Pt 2: Christmas Day

 So after the hap, hap, happiest Christmas Eve in the world, we awoke Christmas Day morning ready for tons of F.F.F. (Forced Family Fun). All four children were dragged out of bed and tossed into coats and boots for the early a.m. trip to Oma & Poppa's for breakfast and presents. When Hannah awoke (with her hair trapped in the bend of Eli's elbow) she was complaining that she had an owie, and she kept grabbing her hip. We babied her by carrying her from place to place and hoping that it was just a bad charlie horse. But she did look oh so pathetic when she tried to walk holding her hip and dragging her leg behind her.

Shortly after we arrived, who do you think came up the walk? Santa! The rest was a blur of yummy dishes, a flurry of wrapping paper scraps and more presents than you can imagine. We had our first ever Cousins Christmas Concert. [Oma is teaching all of the cousins piano, and Christmas morning was their first ever recital.] It went VERY well. Somewhere in the middle of the adult's white elephant gift exchange, John disappeared. We all kept calling for him, and I was pretty sure he was in the bathroom as he had been there many times before, but he wasn't telling me what was up.

As soon as we finished presents, he called me upstairs to the bathroom he was in. I found him slumped over on the ground writhing in pain. He said, "I need to go to the emergency room." That's when my terror began. My husband NEVER wants to go to the emergency room. It was all quite a bit of deja vu from the second kidney stone experience; however, he kept saying this doesn't feel the same; it's not a kidney stone. I rushed downstairs to make some preparations: Cori....can you be point man for the kids? Mom...can I borrow a car so I can leave the minivan for the kids to ride in? Then back upstairs to get him. John couldn't stand upright so he just sorta crawled/rolled down the stairs. My mom kept saying, "We should call an ambulance." But I really didn't want to incur the cost of an ambulance when I was pretty sure I could get him to the hospital. Everyone kept saying go to that new hospital in Franklin....it's so close! So we headed south on 27th to the new one. On the way there I started to cry. The sounds of John's screams and his writhing around was really getting to me. It is very hard to see someone you love in that much pain, but even harder when you see someone who is typically so strong and tough whimpering and crying.

As we pulled into the hospital, I got this TERRIBLE feeling in my gut as I realized I was 99% sure that Wheaton Franciscan facilities were NOT covered under our insurance. By that time, however, it was WAY too late to go anywhere else. He had hardly made it the 5 miles to this place. He would have NEVER made it the nearly 10 to St. Luke's. So trying not to freak out about the fact that we would most likely be paying this visit completely out of pocket, I pulled up to the ER door and stopped. I ran for a wheelchair as John tumbled out of the car onto his hands and knees. My brother-in-law had followed us there so he helped me load John into the wheelchair and then he parked the vehicles. The hospital personnel rushed out as soon as we entered the waiting room, and they whisked him back. I went to check on Shawn and get the keys from him, and then went back to the room they put John in. He was still writhing and screaming. I was trying to help give the doctor (who was NOT a nice man) his health history and the symptoms he was having and trying not to cry because I was really scared. The thought did flicker through my head, "Ohmigosh! What if he dies on Christmas Day?" But I pushed that thought away as fast as I could. I was holding his hand and whispering prayers in his ear. Within a little while, they had him on an IV and finally on some morphine and anti-nausea medicine. As the pain subsided, we fell back into the calm routine we had practiced a couple of times earlier this year: turn on the t.v.; notify the fam we are ok and the pain is being managed; start to joke about how in the heck we're going to pay for this out-of network visit (we have NO coverage out-of-network). After a little under 2 hours, we got the news: 2 mm kidney stone, almost to the opening of the bladder. Here's some Flomax, Percoset and 2 different anti-nausea medicines. Contact your urologist ASAP. So we headed out of the hospital. Our Christmas lunch plans at my mother-in-laws ruined. We started altering our plans for the day. Dropped the prescriptions at Walgreen's and returned home to the children who were very glad to see their daddy walking again.

It seems if your last name is Kastner there always has to be drama. I left the kids (except for Hannah) at my parents with John and headed home for a quick shower. Pulling into the driveway (which had not yet been shoveled from the snow we got on Christmas Eve....to find out why refer to Pt 1: Christmas Eve) I realized my mistake a little too late. I was stuck in the snow. I hopped out of the van still in my pjs from Christmas breakfast and proceeded to shovel myself out of the driveway. By the time I made it into the house with Hannah in my arms, she was whining and crying again about her hip hurting. So I let her go first and put her in a hot bath followed by some ibuprofen. The hot water seemed to loosen up her cramp a little and the ibuprofen made her limp less. I jumped in the shower and finished to find texts and missed calls and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Christmas dinner was in 15 minutes!

Hannah and I got back to my mom's after dinner had already started. We ate a little and then watched the final version of the Cousins Christmas Concert (complete with a LAME re-enactment of Do You Hear What I Hear by the (now completely adult) children of Kathi Haugh. [Isn't Forced Family Fun great????] As we lounged around nearly comatose from our stressful and exhausting day, I realized that I had only had one cup of coffee all day and I still had to make it through a trip to my mother-in-laws. Well Dad only had cold coffee I could microwave to offer (I can't do that microwaved coffee thing). As we drove to my mother-in-laws it was seriously like the end of the world. Not a THING was open. Every single store we passed (except Hooters of course) had no lights on inside. I couldn't find a cup of coffee to save my life. And to make matters better, my mother-in-law only has decaf... so there was no relief there.

We arrived at Gramma Joan's and spent a little time there. The whole time I was sure I would pass out from exhaustion. The exhausting trip going to pull up the van then carrying Hannah while John was leaning on me across the ice to the car was successfully completed and we were finally on our way home.

Once home we just collapsed on the couch hardly moving and vegged out to a House marathon....

This Christmas was one of the most eventful and NOT storybook I have ever in my life had; however, it was not less magnificent than any of the others. As I sat there exhausted and ready to collapse, I realized that I still had this odd sense of contentment and happiness. In spite of everything, I felt blessed to have beautiful, sweet, kind children who were spoiled to the gills with great Christmas presents. I praised God that it was just another kidney stone, and that I came home with my slightly ailing husband, instead of having to leave him at the hospital (or worse). I realized that even when Christmas doesn't go according to the images we keep in our head, it is still Christmas. It is still a blessed time to remember the things that are most important, family, friends, and most of all a savior who came to earth as a child to make a way for us to all go to Heaven. That's what Christmas is about...whether it includes hospital visits and snowy driveways or perfectly sung carols around a cozy fire.

Pt 1: Christmas Eve (NOT for faint of heart or weak of stomach)

 Ok.... so consider yourself warned, this blog contains some graphic stuff.

It has been an odd Christmas for the Kastners.....not necessarily TERRIBLE... just not the picture perfect kinda stuff you imagine. This first part of the craziness happened on Christmas Eve.....

I awoke on Christmas Eve to tons of snow coming down. This was not really a welcome sight for me because I had a rare and treasured hair appointment scheduled. As the mother of 4 who homeschools, works from home, and organizes a youth ministry, I don't often get time for frivolous things such as haircuts. My hubby got me a giftcard to the beauty school and demanded I use it BEFORE Christmas. Well.... it was snowing so I called the beauty school... yups they were staying open. Hooray! So I got to work on the mountain of laundry and way too many Christmas gifts still to make so I could get some done before my appointment.

I was not too thrilled with my spoiling hubby because the night before he stayed out too late after work with some of the guys he works with. Now I'm not one to begrudge him some recreational time; HOWEVER, we are not younguns and 3 a.m. is just a bit too late for a 42-year old. Especially one who works 2 full-time jobs and gets absolutely no sleep. Not to mention for about 2 days we had been suspecting that he might be about to pass another kidney stone.

So he was already on his first "nap" of the day at 10:30... the time I needed to leave. I asked him if I should cancel my appointment but he assured me he'd be fine to watch the kids. I wasn't convinced. I headed out for a little pampering, stopping along the way to get some Starbucks (compliments of my gift card from Elise).... well I guess because I have not had my hair professionally colored in at least 15 years, I didn't realize that I would be sitting in that chair for 3 1/2 hours by the time I was done having my hair cut and colored and my eyebrows waxed. My butt hurt. I was bored. I had TONS to do at home, and I was wasting time in this pampering chair of torture. Oh, and I was NOT at ALL confident that John was watching the kids at all. The texts I was receiving from home were alarming me, and then I got confirmation.... Sarah and Elise stopped over and then stayed to watch the kids as John was on his second nap of the day. You are an OLD man! You cannot go out with the guys after work! Not when work ends at midnight!!!!

So my hair turned out great but not my eyebrows (bald patch in one spot, stray hairs left behind in another) and she was NOT the best Vici student I have ever had. She did NOT do that cool scalp massage thing they are supposed to do when they wash your hair, and she did a CRAPPY job of styling my hair. Whatevs... the color is what I wanted (actually better than I had imagined) and the cut is GREAT so I'll deal.

So I rushed through Pick N Save now opting for a quick warm and heat dinner instead of a fancy homemade slow cooked one. I returned home to a GLORIOUSLY cleaned home. I was expecting to meet total chaos, but Sarah and Elise had been busy little beavers and my house looked great! Turns out they used cleaning as an escape mechanism to get away from my children who were behaving TERRIBLY. Whatever you have to do man, my house is clean!

I bought the kids some plain gingerbread men at the bakery for them to decorate, but then I knocked them off the stove and they had to instead start with surgery to reattach all the gingerbread amputations and even one decapitation. Whatever the more frosting to reattach a limb the better that gingerbread tastes!

Finally, I returned to burning my homemade DVD's and printing out the family calendars that it is my tradition to make for Christmas. Noah and Jeremiah warmed dinner while I did this. I was trying VERY hard to work quickly. My goal was to be in bed before midnight. Well midnight came and went and I was still up. The later it got the worse it got.... (here's where it starts to get graphic so zone out if you are squeamish) I finally gave up my day long search for Hannah's missing party shoe because I needed to search for my niece's missing present. When Hannah went through her present opening frenzy, we hid all the presents. Well Alyssa's AWANA bag got hidden too well (in fact it STILL hasn't turned up). Finally at about 12:30 I decided I had to get to bed, when I realized I didn't print out the stuff for Do You Hear What I Hear? I quickly printed the required materials. I had already thrown my jeans down the stairs cuz they were dirty. So now I was working in just my underwear and a t-shirt (this is an essential fact for this story.... I promise).... After printing the materials I needed, I went to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair to sit at the table and write a few things down. As my butt hit the chair (remember I'm only wearing underwear) I realized there was a puddle on the chair. (Last warning if you are squeamish turn back NOW!) As I jumped back to my feet all sorts of random facts started flying into my mind.... weren't those Hannah's underwear under the chair? wait didn't she disrobe for a naked run just before bed? puddle... what is this a puddle of? without thinking enough, I stuck my finger into the puddle and put the finger to my nose to smell.... YUPS you've I'm sure deduced it already: PEE! I sat (wearing only my underwear) in a puddle of Hannah's pee! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I cannot BEGIN to describe to you my revulsion as I stood there with my daughter's pee running down my leg and my own underpants soaked exactly as if I were the one who had peed my pants. I wanted to scream and cry... this is CHRISTMAS! I'm supposed to be in bed dreaming of sugar plum fairies not standing in my kitchen, exhausted from hours of making and searching for presents, with my daughter's pee running down my leg. This is NOT Merry!

I felt like I was in Christmas Vacation 2.... I wanted to shout: Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny flipping Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white butt down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of idiots this side of the nuthouse. (Clark Griswold...Christmas Vacation.... yes I did change some of the text to make it PG enough for this blog)

But I wasn't. This was my real life and I had a choice to make.... so I chose to do what the mom has to do... I started laughing.... then I went upstairs to share my hysterical story with my already half asleep husband.... then I planned to blog this humiliating, disgusting story for all of your enjoyment, because it fits perfectly into my world view: if I must suffer through something hopefully at least someone else will get some joy out of it.... a good laugh, a little encouragement, or at least a "WOW! am I glad I didn't sit in a puddle of pee wearing only my underwear on Christmas Eve night!"

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night....stay tuned for more Christmas Day excitement.

Florida Trip Installment 6 -- the End of the Road

So we hightailed it out of St. Petersburg immediately after our 7-11 Thanksgiving Dinner. But not before Jeremiah had one more comment... As Auntie Marge tucked us into our minivan to send us on our way, Jeremiah said, "Auntie Marge I just have one more question for you. Why do you keep your house so hot???" SERIOUSLY funny!

We weren't driving that great that night. We were both very tired and couldn't take very long turns at driving. We only made it barely to Georgia before we stopped for the night in a Holiday Inn. We just cleaned up and went to bed. Early the next morning we both were awake so we dressed the kids while they were half-asleep and loaded them into the car to return to the road. That day...it was NOT a good experience... the kids were done being in the car and were a little sick of each other. We kept having these odd experiences: gas pumps down, credit card machines down, clocks set to the wrong time.... My mom started educating me on how the world was probably coming to an end...something about electromagnet pulses, the economy, and Barack Obama being elected President. I was actually starting to get a little creeped out... it was Black Friday. Maybe the rapid influx of purchases was creating a sonic electromagnet boom that was going to knock out all communication. We'd be stuck 700 miles from our loved ones, unable to purchase gas or a hotel or food, with no ability to contact them. Every apocalyptic movie I have ever seen was running through my head: we'd be walking to Franklin... carrying the children on our backs (crap! why'd I let people talk me into leaving my stroller at home and renting one at Disney?!?!?) we'd have to kill rodents along the way to feed ourselves and drink our own pee (AHHHHHHHH how many times could you drink it before it wasn't sterile anymore?) I was seriously starting to lose my mind. It was just about this time that the noise from the backseat reached an all-time high and the children started lunging out of their seatbelts at one another. We pulled off at the next exit and PRAISE BE TO GOD there was a McDonald's WITH A PLAYLAND!

Since the car was becoming such a pigsty, I didn't make anyone find their shoes in order to go into McDonald's only Noah had his on. Well even this stop wasn't without drama: the "Cash Only" written on a piece of paper and stuck at one of the registers revitalized the end of the world worries, I took Hannah to the bathroom and as she was sitting on the toilet she didn't lean forward enough and she started peeing all over her pants and training pants. Well thank goodness I decided not to fight her when she wanted to drag her pjs into McDonald's with her. I just put her pj pants on her. I thought... I have to remember to put training pants on her before we start driving again [famous last words...okay thoughts]. We hung at the playland for about 30 minutes letting the kids burn some steam off.

Then we returned to the car and headed out on the road about 30 to 40 minutes later, Hannah said, "Momma I peed," and I realized.... yep you guessed it.... I forgot to put the training pants on her. So we got off, stripped her down, removed the liner from her car seat, put training pants on her....while this was going on I told Noah and Elijah (who had to pee too) to go in to use the bathroom with Oma. I said get your shoes on...the look on Noah's face said it all. I said to him, "You left your shoes at the playland didn't you?" Yep he did... those were the only shoes he had with him, and he left them at a playland, and we were NOT driving back 40 minutes to get them. C'est la vie.

What else happened on that fateful trip??? I don't really recall.... but here was the final frontier of insanity. Somewhere in Kentucky, Hannah's little will gave up. She just started crying and wailing about being in the car (in retrospect it was poor planning to drive only 4 hours the first day and 16 the second). We switched drivers so I could lie across the back and be near Hannah. She fell asleep but every now and then she would wake slightly and start crying again. It was heartbreaking and pitiful. As we neared Chicago, we had the finish line in sight, but we got a little cocky. Wanda (our GPS...mom named her Wanda "so we don't have to wonder while we Wanda") told us to go through Chicago. Mom said, "Wouldn't it be better to go around Chicago?" I was too tired and worn out to form many thoughts and could not come up with a decision. I said, "Whatever you think." But then somehow we ended up going through the iPass lane of the toll booth (we don't have an iPass!), and I started freaking out. In the confusion, we started listening to Wanda again...she was desperately trying to get us back on the route she felt was best. Long story short, we ended up in Chicago (not on the freeway traveling THROUGH Chicago), but IN the actual city at about 10 p.m. on a Friday night. Yippee! Finally Wanda forced us back onto the way through Chicago; we'd added about 30 minutes to our time and every cell in my body was literally SCREAMING to be home. The texts were flying back and forth: dad to me; me to Cori (who was at mom & dad's house); John to me; Gorski (who was secretly awaiting my return at my house) to me; I was getting whiplash!

Finally we arrived at our home at about 11:30 p.m....I was rudely assaulted by snow and freezing cold the second I stepped out of the van. I carried a sleeping child in and found my house completely transformed...John had spent his entire holiday cleaning the house, carpets and all.... Sarah had baked a cake and cookies... it was an amazing welcome home. But best of all, we were HOME, and we were out of the car.

End of trip story.

Florida Trip Installment 4 -- Just Beachy

For me the absolutely best thing about warm weather, Florida, summer is basking in the sun.... we got A LOT of that during this trip. Our very first day in St. Petersburg was the warmest day of the week. I think we got up to 75 degrees that day. It was sunny without a cloud in the clear blue sky and GORGEOUS!

After breakfast and a few errands, we stumbled upon this great little place called The Caddy Shack. It was this little beachfront restaurant. If you paid $5 to park in their lot, you could spend the whole day hanging out at their beach property. If you patronized their establishment you got your $5 from parking off your bill. They even offered complimentary beach chairs to lounge on. It was a tiny slice of heaven.

We spent that clear, beautiful, amazing day with our feet dug into the sand and the sun beating down on us. Oma buried the kids in the sand up to their necks. Jeremiah took a VERY keen liking to the surf and ventured out far enough to make even the pretty brave momma nervous. Noah (who had SWORN he was not going in the water because he didn't want to get eaten by a shark) quickly threw his worries aside and dove into the surf. The kids collected shells and played in the sand and swam and swam and swam. We had an INCREDIBLE day!

Finally we sampled the Caddy Shack's cuisine....it was palatable...but the funny part was after our meal.... I hadn't really paid much mind to the seagulls flying about. (After the fact, I realized they were circling us like vultures around a carcass.) We had hardly finished our meal. In fact, in true Kastner fashion the kids had merely finished phase 1 of their meal and were taking their typical Kastner break to run about, do some Ninja moves, and spread the mess of their eating around a bit...when all of a sudden the seagulls started dive bombing our table! I swear! I was scared one of my children would be picked up and carried away. I had just said, "Are you guys done with this stuff?" before the attack began so then I quickly changed it to, "Well now you are done with this because you're not eating it after those germy birds picked at it. It was hysterical! (and maybe a little frightening).

We wanted to do some shopping along the little shoppy/boardwalk area. My Aunt didn't want to come along so we left her sitting in the car to "people watch." We weren't in this cool little surf shop but 15 minutes when my mom said, "Auntie Marge is on the loose!" She took off to go track her down as she was marching up and down the streets. By the time my mom reached her, Auntie Marge was fit to be tied! She was scolding my mom and saying, "You've been gone so long! I got tired of waiting!" (seriously and truly we weren't gone more than 20 minutes TOPS).... then she got angry with my mom because we weren't in the store she thought we should have gone in. We quickly returned to our vans (we were in two separate ones) and started the trip back to her house. All the way my Aunt scolded my mom for leaving her so long, driving too fast, not turning wide enough, going in the wrong store, EVERYTHING.... my poor mother was about to pull her hair out.

So as we left the Treasure Island area, Noah had to pee, and we were running out of gas. We stopped to fill up and let Noah empty out.... My mom walked Noah into the gas station to go to the bathroom. It was an older gas station with the bathroom access outside of the building, so the man handed my mother a key...attached to the key (so that no one would walk off with it) was an empty water bottle. Noah's eyes grew wide at the sight of it. So they left the station and traveled around the building to the bathroom. Noah started telling my mom, "I don't have to go anymore. I don't have to go anymore." They arrived at the door to the bathroom, and my mom pulled it open and thought, "No way! He is NOT going to pee in there." It was filthy with rusty pipes and a horrible toilet. Noah said, "They have a toilet!" and proceeded to take care of his business in that disgusting place. It seems he thought they didn't have a bathroom so he was going to have to pee in that tiny empty water bottle... we about peed our pants laughing.

We took two more trips to the beach during our Florida experience. The next one was at sunset the evening we returned from Orlando. It was amazing, beautiful, incredible and memorable. Noah wanted to see the sunset on the beach. We looked up when the sun would set in St. Petersburg from Orlando, and then we HIGHTAILED it out of there to get to the beach in time. We arrived just as the sun was setting into the water. It was amazing, and we got TONS of great pictures. I love moments like that. Where you can just sit there and marvel over the God we serve Who made that water and this beach and that sun that's setting into that water. And He didn't care just enough to give us the sun for warmth and the water for sustenance.... He cared enough to make those things beautiful as well. So that we could not only appreciate the benefits of them, but we could also be blessed by the beauty of them too.

Sunset on the Beach

Our final day at the beach was on Thanksgiving Day. I do feel a bit as if I missed Thanksgiving this year, but I wouldn't trade my nontraditional Thanksgiving for anything in the world. The weather was a bit cooler that day.... 65 I think. But on the beach it felt much warmer. The kids even swam in water so cold I felt like I couldn't even let it wash over my feet! We paid a RIDICULOUS amount of money for some sand toys, and they just built sand castles and used sand molds and ran in and out of the surf filling buckets of water....it was HEAVENLY!

For Thanksgiving "dinner" we patronized the only establishment open in that little beach town: 7-11. My mom & Aunt drove over and came back with a few salads, some Lunchables, two bags of chips, some cookies, and some sodas. It was the best food I'd ever tasted ;) That Thanksgiving Day and it's sand, sun, surf, and convenience store food will go down in my memory as one of my best!

Florida Trip Installment 5 -- Recovering from Disney World

So Wednesday we just slept in at the Hyatt... repacked our bags... took a shower... just lollygagging around and taking our time until I realized it was 11:40 (check out was noon), and I hadn't gotten in the shower yet...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Then the mania began: I hopped in the shower all the time barking packing orders at the kids. It was craziness, but we got out of there by 11:54!

We went to the van, and as I was loading the stuff in the car, my mom was playing Simon Says with the kids. Then she let each of them take a turn being Simon. When it was Jeremiah's turn to be Simon, he said, "Simon says push each other." Before my mother could scream, "No!" Noah pushed Elijah down into the grass. Elijah stood up, and he was covered in red ants! Yep! No lie! So there I was in the middle of packing the van, and I had to stop to strip Elijah's clothes off and brush all the ants off of him. Then I had to rifle through the neatly packed suitcases to find new clothes for him and go into the Hyatt to get a plastic bag to confine the rest of the ants to his clothing instead of giving them free reign in our minivan.

So phew onto the next escapade. We went to pick up Jeff and headed over to have lunch at Olive Garden. When we got there, and I tried to get Hannah out of the van I realized she was barefoot. I searched the car to no avail and could not find her shoes that "Buzz Lightyear gave her." I had a very bad feeling they were gone-gone. I found the number for the Hyatt we had just checked out of. I called, and the lady at the front desk put me on hold and went out into the parking lot. Sure enough right next to where our van was parked she found our Disney shoes. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I carried Hannah into Olive Garden barefoot. The Olive Garden experience wasn't too bad, although the Kastner children aren't really the type of children who do well in a sit-down restaurant. We had a really nice waiter...in fact at the end of our meal, the kids ran up to him and hugged him for being such a good waiter :) 

Hugging the Olive Garden Waiter

We left Olive Garden and headed back to the Hyatt to get Hannah's shoes. I had been at a nearby Walgreen's the night before and had found TONS of Disney souvenirs for MUCH cheaper than you'd get them at Disney World. So we headed over to that Walgreen's. I went in and did my shopping; then my mom went after me (so that we didn't have to take the kids in). While my mom was shopping there was a little excitement, an older couple parked in the parking lot called 911. An ambulance and fire engine came and took the woman away. My mom ended up kinda irritated because I paid 3 for $12 on some small towels and 2 for $15 on these HUGE ones. The cashier screwed up and charged my mom $15 each for the puny ones. <sorry mom>

We headed back to Jeff's to check out his place and pick up my laundry. He googled when the sun would be setting in St. Petersburg, and we hightailed it out of there to get to the beach by sunset. Even hitting rush hour traffic along the way, we got there in time. Yippee!