Just be there

This is a lesson God has been taking a friend and me through right now... it's a parenting struggle we are working through at the same time... how to respond to adult (ish) children when they struggle.... my tendency is to try to cheer them up or coach them... but that hasn't been very effective. God's been showing me that the answer is to let them mourn it... curse it... work it in their own timing....

He gave me a GREAT opportunity to see why I should respond like that this past 30 hours... we had a DISAPPOINTMENT... we saved and planned and counted down for this vacation for MONTHS, and it was basically snatched right out of our grip. I didn't need anyone to "cheer me up" cuz guess what you could put a dress on a pig, and it would STILL be a pig... I also didn't need anyone to "coach me through it" I know this too shall pass... I know this is what he signed up for... and this... it isnt even the worst thing I've been through... Not. Even. Close.

You know what I needed? This text... "sitting here  with ashes on my head, praying you through the next hours."

So that's my new goal.

My sweet, tough, brave firstborn I am sorry for every time I tried to show you the bright side... tell you to keep your chin up... pushed you to get past your hurt sooner than you were ready to. I promise to try HARD in the future to #justbethere

AIT Graduation

This morning I literally FLOATED... from my quiet time... to the fitness center... through breakfast and my shower... I kept thinking this trip was PERFECT, and I couldn't believe how lucky we were to have an ENTIRE weekend of off-base pass ahead of us... 24-hour time with our soldier for THREE days... I was just BESIDE myself with joy.

Full STOP.

About 30 minutes before graduation Noah was informed that instead of getting a 72-hour pass to spend time with his family this weekend, he would be getting on a plane to his next training TOMORROW, and he would only have until 8 p.m. TONIGHT to be with his family.

This. Is. The. Army.

Through broken-hearted tears, I whispered to my God, "You're STILL the best." He is still as GREAT in the midst of my tears tonight as He was when I was walking on sunshine this morning.

All our plans are cancelled.... no Holy City... no Aquarium... no swimming pool...  we only got a few hours of lying around being lazy together and lunch at b-dubs today...

"Freedom isn't free." I'm confident there will be MANY more times during Noah's Army career that we will realize the truth of those words. But this sacrifice we're making this weekend... it cost every single one of us... a LOT.

Being an Army mom... it is just one  HUGE trust fall after another... glad I have a GREAT BIG God to catch me.

#proudArmymom #sadArmymom #trustfall #Godofthemountainsandthevalleys

AIT Family Day

What an AMAZING, EXHAUSTING, INCREDIBLE day. This life our son has chosen can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes.  It is TOUGH for such a close family to be separated by several states.  But days like today.... the first glimpse of his face... that first squeeze... and just being reunited for a few hours.... they make the separation and sacrifice easier to handle.

Thank you for your service, Noah Kastner. We are immensely proud of you, son. #oursoldierinourarms #FamilyDay #NoahJames #USArmy #dutycalls #Armyproud

#TYJesus #blessed

Minivan lessons

So in October we bought a new-to-us minivan. Our 12-year old one had become a money pit, and we knew it wouldn't get us to and from our soldier 3 times in the next 6 months so it was time.

If you know me at all you know how I STRESS about big purchases... (and in Jami-speak a $29.99 Target purse qualifies as a big purchase). So I did my research.... found the best van... then researched for the BEST available version of that model.... drove 60 miles to get it... fought my demons there and back (two different times), and finally, we pulled the trigger.

The monthly payment was a bit more than I could stomach (it's tough going from paid off to car payment)... so I caved and we added in an extended warranty and premium protection so that, should anything crop up with this vehicle, it would be covered under our monthly payment. Because I'm me, I stressed over that too... our previous vehicle had ZERO problems the first 3 or so years we had it... so I worried we were wasting money on a warranty.

Almost immediately I felt something was hinky with the driver's side sliding door.... but I couldn't make the problem reoccur when John was standing next to me so we chalked it up to my lunacy. Then about six weeks into the relationship with our new Dodge it happened again.  We went to get our Christmas tree and that door wouldn't open  automatically. The kids were my witness! It happened! But serious as a heart attack when John walked over the motor kicked in and the door opened. We chalked it up to an intermittent issue we should have looked at "eventually" and moved along. However, I was glad to be vindicated as not crazy (at least on this issue). Well, two weeks ago during the Polar Vortex the intermittent problem became constant, and the door wouldn't work at all. We scheduled a service appointment for our van.

Ewald... Biggest. Mistake. Ever. ABSOLUTE worst service experience in my life!  (But that's a story for another venue - my complaint letter to the general manager) Yesterday they called to tell us that in addition to the broken door, we have a leak in the transmission,  a leak in the back shocks (or struts... to a girl those are basically the same thing) AND we need back brakes and rotors. Oh. My. Brigham. Young! Are you KIDDING me?!?! All of a sudden "Did we waste money on a warranty?" Became "Thank God for Jesus! We got the warranty!" Everything but the brakes, COVERED under our extended warranty.

[Okay Noah... and John... here is the part where you start paying attention.]

Last night and this morning it has been occurring to me... I now stand at a fork in the road. I get to choose which path I walk down. On the right is a beautiful path of rejoicing, "We got the warranty! We got the warranty! Almost everything is covered under the warranty." On the left is a different path. Let's call it the Eeyore path. It looks more like this "we bought a lemon... we haven't even had this car for 5 months... the transmission... the shocks (struts... whatever)... the door... the brakes..." And here it is boys! This is the lesson in this episode of my life: THE. CHOICE. IS. MINE. As I stand at this fork in the road I am the one who gets to choose which way to walk. The circumstance I'm in... it is not gonna budge... I have a minivan at the shop that needs THOUSANDS of dollars in repairs that are COVERED under my warranty. That part is concrete. But will I rejoice in my warranty or lament my repairs THAT is up to me.

Trust me... I'm not having fun being carless for three days. Believe me... I am NOT thrilled with the place in Antioch that sold us this van. BUT! (and that's a mighty big BUT there) I choose how I respond to this situation!

It's like all of life:

*walk down the path of how much your job sucks OR choose to be grateful you have a job

*lament that your lovey is far away OR be grateful you have someone to love this Valentine's Day

*complain about your elderly knees OR be grateful you have the chance to become elderly

These. Are. Your. Choice.

I sure hope that the correct choice seems evident... I used enough caps and bolding to point it out. But one more time here it is: HAPPINESS IS IN OUR CONTROL. Our circumstances do not dictate our happiness.  We do.

Have a brilliant day! I know I will.... because I GOT THE WARRANTY!  and IT IS COVERED!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

Focus

It's been rough around here this week. I haven't been sleeping well all week. Then I started getting a cold. Discouragement has been settling in because it has been a WEEK since we received any mail from our soldier.

Then this morning, John went out to warm up his truck and found a letter to Noah in the bushes.  He brought it in, and I opened it... it was the stamps I sent him 11 days ago! I started crying as I went up the stairs to get a new envelope and mail it again.

"Is this why we've gotten no mail??? Cuz he has no stamps???"

"I'm the worst mom ever!"

"We have the worst mail person EVER!" (this is the THIRD letter we've found... one was returned to us by the neighbor around the corner who found it in front of his house!)

Thoughts assaulted me and just shoved my face deeper in the dirt. After just a lil bit of wallowing (FINE! 15 minutes!), God grabbed me by the messy bun, wrenched my head around, and said to me, "Focus! This isnt about YOU. This isnt about what YOU want. This. Is. About. Noah."

As I focused I realized that even if Noah is out of stamps and unable to write to us, he has STILL been getting mail. I send at least two pieces of mail a day. John sends mail. My kids send mail. My sister sends mail. My mom sends mail. And so many others have reached out to say they are sending him mail. Noah is what matters. Noah being encouraged. Noah getting letters to lift his spirit. And that is happening.

As I refocused, I realized that is my biggest lesson in this season as the mother of a soldier in Basic Training, "Focus." I have to focus on God. When the enemy attacks.... When my fears are boiling over... When I'm exhausted... when I just MISS MY SOLDIER... FOCUS.

I've been just saturating myself in worship this week. It truly is the best way to focus. And two songs have been MINISTERING my socks off (Thank you Alyssa Westrich)....

"It may look like I'm surrounded but I'm surrounded by You...."

and

"All I did was praise
All I did was worship
All I did was bow down
All I did was stay still"

I hope these minister to someone else too. Have a blessed day, and "Focus!"

fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.
Hebrews 12:2