When the simple becomes profound....

I haven't been writing much lately. It is from a combination of lack of time and something else. See lately I have been feeling (on my blog and in person) that people are sick of hearing about my struggles. So I've stopped talking and writing. It is a lonely and scary place for me... because I thrive off getting this crud OUT of my system and I cling to the hope that if I have to suffer at least someone can learn something from it... However, I'm just so raw right now I cannot take anymore correction/judgement/disapproval. Don't get me wrong... there are a few faithful out there that I can FEEL are dedicated to seeing me through to the VERY end of my struggles... but silence seems an appropriate choice to protect myself from the other stuff. All this to say that something has to BURN in my belly before I will write it out right now. I cannot bring myself to invite more criticism without a REALLY good reason. Well this morning I have a really good reason.

Basically I'm in a sea of confusion right now... Unsure exactly what God is doing here... Not seeing what He is bringing about... TERRIFIED (I cannot think of a word that actually expresses the depth of my fear) over my circumstances yet still somehow inexplicably just KNOWING that even though I cannot see Him working right now, He is still "on the clock" working on my heart... working on my circumstances... working out my perseverance....

I have been STRUGGLING through some SERIOUS attacks of the enemy.... ones where I can LITERALLY feel my struggle is "against rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  I don't know really how to explain it... If you have ever been in a battle of spiritual warfare, you just "get it," I guess.

So yesterday on my way into town, Your Great Name by Natalie Grant came on K-Love. Now this song is not new to me. (I've blogged about it before.) And the concepts held within are not earth-shattering or ground breaking. However, as I flew down the highway, this line hit me:

     The enemy, he has to leave, at the sound of Your great name.

And all of a sudden an epiphany occurred to me: when I am in the midst of those battles I need His great name. Now this is not a new concept to me. I know that when battling Satan we must call out the name of Jesus. I know that the very NAME of Jesus holds power we cannot fathom. I know that demons shudder and walls fall at the mere SOUND of the NAME of JESUS. But it struck me right then and there, the next time I am in the midst of a battle.... the next time I start to get the sense (through the absurdity of the sheer volume of CRUD that is being hurled at me) that Satan is toying with me, I need to call out the name of Jesus!

[Hang on... I'm not done yet!]

So this morning I awoke at 4:17 a.m. because I had to pee [sorry if that is TMI (too much information)]. I realized that it was FREEZING in my house so I went to the thermostat. It was 66 (thermostat is set at 68) I could hear that the furnace was running, but I couldn't feel any warm air coming from the vent. A groggy John reported it would take a few minutes for the blower fan to engage, but my gut said, "Nopes! Something else is going on here." Long story short, it was an easy fix... we have hot air blowing again but here's the part I must share... this is the part that is burning in my belly:

I sat at the kitchen table trying to concentrate on my devotions for the morning while John tinkered away in the basement. Finally I just stopped and started praying, "God PLEASE I need a miracle here. I NEED this to be an easy fix, because right now I cannot take another thing to deal with. As I sat at the table, praying.... just before I heard the blower fan engage, I realized that there were lyrics running through my head as I prayed, "Jesus, worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name."  Those lyrics running through my head were God reminding me of the message He had spoken to me yesterday! I started repeating out loud, "Jesus... Jesus... Jesus... I need you Jesus. Please do something JESUS."

The simple can be profound. You don't need special words. God won't be convinced by a well-worded request. You do not need a formula or strategy... You need JESUS. For salvation, for eternity, for right HERE AND NOW... You just need JESUS.

The funniest part is that this revelation wasn't followed by a great mountaintop high... It was immediately followed by another dip down low into the valley of uncertainty and fear.... it was followed by the realization that something is wrong with John. I haven't put my finger on it yet, and I'm still assessing whether we can handle this at home or not, but he is NOT right and will not be going to work today. You know how I'm handling it? With an odd sense of peace and one word on my lips, "Jesus."