1-2-3, eyes on me

I've blogged about this saying before... but it was in a different context. This morning it didn't occur to me as God saying it to me, but instead as me saying it to myself... Here's what I mean:

1-2-3, eyes on ME!

For whatever reason, the concept I have been processing lately is that I can only CONTROL my own self... my own actions... my own words... my own heart. And because of that my eyes should only focus on my sin... my shortcomings... my screw ups... the changes I need to make.

I guess this blog post could come off as a bit self-centered, but I guess I'm starting to believe that it is okay to be self-centered when "judging". It is okay to be self-centered when playing detective in search of sin.

Last year my children were having an all out war about some VERY important issue such as who's fault the argument was or what that person did with the Power Rangers toy to cause them to ___________.  I launched off on one of my "lectures" that ended up as some of the wisest words that have EVER come out of my mouth. I frequently reuse the words... I hear my kids reusing them... I even hear Auntie Marge saying them to herself.  Here's kinda how it went down:

I told them all to keep your eyes inside your own fence. I went on to say they are looking over their fences into their brother or sister's yard and pointing out the weeds growing there when their own yards are overgrown, in need of some weed killer and desperately needing a little water. I took a LONG time to explain this concept. Telling them I didn't want to hear them saying, "But he said ---" or "He did it first!"  I want them to STOP and keep your eyes inside your own fence and see what THEY did... see what THEY need to change... see what THEY said....

Too often I think we get caught up in looking down our nose at the sin of another person, completely forgetting we are not so perfect either. Or when we are hurt we focus on what the other person "did first" forgetting we can only control how we respond to what they did.  I guess I'm just really trying HARD to remember that in ALL situations of blame, sin, fault... I am WAY better off if I focus on what I did, what I can do, what I should change instead of worrying about the other person.

So this morning I'm saying to myself, "1-2-3 eyes on ME" to remind myself, keep your eyes inside your own fence, Jami!  You've got a lot of weeds to pull, spots to water, and trimming that could be done!

Hope this blessed you just a little bit.

Romans 14....

I have read Romans 14 twice in the past two days... It keeps sticking in my craw and calling me back to my earlier musings about honesty.

Read these excerpts....

v1 Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.

v4 Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

v13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.

v15If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died.

v17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,

v19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

v22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God.

It got me thinking about how we as Christians (heck! we as human beings!) get so caught up on arguing about who's right: should we baptize babies or adults, is it okay for Christians to consume alcohol, speaking in tongues, clapping during worship, KJV, NIV, yada yada yada!

Guess what? Here's my assertion: NONE of that matters! None of it! Every single one of those things falls under PERSONAL! Between each individual and his/her God. The only thing we as Christians should be asserting... The only thing we should be debating is the supremacy of the gospel. But we preach Christ crucified.... (I Cor 1:23) That is ALL that matters! That is what is important! Making sure everyone we love, everyone we know, everyone we come into contact with knows this one thing: they are a sinner without hope except for this CHRIST DIED FOR THEIR SINS. That is all that matters. That is what is important.

In a sermon, I heard Aaron Cole say that it is his responsibility to tell us how to get saved, and it is the Holy Spirit's responsibility to tell us how to change our lives. What a much better place this world would be if we ALL took on that attitude! "It is my job to tell people how to get saved. I will leave the life changing up to the Holy Spirit."

This was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn as a new bride. (In fact, truth be told, I am still learning it now... as an old bride.) I am NOT John's Holy Spirit. It is NOT my job to tell him what God wants for his life. "But Jami!" you say. "Of course God wants my husband to go to church every Sunday!" Yes, He likely does, but do you really and truly think that God needs YOU to impress that point upon your husband??? "But Jami!" you say. "My sister lets my niece's boyfriend sleepover and she is just fifteen! That is SO dangerous!" Probably. But AGAIN are you SURE that YOU are the voice God wants to use to convey that message. "BUT JAMI!" you say. "Doesn't the Bible tell us, Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way swill save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins (James 5:20)?" Yes but AGAIN I caution you.... are you SURE that God is telling YOU to turn that sinner from the error of his way or do you just WANT to turn that sinner from the error of his way?

Again, I refer back to Romans 14:

v22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God.

God does NOT need you to be the Holy Spirit, and I believe that 9 times out of 10, God does not use direct confrontation to save a sinner from the error of his ways... instead more often then not, I see God coming in as a gentle wind.... convicting a sinner by his/her observations or by a verse from the Word or a lyric from a song. It has been my experience that typically, little to no progress is gained from a trying to turn a sinner from the error of his ways with direct confrontation. Typically, from my observation, what happens is that "sinner" only gets defensive, stubbornly digging in his heels and refusing to budge. Therefore, I try so hard to put into practice this instruction (not just with regards to my interactions with my husband but with ALL)... so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, I Peter 3:1 (emphasis mine).

Now please do not mistake me. I am not saying that there is NEVER a time for confrontation or for debating. But here is what I am saying.... I think people are way too quick to judge, confront, debate trivial things, and I think that Satan LOVES that about us. He gets us distracted debating doctrine. He gets us tied up in arguing whose beliefs are correct. He gets us bogged down by petty issues. So that we have NO time for doing the ONLY thing we are called to do: share the gospel.

Mkay... I guess I'm done with today's musings... I need to get back to work (and back to nursing my ailing hubby)... In closing, I would like to point out that I am by NO WAY an expert on this issue. I struggle EVERY day to keep my mouth shut about things that are not my business. This whole blog was a bit of a reminder to ME about what I should be doing.

In some of my favorite words from one of my favorite guys:

"I'm just one beggar showing another beggar where there's food." Shane Houle.

Zow! Is it getting hot in here???

As expected, my last blog turned up the heat a little. But as is typical with controversial issues, I fear some missed the point of the blog. The point wasn't really about butt writing or cussing or tattoos. It wasn't about submitting to my husband or whether I agreed with a sermon. The point was two-fold: we have to be in the world not of it AND no one else can tell us what that means for us. It is the Holy Spirit's job to reveal to people how God wants them to apply Scripture to their lives.

I heard from people on both sides of the butt-writing issue. However, I wasn't really asking people to tell me what they think about butt writing. Right now, it's a mute point in this home. Hannah is young enough that we don't even have to debate the issue yet. I was kinda just waxing on about the despicable state of morality these days and whining about the temptations my children will have to resist. The real point of my blog was: we can't decide these things for other families... for other people... As the writer I will take full responsibility for not communicating that fact clearly enough, and without belaboring the issue here, I will try one more time to clarify.

Have you noticed that the second people get a bug in their butt to drink more water, they're harassing everyone in their world about the need to pee clear urine? Or how about how some people who are convicted that Halloween is a Satanic holiday not to be celebrated by Christians, seem to act like anyone who trick-or-treats must be a Satan worshipper? And why do people assume that if God convicts them a certain way about the wearing of words on the butt, He will convict every other Christian the same exact way?

There are 17 different versions of Italian salad dressing in the grocery store aisle because there are zillions of different people with zillions of different taste buds. Variety is the spice of life! We are not all alike. Therefore, what you consider to be on your "naughty list" may not even register for the next person. The way you worship or the way you live is not necessarily the way God has convicted everyone else to live. With regards to baptism: some sprinkle; some immerse. Some denominations believe women should never cut their hair or wear pants. Some believe that we should raise our hands when we worship. Others believe in speaking in tongues. As long as we all love JESUS isn't that what's really important?

Over the summer we had a "swearing" incident. We ended up in a debate with a friend who did not think John and I were parenting the incident properly. We told the person, "We do NOT want our child to swear; however, we are not making a federal case out of this because we have bigger issues going on right now." We OBVIOUSLY did not want our child to let unwholesome talk come out of his mouth; however, at the point at which the incident occurred, there were MANY things threatening to destroy our family. John and I did not feel that it was the appropriate time to make an issue of the word our child said. We felt it was the time to delve deeper into some of the root issues causing the swearing: the increased tension in our home, the fear that our family was falling apart, the fear that the daddy of this family might not survive brain surgery. So we made a minor case out of the word which was said and tried to deal with the feelings behind that word. That was how God led us. It didn't mean we were saying swearing was okay. It meant God had impressed a different priority upon our hearts. Yet on we fought to defend our parenting when really and truly in the words of the great Aaron Cole, "That's between you and Jesus!"

So please don't mistake my prior blog. I guess it was more about letting people have the freedom to be individuals; about trusting people to get with their God and come to the conclusion He has for THEM; and about trying HARD not to be the kind of people who try to push their convictions about life, love and relationship with God upon other people.

Well, this heat's getting a little uncomfortable for me. I'm not one who likes confrontation or stirring up controversy. In fact, I try hard to avoid confrontation and conflict AT ALL COST. Yet, I believe FIRMLY in trying hard to keep my nose in my own business and trying to keep my eyes focused in the mirror and not out the window. I'm hoping I've inspired at least one person out there to do the same. Let this blog encourage you to look in YOUR mirror. If you are even a little bit like me, you will find PLENTY of things in your own self to work on without ever having to look out the window at someone else.

Blessed are the peacemakers...

Elijah HATES covers. I'm not sure why, but more than once this hatred has caused me a loss of sleep. It did again last night. I awoke shivering and realized I had NO covers on me. I sat up found my covers and pulled them up to my chin, but almost instantly he started whining and kicked them back off. Too tired to fight him to return to his OWN BED or STOP kicking my covers off, I just got up and stumbled off to find an empty bed in our house to sleep in.

As I picked up my phone (which is my alarm), I noticed my indicator light was blinking red. What I found waiting for me was a VICIOUS comment about my blog on Hannah Montana. It was vicious to me (called me a "liberal sinner posing as a Christian") and vicious to Hannah Montana (called her an "abomination"). I rejected the comment, but its words kept swirling around in my head.

What to do? What to do? The comment was RIDICULOUSLY confrontational; therefore, it included an e-mail address in case I wanted to debate. I could reply, "Did you even read this blog before you blasted me and Hannah Montana?" or I could simply reply with scripture, "And over all these virtues put on love...." (Colossians 3:14) However, in the end I chose to take the wise advice of my 16-year old cousin (as professed through her Facebook status just yesterday), "Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction." (Alex Lawson... who may have pirated it from someone else but who cares? for my purposes she gets the credit.)

I decided not to reply, but the whole experience got me thinking... Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Matthew 5:9 SEVERAL situations I am facing right now came to my mind, and as I thought through each of them in the context of this verse I realized.... The best choice is always to try to make peace.

"But Jami," you say, "you have NOT met my _______________ (fill in the blank as you see fit: mother, friend Mildred, husband, neighbor). He/She is IMPOSSIBLE to make peace with." I say to you, "PSHAW!" Peace is ALWAYS possible. Here are a few things to consider:

1. Say nothing. When someone says something confrontational to you, when someone tries to pick a fight with you, when someone attacks you, it is very wise to remain silent. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. (Proverbs 10:19) Sometimes the best way to "fight back" is to say NOTHING! My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, (James 1:19) You do not HAVE to even reply when someone tries to bait you into an argument or simply says something negative or rude to you.

2. Respond with scripture. If you absolutely MUST respond to a confrontational person or in a confrontational situation, the safest avenue may be to respond with scripture. Recently I was in a VERY painful situation. I was leery of even well-meaning people's misplaced comments. Wisely assessing how difficult the situation was, my mother responded with an e-mail that contained nothing but scripture. It was the BEST response she could have given. DISCLAIMER: you canNOT respond with divisive scripture planned to defensively get back at the person. Choose scriptures about peace, love, and prayer instead.

So there you go.... I am choosing not to fight back (I guess I'm not TRULY choosing silence as I did blog about it, but I am not responding to the outlandish and vicious attacks in that comment.) I am claiming (and standing upon) this promise:

Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. (James 3:18)

The bag lady

She shuffled down the street pushing a cart filled with all her worldly possessions, clutching a tattered bath robe closer to her in a futile attempt to fight off the cold. As she passed me, I caught a whiff of the street clinging to her. It was a mixture of body odor, garbage, and that smell kids have when they play out in the cold. Jesus in me whispered, "Reach out to her. Be my hands. Be my feet." But all my five senses recoiled at the thought of it. I started to rationalize my inaction, fighting the voice of God in my head. "Those who do not work should not eat. People should work an honest day for an honest wage. Surely there were others who would help her out." And I passed on by without lifting a finger to help.

As I passed by her walking down the street, head held high, designer coat warming her, I caught a whiff of her scent, fruity shampoo mixed with expensive perfume. I felt the disdain in her look, and I hung my head lower. The sound of her Jimmy Choo's clicking on the pavement brought back a flood of nostalgia. It wasn't too long ago I was like her: well kept, beautiful, successful. Then tragedy struck, and I lost the will to live. It wasn't too long before I had slid down the slippery slope of despair and landed face first in the muck of homelessness. Now that I was there all covered in mud and stuck knee deep in the slime, I wasn't sure how to get myself out. I was nearly positive if I could ever extract myself from the pit I was in, I would NEVER get all the filth and stench of my transgressions cleaned off of me.

Something made me stop in my tracks. I turned to look at her disheveled silhouette. She had stopped walking now, and she seemed transfixed, lost in thought. Fear screamed at me, "She's drunk or high! It would be dangerous to approach her." But a quiet voice whispered, "She's seen things you'll never, ever know. She's remembering those things now." I approached her quietly and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. As she turned to look at me, I softly said, "I am sorry I let your suffering offend me. Please is there someway I can help."

I know this blog is quite different from my normal writing. I am not sure if it will be a hit or a flop, but it has been rattling around in my soul lately. This propensity we as humans have to assume we know the whole story after getting just a glimpse of the punchline. I have felt convicted and humbled by the realization that 90% of the time, I only know 10% of the facts and I make a 100% judgement based upon my faulty understanding. How often I fail to give the benefit of the doubt! How often I fail to be Jesus with skin on! No judgement. No condemnation. No lecture. Just love.

There's a song by Sawyer Brown that frequently comes to my mind when I'm mulling over this dark propensity of my heart. The very first verse catches me in the gut each and EVERY time I hear it. It tells the story of a woman riding on the city bus with her children. The children are out of control and someone says, "Do you let them do that everywhere?" The woman responds by asking her fellow bus riders to forgive her children as they were up all night for their daddy "went to Heaven in the middle of the night." I try to remind myself that I NEVER know exactly what another person's shoes feel like, and I most likely do NOT want to walk a mile in them. Yet I am just an imperfect person. I let my frustration get ahead of my brain. I make judgments and raise eyebrows and propose what "I would have done."

Tonight I'm just wondering what this world would be like if I just took myself off the bench, folded up my robe, and packed away my gavel. If I just NO MATTER what refused to even think, "Well I wouldn't have done it that way." or "There's NO way I would find MYSELF in that situation." I know it is a tall and lofty order, but I am going to aspire to it. Starting today, I will not lift my eyebrows in judgment; I will extend my hand in assistance. Right now, I will not roll my eyes and think exasperated thoughts; I will intercede for others whose struggles I don't know the half of. Right now it is I, softly saying, "I am sorry I let your suffering offend me. Please is there someway I can help."

Don't be a Bildad!

Poor Job, not only was Satan allowed to take every single thing he cherished in an attempt to get him to turn away from God, but on top of that he had to endure the undeserved chastisement of his friends. While the Bible clearly says that Job was being dragged through the fire of testing because he was righteous and upright, Job’s friends accuse him of bringing these tragedies on himself with his own sinful behavior. While all humans are sinful, Job’s sin was not why he was suffering. Job was suffering because God said to Satan, “Hey look at this guy. Isn’t he righteous? Doesn’t he love me?” And Satan said, “Yes but he only loves you because you have given him everything he ever wanted. Take that stuff away, and he’ll stop loving you.” (Of course this is Jami’s paraphrasing of the conversation.)

I always shudder when I get to the part about Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar. Job’s friends must be the Bible’s best what-not-to-do example in the area of friendship. When I am reading the story, I have the benefit of knowing exactly why Job was being tested. Therefore, when I get to the part where Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar start to accuse Job, I get very uncomfortable. How stupid they look! How wrong they are! They are accusing the very man God called righteous! They are telling Job to confess and repent, when what God really wants of Job is to hang on and to stand strong.

When I am faced with a friends suffering, I try very hard to live by these words: My dear brothers, take note of this: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19) Not only do I steer clear of accusations like those of Job’s friends, I also refrain from even giving advice. I reason that if someone doesn’t ask for my advice, they are not ready to hear it. Sometimes I think we assume that because someone is pouring out their heart to us, they are subconsciously asking for our opinion. Not good enough for me! I wait, no matter how deep the teeth marks in my tongue get, I bite my tongue and remain slow to speak. Even after I am specifically asked for my advice, I proceed with great caution. I proceed slowly because I know the pain of suffering. I know how sensitive and raw it makes your heart, and I know how even the words of a well-meaning friend can become as painful as lemon juice squeezed in a paper cut. I proceed slowly also because I know that no matter what I have been told, no matter how much I know of the situation, I can never know the whole thing. I can never know why a person is struggling through something. I can never know for sure what God has for that person to learn. Therefore I proceed slowly, hesitantly, and gently. I do not ever want to be lemon juice in someone’s paper cut. I, instead, want to be a soothing balm of honey poured over a raging wound.

Some might counter my argument with another verse in James, “remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.” (James 5:20) I guess my only response to that argument is: I do not believe that the time of great suffering is the time God wants us turning sinners from the error of their ways. I believe that the suffering need to be pointed to God without condemnation. I have been involved in youth ministries, teaching, and coaching for many years. This has meant decades of dealing with teenagers. More often than I care to admit I have come face to face with a young girl, not married, who finds herself caught in the consequences of her sin. She’s pregnant, and she doesn’t know what to do. Many at that moment might see themselves as the voice of God calling out her sin to make sure that she realizes all she has done wrong. I see my role in that moment differently. I believe that for the next 18 years and more, that woman will be reaping the consequences of doing things out of God’s order. I have watched so many of them face condemnation and rejection from God’s people, when what they really needed was to experience grace, what they really needed was someone to come along side them and offer a hand to help them get up, someone to take a clean cloth and wipe away at the mud of sin stuck to their face, and someone to put their arm around them and help them limp back to the path of God’s will. So what I do is hug that girl. I offer as much financial and emotional support as I can. I give hand-me downs, I lend a listening ear, I buy a baby present, and I celebrate the beginning of a new life. I do not say even one word about waiting until marriage to have sex.

While “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:” (Ecclesiastes 3:1), I just have never believed that suffering is the time for accusations or even instruction. Oh how different it would have been if Job had been greeted by friends who were like cheerleaders, chanting, “Don’t give up! Don’t give up! Don’t give up!” How much would the situation have changed if Job’s friends had been like a warm blanket on a freezing night? If his friends had comforted him instead of accusing him, how would the story have gone?

The next time you encounter a friend who is suffering, the next time you see someone flat on their face in the mud, don’t be a Bildad! Whether the mud that person is lying in is the muck of their own sin or the slime of Satan’s testing, your friend needs the same thing: your support, your encouragement, your assistance, your prayers. Your friend needs to be reminded that God loves him/her. Your friend does not need a friend like Bildad.