Romans 14....

I have read Romans 14 twice in the past two days... It keeps sticking in my craw and calling me back to my earlier musings about honesty.

Read these excerpts....

v1 Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.

v4 Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

v13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.

v15If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died.

v17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,

v19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

v22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God.

It got me thinking about how we as Christians (heck! we as human beings!) get so caught up on arguing about who's right: should we baptize babies or adults, is it okay for Christians to consume alcohol, speaking in tongues, clapping during worship, KJV, NIV, yada yada yada!

Guess what? Here's my assertion: NONE of that matters! None of it! Every single one of those things falls under PERSONAL! Between each individual and his/her God. The only thing we as Christians should be asserting... The only thing we should be debating is the supremacy of the gospel. But we preach Christ crucified.... (I Cor 1:23) That is ALL that matters! That is what is important! Making sure everyone we love, everyone we know, everyone we come into contact with knows this one thing: they are a sinner without hope except for this CHRIST DIED FOR THEIR SINS. That is all that matters. That is what is important.

In a sermon, I heard Aaron Cole say that it is his responsibility to tell us how to get saved, and it is the Holy Spirit's responsibility to tell us how to change our lives. What a much better place this world would be if we ALL took on that attitude! "It is my job to tell people how to get saved. I will leave the life changing up to the Holy Spirit."

This was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn as a new bride. (In fact, truth be told, I am still learning it now... as an old bride.) I am NOT John's Holy Spirit. It is NOT my job to tell him what God wants for his life. "But Jami!" you say. "Of course God wants my husband to go to church every Sunday!" Yes, He likely does, but do you really and truly think that God needs YOU to impress that point upon your husband??? "But Jami!" you say. "My sister lets my niece's boyfriend sleepover and she is just fifteen! That is SO dangerous!" Probably. But AGAIN are you SURE that YOU are the voice God wants to use to convey that message. "BUT JAMI!" you say. "Doesn't the Bible tell us, Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way swill save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins (James 5:20)?" Yes but AGAIN I caution you.... are you SURE that God is telling YOU to turn that sinner from the error of his way or do you just WANT to turn that sinner from the error of his way?

Again, I refer back to Romans 14:

v22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God.

God does NOT need you to be the Holy Spirit, and I believe that 9 times out of 10, God does not use direct confrontation to save a sinner from the error of his ways... instead more often then not, I see God coming in as a gentle wind.... convicting a sinner by his/her observations or by a verse from the Word or a lyric from a song. It has been my experience that typically, little to no progress is gained from a trying to turn a sinner from the error of his ways with direct confrontation. Typically, from my observation, what happens is that "sinner" only gets defensive, stubbornly digging in his heels and refusing to budge. Therefore, I try so hard to put into practice this instruction (not just with regards to my interactions with my husband but with ALL)... so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, I Peter 3:1 (emphasis mine).

Now please do not mistake me. I am not saying that there is NEVER a time for confrontation or for debating. But here is what I am saying.... I think people are way too quick to judge, confront, debate trivial things, and I think that Satan LOVES that about us. He gets us distracted debating doctrine. He gets us tied up in arguing whose beliefs are correct. He gets us bogged down by petty issues. So that we have NO time for doing the ONLY thing we are called to do: share the gospel.

Mkay... I guess I'm done with today's musings... I need to get back to work (and back to nursing my ailing hubby)... In closing, I would like to point out that I am by NO WAY an expert on this issue. I struggle EVERY day to keep my mouth shut about things that are not my business. This whole blog was a bit of a reminder to ME about what I should be doing.

In some of my favorite words from one of my favorite guys:

"I'm just one beggar showing another beggar where there's food." Shane Houle.

Though None Go with Me

The other night John and I watched Though None Go with Me. I have been trying ever since to find the words to describe this movie: life altering, affirming, encouraging.... all these apply, but yet it was MORE for me. I recommend this movie as highly as a movie can be recommended by a human being. You NEED to see this movie!

The movie tells the story of a woman who follows Christ all her life in spite of NUMEROUS and devastating struggles. I cried harder then I have cried since my mother-in-law gave us a copy of the EVIL and despicable movie The Christmas Shoes.

John and I have been through our share of struggles, especially as of late. Because of this, I have wrestled long and hard with the concept of why Christians faces trials.... sometimes trials of GARGANTUAN proportions. Here's what I have come up with (because I don't want to be a spoiler I'm not connecting any of these reasons to Though None Go with Me... you'll have to check it out for yourselves to figure out which reason is from the movie).

1. The Eve effect - In the garden, Eve took the fruit. She made a choice to disobey God's instructions, and she reaped the logical consequences of her actions: banishment from the garden. Sometimes Christians suffer due to reaping the logical consequences of their own actions. There are times in our life when we go through a hardship that is simply just the outcome of a choice we made.... a choice to speed may get us a ticket, a choice to commit adultery may ruin our marriage, a choice to steal may end us in jail... That is just the way of natural consequences.

2. The Job effect - Job suffered TERRIBLY, but his suffering was not a result of his sin. It was a result of his righteousness. God gave Satan permission to test Job because God had FULL confidence that no matter what Job would stay faithful. Sometimes Christians suffer for that very reason, because God has confidence in their ability to stay faithful. Over the past few months, John and I have said quite frequently (and only half-jokingly), "Gosh I wish God didn't trust us so much!" This testing I guess should be considered an honor.... But it's not always easy to put on the glasses that see it that way.

3. The Kathi effect - I'm naming this one after my momma, because she recently shared it with me. Many of you who know me via Facebook have heard that my grandmother has been struggling with some debilitating health issues the past few months. Recently, my mother had a conversation with her about why she had to suffer so much. My mother told her, "Sometimes our suffering is not about us at all. Sometimes our suffering is for what other people can get out of it." There are times when we suffer so that others can see Jesus. So that people can see the strength of our faith in action. So that others can be witnessed to or encouraged or convicted.

How then to face our struggles? Should we sit around evaluating them from every angle trying hard to figure out why we are going through what we are? I really don't think that is the answer, mostly because I don't think it will get us anywhere. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (I Corinthians 13:12) Many things we experience on this earth will not make sense to us until we get to Heaven.

Therefore, I propose another way. Perhaps I'll call it the "Cover all your bases" way.

1. When you suffer, search your heart and ask God to reveal any sinful ways. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24) If any of your suffering is due to a sin you have committed, God will reveal that to you so that you can repent and turn away from it.

2. When you suffer, STAND strong!!! Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. (Ephesians 6:13) If your suffering is because God has full faith that you will stand the test, then be careful that you STAND! You do NOT want to give Satan a victory. Prove God RIGHT! Gird up your loins and just STAND!

3. When you suffer, focus on others. This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (I John 3:16) When you are struggling, look around you and see how you can "lay down your life" for another. The benefits of doing this are two-fold. It benefits those you focus on, but it also benefits you by getting your eyes off yourself and your suffering for awhile.

Trust me, I know hardships. I know struggles. I don't know how much of my "suffering pie" is allocated to reason number 1, 2 or 3 of suffering, but I do know that searching my heart, STANDING strong, and focusing on others has been a good way for me to get through the struggles I have faced. I hope it helps you too. [Oh, and GO SEE THAT MOVIE!]

The hole in my heart....

When people come into our lives and then leave, it leaves a hole in our heart. Funny thing is we can try and try and try to fill that hole with someone or something else, but it rarely works. No two people are alike; therefore, no two holes left in our heart are alike either.

Recently I lost a friend. Attempts at reconciliation have failed and currently we are estranged. While I believe that God always wants reconciliation (in a friendship, in a marriage, in a church), I realize that because we are flawed humans, reconciliation is not always possible. Sin, pride, misperception, unforgiveness can all get in the way and rob us of the perfect plan that God has for us. Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose… Philippians 2:2 Ever the optimist I have left myself open to “Maybe…. Someday….” in this friendship. However, the tiny little realist shoved away in the corner of my heart keeps trying to be heard, “Not this time Jami.”

Therefore, I mourn. Like a teenage girl replaying every text, note and call from her “ex BF”, I mope about the good times. My heart catches every time I touch the coffee cup that was a gift from this friend. My brain replays the situation over and over looking for how to fix it… how to find reconciliation.

Lately my torture has heated up to a boil. I am sure part of that is because Satan wants to torture me. He wants me feeling blue. He wants me missing and longing and lonely. He wants me caught up in YUCK so that I will be less effective for the kingdom of God. I think some of it is also because God wants to get my attention. He wants to call my eyes to different parts of this relationship. He wants me to see what went wrong and why it went wrong, and He wants me to learn from my mistakes. I guess what I can’t get past is just the estrangement. I am really not a person who has many enemies (that I know of). For me friendships wane and wax due to proximity or availability, but very seldom do they end abruptly and severely. In fact including this situation, I can only think of one other time that I have been estranged from a friend and just kinda agreed to let it lie and not be friends anymore. And even that situation, with time, resolved itself. The friendship was never the same, but we returned to being sisters in Christ and having an amicable relationship. I guess maybe it is just the fact that I don’t do “break-ups” well because I haven’t been through many of them. But my soul just has this longing…. This hole I can’t seem to fill….

I think this is what God is trying to tell me. It may not be the exact lesson God has for you in your unresolved relationship, BUT it is not sin and it is probably a good idea to give it a try because it can’t hurt.

1. Pray for my friend. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6:18 This verse doesn’t say pray for the saints who you’re in relationship with or pray for the saints who you are getting along with or even pray for the saints who want you to pray for them. It says, “praying for ALL the saints.” (emphasis mine and wishing I could make that PERIOD huge and more emphatic)

2. Walk away…. Again while I FULLY believe that God always WANTS us to reconcile… to make a friendship work…. to stay married…. to keep a church together… this is not always possible. There are times in life where we do have to separate. Abram and Lot had to separate. Their reason may not be the same as mine (or yours), but their example remains. Maybe to tell us, there are definitely times in life where we must go our separate ways. There are times in life when we must just walk away.

3. Never give up hope… I do not think it is wrong for me to hope that at some point in the future God will bring reconciliation about in this relationship. Love always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:7 There is nothing wrong with hanging onto hope. For that is what love does.

4. Let Him fill the hole left by my friend… When all else has failed… When I have tried everything I, in my human power, can do… I need to just let go of it and let God come in and “caulk” the tiny places where the hole hasn’t been completely filled.

So here I am today. Trying hard to prayerfully walk down this path minus one friend but never, ever letting go of the hope that someday in the future God’s will for ALL relationships, perfect unity, will be made complete in this one too.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone… Romans 12:18

completely exhausted

I purposely didn't capitalize anything in the title of this blog... too tired to hit my shift key unless it is rote and without conscious thought. I am so far beyond exhausted, I'm not sure I can even describe it to you. I cannot imagine how John feels!

We left our house at 10:30 a.m. and headed to Hartford for an appointment with John's primary care physician. I waited in the car with the kids while John went in to get the thumbs up for surgery. He was cleared! YIPEE! So then it was off to Milwaukee for an appointment with the neurosurgeon. We stopped in Menomonee Falls to hit the bank and get some lunch. It was a very nice quiet family time (not something we get a lot). I sat there thinking, "It's kinda sad that it takes a trauma to get my family to slow down and spend a little time together."

Dr. Ahuja's office was TRYING, TERRIBLE, and bordering on HORRENDOUS! Our appointment was at 2:30... we were early. The kids were squirrley. Hannah, Elijah, Jeremiah and I sat out in the hallway because the waiting room was so crowded there were no seats left for us. Finally we got in a room and waited at least another 30 - 45 minutes before seeing the doctor. John was "marked for surgery." As we walked out of the office, the nurse looked at John and said, "Your children are the most well-behaved children I have ever seen." I looked at her like she had just dropped off of Mars.... "These hooligans?" I thought.

On the way home, another trip to the bank this time with a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG wait. Then a stop at Target for toilet paper and a grueling drive home through rush hour. As I sit here at my puter typing, I literally feel like I am going to fall over. I DESPERATELY need to get some groceries in this house, but I am too tired to go out. We have cereal and milk, and two more meals of butter noodles is NOT going to kill anyone. I need to crash soon.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... we still don't have a surgery time. The nurse said the time will likely change 10x between now and Tuesday; therefore, they will just call us Monday to tell us.

A few more details:

1. If you are coming on Saturday to our chili/prayer/fire fest, please bring camp chairs. Also if you feel led, you can bring a dessert and/or some soda.

2. Hospital...we've been deluged with offers to be at the hospital with us during surgery. It is John's request that friends and family PLEASE refrain from coming to the hospital until he is feeling up to it. You can contact Jami via cell phone/text/e-mail/facebook if you want to come visit. I will let you know if he is up to visitors yet. I will also post to twitter and this blog when he is ready for visitors, but even still before you come please call/text/e-mail so we can try to limit the number of people there at one time.

3. If you'd like to send John an encouraging e-mail, his e-mail address is: jkastner3@gmail.com


How to pray:

1. John's dizziness has increased significantly. He is also very fatigued and weak. He has developed a stutter/stammer which is a bit concerning to the doctor. He can't explain that as a sign of Chiari Malformation. I'm not a doctor, but in my humble opinion, this is probably just because he is SOOOOOOOOOOO exhausted today due to such a long day. All of this is very frustrating to him and results in one or two temper tantrums a day (FINE! an hour!)

2. Jami: I am exhausted. Haven't been sleeping well. Trying to smush in a TON of work (I'm the only breadwinner right now) and all of the scheduling of John's doctor appointments and child care, also having to mediate in SEVERAL wars over all of this brain surgery nonsense. I am wiped and really, really, really need to sleep tonight.

3. Kids: will be shuffled around from relative to relative next week (with one dear friend thrown in for good measure).... Wednesday is their first day of AWANA... I'm thinking I will make the trek all the way back up north because I don't want them to miss this.... Please pray for as much normalcy as possible for them next week.

4. Continued provision for us financially and practically.... bills, meals, laundry, etc.... I am too tired to wiggle much less think about some of these things.


In closing, you know whenever I have prayed for people in these types of situations before, they would say, "Your prayers are such a blessing." "You will never know how much the prayer support means to us." "It makes all the difference to know so many are praying for us." I would always think.... "Whatever! It's the least I can do! Spending a little time in prayer for you who are suffering so greatly." Finally, I "get it." People all over the country are praying for us. Strangers we just met. Entire churches of our friends. And words cannot express how much that means to us. To know that all over the country (possibly even the world) our names are being lifted up by so many is humbling and encouraging. Please continue to pray....

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
I Corinthians 12:8 & 9

Happy Mother's Day

My mother loves me. This I know for sure. I have never ever doubted it. All of my life she has shown me her love. I am forty years old (okay fine ALMOST forty years old), yet my birthday is still a national holiday in her mind. I still get Easter baskets and St. Nick gifts from her. When she gives me a hug, she always does that extra tight squeeze and I can feel her thinking, “Mmmmm my baby.” Yes, I still am her baby.

So often I worry that I am failing my children. I am not teaching them how to clean up after themselves well enough. They live in a chaotic, crazy house. It is loud and disorganized and in a state of constant upheaval. I STINK at routines. I am great at making plans but HORRIBLE at following through with them. Were they stacked on end, the ways in which I am screwing up would reach to the moon.

But when I think back on my childhood, I realize that I don’t remember any of those things. I really don’t remember whether the house was clean or dirty. I do not really recall if my mother stuck to a schedule or not. I don’t remember learning to brush my teeth or tie my shoes or load the dishwasher. But I do remember that I was loved. I remember feeling important to my mother. I remember her sacrificing so I could have a swimming pool, take gymnastics and dance lessons, and go to a private school. I remember her popping popcorn with the top off on a rainy day and going down the curvy slide with us. I remember that every fiber of my being was loved with every fiber of my mom’s being. And it hits me….

It’s all about love, love, love, love, love…. Clean houses, mom’s with flat tummies, perfectly cooked meals… it is NOT about any of those things. A foundation of love is what a child needs. A child who grows up knowing to the core of his being he is loved is a lucky child. The mother who in spite of her own failings and shortcomings is able to convey this message to her child: you are loved. She is the successful mom.

My mom did at least one thing very, very, very right. She loved me, wholly, truly, completely and fully. She loved me. What a wonderful example for me to follow and what a wonderful gift she gave me.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom! I love you too.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:13