Mt. Olympus

It has been a pretty tough week at the Kastner house.  John has been in a SIGNIFICANT amount of pain for several weeks. Our minivan has been developing random minor ailments that are easy to fix but still  stressful (well except for one BIG one which resulted in a flat out MIRACLE). We found out last week that a "restructuring" of my department will likely leave me with a LOT more time (and a bit LESS money). And to add insult to injury I was body slammed with the worst seasonal allergies I have had this year (and I was out of my EXPENSIVE allergy meds). It's been a painful,  EXPENSIVE, difficult week.

Several months ago John and I discussed how we have NEVER (not even once) taken our children on a vacation. We have been on MANY vacations most of them with  (and payrolled by) Oma & Poppa.... a few for cheerleading competitions.... but just these six Kastners going away together, just us. .. it has NEVER happened before.  When we realized that,  we realized that it had to change. 

We stressed a little about how we would afford this trip (fine!  I stressed a little! John has this Bob-Marley-like personality that's like,  "It's only money, Mon.... we'll figure it out. ") but began making plans for the first ever Kastner vaca. I hemmed and hawed, dragging my feet to make the deposit.  I was terrified that the second we committed John's health would go again, someone would lose a job, the car would die,  or something. But finally there was no more time to delay. I had to make the reservation.  I did.  And the bad stuff happened: John's not doing well,  I'm unemployed,  our car is driving me NUTS with a new noise every day.... but you know what??? We went anyway.

And I won't lie. I am STRUGGLING with the worry that in the coming months we might need this money for groceries... or that we might have driven all the way out here for the car to BREAK DOWN.  but in spite of the worry in my belly, it's like my brain hasn't gotten the memo.  WE ARE HAVING THE TIME OF OUR LIFE! 

***the chaos of packing all our stuff in the car
***the LONG car trip complete with "Are we there yet?" every 2 seconds and an unplanned potty break to ensure a bladder didn't explode
***roller coasters, 

go karts,  

water slides,  hot tubs,  rock walls 

and MORE

***collapsing EXHAUSTED into our gorgeous room too tired to wiggle from having WAY to much fun

This morning contemplating the REQUIRED Starbucks trip that was coming (our room had no coffee maker... NONE) I started to feel the worry threatening to escape my belly and attack my mind again and then I heard God whispering, "My daughter,  have I not carried you before?  Have I not ALWAYS gotten you through?  What makes you think I won't carry you this time??? Rest.  Relax.  Enjoy your family vacation!"

So here are the lessons I have to share today:

1. I am human.  Even though I KNOW that God will carry us through each and every hurricane we face, I still worry.  It is still hard.  It is NOT fun.  It is okay to be human.

2. Satan never sleeps.  He never takes a break.  He doesn't think, "The Kastner family has had a rough road to travel: brain surgery,  money woes, pain,  sickness,  loss... I think I will just do them a solid and leave them alone on vaca." NOPE! He will prowl around trying to steal your joy at EVERY turn.  He will fight to destroy you every time.

3. I can beat Satan.  It doesn't take much actually.... simply allowing myself to have fun here.... praising when I feel like crying. .. refusing to allow my worry to make the trip from my belly to my mind. I CAN defeat Satan.

4. It's gonna be all right.  It really TRULY is. It might get messy.  I might not enjoy every moment.  I might come out a little battered and bruised but EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT! 

In closing,  I want to tell you that our children have already profusely thanked us a zillion times.  Jeremiah screamed,  "Best vacation EVER!" As he came round on the swings ride.  I had so much fun on the roller coaster I peed my pants (true story.... prolly TMI... but still TRUE story)... and this trip is SO blessed.  I see God's fingerprints EVERYWHERE.  For example,  when we made our reservations we were told that all outdoor parks close after Labor Day. So we would only have access to the indoor parks.... but when we arrived yesterday the outdoor amusement park was open and they told us the outdoor water park would be open today. ... so blessed!

So.... I'm gonna go try to have so much fun I pee my pants again... but the one thing I want you to remember is: IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT!

Hang in there folks!

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Flashback Friday: Don't be a Bildad!

I'm not sure why the Lord is leading me to re-post this blog entry, but I bet there is someone out there who needs to read it so here goes!

Don't be a Bildad!

Sunday's Sermon: This is My Story

Three weeks ago, Pastor Aaron introduced a new series called This is My Story. Because he was taking a 30-day sabbatical, four different staff members would be preaching and telling their "stories" which were according to him POWERFUL and would minister to us greatly. I was skeptical that I would actually enjoy four weeks without Pastor Aaron's preaching, but then he gave a teaser to one of the stories. The story of a young girl halfway around the world on a mission trip to India when her mother passed away unexpectedly.... The story reminded me of my dear Christina, and I knew that come heck or high water I would NOT miss that story!

This weekend.... ohhhhhh this weekend!  Friday night we had our Pampered Chef fundraiser and a few hours before while I was still in the HEAT of barking out orders to the kids to clean up, trying to make homemade salsa and guacamole, and had not yet taken a shower, I found Auntie Marge wandering down the hallway wearing nothing from the waist down but one sock. This was my final clue that she was indeed, as I had been suspecting for about a week, ill. The doctor wouldn't prescribe anything without seeing her, and I couldn't get her to the doctor that night so I planned to take her in the next morning. We were up late from the Pampered Chef party and didn't get to bed till nearly midnight. At about 2 a.m. Hannah woke me when she banged her puke bucket into my head, "I think I'm gonna throw up, Momma." I spent the next few hours listening to her bark this AWFUL cough that made her sound like a yippy dog before drifting off into a VERY light sleep next to her. At 7 a.m., I heard Auntie Marge calling me from the bathroom. She had an accident that required a shower and full cleaning of the toilet/bathroom. The weekend proceeded much like that.... went to the urgent care with BOTH Hannah and Auntie Marge. Hardly slept AT ALL Saturday night as well because of a headache and some insomnia over stress... Sunday morning dawned, and I did NOT feel like going to church. I was EXHAUSTED... But there was NO WAY Satan was keeping ME from THIS sermon!  John and I devised a plan that involved going to church in two shifts in order to keep our little Sickie Vickie from infecting other children. I threw down a cup of coffee and headed off to first service.

The worship was POWERFUL and amazing as always. This guy they have leading worship at our church lately is nothing short of FABULOUS!  He wrote the first song we sang.... It was the debut of the song in Sunday service, but had been sung in Youth Group already.... Jeremiah leaned over and said, "Mom, this is IT! My favorite song I was telling you about!"  I love when my children are excited about the things of God!

So then it was time.... I had my plan... pay attention closely for some good stuff to tell Christina... wisdom that she would TOTALLY be able to relate to.  She came out... This adorable young thing who wasn't even BORN when I graduated from high school!  I was sure she had something to share with Christina but me??? I'm an old foggie.... I've heard it all before..... WHATEVER!  She ROCKED MY WORLD!  I mean it ROCKED MY WORLD!

Her testimony of losing her mother made me BAWL.... that I expected. I am such an empathetic person that I felt her loss, as told through her story, VERY deeply. But then like a right hook out of nowhere, this girl started getting in MY kitchen. She talked about the choice when you suffer a loss... the choice to be bitter or to trust God.  She talked about the fact that EVEN Jesus wept... so WE can weep too in loss. But I think what gutted me the most was her bare-naked honesty.... I am SO glad this young lady had the courage to say what wouldn't make her look the best in some circles. She admitted that on the way home to the United States after her mother had passed away she questioned God... she thought, "Really God.... I'm here doing YOUR business and You couldn't just have her hang on a little longer so I could say goodbye?"  It GUTTED me!  See I have felt that!  I have thought that!  "Lord, I've given you my life!  I've served you UNWAVERINGLY since I was a little girl! You really couldn't just protect this one thing I held MOST dear???"

After the sermon, I went forward for prayer. That was a BIG step for me!  I have RESISTED God's prodding to do so many times before at this church... I don't know why... I think mostly because I don't like the unknown of how it is going to go down... But this time... I just walked up there... straight to the beautiful, young whippersnapper who had just WRECKED me with her sermon. And as she prayed for me I felt a WEIGHT I have been carrying for several years lifting off my shoulders.... a freedom that it is OKAY to hurt and feel and WEEP... and a release from some of the weight of my guilt at not being "godly enough" to weather my loss with a smile on my face and pep in my step.

See I have LONG believed that God isn't afraid of our honesty. I have LONG believed that I had permission to weep. But for some reason, on THIS day, from THIS girl, in THIS moment I had a WORD from God that GRIPPED my heart.... and I really BELIEVED that it was okay to weep because Jesus did it too!

Today my friends let me encourage you.... Whatever you are going through right now.... Whether it is a MAJOR loss or a minor setback, it is OKAY to weep, to feel, to be angry, to be HONEST... It is okay because that is the model Jesus set for us.... He was honest.... he even got angry.... he even questioned God in the Garden of Gethsemane.... he WEPT... so we can too.

Oh and one final thing.... I realized at the end of the message that I didn't even know what to tell Christina.... I had gone to church "for her" so I could share things that would minister to her, but two minutes in I completely forgot about her because I was in the midst of my own moment with God.... Don't worry... I sent her a link to the live feed of the second service so she wouldn't miss out completely... And I'm pretty sure she'll read this blog too...

Jesus wept.
John 11:35

Flashback Friday: Your enemy the devil....

Here's an old blog of mine that MINISTERED to me yesterday.  I needed to remember that Satan will NOT take my resolutions sitting down. He will NOT just idly stand by when I pray for revival, when I ask God to renew me, when I get a WORD directly from God.... Nope! He ATTACKS hard and heavy!

Your enemy the devil...

Praying God's protection over all of you today.

Thankful Thursday: the Word of God

Hebrews 4:12 NIV

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Today I am thankful that the Word of God is ALIVE... It isn't some dusty, old-fashioned book of stories. It isn't the same-old, same-old I've read since I was a little girl. It comes ALIVE and ministers to me in a NEW way every time I read it!

This morning I opened up my YouVersion Bible app and started reading today's devotional entry in the reading plan I am currently working my way through. I read passages of scripture I have read a JILLION times... some I even have memorized.... and the words JUMPED off the page and ministered to me in a BRAND NEW way. It was as if I had NEVER seen them before. They brought me brand-new, deeper understanding. They brought me FREEDOM from bondage to wrong thoughts. They gave me the courage to let my spirit rise up and SCREAM at Satan "NO! I won't believe your lies anymore! I won't let you tell me all that I have lost, all that was broken, all that I am NOT! Instead I am going to tell you about the victory that was won! The RESTORATION that resulted! And who I am in Christ!"

Today I am thankful for the word of God because it is the data cable God uses to speak to me EACH and every day. But most of all I am thankful for the God that "data cable" is plugged into. That He loves ME enough to connect with me... to speak to me... to reach out anew every single day.

I pray that today the Word JUMPS out at you too. That He reveals something brand-new to you today. And I pray that the new thing He reveals to you smacks you RIGHT where you are TODAY with EXACTLY the Word YOU need to hear.

God bless everyone!