Laying down my why

I like to know why... why I have to walk through this... why I have to be Christlike in the face of vicious, sinful behavior... and my favorite: why is this happening???

This morning as I was wrestling with the why of an ugly, painful, confusing play I've been cast in, I heard my own voice in my head, "Because I'm the mom, and I said so." It's something I say often... when I just dont have the energy to give a 5-point dissertation to my brilliant, precocious, tenacious child. It's something I've threatened to have put on t-shirts to sell. Some things are just because I said so. Doesn't mean I don't have a reason. Doesn't mean I don't care about my child. Doesn't mean I didn't think it through. Sometimes it means I'm too busy to give the reason. Or that I'm too tired to explain. Sometimes it even means that God hasn't even revealed the reason to me yet. I just know in my bones that is the answer.

This morning as I whined, "Why???" I felt, "Because I'm God, and I said so." And it struck me. Might be this painful route will protect me from even worse pain. Might be to protect the other actress in this scene. Might be logical consequences of sinful actions need to be felt. Might be so others can see Jesus in me (In fact, I feel this is an almost constant subpoint why... let's call it a "subwhy" to any suffering. So others can see Jesus in my suffering.)

So this morning I set a new goal... to lay down my why. To place it at the feet of my Heavenly Father.... in submission... in respect... as an act of worship... because HE IS GOD AND HE SAID SO.

I know it won't be easy. A sassy girl like me is going to have to lay down that nasty why over and over and over again. But today I'm going to start trying.

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9