Worry Doubles the Suffering

Every time I get behind the wheel of our minivan, I am gripped by fear. I have struggled with this for a long time. We have been in the vise grip of financial hardship, struggling to make the bills each month for almost four years now. There is absolutely none of what you all call "savings;" we have no reserve; there is nothing to fall back on. Therefore, I live in a continual state of fear that something will go wrong with our vehicle. Now that we are down to just one vehicle in another attempt to stop the hemorrhaging of our finances, the fear and worry have intensified greatly.

The Bible has a lot to say about worry:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? (Matthew 6:25)

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:27)

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. (Matthew 6:28)

So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" (Matthew 6:31)

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

I know these verses oh so well. I have learned them, heard them, memorized them since I was a little girl, yet STILL I worry. I worry that the brakes will need to be replaced. I worry that the transmission will go. I worry that the tires will need to be replaced. Worry! Worry! Worry! Two weeks ago the tires needed to be replaced, and guess what? We found the money to do that. I do not know exactly how, but it worked out. Yesterday the brakes started grinding. We are squeezing the money to fix them out of our tight budget. Guess what? The actual things that go wrong with the car are quickly taken care of without much suffering at all. You know what is causing all my suffering? Worry.

John and I have been in this horrible financial nightmare for almost four years now. We have suffered through situations that most of you can't even imagine. We have not only been putting a band-aid on the bullet hole in our finances, but we have also been dealing with the confusion of those around us who just do not seem to understand why we can't get the bleeding to stop. Guess what? We do not get it either. We have given up two vehicles in order to save money. We have given up just about every single luxury imaginable. We rarely buy things for our children. Every single piece of furniture on our lower level has either been give to us as a gift, rescued from someone else's garbage heap, or bought with the bartering of John's hard work. Yet still here we are hemorrhaging without anything to stop the bleeding but a single little band-aid. Through all of this, over and over and OVER again, I have seen God reach down, brushing aside my little band-aid, and put his finger over the bullet hole holding back the bleeding. Here's what I do not get: STILL I worry. I have come face-to-face with the awesome power of my great God over and over and over again through this journey and STILL I worry about the next hurdle. This week! This very week! I witness yet another miracle, and STILL I worry. My hours have been drastically reduced at work. I was expecting a ludicrous check that would barely be enough for the groceries and would definitely not be enough to cover our small (yet seemingly impossible) tax bill. Yesterday the deposit posted to my account, and it was twice what I thought it would be. What? How is that possible? I had yet to receive my paystub so I had no idea why my deposit was so large. This morning I found out. In spite of tough economic times, my company paid us last year's gain sharing. Praise Jesus! Now I could pay the taxes!

So here it is finally...I am to the lesson part. The worry is what is causing my suffering, NOT the financial hardship. Worry is making me lose sleep. Worry is knotting up my stomach. Worry is taking its toll on my health. Worry is the demon I need to slay. I need to get my eyes up off the worry and back onto my God. Maybe all of this bleeding is happening NOT because of mistakes we have made or Satan trying to break us. Maybe, just possibly, this has a greater purpose: that of getting me to stop being a slave to worry.

What are you worrying about today? The cancer returning? A loved one passing? Your spouse cheating? The car breaking down? Partner with me. Let's agree TODAY to lie down our worries and to focus our eyes on our God. Today let us remember that His eye is on the sparrow, and today let us purpose in our hearts not to allow ourselves to be enslaved to worry.