The devil

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  

Ephesians 6:1

Last night as I raced into town for my sister's bowling birthday bash (it wasn't really called that.... I just made it up... Really it was our crazy family bowling, eating bar food, and singing "Happy Birthday dear Cori" as loud as we could at the local bowling alley), Noah asked a question that chilled my soul.  Before I reveal his question, let me set the stage.  These details are not those I have shared with any yet... even John will be surprised at their revelation.  

For the past two days, Satan has been attacking me HARD.  He has been whispering to my soul that I will soon be a widow.  I know with all of my heart that this is the enemy attacking me.  I know that my struggle is "against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  I know (as I recently wrote in The Gentle Leader), "If Satan can get into your head and make you worry, doubt, or fear... If you give just an INCH of your brain to worry, doubt, or fear... It is over!  The worry, doubt and fear control you. "  I know that since I learned so many lessons (which I am LIBERALLY applying) the last time we went through this brain issue, (especially:  God will provide ALL our physical needs in MIRACULOUS ways) that Satan is just looking for a new way to torture me.  I know!  I know!  I know!  All of this... yet still...

Finally, yesterday  I asked just my mom, dad, and sisters if they would increase their prayers for me only hinting at the way Satan was torturing me.  Then it happened.  We were just driving down the highway, chatting about how shockingly we were going to be late to Riri's birthday party, when after a brief silence Noah asked me, "Mom, can someone die from a Chiari Malformation?"  It was as if Satan himself had punched me HARD in the gut.  I paused a second while I caught my breath, and then replied, "Hmmmm.... I don't think so."  Because I DON'T think so... Death from Chiari Malformation has never been presented as a possibility to us.  

Here's the thing:  I could have dismissed his question as nothing.  I could have reasoned it away with the reminder that just yesterday we attended a gut-wrenching funeral for a six-month old baby.  I could have just told myself it was a coincidence.  However, here's the thing, I don't believe in coincidence.

Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I Peter 5:8

I believe in the devil.  I believe he is a WICKEDLY smart being.  I believe he wants to destroy me.  I believe this not just because the Bible says it, but also because I have stared him in the VILE face before.  I have felt his sickening breath on my cheek.  I have HEARD his vicious words hurled at me in attack.  I know that "the devil prowls around like a ROARING LION looking for someone to DEVOUR."  (emphasis mine)  

When I heard those words from my baby's mouth, I knew the attack was being taken to a higher level.  Now the worries weren't just clanging around in my own brain.  They were out there ALOUD!  And they were in my child's brain as well.  I immediately cried out to Jesus.  

"Help me Lord!  I can't fight this anymore!"  my heart screamed out. 

Reveal it my child, was His gentle answer.  

"Reveal it???  Are you CRAZY!  I can't reveal THIS!  People will think I'm nuts because I believe in the devil.  People will judge me for fearing my husband will die.  My husband doesn't need to hear I'm afraid of this!"  I screamed from my heart.

Reveal it my child, He gently repeated.

I wanted to fight some more.  I wanted to rail against it.  However, I have known ALL too well the ill-effects of sweeping Satan's attacks "under the carpet."  See what happens when you do that is they get bigger and bigger until they devour you.  See that's what he wants.  He wants us to try to fight Him alone.  He doesn't want to be exposed!  

So guess what???  Anything Satan wants, I'm gonna do the opposite.  I'm exposing that slimy little liar.  I am putting it out there:  I am afraid that John is going to die and leave me all alone.  Truth be told I have been fighting this battle since the moment I received that first call, "John said he feels like when he had that stroke-thing."  I need you to pray for me!  I need help fighting back the enemy because he is NOT giving up.  

One last comment... it is with regards to my fear that "People will think I'm nuts because I believe in the devil."  Here it is... It is not even my words.

It is the greatest art of the devil to convince us he does not exist.

Charles Baudelaire

He is real.  He does exist.  But unfortunately for him, his existence doesn't mean squat up against the power of our God.  So please pray.