Gossip Girl

For two days now, I have been struggling with writer’s block. It is not because I have nothing to write about, but because I do not want to write about what God put on my heart. I keep shying away from it because I do not want to tackle the issue, partially because I do not want to sound preachy, but mostly because if I write about it, I will have to think about it, and if I think about it, I will have to make oh so many changes.

Gossip, hearsay, idle talk, defamation, slander.... I have often been the victim and the perpetrator of this vicious crime. As a very sensitive person, it crushes me to know others are talking about me, judging me, spreading stories about me, and as a very sinful person, I turn right around and do the same thing to others. Recently, I was an outside party looking in on gossip, and for some reason that situation has been resonating through my brain, my heart and my soul, calling me to form an opinion and take a stand. Here’s kind of how it went down:

Standing apart from the group, minding my own business, I heard the discussion begin.
“I don’t know how she can justify being involved with a married man!” They were talking about a woman who had just left the group.
“Well, she says he’s in the process of a divorce,” someone inserted in the woman’s defense.
“I am in a Bible study with his wife, and she just said the other day, they were working to save their marriage,” another voice chimed in.
I sat there apart from them trying to block out their voices. Just overhearing those little snippets of their conversation made me feel icky, dirty, sad.

Since I was in junior high I think, I have struggled with this concept. Where do you draw the line when talking about other people? Sharing the miracle of my nephew surviving Leukemia is not gossip, but what about asking others to pray for my grandfather who is drinking and gambling again? I do not claim to be an expert on what is right, but I do want to search hard to find answers. So I consulted my pastor, and his answer really got me thinking. He said, “Jesus said, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’” Hmmmm…. Good point! When I am about to talk, I need to stop and think, “Would I want someone saying this about me?”

But have you ever been in this place? Someone says or does something that just DRIVES YOU UP A WALL! You are irritated beyond words and struggling to process the situation by yourself. So you tell your BFF. You share the details. You spew your venom, anger, frustration in the name of “venting” and think it is fine. I am not giving this example as an uninvolved party. This is actually where I gossip the most. I think it is just fine to spew out my feelings about a situation to John or Christina or Cori because I need to process it, because I need to come to grip with my feelings. Guess what? I do NOT see that Biblically mandated. I do not recall ever reading where God says it is okay. I read, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8) I find, “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.” (James 3:6) Finally, I see, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” (Matthew 7:1) But I have yet to find, “When someone REALLY ticks you off, spew anger, venom and hateful words about them; rehash the situation over and over and over again until you feel better about it.” Yeah that one I am not finding in my Bible.

Here’s what I did when I overheard that conversation (which by the way has been COMPLETELY altered to protect the guilty and innocent alike). First I sinned. I immediately went to John and told him all about it.

“Ah!” I agonized, “Why do people have to talk about others!”
“Grr!” I growled, “it makes me SO mad!”
All of a sudden that little voice chimed in. You know the one, that little voice in your head. I am sure you have heard it once or twice too.
My voice said, “Ahem… Jami… what are you doing right now? Ummmm…. Aren’t you talking about people right now? Aren’t you even sitting in judgment of those same people?”
I didn’t even try to defend myself. I realized that God let me hear that teeny tiny “speck in my neighbor’s eye” so I could recognize the HUMONGOUS plank sticking out of mine!

What to do? What to do? Now that I realized that I was sinning how was I going to stop? It is so HARD to hear that small voice in your head when you are angry or worked up about something! So what was I to do in order to get control of this sinful behavior?

Here’s what I did. I went to the best little consciences I know: my children. They hear nearly everything I say, as I rarely remember to censor what I am saying for their benefit. So I said to them, “Guys Momma has a problem with talking bad about people. Have you ever heard Momma talking bad about someone?” Noah immediately piped up with the exact one I was feeling most guilty about. “Yes, Noah that’s a perfect example! Momma does say bad things about that person when she is aggravated.” I then explained to the kids that God doesn’t want us to talk bad about others and that I needed their help. I asked them if they overheard me talking bad about someone to simply say to me, “Momma, should you be talking about that?”

I’ve yet to experience the conviction from one of my children on this issue, but I am sure it will come. I know myself, a filthy rotten sinner. I am sure that I will do it again, and probably soon. I also know my children. They are so good at innocently stating the obvious without any tact at all like, “Hey Mom, your tummy looks like you are growing a baby again.” So I am hopeful that between the little voice in my head and the little people running around my feet, I will become more aware of when I am falling into this trap of sin. Because as stated in a previous blog, when I see something wrong around me, I need to “Be the change I want to see.” I am the only one in this WHOLE world who I have the power to change. So I am going to work hard to change that one person, ME, and hope that eventually it spreads to others around me.

I apologize. I do not feel like this blog is very pithy or well-written. I let the message fester inside of me so long that I feel like it came out as a bit of a jumbled mess. In the future, I have to work to stop being so stubborn. But alas, that is an entirely different blog.