Driveway....

Well, we HAVE a driveway!  A beautiful, paved with asphalt DRIVEWAY!

The asphalt guy called Thursday night to report they were coming on Friday, and the kids and I spent at least 3 to 5 minutes jumping up and down and cheering, "Asphalt tomorrow! Asphalt tomorrow!"  It was EXCITING!

The next morning we arose and the momma had a GREAT idea! Drop all planned lessons and turn this asphalt into a project... One great learning experience.... Only I didn't know that God had a lesson planned for me too.

On WONDERFUL Wednesday, the men arrived to grade the driveway. They scooped it out, flattened it to even and packed it down tight. By Thankful Thursday, we already had a gorgeous, flat dirt driveway. But since flat dirt does not last long, we needed more. On Friday.... OH FRIDAY...

I watched the men pour the steaming hot blacktop onto our driveway,

scrape it flat with a BIG ugly machine

and then press it down tight with a HEAVY steamroller.

As you saw in my very first picture, the results were beautiful! [and functional too]

As this process unfolded in front of my eyes I saw an analogy forming. This driveway paving project made me think of the struggles we endure in life. See sometimes WE are my driveway... full of fissures, pot holes, and bare spots. When people come in contact with us they have to bounce along over the flaws, hanging on for dear life to avoid being hurt.

Every once in a while we come to the realization that we need some work. We might pray a furtive, "God, give me patience." or "Lord, I want to trust you more." Sometimes someone else prays the prayer, "Father, get a hold of my daughter's heart!" or "Jesus, PLEASE change my spouse."

In He comes with His shovels and rakes, flattening out the rough patches and evening out our landscape. This part isn't too uncomfortable. You know the part where He reveals to us, "It is YOU being selfish." or "You don't have RIGHT motives." how bout "Your spending habits are out of whack." or "You should NOT be in relationship with that person." It's uncomfortable, humbling, maybe a little embarrassing. But at the end of it we are flattened out, smooth, functional. We don't hurt people as much with our flaws fixed by the grace of God.

He could just leave us like that... a dirt road, flat and functional... but if He did, it really wouldn't last long. The rain would reform the gulleys, the wind would blow away the dirt, eventually we'd be right back to where we were in the first place.

It is smarter if He sends in the asphalt guys. Ya, that's the PAINFUL part. Hot, steaming asphalt poured on top of us... job eliminated, child sick, car broken down.... The asphalt is scraped flat and pressed down nice and tight. It isn't fun. It is PAINFUL! All that black hot asphalt of affliction... the scraping away until it is nice and flat... and then as if to add insult to injury the steamroller comes out and rolls over and over and OVER us.

Right now we're in the place where our cars are parked on the road. We have to let the blacktop settle a little before we can drive on it. Struggles are that way too. I find at the end of a really rough patch where God has flattened me out and laid some asphalt on top of what He was teaching me, He typically puts up a little rope and flag barrier at the end to keep troubles away for a short season. [sometimes so short that if I blink I miss it!]

In the end, the Kastner family ended up with a BEAUTIFUL and FUNCTIONAL new driveway... solid and firm... able to withstand the weather, the traffic, the skateboards, bikes and bouncing balls....

In the end, you will end up with a BEAUTIFUL and FUNCTIONAL spirit... solid and firm... able to withstand the trials, the everyday traffic....

If God's paving you today, hang on. Let Him work. It may inconvenience you, cause you pain, smell kinda bad but in the end the results will be BEAUTIFUL.

Thankful Thursday....

Yesterday as I was running the marathon of midweek services carpool (I so did NOT miss my calling as a soccer mom), Jeremiah was ruminating on his favorite holiday.

He said, "Mom, wanna know what my favorite holiday is?"
I said, "Sure Jeremiah."
He replied, "It's a tie between Christmas - cuz that's when Jesus was born, and Easter - because that's when he rose from the dead."

[THAT child! Oh heavenly day! he grabs my gut almost every time he opens his mouth!]

I told him those were great choices, and then revealed my favorite holiday has always been Thanksgiving, because I love being thankful. A short while later (alone in the van for a few brief moments) "Thankful Thursdays" popped into my head.  What a GREAT idea! Why wait to be thankful only one day a year???  So a new tradition is born. To start us out, I am posting

Top Ten Things I am Thankful for this Thursday


1. Jesus... my Jesus... He will always be the #1 thing I am thankful for. He makes ALL of the rest of these thankful things possible. He carries me when I'm weak. He holds me when I'm sad. He cheers me when I'm weary. What else can I say? I am thankful for Jesus!

2. John Joseph Kastner... What an amazing man! Really!  He IS! Hardworking, dedicated, fierce... the yin to my yang... I am thankful for John Joseph Kastner!

3. my babies... oh my babies! these children push me to my limits... they test me, try me and purify my faith.... they inspire me, encourage me and LOVE me... my children are definitely my treasure. I am thankful for my children!

4. asphalt... I am thankful for this wonderful thing called asphalt... yesterday our driveway was graded and then a nifty steamroller came and packed it down (the kids are LOVING having Bob the Builder in our front yard I tell you!) and within the next few days... ASPHALT will be poured, rolled, shoveled (I don't know or really care how they get it on there all I know is they will GET IT ON THERE!) onto our driveway. I am thankful for asphalt!

keep rollin, rollin, ROLLIN!

5. Demand Media.... in spite of the drama and the DRASTIC slow down in title availability, it is an AMAZING opportunity which has jump started my freelance writing career and for that I am grateful. I am thankful for Demand Media!


6. my new duster... this one may seem silly to you, but my allergies have been AWFUL lately. I am pretty sure it is because I haven't dusted since... ummmm idk Spring???  so last night at Walmart I bought the most AMAZING duster! under $3... it has a REMOVABLE, WASHABLE microstatic dust cover thingy... So I don't have to buy pricey refills!!!  I'm pretty sure its my favorite purchase this fall! As an added side-benefit, it has me feeling quite eco-friendly... It is EASY being green today! I am thankful for my new duster!

Look at all that DUST already!

7. cool bulletin board... One man's trash SURELY is another man's treasure! My mom did some de-cluttering and look what I got! I just love the organizational spirit behind a bulletin board! Isn't it awesome? This pic is from when we first hung it... it's MUCH fuller now... Every time I walk by it, I smile a little bit. I am thankful for my cool bulletin board.

8. my mom is HOME from Rwanda... My mom spent nearly two weeks in Rwanda ministering to the orphans and widows who are suffering from war and genocide. It was life changing and AWESOME for her and I'm glad she went, but I'm thankful my mom is HOME from Rwanda!

9. coffee... what kind of a thankful list would this be without coffee??? I have a brand new favorite mug (another one of my Momma's castoffs) and some coffee all the way from Rwanda... although truthfully haven't been able to use the coffee yet... have to get my hands on a coffee grinder (Walmart didn't have any... grrrr!) Still... I am thankful for coffee!

10. homeschooling... I am so grateful that I get to homeschool my babies. It is the BEST, most challenging thing I have ever done, and I wouldn't trade it for the world! Not gonna lie, every once in awhile I log onto the Mayville School District's website to see when "real school" starts and ends... (just dreaming y'all!) but in spite of the struggles I am SO glad I homeschool! (If you're interested, hop on over to my homeschooling blog to learn more.) I am thankful for homeschooling!


Thus ends our very first Thankful Thursday. I'd love it if you'd play along. You don't have to list 10 things, but maybe you could take a second to quickly post a comment? just ONE thing you are thankful for today... c'mon! I'm sure you can come up with ONE!










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Quick comment tutorial for the comment-impaired:

1. See that gray box down there? it is underneath my pink signature... a little further... underneath that row of pictures entitled "You might also like"... In that box it says "0 comments"... click on THAT!

2. In the box under "Leave your comment" type just ONE thing you are thankful for

3. Choose an identity... (anonymous is a PERFECTLY valid choice!)

4. Click on "Publish your comment"

5. Do not be alarmed that your comment doesn't show up right away... I have it set up so all comments require approval.

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A GREAT day to wake up!!!

This morning I woke up to random men standing in my driveway. That may not seem like a GREAT way to wake up, but hang on until the end of the story, you will see how great it was. I rolled out of bed, located my glasses, threw on the first jacket I could find to cover my pjs [found $10 in the pocket! WOOT! WOOT! It IS gonna be a GREAT day!], threw a mint in my mouth [GOLLY my morning breath is BAD when I actually sleep at night!], and headed out to see what was up.

With my bleary, sleep-clouded eyes I could not read the words on the side of the trucks, but I could tell it had to do with my driveway. You know about my driveway right?  It first burst onto the scene of My Life as a Lesson way back in 2009, when we first moved in and John had to have brain surgery. It plays a quite notable place in my life. [If you have ever seen it, you know why...] I have mentioned it on this blog at least 10 times.

Every time it rains, a little more of our driveway washes away. Before this morning we had a rut down the east side of our driveway that looked like a fault line in a low-budget earthquake movie.

Our landlord told us this spring that he was just going to get some quotes for blacktop and have it paved in the fall, but over the summer we learned the blacktop prices were pretty high, and he wasn't sure it was going to happen this year.

So when I walked out there I was sure the guys were going to say they were laying down another layer of stone, which in and of itself would be GREAT! When the first guy I reached said, we're getting ready to blacktop the driveway. I looked at him in shock! The next guy confirmed his assertion, but STILL I made the boss guy tell me again! I swear I wanted to plant a big wet kiss on each of those asphalt guys! OHMIGOSH! We're getting blacktop! We're getting blacktop! We're getting BLACKTOP!

It is like Christmas in October around here and I literally can't stop the jumping up and down feeling inside my heart!

Don't worry.... there's a lesson coming....

Remember when you were that excited over God? Remember when He came into your life and forgave your sins and saved your soul from a fiery eternity in the pit of hell? Remember when he miraculously provided (for that car, that house, that bill)? Remember when he got your husband through brain surgery, carried your child through chemotherapy, provided those "benign" test results?

This jumping up and down feeling inside of me keeps reminding me that EVERY SINGLE day I should feel like that! Every single day is a GREAT day to wake up! I don't need random dudes in my driveway blacktopping it for this day to be GREAT! God loves me! Jesus saved me from my sin! I have a place in Heaven that NO ONE and NOTHING can take away!

It is a GREAT day to wake up!  Hope you can see that too.

The God inside "a Jami"....

I had a Jami on Friday. Oh boy! Did I have a Jami!  Let me set the scene... and remember I haven't slept in FOREVER!

The Friday prior, I had a service man out to work on our washer.  If you have been a long time reader of this blog you will recall that this washer is NOT old.  Just eleven months old to be exact.  This is the THIRD time we've had to have it serviced (can you say THANK YOU LORD for a warranty?!?!?!?) and the man reported we would need ANOTHER new transmission (what is UP with this lemon???) So anyway after a week with no washer, in spite  of a trip to the laundromat, WOW! were we READY to see the washer repair guy return to install the parts which had FINALLY arrived.

So I went downstairs to get my morning work started, and Jeremiah came running downstairs, "Kiah ran away!" I rushed upstairs to assess the situation.  As I did, Noah called to say he was chasing Kiah through the cul de sac  behind our house. I got in the van to drive the leash to him.  I found them, but by the time I did they were in the field BEHIND the cul de sac with some random man I'd never met (a neighbor who came out to help Noah).  I traipsed through snow drifts in FLIP FLOPS to get the leash to Noah and watch as Kiah took off across Madison Road into the cornfield across the street.  I traipsed back THROUGH the snow bank in my flip flops and got in the van to depart the cul de sac, pass our house and get on Madison Road.

As I passed my house I saw the washer repair guy in the driveway.  I stopped to tell him I would be right back, and he informed me he could not enter the house until I got back... ERGH!  I got to Noah and random nice stranger (I'm starting to wonder if he was really an angel) and found Kiah was just PLAYING with us!  Zipping around the field... Coming close then going far away... Finally, random stranger tackled her and Noah was able to get the leash on her.  We traveled home and let the washer repair guy in, and I was EXHAUSTED and thinking what a Jami!  Little did I know....

We did school while the washer guy fixed our machine.  We did a happy dance because we could wash clothes again.  Meanwhile I received a phone call for work which was IRRITATING to say the least!  All I have to say about that is, "Do you want a job or not people???  Don't treat me like a bill collector!  I'm trying to HELP you get this job!"  Okay I'm done with my rant.

So I finished up that tangled situation and Noah came into my office, "Mom," he said very quietly and depressed, "I think I lost my cell phone when we were chasing Kiah." OHMIGOSH!  Actually this did not come as a big surprise to me, because I had tried to call him at one point during the fiasco, and he didn't answer.  But too much was happening then for me to process what that meant.

We hoped back in the car and traveled over to the first field Kiah frolicked in because I was pretty sure he had called me from that field and then not answered after that.  Noah said we should pray, and we did. The wind was whipping like CRAZY!  There was a high wind advisory that day. And I kept calling Noah's phone and praying he would hear it.  I also prayed that God would lead him to that phone. Noah tracked the sound of the phone zig zagging across the field.  I could tell he had the "scent" of it.  Finally he threw his hand up in the air in VICTORY! He found it!  It wasn't in a puddle.  It wasn't gnawed up by an animal. It wasn't lost forever.  He found the proverbial needle in the haystack (which shall from now on be called the cell phone in the corn field)!  Imagine our surprise therefore when he opened it up to find the ringer was disabled.  What in the WORLD had he heard then???  All of a sudden the MIRACLE of finding the phone in that HUGE field became breathtaking as we realized he could NOT have been hearing the real ringer.  God must have been leading him... whispering to him via the sound of a cell phone ringer because that phone's ringer was OFF!

Here I am finally at the inspiration part of my blog today:

God is ALWAYS inside "a Jami."  He is there!  I don't believe He causes the bad things to happen, but I believe He is right THERE making a way for good to come of it.  I believe that He laid His hand of protection over that tiny little cell phone for HOURS until we realized that it was gone.  Then He led us to the right field (through the whispering to my heart about the unanswered call) and STRAIGHT to the phone (through my son's ear which is finely tuned to sounds AND to God's voice). Not because that cell phone was SO important.  But because He wanted to teach us a lesson.... And likely because He KNEW that I would BLAB that lesson to all of you too.

God is THERE in the midst of our catastrophe!  He is THERE!  He doesn't want the chaos and craziness to be happening to us but we live in this evil, sinful world and there is NO way to avoid ALL of the yuck of the world we live in. But do NOT be deceived!  He is RIGHT there! Waiting and working and planning so that SOMEHOW even your worst tragedy turns out for your victory.

Hang on my dear friend!  Wait for it!  Wait for it!  There it IS!  The God inside "a Jami"!

Worship Wednesday: Hear my Cry

[disclaimer: I did not mean to go all reggae on you this morning, but this little snippet was the ONLY version I could find on playlist.com but I figure it is kinda a nice taste of Jamaica for those of us who are stuck in 12 degree WI]

Wowzer! The past 48-hours has been a whirlwind. Christina and I have decided that we should contact Webster's and ask them to add the following definition:

Jami (noun): a 24-hour period in which more catastrophic and minorly irritating events happen to you than happen to most people in an entire year.  Car accident, forgotten lunch, trip to the ER, and cat peed all over the comforter, what a Jami yesterday was!

It started when I received some heart breaking news about a dear loved one of mine. (names and details withheld to protect the innocent who didn't sign on to be a part of my blog)

Hear my cry, Oh Lord 

Next came some GREAT news... but it was hugely momentous as well and not without a great deal of stress. (same as above regarding details)

Attend unto my prayer

Then began the truly sketchy part... Awoke to a text from my mom:  Dad's taking me toWaukesha Memoria ER... heart... will text details.


From the ends of the earth, will I cry out to Thee


The entire day was FILLED with stress:
*snoblowed the driveway TWICE because John's neck flare up didn't allow him to do it; propane truck STILL couldn't get up the driveway; had to PAY THE SNOWPLOW GUY to plow driveway even though I sweated and labored and slipped my way through snowblowing it... TWICE!
*got ALL the way through the grocery store AND CHECKOUT only to find I had left my checkbook at home
*as I raced home to get the checkbook I didn't get over into a lane fast enough for some jerk behind me... he decided to just LAY on his horn until I moved... by that point I was ready to go POSTAL on someone.
*Mom was kept in the hospital overnight and scheduled for a 6 a.m. heart catherization.

And when my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the ROCK
That is higher than I

I have often wondered how people get through tough stuff without God.  I mean I can hardly get through it with Him!  I'm so glad I don't have to know.

Well my Jami is behind me (hopefully)... Today peace and calm has settled about my house. Gma spent the night last night so my dad could stay at the hospital with my mom. All four kiddos are still sleeping. John got off to work on time.  I'm on my second cup of coffee.  And BEST of all, I just got a text from my dad, Great news.  All arteries virtually unchanged from ten years ago.  Sending her back to room. We may be out by noon or so.

Thank you Jesus for being my Rock.  I could NOT do this thing called life without you.

Worship Wednesday: Carol of the Bells

Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells
All seem to say throw cares away
Christmas is here, bringing good cheer
To young and old, meek and the bold

Ding-dong, ding-dong, that is their song
With joyful ring, all caroling
One seems to hear, words of good cheer
From everywhere, filling the air

Gaily they ring, while people sing
Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here
Merry merry merry merry Christmas
Merry merry merry merry Christmas
On and on they send, on without end
Their joyful tone to every home
Ding-dong ding-dong, ding-dong ding-dong
Ding-dong ding-dong, ding-dong ding-dong


Meh... I know this one is not very spiritual, but today, THIS day, I need to hear, "Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells; All seem to say THROW CARES AWAY"  over and over and OVER again!


My days before vacation are going out like a LION!  I am stressed!  Trying to work... the kids let the dog out... didn't listen to me about how to get her back... I had to race out in my pajamas and robe to try to catch her... couldn't get the minivan back up the driveway... foot is ice cold from being in a snow bank... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  "THROW CARES AWAY!!!!!!  THROW CARES AWAY!!!!!"    My silver bells are screaming, "ONE MORE DAY JAMI! ONE MORE DAY!"


So anywhoos... there is my not very spiritual Worship Wednesday, but WAIT!  I think I just got my spiritual application!!!!


Throw your cares away!  Don't just be "merry" this Christmas but throw your cares away!  Because this isn't just about snow and lighted trees and presents!  The light of the world came to SAVE OUR SOULS!  How can ANY of our cares matter in light of that truth???


Hope you all have a BLESSED Christmas!  I literally have at least three blogs backed up in my heart, but I just have NOT had time to write about them lately.  Hopefully on my vaca I will find time to get them up here.


God bless!

The many facets of God's will (with a rabbit trail into the dark before the morning)...

So often in life I find myself amazed at the fact that God's will has SO many facets. There are so many different aspects of His will, that when you dive in it takes awhile to appreciate all of them. Yesterday, as I sat on my driveway after two solid days of family time, watching my husband throw a frisbee with the kids, the fullness of one facet of His will struck me.

I believe with all of me that moving out here to the boonies was God's will. Initially it seemed like a dream that was "too good to be true.".. The slightest of all rent increases to move to twice the house, 10x the yard and the promise of finally OWNING a house. God brought it all together with lightening quickness which also made it seem "to good to be true."

Before we even moved (but AFTER we had already "signed our names" in all the appropriate places) our dream came true took a turn for the nightmarish. There was this miraculous thing sitting on our horizon, but Satan wasn't going to let us have it without a fight. We doubted. We worried. We hemmed and hawed, but through it all His voice kept saying, "Proceed." The fires got hotter and hotter. Stroke, Chiari Malformation, brain surgery, out of work for months... The first months in our new place brought all sorts of doubts: maybe we weren't supposed to move way out here so far from all our family and friends... So far from civilization and our renown brain surgeon.. Maybe we would be evicted because we wouldn't be able to pay rent now... Or maybe even worse it would no longer be just our dream house which was threatened but this little family we had built would lose its Daddy.

Its like that sometimes with God's will. As you start down the path to a great breakthrough or momentous victory Satan attacks harder (because he knows you're nearing something great). I heard the BEST song the other day, The Morning After, by Josh Wilson. This lyric stuck with me:

'Cause the pain that you've been feeling

It's just the dark before the morning .

It is always darkest before the morning and sometimes we have to fight REALLY hard to get to God's will for us. Satan's not gonna let us have it for nothing, AND I believe that is part of how you know that what you are doing is God's will: Satan will RAGE against you because he does NOT want you to be in the center of God's will.

Sorry I took a little rabbit trail into the dark before the morning... I need to get back to the many facets of God's will....

So fast forward 11 months from the momentous day we moved in here. We have traveled through all sorts of dark, scary valleys. We have triumphed over so many roadblocks Satan put before us. We are firmly in this house, eleven months closer to being homeowners. Our children are THRIVING in an environment where they have a HUGE yard and more space to live. But yesterday God was focusing my eyes on another facet of His will for this place! Moving to the boonies wasn't just about good financial decisions and a better home/yard for our children. It was about freedom for this family to BE A FAMILY. See back in Franklin we had a happy FULL life. Yet we sacrificed all our "family time" to service and socializing and GOOD STUFF, but again it left not much FAMILY TIME.

Out here in the boonies we are isolated..... Even a bit lonely at times... Yet we are free from some of the things that used to occupy so much of our time and attention.... Here on the threshold of entering the tween years we are poised to make our best steps or fall flat on our faces, and I believe a successful passage across the doorstep to the tween and teen years includes TONS of time spent as a FAMILY. The Daddy of this family isn't home much so when he is here we need to do stuff TOGETHER. Our isolation out here in Butt Nowhere, WI helps us do that. While I feel a bit like a fish out of water, and I miss random NDY kids dropping over, sharing nearly every meal we had with a guest of some sort, former cheerleaders popping in day and night, I appreciate the fact that without those things there is more time for the SIX of us to be the six of us.

So whether you are in the dark before the morning or are appreciating another facet of His will for your life... HANG ON! Take a look around you! Even the dark before the morning can be beautiful if you look at it right and His will has so many different facets to be appreciated.

Lucy! You got some essplainin' to do!

As I sit here at my desk, scraped knee throbbing and twisted ankle aching, I am pondering the realization I came to last night: I often feel like my life is an episode of I Love Lucy. Now I don't have too many recollections of specific episodes of I Love Lucy. In fact, the only one I can pull up right now had Lucy & Ethel working in a candy factory, and in order to keep up with the conveyor line they were stuffing candies into their mouths. That's all I've got. However, I do remember the entire gist of the show was Lucy (and typically Ethel) getting into trouble and just having CHAOS ensue all around her. Here's the episode of I Love Jami that played out yesterday.

To set the scene, I have had a DIFFICULT week and a half or so, which started with a ton of emotional "re-healing," on the heels of which came my baby girl developing pneumonia, all throughout this time my work has been stressing me out to the point I fear I will stroke out, and then throw in a dash of normal Kastner Kraziness: a diorama had to be made for AWANA, Hannah's Cubbies' vest has been missing for two weeks, the wash machine has been broken for three weeks, we had to scrape together the money to get current on the van payment this week OR ELSE, and on top of all that, I decided to start working out to get back into shape. I haven't been drinking NEARLY enough coffee to compensate for these occurrences, but the exercise endorphins have been helping.

Soooooooooooooooooo.... I spent the day yesterday working. I sent out eight reports!!! (that's VERY good.... trust me.... typical would be 2 or 3) I also ROCKED our homeschooling world with my new rule: NO TV or Xbox until EVERY bit of school is done! The only TV break they took (in order to give me time to wrap up a little more work) was to watch a documentary on Australia I found on Netflix. By 1 p.m. we were done with school and by 4 p.m., I had gotten in nearly six hours of work! I was CRUISING!

I was bound and determined to workout even though tonight was AWANA and that was going to put some boundaries on my time frame. So at 4:30 I took off down the cul-de-sac on the cardio portion of my workout. As I traveled down the street, I saw there was a house for sale. Out of curiosity, I picked up a flyer and then to be funny, I started texting the details to my sister. I said, "Wanna move? 222K.... 3 BR... 3 bath... 1.25 acres..." POW! The pain hit me like a freight truck, from out of nowhere! Texting while walking is apparently just as dangerous as texting while driving for someone like Lucy (I mean Jami). I had veered too far to the left and stepped off the pavement onto the rocky shoulder, rolling my ankle and CRASHING to the ground forcefully. My ankle was twisted, my knee scraped, and my hands were burning (I had my gloves off so I could text better). I got up quickly and started hobbling towards home. It must have been the exercise endorphins or something, but it wasn't feeling too bad so I finished my first lap and started my second. They started wearing off in the second lap though, and I had to hobble back up my driveway.... AHHHHHHHHHHHH! to the house and RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation) my ankle.

After 15 minutes of RICE, I had to get up and get to work on dinner. I went to the kitchen sink to wash my hands and flipped the faucet to on. sputter, sputter, SPUT! No water came out. I don't know why (call it mother's intuition) but the FIRST thing that flew through my mind was (HANNAH!!!!!!) Somehow in my spirit, I just knew this was her work. I checked under the kitchen sink to see if the tube to the faucet was crimped. Nope! Then I went to the mudroom to check if a breaker was tripped. Nope! I traveled to all the other faucets on the first floor to see if any of them had water. Nope! Finally, destination downstairs I checked the basement bathroom faucet. Nope! Just too investigate ALL options (even though I still suspected Hannah) I checked the well/septic tank meter thingy...green light is good. Nope! I called John and went to accuse the boys of messing with something outside. Nope! They hadn't done ANYTHING (well that remains to be seen, but they weren't the water culprits. They were just playing in the quickly disappearing snow).

John said he would finish up one thing at work and head home early. I left a message for the landlord and then got an idea. If this was a problem with the well, then the other two homes that share our well should be having water troubles too. So I hobbled up the hill to the first house, trying to baby my ankle but not having much luck as the bending of my knee brought misery too. No one was home. I continued on to the second house starting to huff and puff from the exertion of climbing this hilly terrain with an injury on each leg. They had water. So it wasn't the well.

All the way back to my house the thought, "Hannah did something. Hannah did something." kept echoing in my brain. I decided to take one more look. I went into the furnace room (which just so happened to have a burnt out light and I therefore could not see anything) and was drawn (in the dark) to this orange lever. Somehow I just felt like this might be the problem. However, keep in mind, I am NO plumber. I actually had no idea if this lever controlled gas, water, or even sewage. But something inside me said, "Turn it!" As I gently turned it, I heard something liquid starting to rush through the pipe. I quickly turned it back to the starting place. I sent Noah upstairs with instructions to try the kitchen faucet and then turned the lever again. Voila! We had water! The water main shut off is in the hallway outside my office (the furnace room). It is LITERALLY at Hannah's elbow level (about two feet off the ground). I am POSITIVE that while standing outside my office in the "Knock and wait for Momma to finish her work call" posture, she just got bored and decided to play with that lever. AHHHHHHHHH! Crisis number 2 solved.

Racing upstairs barking orders to don AWANA clothes and jackets, find AWANA books, and GET IN THE CAR, I also placed calls to John and the landlord informing them the problem had been solved. As I was heading for the door to get in the minivan, Noah came rushing in, "We forgot to put the seats back in the van!" The boys had cleaned the van on Monday, and now we were down the entire back row of seats because they forgot to put them back! With no time to wrestle that stupid seat (which is ANYTHING but easy to remove and reinstall) I instructed Noah to just ride in the front seat with the seat slightly reclined (Something I RARELY do.... I promise! Do NOT turn me in to the seat belt police!) We headed off for AWANA and that was when the realization hit me, "My life is like an episode of I Love Lucy!" However, my conveyor belt wasn't finished moving quickly yet.... There was still time in this episode for a cherry on top of the sundae.

I dropped the kids at AWANA (somehow in the chaos Hannah had left her book at home so now she was minus her missing vest AND minus her book). I hobbled back to the car and returned home to see how John was doing installing my new under-the-sink water filtration system which had arrived just today. Here it is.... here's the cherry: The system we received was damaged. It couldn't be installed. We'd have to go through a return/exchange process and wait for a new one to arrive. I collapsed into my chair... throbbing knee, aching ankle, tightening back and shoulder (when you're old falling has widespread effects which aren't always initially noticed) SCREAMING and sighed. "Well, tomorrow's a brand new day," I thought.

I woke up this morning itching to get this I Love Lucy blog live. I had NO idea what lesson I was going to spin this into. I just knew that I had suffered through that sitcom-like evening, and I was going to get some mileage out of it! About halfway through typing this, Noah (the first one awake today) came downstairs. Last night, he went to sleep watching Facing the Giants, and now he had something written down his arm (from shoulder to wrist). He proudly displayed his homemade tattoo and told me it was his new motto. "Never give up. Never back down. Never lose faith." That was my lesson! It's the lesson you are all supposed to learn from "watching" this episode of I Love Jami. NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER BACK DOWN. NEVER LOSE FAITH.

That's what I'm gonna do.

NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER BACK DOWN. NEVER LOSE FAITH.

Blog silence....

WOW! Last week hit me in the face like a ton of BRICKS! Sorry if you missed my ramblings here online, but I had a CRAZY week with NO time for blogging. Quickly, lessons I learned:

1. Snow makes EVERYONE crazy! It makes drivers crazy. It makes Mommas crazy. It makes EVERYONE lose their minds. Note to all: snow is just rain but a little colder!

2. Cassie Jastrow is ALREADY an amazing hair stylist. No joke! The girl's only been in stylist school (or whatever they call it these days) for about 5 months and she is AWESOME! Must be a natural, because she did a GREAT job! (Shameless plug for Cassie: You TOO can get your hair cut by her all day on Monday's at the Aveda Institute downtown.... just $15!)

3. A family of 7 makes A LOT of laundry in just 4 days of a broken wash machine. Especially when day 1 of said broken wash machine started with the Momma behind on laundry. AYE CARUMBA!

4. 40-year olds should NOT attempt to sleep on couches... or on floors for that matter.

5. A certain blog writer maybe should have listened more carefully to Momma made crazy by snow in order to avoid being snowed in down in Franklin and having to endure #4.

6. Things always seem to work their way out. No matter how crazy and undecipherable they seem... they always seem to just work their way through.... Very seldom ending in complete and utter destruction. (This thought should be recalled next time I am up to my eyeballs in elephant dung.)

7. Traveling up my driveway should NEVER... repeat NEVER be attempted when said driveway is snow covered.

8. Country peops are not THAT friendly. Sure they'll wave as they pass by but will any of them stop to help a woman struggling with and bloodying herself on a stalled snow blower.... not really.

9. I should NEVER, EVER again treat McDonald's in a disdainful manner. Not even counting the fact that a good portion of our livelihood comes from this establishment..... the number of times that place has been a godsend bringing peace to my insanely loud minivan... bestowing comfort to my weary ears.... and even bailing me out when I'm trapped at the bottom of my driveway, can't get into the house to feed the kids, and have to leave for AWANA in 20 minutes.... NEVER again shall I speak an ill word of ANY McDonald's ANYWHERE!

10. 15 homeschoolers hopped up on TONS of sugar make A LOT of noise.

11. 9 hours sleep after nearly 2 weeks of complete and total sleep deprivation can make a person feel BRAND NEW!

12. Old people can drive you a little crazy. No matter how much you love them, they can seriously push you to the edge sometimes.

13. Quite often all your hard work will not result in glory for you, but will yield great rewards for the next person in line. Think of this at two times: 1. when you're the person slaving away and seeing no real results.... take hope because someone, somewhere, sometime WILL reap the benefits of your hard work. 2. When you have great success, do NOT forget to look back and give some thanks to those who came before you and laid the seed that you are harvesting now.

14. EVERYONE needs a day of rest. Especially four exhausted little children who are now congested and sore throated from being dragged all-around the State of Wisconsin (from Green Bay to Franklin) this week and only spent 2 days in the past 7 in their own house..... and especially their exhausted parents who did all the dragging and put up with 4 crabby little urchins.

15. Some wounds run so deep that they take a VERY long time to heal. Be patient with yourself. Keep moving forward. Healing will come and a stopwatch should not be put on it.

So PHEW! A new week has begun, and I for one am GLAD! Although I see there is more snow in the forecast this week.... AYE CARUMBA!

Home Sweet Home

In case you haven't heard the news, we are HOME! It all came as such a whirlwind! We really had no idea it was even a possibility. On Saturday a.m. a physician's assistant for our neurosurgeon came in. We asked her, "Is there any possibility we could go home today?" (half-kidding) She said, "I think that's possible." Wow! REALLY?!?!?! Well at 10:30 a.m. we were still waiting for the word from our doctor and by 12:30 p.m. we were in the car heading home. I've never experienced such a quick discharge from the hospital! Normally they say you can go home, but it takes hours to get paperwork and wheelchairs and the like. Not this time!

We wheeled out to our minivan at 12:30 p.m. but didn't arrive home at Casa de la Kastner in Iron Ridge until 3:30 p.m. We had to drop off prescriptions, pick up children, load up our car, pick up prescriptions and then drive an hour. It was a grueling process for someone who was just released from the hospital and had to rigidly hold his head still as every single bump and pothole brought him pain. When we got home, I wanted to just lie prostrate on the carpet and kiss the ground. I got John settled, unpacked the car, and started working on typing up his medicine schedule so I didn't mess anything up.

We spent yesterday resting and trying to recover. We took a walk (had to drive down the driveway and hill to a flatter place to walk.... around our house is WAY too hilly for a person who is recovering from brain surgery). We gave John a shower.... got a few perishables from the grocery store and made a run to Wal-Mart and for dinner.

Today, John is:
***managing most of his pain well. His headache is pretty bad this morning.
***VERY stiff... if he stays still too long he gets very stiff.... tyring to keep himself moving

We are so VERY glad to be home and feel he will rest more comfortably here and therefore recover more quickly here too. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Here is how you can be praying:

1. John - continued, full and QUICK healing. Pray for his headache today. Pray for the right amount of activity to keep him loose but not so much that he overdoes it. Pray for peace over John as he recovers. At some point as he gets stronger, I fear he will want to start doing stuff. I pray that God will give him peace to just SIT STILL and heal.

2. Me - I don't even know what to ask you to pray for me... EVERYTHING??? I'm keeping John's meds straight - waking him several times a night for meds... I'm trying to get back to work.... I'm trying to get school started for the kids this week... I'm trying to cook, do laundry, and keep up with the rest of the around-the-house stuff... I'm trying to make sure the bills get paid... I still need to go get that dumb oil changed... I have to find a new power cord for our laptop.... Basically, I have to do everything right now, and I'm EXHAUSTED. I'm really truly at the end of myself and feeling the stress right now. Please pray that God's grace and peace flood in. I need HIS strength right now because I have NONE of my own left.

3. Children - pray that the "loud family" can be quiet for once. Our children are not exactly well suited for or good at creating a healing environment. I am constantly reminding them to keep their voices down, stop bouncing on Daddy's bed, close doors quietly, quit arguing.... please pray for them.

4. Finances - we have already been blessed ABUNDANTLY by God and His people... but this is going to be a VERY long journey and it is still hard not to worry about "what we will wear or what we will eat" I know that I know that I know that God will take care of us, BUT that doesn't make relying on faith to feed your family an easy task.

5 (saving the best for last) GOD BE GLORIFIED! I always beg God to please find a way to be glorified in my pain. I hate for my pain to be for naught. The Kastner family is suffering through A LOT of pain right now, and we just pray that God will continue to make Himself known, will continue to show Himself to be faithful, will continue to use our pain to reveal Himself to us and to others.

FIRMLY in His grip....

The Hill

Yesterday was such a grueling day. I had been trying to go to bed since about 8:45 p.m, and at least two different times I had laid my head on my pillow about to collapse into unconsciousness. Earlier in the day Jeremiah had taken a BAD spill on his bike. He had a decent gash on his knee. We had determined that it did not need stitches; however, because it was on the bending part of his knee, it was not looking good. He came into our room so we could check it. It looked bad! I asked John if we needed to run him in for stitches, but he said he thought we could get away with some tape stitching.

Exhausted, depleted and wearied, I prepared myself to travel to Hartford to get tape stitches. But then John said, “Wait! I think Ben said he had some.” Sure enough! Neighbors to the rescue! The Borkenhagens had some tape stitches and liquid bandage and gauze. On somewhat of an auto pilot, I traveled down the hill to their house.

Now lest you think the next part is simply an exaggeration because of complete delirium caused by exhaustion, let me stop to say: my driveway is a VICIOUS hill! Everytime Stacey or I walk up it to my house we say, “Gosh! I have GOT to get in better shape!” It is wicked, steep and tough to walk up (or drive up)… [c’mon! all you who have driven up it and thought, “How the crud are they going to get up this thing in the winter?” shout out in a blog comment and back me up here!!!!]

So after retrieving the tape stitches I started back towards my house. As I climbed the very slight hill in Ben & Stacey’s yard I thought, “Ohmigosh! I have to climb THE HILL!” I started dreading it. As my feet hit the pavement of the road that separates our houses, tears sprung to my eyes. By the time I reached my mailbox, I was really and truly crying. I stepped foot on the rocks of my drive, and I feel like I literally heard it…. God’s voice. He said, “Jami, climb! Just climb! Don’t look back (and think about lying down in the road)! Don’t worry about how you’re going to get to the top! Put one foot in front of you and climb!” It was the oddest thing. I got to the top of the hill and set foot on my porch with less effort than I EVER have before. I was less winded. I was less tired. On a good day, when I hadn’t spent 4 hours working, 8 hours in doctors appointments and 3 hours in posting medical updates and answering emails, it was MUCH more difficult to get up that hill. I came in the house and told John, “God just carried me up the driveway. He really did."

As I laid down on my pillow exhausted and ready to pass out, all the lessons of that experience started flooding my brain and I thought, “Gosh I hope I don’t forget these by tomorrow! This is going to make a great blog.” I’m sure that the life application of this one is not that difficult for all of you to make. The hill represents this journey through brain surgery. (You got that WAY before I said it right?) I needed to physically walk that hill and get to the top not nearly as exhausted to be reminded that God will get us to the top of this hill not nearly as exhausted as we should be after such a climb. I needed to hear Him say, “Jami, climb! Just climb! Don’t look back (and think about lying down in the road)! Don’t worry about how you’re going to get to the top! Put one foot in front of you and climb!”

This hill in front of my family, no one in the world is denying that it is formidable. In the natural eyes, it looks insurmountable: brain surgery, being out of work without pay during recovery, mom who works from home and homeschools now gets to throw in nursing a sick husband back to health to her list of things to do. Good thing that we don’t have to climb this hill in the natural. Good thing we have a loving God who will pick us up and carry us to the top if we just keep looking forward and if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:31