One year ago...

Stitches

September 8, 2009... Some things are so fuzzy.  Some things are so clear.  I clearly remember sitting in a little vending machine alcove with Amber trying to keep our minds off what was going on in the operating room.  I hardly remember handing the kids off to my sister.  I remember Shane prayed with us before the pre-op nurse wheeled John away, but I don't remember much of what we said or did other than that..  I remember John left so quickly I didn't feel I had enough time with him and what if....  (Well you KNOW)...  What if that was the last time I saw him?  I remember how puffy he looked the first time I saw him after surgery, and I remember I cried tears of joy that he had made it through mingled with tears of sadness for how miserable he was.  I can't remember how long he was in that first ICU, but I remember the other family in the waiting room there.  I remember that their loved one wasn't expected to recover fully.  I remember eating TONS AND TONS of Noodles & Company.  I remember Amanda and Amber helping me watch the clock so we could tell John exactly how many minutes till he could press his morphine button.  I remember there was a hot male nurse Amber was sweating, but I couldn't pick him out of a line up.   And I remember the grumpy AWFUL nurse who preceded him.  I remember I hardly slept at all that week...  A few stolen winks on a family room couch... A few restless moments on an air mattress at my sister's.  I remember the AWFUL 2nd ICU, and its horrid brightness.  I remember the luxurious room we got once John got out of ICU.  I remember that it seemed we were at the hospital for years, but in reality we only spent 4 days there!  For BRAIN SURGERY! 

Daddy is my BFF

I remember tons of great nurses, doctors, therapists (most of the icky ones have faded away into fuzziness).  I remember my family and friends taking over care of the children, especially Cori caring for them EVERY spare unaccounted for minute.  I remember thinking over and over and OVER again, "The stress of all this should be killing me.  Why isn't it killing me?" I know now why...  because I was surrounded by a vast cloud of prayer.  I remember friends, family, even complete strangers blessing us with gifts, prayer, meals, food, advice, financial support.  I remember the sweetest of sweet (a little girl asking her daddy to send us 7 cents from her piggy bank), the crazy LAVISH (3 diff people gave us LARGE amounts - enough to pay the rent!), the very sacrificial (a friend whose family had struggled with unemployment for over a year slipped a folded up bill into my hand at church)....

Watchin TV in the hospital

But here it is ladies and gentlemen, what I remember the most:  He was right there with us through the whole thing.  He didn't drop the ball.  He didn't wring His hands.  He gathered us in His arms.  He buoyed us up with His people.  He healed my husband with a skillful surgeon from his tool box.  He carried us, He loved us, He provided for us, He stayed by us!

On our way home...

I don't know what you're facing today... I have friends facing foreclosure... I have a friend who just inherited FIVE children he is trying to keep together as a family.... I have friends struggling with a mysterious illness... Another struggling with the pain of divorce brought on by unfaithfulness... ALL of these needs and MORE are on my heart this morning.... A year and a half ago my heart would have felt such DEEP sadness for these situations.  Today, I feel a little sadness, but mostly I feel awe, wonder and expectation!  I know that I know that I KNOW that our God WILL come through for all of you in miraculous ways!  Just ask Him and then look for the answers.  

Last year, He pulled us through things I thought I could never make it through (a mini-stroke, being out of work for TWO MONTHS with no pay).  We hit rock bottom, time and time and TIME again last year, and we learned to cherish each and every day as a blessing from God.  I believe with all of me that He will pull you through too.  If you have a little time and want a little encouragement go back and read (or re-read) my blogs from last year:  August, September, October.... we were in the belly of the beast, and here we stand today having made it through by the grace of God.  He will get you through too!  So hang on and let Him carry you.

Update and a little inspiration.....

Well... John returned to work yesterday. It went fine, but on Mondays he only has to work the one job (MU) so today will be the real test. He plans to return to McD tonight.

Last night he climbed into bed, and there was NO winding down... before the opening credits of our episode of The Office were done, he was ZONKED! So I'm thinking he was a little tired from returning to work at ONE JOB. Tonight I better use my killer spotting techniques as he may not even make it to the bed before falling asleep!

Switching up his meds and increasing the pain killers along with lots of rest and heat/ice therapy has gotten him to the point where he can function again. However, his pain is still at a much higher level than we'd like it to be. Please continue to pray for his stamina. The pain wears him out A LOT. He is drained from just the simple tasks of a normal day. Also continue to pray about the discouragement. He is VERY down and struggling with despair over not being able to get past this. Finally, of course pray for healing... While we recognize that he very well COULD be like this the rest of his life, we refuse to accept that as the end. Our God raised the dead! Our God parted the Red Sea! Our God turned water into wine! What are a few spasmed neck muscles, excruciating headaches, and significant exhaustion to Him?????

So we're still here... hanging on... we had a LOVELY evening last night with two beautiful angels and their guys. Amanda and Amber came to celebrate Father's Day with a cookout at our house. We had a very nice dinner and then watched RV. However, our evening was cut short by the severe weather. They had to skirt out of here QUICK to beat the storms. While the storms did leave me feeling jilted and neglected (we got NOTHING out here in Dodge county! just a little thunder and lightening... no tornadoes... no hail... no hurricane force winds... BLECH!), they were also a good reminder to me. My God created this whole universe. He is bigger and stronger than the tornado that ripped through Eagle last night. He holds the power of those lightening strikes in the palm of His hand. He holds back the rain and sends it forth. I take comfort in knowing my Heavenly Father is THAT big and THAT powerful.

Hope you do too....

Thankful Blog Part 3 - My Children

All I ever wanted to be was a Momma and a Wife. I went to college, had a career, but all along I was really hoping someone would marry me and make me a Momma. I laughed with WILD abandon at the movie 27 Dresses. While I didn't have quite 27 to my credit, I did have one summer where I was a bridesmaid in 3 weddings. WOWZER! It did for sure seem I would be "always a bridesmaid and never a bride." Then with lightening speed I met this man who fit my one and only, sole qualification: he loved Jesus. We married within 10 months and just 17 months after we married.... VOILA! I became a momma. It has been the most amazing, wonderful, excruciating, incredible experience I have EVER undertaken. It is everything I hoped of and everything I never realized it would be.

The one overarching thing I am most thankful for with regards to my children is how deeply, genuinely, and completely they love Jesus. It is amazing to me. Nine times out of ten, these children are the FIRST to say, "We should pray about that." They LOVE to go to Sunday school and AWANA. They just love Jesus. Jeremiah recently had this conversation with me,

"Mom I love you so much."
"I love you too baby."
"I love Jesus a lot too."
"I know you do baby."
"Is it okay if I love Jesus more than I love you."
"Absolutely Jeremiah. You should NEVER love anyone more than you love Jesus."
"Okay. Good."

Then from that point on he would frequently tell me and his siblings, "I love mom but I love Jesus more. You have to love Jesus more." Precious.

My time is quickly slipping away as we have to pack up our baked goodies and travel the hour into town for the Road Rally and Grand Feast, but I want to quickly mention a few more things for which I am thankful with regards to these children:

Noah James... my firstborn - I am grateful that this boy is so fiercely protective of his brothers, his baby sister, his momma, and actually any child or baby he meets. Our friends Brad & Amanda have a new baby and the few times she has been at our house, Noah follows her around making sure she doesn't get near the stairs, fall off a chair, or get into a toy which is not safe for her. This boy he is such a protector at heart. I am grateful for how completely he "gets" the things of God and desires to take in more and more knowledge about Him. I am grateful to this child for turning me into a mom.

Jeremiah David.... my sensitive one - This child sense when I am sad. He runs to comfort me if I cry. This summer was a tough one for this family and every time I dissolved into tears, I could count on his arms being quickly wrapped around my neck and his asking, "Mom can I pray for you?" That's the second thing: this child LOVES to pray for people. Everything that concerns him... every hurt he sees.... every need that occurs.... he takes to his God in prayer. I am thankful for how responsible and orderly Jeremiah is. If you ask Jeremiah to do something, if you give him a set of instructions to follow, you can count on the fact that every single i will be dotted and every single t will be crossed. I love that this boy has such a soft and moldable heart. If he is caught in a sin, he is QUICK to confess and make reparations. I am grateful to this child for making my job as a mom a little easier.

Elijah Daniel.... my oopsie baby - I always tell Elijah he is the best surprise God ever gave me. I joke that a child who was conceived in spite of TWO forms of birth control was destine to be resourceful, scrappy, determined. This boy is all of those things and some. My best parenting stories all stem from him: broken toilets - him, butter spread in the windowsill - him, poop in the stuffed Elmo's mouth - him... Elijah has given me most of my gray hair, but every time he ends up in one of his escapades I think of what my wise Momma always tells me, "You are not raising successful children. You are raising successful adults." And that resourcefulness will do him VERY well as an adult. I am thankful for this child's brain. I can frequently "see" it working behind those gorgeous eyes fringed in ridiculously long eyelashes. I am thankful for how energetically he attacks EVERYTHING in life. I am even grateful for how he knows EVERYTHING. I am grateful to this child for keeping me on my toes.

Hannah Elyzabeth... my little princess - I am thankful that God gave me a pretty little dollop of frosting on top of this amazing cake of children I have. She is EVERYTHING I hoped a girl would be: tender and tough, frilly and fierce.... part princess, part linebacker. I am thankful that God gave her imperfect eyes for it keeps her real. I am thankful that she is a little bit of each of her brothers: protective like Noah, sensitive like Jeremiah, impish like Elijah.... and yet COMPLETELY her own.... I have never seen a 3 year old who can command such attention from 3 older boys.... that little girl is like Hitler! She controls her brothers better than I do. Oh and I saved the best for last: If you ask Hannah what she wants to be when she grows up.... she says, "A cheerleader!" Perfection! I am grateful to this little girl for being my best buddy forever (pinky swear).

I can't end a blog about my children without a quick shout out to my step-babies. You know regretfully I don't know them as well as I wish I did. The past corrupted the present making the future very difficult to navigate. I, ever the optimist, am prayerful that God will continue doing His redeeming, healing work in their relationships with their daddy and the rest of us, and I am very grateful for the chance to be a part (no matter how small or big) of their lives.

Alex Joseph - I am grateful that he is a strong, brave, responsible man. I am grateful to him for sacrificing being with his beloved bride and his beautiful new children to travel across the ocean and fight to protect our freedoms.

Amanda Gene - I am grateful for Amanda's loving, giving, sacrificial heart. And this Thanksgiving I am grateful for the budding relationship I see growing between her and her daddy. God can do amazing things if you let Him and I am grateful that Amanda is letting him.

Amber Jade - I am grateful for this girl's spunk! This girl is scrappy and tough and (while this is slightly off topic) the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. My favorite story about Amber is one John LOVES to tell. She was young (idk maybe 3 or 4) and he took her to Chuck E. Cheese. Some kid tried to skip her on a ride and she hauled off and punched him in the face. Life will NOT take advantage of this girl and I am excited to see the woman she is going to become. I see her taking on life just like that kid at Chuck E. Cheese. It better not try to skip her or it will pay the price.

This Thanksgiving I am eternally grateful that God gave me what I wanted, sevenfold. I am the momma to 4 amazing children and the step-mother to 3 incredible adults. Thank you Jesus!

Update from the weekend

It seems we are slowly but surely getting better around here. It was a fairly decent weekend.... Christina and Matt came for a visit on Saturday. It snowed while they were here! Then Sunday we went to church! It was GREAT to be back in the house of the Lord. After church James & Amanda came for a visit and the Nordmeyers brought dinner. It was a very fun weekend of visits and socializing.

Today John's neck is VERY stiff, but other than that he is doing pretty well. I, on the other hand, am not so well. I am on day 3 of a very bad headache. I am starting to wonder if I have a touch of the flu or something :( I'm taking pain meds like they are going out of style but no go yet...

With regards to our high aspirations to have a I Survived Brain Cancer Party. That's not looking like it will happen. That is turning out to be the weekend we are HOPING John will return to work. We do NOT want to be throwing a big party that weekend. After that in VERY quick succession comes Noah's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! We'd really LOVE to just have people come on up for a visit when they can make it. Please do NOT wait for an invitation. You are always welcome! So please let us know when you can make it up here. We'd love to have you.

I think that's all.... just your typical things going on besides that.... Please just keep up in your prayers:
***continued prayer for our finances. I keep trying to remind myself God's gotten us this far He isn't going to dump us now, but it is still a little nerve wracking to have no income.
***Also continued prayer for healing all around. John's been using heat therapy ALL day, and I'm contemplating making the hike into West Bend for some Starbucks if the Tylenol I took a bit ago doesn't kick in soon.

Well I gotta get back to work. Hope you are all having a blessed Monday!

One foot in front of the other

Seriously? Seriously? I think the title for this weekend should be, God Pampers Jami. Just THIS weekend, I/we received the following gifts from God and His people:

*help with running errands
*time spent catching up with my step-daughter
*a mini-spa day in my own bathroom
*help cleaning my house
*4 dinners prepared for me
*time spent catching up with a former cheerleader
*a COMPLETELY ordered and cleaned house (which the kids TRASHED within 2 hours of returning home last night….oh well it was nice while it lasted)
*monetary gifts (one which COMPLETELY paid the rent which is due in 3 days)
*much needed time reconnecting with my family
*the blessing of reconnecting with our NDC church family
*a chance to run to the grocery store ALL BY MYSELF

It all got me thinking about how the night is always the darkest just before the dawn.

My blog from Thursday revealed the deep desperation of my soul. I was depleted, exhausted, completely wrung out and DRAINED. While I really never would “throw in the towel,” I desperately WANTED too! I desperately wanted to just toss down my dishtowel and crawl in my bed pulling the covers over my head and crying and drooling until this all went away. Friday dawned and more of the same. I developed a wretched headache as the day wore on. I had an invitation to a girls’ night with friends from high school I haven’t seen in 20 years. I wanted DESPERATELY to go, yet I just couldn’t gather the strength. Still in my stubborn head I tried to make it work, until a bunch of work rained down on me making it impossible for me to finish up in time to make it into the city for that. My night seemed so dark and deep. I didn’t see how I was going to keep walking through it.

Then like a pin prick of light FAR in the distance, I got a text from Amanda. “How’s it going?” I asked her if she wanted the reality answer or the sugar-coated answer a step-mom should give. She said, “Give it to me REAL.” I told her it was pretty brutal. She offered help and the day started to dawn on my dark night. What followed was an AVALANCHE of relief and brightly dawning day (see above list). This weekend replenished me and rejuvenated me more than I could have imagined was possible.

Here’s the thing: we never know if this part of the night is the darkest. When walking through it, I didn’t know. Was the point I was at on Thursday night the bottom of the barrel? No. Okay then Friday morning when I thought my head would explode? No. Well how about Friday night when the disappointment over having to miss the little girls night reunion. Yups! There is was… the turning point. But until the light starts to dawn, there is no way to know how long the night will last. So what are we to do? What is the word from God to tell us how to proceed? When the night seems so long? When the darkness just WON’T break? I got the answer from my pastor, “Just keep putting one foot in front of the other Jami.” Until you see that first pinprick of dawn, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It is hard. It is scary. You can’t see where you’re going. You’re tired. You’re READY for the dawn. But until that pinprick of light breaks through, JUST KEEP PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER!

So! The Kastner’s made it through that dark night. I am sure there are MANY more to come even just in this chapter titled, “Chiari Malformation.” Right now I’m praying this light of day part lasts for a little while so we can have a little rest. But when the darkness crowds in again, I will try hard to remember: one foot in front of the other…. one foot in front of the other….

I get by with a little help from my friends....

Phew! What an AMAZING weekend so far! Thanks greatly in part to two angelic creatures: Amanda Kastner and Erica Conner. Last week was altogether grueling and seriously had me on my knees begging for mercy. Last night and today replenished, refreshed and rejuvenated me, body and soul. But let's start with what you really wanna know: John.

Well, he's still pretty out of it, and now he's kinda pissed too. See Jami decided to switch her approach to one that is more of a "tough love" kinda approach. After conversing with the doctor's office late last week, one thing really struck home. The nurse said, "One thing we worry about is if he is getting enough nutrition. If he is not, then that can intensify the dizziness, making him not want to get out of bed or eat for fear of vomitting from the dizziness-induced nausea and it becomes a vicious cycle." That hit home with me because John has NOT been eating well AT ALL. He hasn't been on the scale in a while but I would guess his weight loss is well over 30 pounds by now. He is just not very hungry and does not eat much. So #1, I have been NAGGING him continually to eat and I have been trying to pack the meals I do get him to eat with TONS of calories (I should have such a problem hey?)

The other thing that happened was last night I was lying in bed next to him for a while and when I got up to go to the bathroom I had a HUGE headrush and almost lost my balance. It occurred to me that some of the dizziness may also be a vicious cycle of not being in a vertical position often enough. So #2, I have been nagging and prodding for him to get up, to spend more time sitting in the recliner, to walk around more. Tonight (in a very crusty voice) he told me, "You've been pushing me too hard all day and now I feel worse." HOWEVER, he is not acting any worse than he was in previous days. Soooooo the tough love continues.

I know he is miserable and I know that he is in pain, but I don't want to see him continuing to regress if there are things we can do to push on. Plus I remember from the hospital, the therapy people said, "Don't fall into the trap of doing to much for him." So tough love it is.... for those of you who know John PERSONALLY you know that it is no easy feat... using tough love on that guy, but then I guess it's a good thing God gave him a stubborn, bull-headed wife. If I can teach good grammar to 30 hormonal junior highers, then I can do ANYTHING! So.... Today, he ate breakfast and lunch in the chair and got up to sit in the chair a third time so he could give Erika a hug and say goodbye to her. He also ate two good and one mediocre sized meals. Tomorrow we're going to attempt to go into the city for my dad's birthday party. We'll see how that goes.

Sooooooo on to the awesomeness that is Jami's life! Last night my AMAZING step-daughter drove up from Milwaukee. Along the way, she stopped and picked up my emergency groceries (GOSH! the Kastner kids are going through milk like there is NO tomorrow!) and then she put away said groceries, helped me hang laundry on the line, hung out with her brothers and sister for a little bit, and let me gab her ear off before heading back into town. It was sooooooooooo nice to speak to someone over the age of 10 who is NOT doped up on narcotics. Plus grabbing those few groceries, saved me more time and headache than she will ever know! While she was here, I got a phone call from a former cheerleader, Erika Conner. She said, "I was wondering what your day looks like tomorrow. I'd like to come bring you dinner and help you clean." I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming (or more likely hallucinating). I told her for that I'd clear the president himself off my calendar. She said she'd be here sometime after lunch.

So this morning, with the words of the very wise Julene Houle running through my head, I decided to "do something for myself." I got the kids cleaning the man-cave (basement) and headed for the bathroom. I gave myself a mini-spa experience. I did my eyebrows, did a facial, put parafin on my elbows, shaved my legs, lather-rinsed-AND-repeated..... this body was squeakier clean than it has been in a LONG time.... and guess what? Julene was right! It made my soul feel better too.

After my self-indulgent spa time, I rolled up my sleeves and got down to it! By the time Erika had arrived I had only one tiny load of laundry left. The dishes had been cleaned. Lunch had been prepared. My closet had been cleaned. The kids rooms were done. The mancave was.... well passable. When the incredible Erika arrive (lasagna in hand), things were looking pretty good. She cleaned my bathrooms and mopped my kitchen floor, while I organized Hannah's drawers and FINALLY unpacked the linen closet. So now we've been in this house just about 8 weeks and we are FINALLY completely unpacked!!! WOOHOO! For the first time since we moved in (who am I kidding for the first time in a LOT longer than that), I finally feel like I am "ahead of the 8 ball." It is a wonderful feeling.

Right now, as I sit here at my computer (up waaaaaaaaay too late), the only things I still have to do are clean off the top of my dresser and switch the loads of laundry. The kitchen is clean. Floor was even spot mopped after dinner. The coffee pot is set to start brewing at 6 a.m. The mancave is in order. The kids rooms are clean and they are sleeping. I am finishing up just a few tasks to prepare myself for my hike down south tomorrow and then I'm off to bed.

Funny how just 48 hours can change your perspective completely.....all thanks to a little help from my friends.

Please pray for John....

Well they moved us out of the Neuro ICU and up to a different ICU (I think it said surgical ICU). They said it is because he is so stable, but I feel like we've been banished. This room is TEENY, TINY. It has this horrible window that has no shade or drape and it is way TOO bright in here. John's headache has worsened significantly, and the light is exacerbating the problem. I put a folded up sheet over his eyes to block the light. Also there is an obnoxious phone that keeps ringing RIGHT outside our door. This place feels like Hades.

How to pray:
1. John's pain is increasing. He has a bad headache in the front of his head. One of the neurosurgeons said this was probably from air which got into his brain cavity while it was cut open (sooooooooooooo not using anatomically/medically correct terminology... they had a word for it: pneumo something-or-other...)... they put him on an oxygen mask which will somehow dissipate the air. Please pray for it to go FAST.
2. He hasn't eaten much today. He is very sleepy. This is kinda two concerns in one. We aren't sure why he is so sleepy, but he is really rarely awake. Please pray that he will perk up a little and that he will eat at dinner time.
3. Neck...his neck is very stiff (obviously... it was cut open yesterday). Pray that his muscles will relax some.
4. I am suffering from a BAD headache. I'm sure from lack of sleep. Yet I'm not comfortable leaving him here overnight (especially since they moved him to Hades). Please pray for me. My s-i-l is bringing me excedrin migraine... hopefully that and your prayers will do the trick.
5. The children are being a little squirrely (hope Jen Kallas isn't reading this and getting scared off). Pray for them. This is taking it's toll on them all in different ways. Noah misses his Daddy a lot and he "gets" what's going on so he is worried too. Jeremiah, Elijah and Hannah seem to be all fine and dandy but their poor behavior reveals that isn't really true. Don't forget to pray for Alex in Afghanistan, Amanda and Amber too.

Thanks so much to EVERYONE supporting us. Your love, prayers, food, gifts, are sustaining us through this trying time.

Brain Surgery SUCKS!

Well today was a fun day (NOT!). John left for work at normal time but by 11 a.m. his boss had sent him home because he was so ill. He was dizzy, unable to walk, fatigued, and the headache was excruciating. His daughter, Amanda, picked him up at Marquette and brought him ALL the way out to Iron Ridge. When he arrived, he collapsed into bed and slept sounder then the dead for four hours.

I spent the day trying to get my work done in between phone calls to doctors and the HR department at MU, and making arrangements for the kids for next week. Tonight we spent the night arguing with each other and with well-meaning people who have all of a sudden become experts in the field of brain surgery. We are BOTH exhausted, depleted, and weary.

In addition to the pain, agony, medical red-tape, and arguing, the finances are already getting interesting as well. However, like Manna from the sky, God has already provided a few signs that we should "consider the lillies of the field...." Just a few moments ago our neighbors arrived with bags of frozen food for us. Yesterday, another neighbor dropped by with a bag of rhubarb. But here is my favorite story. Over the weekend I had been corresponding with a lady from a homeschool classified website about purchasing a textbook Noah needs for science. I was supposed to send her a check for the book, but honestly in the midst of all of this medical frenzy, I kinda forgot. When she e-mailed me yesterday to inquire if I had mailed the check or not, I had to tell her that even though the book was not very expensive I could no longer purchase it. I told her my husband was having brain surgery and would be out of work without pay for a month. Even the smallest expenses would have to be curtailed and I would have to wait to purcahse Noah's new science text until later in the year. The response of this complete stranger blessed me and reminded me that God WILL provide for the Kastners during this time. She said, "Then I would like to send you this book for free." She also asked for permission to add John to her church's prayer list. I said PLEASE we will take ALL the prayer we can get.

I am exhausted, overwhelmed and stretched to what feels like the breaking point, but I am SURE of this.... God will get us through this. He feeds the sparrows.... He will NOT let the Kastners starve.

So after a long day of planning and arranging, here is what our timeline looks like:

Wednesday (tomorrow):
***John will go to work if he is feeling up to it (PLEASE PRAY that he is up to it. Not so much for the money.... if God is going to provide for us during John's recovery what are a few more days??? more for John's peace of mind. He is so stressed, and he feels so defeated and useless right now)

Thursday:
***just before lunch John has an appointment with his primary care physician who has to clear him as fit for surgery
***at 2:30 p.m. he has his final pre-op appointment with the Neurosurgeon

Saturday:
***we are having a chili dinner/prayer meeting/bonfire at our house. Please join us if you can. 5 p.m. for chili; prayer at 6 p.m.; fire when it gets dark

Tuesday:
***surgery day (time to be determined)

I already have care arranged for the children every day next week: Tuesday through Saturday; I will be staying in the hospital with John the first night after his surgery. After that the kids and I will most likely be sleeping in town with my sister so as to not be so far away from John.

PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! it is LESS than a week away! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!





Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these." If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
Matthew 6:27-33

Information from the Neurosurgeon

Well John has two things wrong with his brain (I know, I know you thought there were many more than that).

1. Cavernoma – he has a spot on the left side of his brain which the neurosurgeon suspects is a cavernoma. Apparently a cavernoma is a leaky blood vessel. The doctor does not believe this is what is causing his symptoms: right side weakness, headaches, vision problems, etc… However, this area must be looked at more closely to confirm the doctor’s suspicions that it is not the main culprit.
2. Chiari Malformation – John also has a Chiari Malformation at the base of his brain. Basically, his brain is sinking into the top of his spinal column and putting pressure onto his spinal cord. The doctor suspects this is what is causing the symptoms. The solution for this is brain surgery.

What is the gameplan? It’s gonna move pretty quickly. Apparently the quicker this is resolved the more likely that John’s right side weakness and other symptoms will be resolved and not be permanent.

1. Tomorrow he goes to Hartford Hospital for an MRI of his cervical spine.
2. Monday he goes to St. Luke’s (in Milwaukee) for an angiogram of his brain.
3. Thursday we go back to the neurosurgeon to see if brain surgery is the recommendation.

Prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer! We need PRAYER!

1. Wisdom for the doctors, nurses, technicians, etc…. to figure this out for sure and come up with the proper plan of action.
2. Complete and total healing. Whether through God’s miraculous intervention or through the healing hands of the doctor doing surgery….beggars can’t be choosers. We will take it however we can get it.
3. Practical matters: caring for the kids during all of this, paying the bills if John ends up out of work for surgery, short-term disability, FMLA, how much sick time does he have left, etc, etc, etc…

As far as the children go: Alex is in Afghanistan and will find out what he needs to know when he needs to know it. Amanda and Amber are adults and we are including them on everything we know. Noah, Jeremiah, Elijah and Hannah are way too young to process this. We will be telling them in bits and pieces on an as need basis. For example, Monday they will be with my sister Cori all day, and they will know that Daddy has to have a better picture taken of his brain. If any of you have chance to talk with any of them about this, we wanted to make sure you know what we are telling them.

We are exhausted, a bit overwhelmed, but completely secure in the verse that closes every e-mail I send: He knows the plans He has for us and they are plans to prosper us and not to harm us… plans to give us hope and a future. Thank you in advance for your prayers.