I raced into town for my sister's bowling birthday bash (it wasn't really called that.... I just made it up... Really it was our crazy family bowling, eating bar food, and singing "Happy Birthday dear Cori" as loud as we could at the local bowling alley), Noah asked a question that chilled my soul.  Before I reveal his question, let me set the stage.  These details are not those I have shared with any yet... even John will be surprised at their revelation.  

For the past two days, Satan has been attacking me HARD.  He has been whispering to my soul that I will soon be a widow.  I know with all of my heart that this is the enemy attacking me.  I know that my struggle is "against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  I know (as I recently wrote in The Gentle Leader), "If Satan can get into your head and make you worry, doubt, or fear... If you give just an INCH of your brain to worry, doubt, or fear... It is over!  The worry, doubt and fear control you. "  I know that since I learned so many lessons (which I am LIBERALLY applying) the last time we went through this brain issue, (especially:  God will provide ALL our physical needs in MIRACULOUS ways) that Satan is just looking for a new way to torture me.  I know!  I know!  I know!  All of this... yet still...

Finally, yesterday  I asked just my mom, dad, and sisters if they would increase their prayers for me only hinting at the way Satan was torturing me.  Then it happened.  We were just driving down the highway, chatting about how shockingly we were going to be late to Riri's birthday party, when after a brief silence Noah asked me, "Mom, can someone die from a Chiari Malformation?"  It was as if Satan himself had punched me HARD in the gut.  I paused a second while I caught my breath, and then replied, "Hmmmm.... I don't think so."  Because I DON'T think so... Death from Chiari Malformation has never been presented as a possibility to us.  

Here's the thing:  I could have dismissed his question as nothing.  I could have reasoned it away with the reminder that just yesterday we attended a gut-wrenching funeral for a six-month old baby.  I could have just told myself it was a coincidence.  However, here's the thing, I don't believe in coincidence.

Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I Peter 5:8

I believe in the devil.  I believe he is a WICKEDLY smart being.  I believe he wants to destroy me.  I believe this not just because the Bible says it, but also because I have stared him in the VILE face before.  I have felt his sickening breath on my cheek.  I have HEARD his vicious words hurled at me in attack.  I know that "the devil prowls around like a ROARING LION looking for someone to DEVOUR."  (emphasis mine)  

When I heard those words from my baby's mouth, I knew the attack was being taken to a higher level.  Now the worries weren't just clanging around in my own brain.  They were out there ALOUD!  And they were in my child's brain as well.  I immediately cried out to Jesus.  

"Help me Lord!  I can't fight this anymore!"  my heart screamed out. 

Reveal it my child, was His gentle answer.  

"Reveal it???  Are you CRAZY!  I can't reveal THIS!  People will think I'm nuts because I believe in the devil.  People will judge me for fearing my husband will die.  My husband doesn't need to hear I'm afraid of this!"  I screamed from my heart.

Reveal it my child, He gently repeated.

I wanted to fight some more.  I wanted to rail against it.  However, I have known ALL too well the ill-effects of sweeping Satan's attacks "under the carpet."  See what happens when you do that is they get bigger and bigger until they devour you.  See that's what he wants.  He wants us to try to fight Him alone.  He doesn't want to be exposed!  

So guess what???  Anything Satan wants, I'm gonna do the opposite.  I'm exposing that slimy little liar.  I am putting it out there:  I am afraid that John is going to die and leave me all alone.  Truth be told I have been fighting this battle since the moment I received that first call, "John said he feels like when he had that stroke-thing."  I need you to pray for me!  I need help fighting back the enemy because he is NOT giving up.  

One last comment... it is with regards to my fear that "People will think I'm nuts because I believe in the devil."  Here it is... It is not even my words.

It is the greatest art of the devil to convince us he does not exist.

Charles Baudelaire

He is real.  He does exist.  But unfortunately for him, his existence doesn't mean squat up against the power of our God.  So please pray.

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth....

I have been struggling to reconcile two Biblical mandates in my heart lately. Writing always seems to help me get my thoughts together so here goes:

"Thou shalt not bear false witness..." Exodus 20:16

Honesty.... It is a good idea to be honest, because God commands us to be. It is also a good idea, because it is difficult for people to trust us if we are not honest. So we all agree.... It is GOOD to be honest.

I've never really had a problem with honesty. As long as I can remember I have been a TERRIBLE liar. My mom loves to tell the story of how when I was about fourteen or so she picked me up from a party. I got in the backseat and started WIGGING out. I told her I had done something really bad. She was freaking out! "Is she pregnant? Does she smoke pot? Did she knock over a liquor store?" These thoughts were racing through her brain. Nopes! I was at a party where there was drinking and smoking, and I had a beer and a few puffs on a cigarette. I freaked out and fessed up the second I saw my momma. She was SO relieved because it was just one beer and a few puffs of a cigarette! So as you see lying has never really been a problem for this girl. I couldn't lie well to save my life.

But the Bible also commands us:

"...instead speaking the truth in love," Ephesians 4:15

God wants us to put on love above all things... to be kind and gentle, and I am VERY good at filtering my comments through the love of Christ. Therefore I EXCEL at the "in love" portion of this command, but sometimes at the expense of the "speaking the truth" part.

See sometimes the truth is ugly and nasty and not kind or gentle. Sometimes the truth of how we feel or how we see something is COMPLETELY changed when covered over with love. Sometimes the things I feel in my heart pass through the filter of Christ's love and upon exiting look NOTHING as they looked upon entering the filter. I used to always see this as good, assuming it showed that I had self-control in this area and was able to deny my sinful urges. But lately I'm not so sure.

Being so good at employing a filter has made it VERY difficult for me to not only say what I am really feeling, but even sometimes to even KNOW what I'm really feeling. Recently John challenged me with this thought, "Are you being honest when you have such an EXTREME filter in place?" I don't know.

Also I have recently realized that when I feel an icky feeling and process it through the filter of Christ's love, the icky part goes somewhere too. It's like the filter of Christ's love has this refuse container.... Have you ever used a juicer? You know you put a piece a fruit in and fresh juice comes spurting out? Well, opposite the side that's squirting out fresh juice is a side that is shooting out the skin and flesh and seeds and all the part of the fruit that is NOT juice. It is the refuse container. This past year I have had so many things pass through my filter of Christ's love that it is almost broken because the refuse container is OVERFLOWING!

So that's my dilemma and actually writing through it really hasn't gotten me towards any clarification. Speaking the truth in love.... obviously both the truth and the love parts are important or God wouldn't have commanded it this way.

***But how do we know how much truth and how much love is right in the equation?

***AND by adding a little love to dilute the truth have we made it less true???

***FINALLY, what do I do with this overflowing refuse container? how do I empty it out?

I don't know, and I would LOVE it if you would all comment and give me your thoughts on this. Let the teacher become the student... or the blogger become the reader, because I need INPUT this time for I haven't worked through it on my own!

The valley of the shadow of death....

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

I know a thing or two about valleys. I've traveled through my share (and maybe a few other people's share too...) Therefore, I feel qualified to tell you a few things I have learned about journeying through a valley... a sort of JLK TripTik to help you navigate your way.

He is with you. The first stop along our way is the no-brainer. It is right there in the verse I opened with, "for you are with me...." God is with you. Even though it feels as if you've been abandoned, even though you cannot always see Him there, He is WITH you! Right there in the valley, right there as you're saying goodbye to a loved one, right there as the bank is foreclosing upon your house, right there as the judge signs the papers on your divorce, HE IS WITH YOU. Whatever you do, do NOT let the enemy convince you this is not true. In order to make it to the other side of this deep canyon, you HAVE to hold tight to this truth: HE IS WITH YOU!

Stand.... or fall down too, but do not give up! When you are walking through a deep, dark valley, feeling discouraged is understandable. When your life is falling apart, you will feel despair. When your dreams are lying in a pile of rubble at your feet, your broken heart will ache. But no matter what you do, do not give up. "....and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13b)... Sometimes standing is all you can do. Sometimes it is good enough to just NOT fall down, Sometimes you even fall down, and it is good enough to just get back up. To say to God, "My heart is in ruins but I will stand." ...like Brooke Taylor in Facing the Giants.... broken hearted facing her bareness and crying out, "I will still love you, Lord!" Just don't give up! It's okay to stand still. It's okay not to move. But do NOT give up!

This too shall pass... No matter how endless the valley you are traveling feels, there IS an end to it. There will come a day when you will look back on the valley. There WILL! For those of you who are in the valley RIGHT NOW, you will find my next words hard to believe, but someday you may even long wistfully for the valley. Just this past weekend I was longing wistfully for a few of the darkest times in my life:

***The year when I was pregnant with Hannah through her birth, we were walking through a valley of the shadow of financial destitution that was pretty much unmatched by ANYTHING else we had ever faced. I remember how terrified I was. I remember the power was shut off that summer. But this past weekend, I looked back and remembered how it was in the middle of that valley that God blessed me with this beautiful baby girl who is so much more than I could have ever hoped or asked for. We were involved in the birthing of a church that year, and we were integral in the support system of that church, and we BELONGED. I also remember that year we were coaching a cheer squad that was more family than team. As I look back on that valley, what I notice most are the flowers scattered along the way.

***Last fall our valley was having a portion of John's skull removed in brain surgery and living with none of his income for a few months. I remember the exhaustion of those long, labor-intensive days. I remember the fear of ending up homeless because we could not pay the bills. I remember fighting back the worry that I would be widowed well before I got to be that cute elderly couple holding hands at the grocery store. But this past weekend, I looked back and remembered the AMAZING blessing of being together as a family (all six of us... and just the six of us) for nearly two months. We were cared for by the body of Christ in a way that BLEW MY MIND. We learned more lessons about God and about each other than I can even catalog. As I look back on that valley, what I notice most are the flowers scattered along the way.

So please believe me.... no matter how science-fiction like it sounds... there WILL come a day when you too will look back on this valley and see the flowers scattered along the way.

I wish that none of us had to face valleys. What a pleasant trip this would be if it were a skip down a rose-lined path on a sunny day! However, that's not what I have found from scripture: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23) The description Jesus gives of following Him includes crosses... not roses. It is also not what I have found in life. People die. Finances go south. Hearts get broken. But these things I know about traveling through a valley:

He is with you.

Stand...

This too shall pass.

If you are in a valley right now, I pray this has ministered to you. If you are not in a valley right now, maybe you want to bookmark this page, because eventually you will be. The valleys in life are inevitable... I just hope this little TripTik will help you a little in yours.

Though None Go with Me

The other night John and I watched Though None Go with Me. I have been trying ever since to find the words to describe this movie: life altering, affirming, encouraging.... all these apply, but yet it was MORE for me. I recommend this movie as highly as a movie can be recommended by a human being. You NEED to see this movie!

The movie tells the story of a woman who follows Christ all her life in spite of NUMEROUS and devastating struggles. I cried harder then I have cried since my mother-in-law gave us a copy of the EVIL and despicable movie The Christmas Shoes.

John and I have been through our share of struggles, especially as of late. Because of this, I have wrestled long and hard with the concept of why Christians faces trials.... sometimes trials of GARGANTUAN proportions. Here's what I have come up with (because I don't want to be a spoiler I'm not connecting any of these reasons to Though None Go with Me... you'll have to check it out for yourselves to figure out which reason is from the movie).

1. The Eve effect - In the garden, Eve took the fruit. She made a choice to disobey God's instructions, and she reaped the logical consequences of her actions: banishment from the garden. Sometimes Christians suffer due to reaping the logical consequences of their own actions. There are times in our life when we go through a hardship that is simply just the outcome of a choice we made.... a choice to speed may get us a ticket, a choice to commit adultery may ruin our marriage, a choice to steal may end us in jail... That is just the way of natural consequences.

2. The Job effect - Job suffered TERRIBLY, but his suffering was not a result of his sin. It was a result of his righteousness. God gave Satan permission to test Job because God had FULL confidence that no matter what Job would stay faithful. Sometimes Christians suffer for that very reason, because God has confidence in their ability to stay faithful. Over the past few months, John and I have said quite frequently (and only half-jokingly), "Gosh I wish God didn't trust us so much!" This testing I guess should be considered an honor.... But it's not always easy to put on the glasses that see it that way.

3. The Kathi effect - I'm naming this one after my momma, because she recently shared it with me. Many of you who know me via Facebook have heard that my grandmother has been struggling with some debilitating health issues the past few months. Recently, my mother had a conversation with her about why she had to suffer so much. My mother told her, "Sometimes our suffering is not about us at all. Sometimes our suffering is for what other people can get out of it." There are times when we suffer so that others can see Jesus. So that people can see the strength of our faith in action. So that others can be witnessed to or encouraged or convicted.

How then to face our struggles? Should we sit around evaluating them from every angle trying hard to figure out why we are going through what we are? I really don't think that is the answer, mostly because I don't think it will get us anywhere. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (I Corinthians 13:12) Many things we experience on this earth will not make sense to us until we get to Heaven.

Therefore, I propose another way. Perhaps I'll call it the "Cover all your bases" way.

1. When you suffer, search your heart and ask God to reveal any sinful ways. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24) If any of your suffering is due to a sin you have committed, God will reveal that to you so that you can repent and turn away from it.

2. When you suffer, STAND strong!!! Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. (Ephesians 6:13) If your suffering is because God has full faith that you will stand the test, then be careful that you STAND! You do NOT want to give Satan a victory. Prove God RIGHT! Gird up your loins and just STAND!

3. When you suffer, focus on others. This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (I John 3:16) When you are struggling, look around you and see how you can "lay down your life" for another. The benefits of doing this are two-fold. It benefits those you focus on, but it also benefits you by getting your eyes off yourself and your suffering for awhile.

Trust me, I know hardships. I know struggles. I don't know how much of my "suffering pie" is allocated to reason number 1, 2 or 3 of suffering, but I do know that searching my heart, STANDING strong, and focusing on others has been a good way for me to get through the struggles I have faced. I hope it helps you too. [Oh, and GO SEE THAT MOVIE!]

The hole in my heart....

When people come into our lives and then leave, it leaves a hole in our heart. Funny thing is we can try and try and try to fill that hole with someone or something else, but it rarely works. No two people are alike; therefore, no two holes left in our heart are alike either.

Recently I lost a friend. Attempts at reconciliation have failed and currently we are estranged. While I believe that God always wants reconciliation (in a friendship, in a marriage, in a church), I realize that because we are flawed humans, reconciliation is not always possible. Sin, pride, misperception, unforgiveness can all get in the way and rob us of the perfect plan that God has for us. Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose… Philippians 2:2 Ever the optimist I have left myself open to “Maybe…. Someday….” in this friendship. However, the tiny little realist shoved away in the corner of my heart keeps trying to be heard, “Not this time Jami.”

Therefore, I mourn. Like a teenage girl replaying every text, note and call from her “ex BF”, I mope about the good times. My heart catches every time I touch the coffee cup that was a gift from this friend. My brain replays the situation over and over looking for how to fix it… how to find reconciliation.

Lately my torture has heated up to a boil. I am sure part of that is because Satan wants to torture me. He wants me feeling blue. He wants me missing and longing and lonely. He wants me caught up in YUCK so that I will be less effective for the kingdom of God. I think some of it is also because God wants to get my attention. He wants to call my eyes to different parts of this relationship. He wants me to see what went wrong and why it went wrong, and He wants me to learn from my mistakes. I guess what I can’t get past is just the estrangement. I am really not a person who has many enemies (that I know of). For me friendships wane and wax due to proximity or availability, but very seldom do they end abruptly and severely. In fact including this situation, I can only think of one other time that I have been estranged from a friend and just kinda agreed to let it lie and not be friends anymore. And even that situation, with time, resolved itself. The friendship was never the same, but we returned to being sisters in Christ and having an amicable relationship. I guess maybe it is just the fact that I don’t do “break-ups” well because I haven’t been through many of them. But my soul just has this longing…. This hole I can’t seem to fill….

I think this is what God is trying to tell me. It may not be the exact lesson God has for you in your unresolved relationship, BUT it is not sin and it is probably a good idea to give it a try because it can’t hurt.

1. Pray for my friend. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6:18 This verse doesn’t say pray for the saints who you’re in relationship with or pray for the saints who you are getting along with or even pray for the saints who want you to pray for them. It says, “praying for ALL the saints.” (emphasis mine and wishing I could make that PERIOD huge and more emphatic)

2. Walk away…. Again while I FULLY believe that God always WANTS us to reconcile… to make a friendship work…. to stay married…. to keep a church together… this is not always possible. There are times in life where we do have to separate. Abram and Lot had to separate. Their reason may not be the same as mine (or yours), but their example remains. Maybe to tell us, there are definitely times in life where we must go our separate ways. There are times in life when we must just walk away.

3. Never give up hope… I do not think it is wrong for me to hope that at some point in the future God will bring reconciliation about in this relationship. Love always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:7 There is nothing wrong with hanging onto hope. For that is what love does.

4. Let Him fill the hole left by my friend… When all else has failed… When I have tried everything I, in my human power, can do… I need to just let go of it and let God come in and “caulk” the tiny places where the hole hasn’t been completely filled.

So here I am today. Trying hard to prayerfully walk down this path minus one friend but never, ever letting go of the hope that someday in the future God’s will for ALL relationships, perfect unity, will be made complete in this one too.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone… Romans 12:18

Press through... Press through... Press through....

I love to worship. It is something I do when I am folding laundry, driving down the street, even taking a shower too. It is my favorite part of going to church. I love to sing praises to my Savior. Lately I have been having a VERY hard time worshiping during church. The reasons why are many and varied, but yesterday the root cause started coming together in my head: Satan does not want me to offer praise to my God.

Now I am not one to see a boogey man around every corner (okay maybe I am a little bit), but I believe strongly that the devil is a real presence and that his one goal is to destroy me. This belief is proven by scripture: Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (I Peter 5:8) Yesterday as all the distractions assaulted me, I realized this is Satan attacking me. As I let that thought roll around in my brain, I realized that Satan’s attacks to my worship begins LONG before I even walk through the doors of our church.

I know you’ve noticed it. Haven’t you? Sunday mornings can be SO stressful: a lost shoe, alarm that didn’t go off, misplaced Bible. One time I even got a speeding ticket on the way to church! Before you know it, you are arguing with your spouse, shouting at your child and not at all in the right frame of mind to go worship your Creator. We have noticed this phenomenom. In order combat it, the second we get in the car to drive to church we start to pray. We pray for our hearts to be softened and for our spirits to be drawn to the things of God. We also pray for other families on their way to church that peace might reign in their homes, their cars, and their hearts. This has really helped to calm the discord, but Satan doesn’t give up that easily.

If somehow I make it to church and into the sanctuary with my desire to praise still intact, Satan seems to step up the attack in order to get my eyes off of God. Sometimes the distractions come from wrong notes being sung, improperly advancing slides, or other technical difficulties. But yesterday, my biggest source of distraction was my beautiful children. I was standing there trying so hard to press through the distractions all around me, and my kids were hanging on me, hugging me, even racing about the sanctuary. This is the moment at which I realized what a sneaky, snake the devil is. Here he was using my favorite thing on this earth, my babies, to distract me from worshipping my God. I calmly directed my children to praise or sit quietly still returned to lifting my hands and praising my Lord. I could hear one though echoing through my brain, “Press through…. Press through… Press through….”

Sometimes it is not easy to praise God, follow God, hear from God, but we have to press through. We have to press through the distractions of children interrupting our worship, dirty dishes calling us to step away from our study of the Bible, and sinful tendencies calling us to turn away from our God. We have to press through!

No matter how big the distraction, I hope today you’ll hear this thought echoing through your brain, “Press through… Press through…. Press through…” And next week Sunday when you wake up, before you even put your feet on the ground, remember: For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12). Then purpose in your heart to say, "Get thee behind me Satan!" every time a distraction comes your way. So that in the end you can stand, focused on your Savior, and singing the praises He is due.