Raising successful adults

Lately I've been thinking a lot about something my mother always tells me, "Jami, you're not raising successful children.  You're raising successful adults."  I think about it at many different times.  For example:

Jeremiah has recently taken up the annoying habit of ARGUING with everything I say.  In frustration one day, I irritatedly asked, "Why must you argue with EVERYTHING I say?"  I started pondering why he couldn't just DO WHAT I SAY without questioning me.  Then it hit me?  Is that what kind of adult I want him to be?  Do I want him unquestioningly obeying what a boss tells him to do?  What if the boss asks him to "cook the books?"  Is it even what kind of teenager I want him to be?  Do I want him unquestioningly obeying what a teacher tells him to do?  What if the teacher makes inappropriate advances towards him?  Is that what I REALLY want from my child?  DO WHAT I SAY without questioning?

That same night I called Jeremiah to me, and I told him that was not the kind of person I wanted him to be.  I wanted him to be someone who evaluated EVERYTHING in his heart against what the Bible says and came to his OWN conviction about what to do.  However, in a family, when he is a child, it is INEFFECTIVE for me to waste THAT much time arguing with him about everything I ask him to do.  Therefore, I told him each day he would start with five "argue" cards.  I continued on, explaining he needed to "spend" those argue cards wisely for when they were gone, he would not get anymore until the next day.  EACH argument should only be made after carefully considering what he was being asked to do and whether God would want him to do it and THEN choosing whether to argue or not.  I personally think this is a GREAT strategy (although I'll admit it has been a little rocky in the implementation phase).

It got me thinking, and I know that I am likely to start sounding like a radical liberal here; however.....  Why is it that so many of us, parents, expect our children to blindly obey us and then act surprised when they blindly follow their peers into sin?  Why is it that so many of us think the Bible tells us to train our children to be robots doing exactly what we tell them to instead of mature beings who can think for themselves.

I am NOT advocating anarachy.  I am NOT saying that parents should not have rules.  I am, however, proposing that possibly blind and swift obedience to our rules is not necessarily what we want.  I for one want to raise thinkers who base their choices on Biblical principles.  Therefore, I need to make sure my children KNOW the Bible and make sure I have taught them to THINK.  Finally, I have to show them how to STAND UP for what they believe.

This situation has gotten me re-evaluating MUCH of my parenting strategies in light of this one question:  Is this going to make my babies successful children or successful adults.  I have to admit:  many things are changing around this household after that scrutiny is applied.

So the next time you see me in Walmart arguing with a nine year old who wants to play in the video game room, don't raise your eyebrows and think, "Hmmmm I would NEVER tolerate such defiance."  Just lean over and ask me, "Did he pay you an argue card for that?"