The other shoe.....

In spite of how great things are going, I have been VERY down in the dumps lately. I have been examining my heart and begging of God to reveal what is going on with me.... Here's what I have so far:

1. There is ALWAYS a bit of a let down when a stressful situation ends. I believe this is because when you are going through stress, your body is keeping you going with adrenaline. When the stress ends, the adrenaline leaves and you are WORN OUT.

2. (and this is what this blog is about) The other shoe.... I read this phrase in a blog earlier this week, "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop." When you have spent an extended period of your life under STRESS it is VERY difficult to step out of that mode. You find yourself looking and even waiting for the next thing to go wrong. I am not sure that this shows a lack of faith in God, it just shows the natural design of our wondrous bodies. See God made us so that when we touch a hot stove we jerk our hand away. But He also made us so that we REMEMBER touching that stove so that the next time we see a hot stove we remember being burnt and avoid touching it again. I think this is what is responsible for "the other shoe" phenomenon. See our bodies remember that feeling of happiness before the bottom fell out of our life and with that remembrance comes the recollection of the bottom falling out. We can't help but cringe at the memory. It is wired into us. Just like John will forever struggle with the tightness of neck muscles which were cut from brain surgery: I will always struggle with those memories. Simple things: Noodles & Company, the song Stronger by Mandisa, the feeling that everything is on the upswing IMMEDIATELY followed but everything getting worse.... these are indelibly imprinted in my psyche. And encountering these "triggers" can INSTANTLY transport me back to that time and place.

I do not know that I should waste time trying to erase these indelibly imprinted items. Instead I think that I need to recognize them and call them out as memories.... NOT prophecies. I also need to let that "other shoe" feeling call my mind back to the the times when the bottom fell out and walk ALL the way through the end of the story... because the end of the story contains the facts that God sustained us through it all.... that God's people cared and prayed and ministered to us... that God brought our family CLOSER together through the bottom falling out....  and that IN THE END WE SURVIVED!

So I am trying to be patient with myself. I am trying to realize that I am tired now that adrenaline isn't carrying me... and that this other shoe can be a reminder of all the good God has brought instead of a negative around my neck weighing me down....

Have a blessed day everyone!