Danny Gokey is NOT the American Idol

So by now I’m sure you all know it, Danny Gokey got eliminated from American Idol. I have allowed myself to mope around for several days and now I think I am finally ready to face my fears and blog about it. I fully believe what I blogged about last month – that if God had wanted Danny Gokey to be the American Idol, NOTHING would have stood in Danny’s way. However, the question I faced this week is what do you do when your will and God’s will don’t line up? I so desperately wanted Danny Gokey to be the next American Idol. I wanted a Christian to win American Idol. I wanted to be able to say I am once removed from knowing the American Idol. I really truly think Danny was the best of all of the Idol hopefuls. So what to do when God’s will doesn’t line up with Jami’s will?

The main character in my favorite movie, Facing the Giants faced this same question. In the movie, Coach Grant Taylor struggles through many different situations where his will is not lining up with God’s will. One of those situations is in the area of fertility. He and his wife have been unsuccessfully trying to have a baby. At one point, he asks his wife, if God never gives us a baby, will you still love Him? I paraphrased this question when I asked it of my husband recently. See we have a couple of chronic situations going on in our life. One major one is rapidly approaching a culmination. We are praying for relief and cautiously optimistic that this “thorn in our flesh” will be removed soon. But I asked him this week, if God doesn’t remove it, will you still love Him?

To be honest, I struggle a little when my will doesn’t line up with God’s will. I know that His ways are higher. I know that His plan is way better, but sometimes like a stubborn child I cling tightly to my way. I was seriously and truly in a bit of a funk Thursday and Friday. My American Idol had been eliminated, and while I fully believed God had bigger and better things for Danny Gokey than American Idol, I was still a little salty that he was out of the game. I think Danny himself was handling the rejection better than I was. (see this video) But once I got past my petulance, I started thinking about God’s will again. I started realizing that there are so many things on this earth which will leave us without an answer to the question, “Why?” We can guess and speculate. We can come up with theories and ideas, but there are some things we just will never know for sure. Because of that, we have to constantly work to say to God, “Not my will but yours. Not my way but yours.”

If you are facing a difficult situation today, if you are up against a formidable enemy, I think the best way to handle it is to face the fight with cautious optimism. Be honest and tell Him what you want. But be prepared for the fact that His will may not be the same as your will in this situation. Be confident of this fact: no matter what, His will is better than your will.

I am hopelessly addicted to the television show House. In a very funny episode, he once quoted the “great philopher Mick Jaegger.” Mimicking House, I often say (even sometimes sing) these words to my children too, “You can’t always get what you want.” For Christians I think the key to this sentiment is in this part of the lyrics, “you get what you need.” Maybe that’s the secret? When our will doesn’t line up with God’s will, we can take comfort in the fact that even if we didn’t get what we wanted, we always get what we need.

Thank you Jesus for that truck!

“Father God, please provide a second form of transportation for this family.” I have been praying these words faithfully for the past five months. Over the past year, God had taken us from a two-car family with two car payments to a one-car family with one car payment. We believed strongly that this was the responsible thing to do and was one way that God was going to rescue us from our financial troubles. Initially, it was not so bad. It was winter. We homeschool. I work at home. Besides groceries and errands, we only have to leave the house for church and AWANA. Social events were difficult, but we were managing. The worst part was trying to squish all of my grocery shopping and errands into Thursday night, Saturday afternoon, and Sunday afternoon, the only times John was off.

Then spring came, soccer started, and things started heating up. The kids and I walked 1.5 miles one way to soccer practice, sometimes twice a week. We tried to arrange rides sometimes, and my family helped as much as they could. However, with four children you don’t fit in anything but a mini-van or Suburban. It was difficult, and even though I have law-enforcement officials reading this blog (close your eyes Aimee), I will admit that a few times I squished all four of them in the back of a sedan (two in one seatbelt). Only for very important things like we were freezing and needed to get home from soccer or when we went to see Danny Gokey. (Hush! That was VERY important!) The stress had really started building this week as my work schedule has been getting busy again too. I prayed at least once this week, "God something has GOT to give. I cannot do this anymore."

After five months of praying the same thing every day and not really having any idea how God would answer that prayer, I am typing this with tears in my eyes because I get to tell all of you: we have a second vehicle! We have been scouring Criagslist for junker trucks, old vans, even a few hatchbacks. We set the bar VERY low, maximum price $1000 and eventually upped it a little to $1500. We e-mailed and called on hundreds of vehicles. We looked at two last night and came home with the second. It is a 1994 Dodge with high mileage. It is a beast of a truck - big bed, huge engine. The exterior is rough, and there are a couple of things wrong with it, but we are thrilled!

This morning when I looked out the front window and saw it parked in front of our house I wanted to cry. As I walked this morning and prayed, I kept wanting to jump up and down and scream when I said, “Thank you Jesus for that truck!” And as I prayed, I couldn’t stop coming back to it, “Jesus please heal Hannah’s little eyes. Let the patching work and strengthen her eye. Help her to keep that patch on. Oh and THANK YOU FOR THAT TRUCK!” It kept creeping back into my prayers.

Before we went looking at the trucks last night, when we got to the first truck, when we got to the second truck, and before we made the decision to take it, we prayed. We prayed. We prayed. We prayed. On the way home, when we got home, as we cleaned out BOTH of our vehicles, and before we went to bed, we praised God and thanked Him. When I woke up this morning, as I walked and as I prayed, I kept thanking God. But all of a sudden as I traveled east down Drexel Avenue, it hit me. It hit me hard and stark. God answered my prayer! I am not sure exactly how to explain it, but I prayed for this through every step of the decision making process, and I thanked God for it when it came to fruition. But I had kinda forgotten that this had been on my prayer list for a LONG time and God answered it. All of a sudden, I had one of those moments where the Bible became so real to me:

If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.
Matthew 21:22
You do not have, because you do not ask God.
James 4:2b
And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious
riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Sometimes we fly through life so quickly. We never take the time to stop and look around us and realize all the things that God has given us, all the prayers He has answered. I want to encourage you to stop today and look around. I know you may have hard things you are going through, but I also know that there are very likely things that He has given you that you can be thankful for. Yes the Kastners have struggled for a long time with financial troubles that are deep and dark. But we have a happy marriage. We have healthy children. We have family who loves and supports us. We have a church family we belong to. We have TWO VEHICLES! Most importantly, we have our Jesus! He walks with us through the hard and the good. He guides us, He protects us, He loves us, He forgives us, and he PROVIDES FOR US!

I just can’t stop saying: Thank you JESUS for that truck! And I hope you’ll look around today and find things you’re thankful for too. Then don't forget to say, "Thank you Jesus for _________!"

God's Will viewed through American Idol

The other night I had an exhausting night of dreams fraught with deep meaning. For example in one part of my dream, I was outside a building with Hannah. All of sudden in the distance, I saw a tornado approaching. I knew I had no time to run inside so I just huddled close to the building and shielded Hannah with my body. Bricks flew from the building and glass shattered as the tornado devastated all around us, but we were not harmed by the storm. As I reflected on the dream the next day, I realized that this was just like what my family has been enduring for the past few years. Destruction and devastation rages all around us, yet God shields us with His body protecting us from being harmed by the storm.

In another part of my dream, I was walking with American Idol contestant Danny Gokey. (Yes, I full well realize that I probably watch and google American Idol too much.) As Danny and I walked along, he expressed to me his concern about being eliminated from the show. I turned to him and said, “If it is God’s will for you to be the next American Idol, there is nothing that can stand in your way. If it is not God’s will, do you really want it?”

I have often found myself in this same position. I recall right after John and I first got married. We had moved to Denver and were trying to make it there. I interviewed for several teaching positions. I was rejected over and over again. I remember trying so hard to remind myself that I wanted God to close the doors that I was not supposed to walk through, but still the rejection stung so badly. I wrestled with God and cried out my pain and fear. Finally, a deep peace settled upon me. I knew what I truly wanted was to be in the center of God’s will for my life. It did not make the rejection hurt any less, but it refocused my eyes onto what was really important. After just five months of living in Denver, God led John and me back home to Wisconsin. As I recalled the rejection of my job hunt, I realized that had I gotten a job I would not have been free to return to Wisconsin. I would not have been free to be in the center of God's will.

What’s the rejection you’re facing today? Whether you are trying to be the next American Idol, searching desperately for a job, or chasing some other dream, I hope that you too desire nothing more and nothing less than His will for your life.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple. Psalm 27:4