His ways are higher

So. God's. Plan. Is. Always. Better. FULL STOP.

Yesterday we waited and waited for Noah's orders to come through. Then we waited and waited to make sure his bus arrived. Finally we JETTED off the base to head to Fort Bragg, cancelling our Fort Benning hotel reservation along the way.

About halfway to North Carolina we realized that while our on base hotel was willing to hold our reservation until 10:30 p.m. (when GPS said we would arrive) visitors can't get through security at Fort Bragg after 9 p.m. so we were not going to be able to make our hotel reservation.

So in the middle-of-nowhere Georgia with HORRIBLE Internet access, I searched AND searched for a hotel room. With the one-year anniversary of the roach motel debacle fresh in my mind, it was imperative I find a decent hotel. We hadn't slept in 40 hours, so the park-in-the-Walmart-and-sleep-in-the-minivan thing wasn't an option. We smelled like the thighs of pigs so showering HAD to happen. And I'm on day 250 of an exercise streak so I really, REALLY wanted fitness facilities. Nothing, nothing,  NOTHING was available. The second time a hotel employee recommended I see if the Hilton had anything available, I decided to listen. See the Kastners aren't Hilton people. We're much closer to Quality Inn people. But for the aforementioned reasons, it was time to bite the bullet and cough up the money for the Hilton. I reserved a room with only bed space for three people for $50 more than the on-base reservation... but we had a hotel room and a shower. I was exhausted, depleted, and just wondering God HOW is this your plan?!?!? NOTHING is going our way!

Last night a 3:30 a.m. I figured out how His plan was better. After arriving at the base a full two and a half hours after we got to the Fort Bragg area, Noah checked in and was told, "Report back Monday." So at 3:30 a.m. he walked into our room to stay with us off-base, for the weekend. His. Ways. Are. Better. ALWAYS. BETTER.

Just be there

This is a lesson God has been taking a friend and me through right now... it's a parenting struggle we are working through at the same time... how to respond to adult (ish) children when they struggle.... my tendency is to try to cheer them up or coach them... but that hasn't been very effective. God's been showing me that the answer is to let them mourn it... curse it... work it in their own timing....

He gave me a GREAT opportunity to see why I should respond like that this past 30 hours... we had a DISAPPOINTMENT... we saved and planned and counted down for this vacation for MONTHS, and it was basically snatched right out of our grip. I didn't need anyone to "cheer me up" cuz guess what you could put a dress on a pig, and it would STILL be a pig... I also didn't need anyone to "coach me through it" I know this too shall pass... I know this is what he signed up for... and this... it isnt even the worst thing I've been through... Not. Even. Close.

You know what I needed? This text... "sitting here  with ashes on my head, praying you through the next hours."

So that's my new goal.

My sweet, tough, brave firstborn I am sorry for every time I tried to show you the bright side... tell you to keep your chin up... pushed you to get past your hurt sooner than you were ready to. I promise to try HARD in the future to #justbethere

AIT Graduation

This morning I literally FLOATED... from my quiet time... to the fitness center... through breakfast and my shower... I kept thinking this trip was PERFECT, and I couldn't believe how lucky we were to have an ENTIRE weekend of off-base pass ahead of us... 24-hour time with our soldier for THREE days... I was just BESIDE myself with joy.

Full STOP.

About 30 minutes before graduation Noah was informed that instead of getting a 72-hour pass to spend time with his family this weekend, he would be getting on a plane to his next training TOMORROW, and he would only have until 8 p.m. TONIGHT to be with his family.

This. Is. The. Army.

Through broken-hearted tears, I whispered to my God, "You're STILL the best." He is still as GREAT in the midst of my tears tonight as He was when I was walking on sunshine this morning.

All our plans are cancelled.... no Holy City... no Aquarium... no swimming pool...  we only got a few hours of lying around being lazy together and lunch at b-dubs today...

"Freedom isn't free." I'm confident there will be MANY more times during Noah's Army career that we will realize the truth of those words. But this sacrifice we're making this weekend... it cost every single one of us... a LOT.

Being an Army mom... it is just one  HUGE trust fall after another... glad I have a GREAT BIG God to catch me.

#proudArmymom #sadArmymom #trustfall #Godofthemountainsandthevalleys

AIT Family Day

What an AMAZING, EXHAUSTING, INCREDIBLE day. This life our son has chosen can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes.  It is TOUGH for such a close family to be separated by several states.  But days like today.... the first glimpse of his face... that first squeeze... and just being reunited for a few hours.... they make the separation and sacrifice easier to handle.

Thank you for your service, Noah Kastner. We are immensely proud of you, son. #oursoldierinourarms #FamilyDay #NoahJames #USArmy #dutycalls #Armyproud

#TYJesus #blessed

Minivan lessons

So in October we bought a new-to-us minivan. Our 12-year old one had become a money pit, and we knew it wouldn't get us to and from our soldier 3 times in the next 6 months so it was time.

If you know me at all you know how I STRESS about big purchases... (and in Jami-speak a $29.99 Target purse qualifies as a big purchase). So I did my research.... found the best van... then researched for the BEST available version of that model.... drove 60 miles to get it... fought my demons there and back (two different times), and finally, we pulled the trigger.

The monthly payment was a bit more than I could stomach (it's tough going from paid off to car payment)... so I caved and we added in an extended warranty and premium protection so that, should anything crop up with this vehicle, it would be covered under our monthly payment. Because I'm me, I stressed over that too... our previous vehicle had ZERO problems the first 3 or so years we had it... so I worried we were wasting money on a warranty.

Almost immediately I felt something was hinky with the driver's side sliding door.... but I couldn't make the problem reoccur when John was standing next to me so we chalked it up to my lunacy. Then about six weeks into the relationship with our new Dodge it happened again.  We went to get our Christmas tree and that door wouldn't open  automatically. The kids were my witness! It happened! But serious as a heart attack when John walked over the motor kicked in and the door opened. We chalked it up to an intermittent issue we should have looked at "eventually" and moved along. However, I was glad to be vindicated as not crazy (at least on this issue). Well, two weeks ago during the Polar Vortex the intermittent problem became constant, and the door wouldn't work at all. We scheduled a service appointment for our van.

Ewald... Biggest. Mistake. Ever. ABSOLUTE worst service experience in my life!  (But that's a story for another venue - my complaint letter to the general manager) Yesterday they called to tell us that in addition to the broken door, we have a leak in the transmission,  a leak in the back shocks (or struts... to a girl those are basically the same thing) AND we need back brakes and rotors. Oh. My. Brigham. Young! Are you KIDDING me?!?! All of a sudden "Did we waste money on a warranty?" Became "Thank God for Jesus! We got the warranty!" Everything but the brakes, COVERED under our extended warranty.

[Okay Noah... and John... here is the part where you start paying attention.]

Last night and this morning it has been occurring to me... I now stand at a fork in the road. I get to choose which path I walk down. On the right is a beautiful path of rejoicing, "We got the warranty! We got the warranty! Almost everything is covered under the warranty." On the left is a different path. Let's call it the Eeyore path. It looks more like this "we bought a lemon... we haven't even had this car for 5 months... the transmission... the shocks (struts... whatever)... the door... the brakes..." And here it is boys! This is the lesson in this episode of my life: THE. CHOICE. IS. MINE. As I stand at this fork in the road I am the one who gets to choose which way to walk. The circumstance I'm in... it is not gonna budge... I have a minivan at the shop that needs THOUSANDS of dollars in repairs that are COVERED under my warranty. That part is concrete. But will I rejoice in my warranty or lament my repairs THAT is up to me.

Trust me... I'm not having fun being carless for three days. Believe me... I am NOT thrilled with the place in Antioch that sold us this van. BUT! (and that's a mighty big BUT there) I choose how I respond to this situation!

It's like all of life:

*walk down the path of how much your job sucks OR choose to be grateful you have a job

*lament that your lovey is far away OR be grateful you have someone to love this Valentine's Day

*complain about your elderly knees OR be grateful you have the chance to become elderly

These. Are. Your. Choice.

I sure hope that the correct choice seems evident... I used enough caps and bolding to point it out. But one more time here it is: HAPPINESS IS IN OUR CONTROL. Our circumstances do not dictate our happiness.  We do.

Have a brilliant day! I know I will.... because I GOT THE WARRANTY!  and IT IS COVERED!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4