Selfish with responsibility

[Blog writers disclaimer:  I started this blog and halfway through kiddos started waking up.  I plodded on because my heart really needed to get this out, but I was bombarded by nearly CONSTANT interruptions and I have NO idea if this blog will make ANY sense or not.]

This week brought some rough encounters for me.  By Friday I was cowering in the corner licking my wounds.  I was contemplating complete hermit status to protect myself from the viciousness of the outside world.  However, this morning as I came awake, God spoke the answer to me, "Jami, you have to worry about your OWN self!"

See I spent the week reeling from and obsessing over painful blows dealt me by filter-deficient people, biased treatment, and being misunderstood.  I was starting to feel like pulling my head, arms, and legs inside my shell and hiding away for awhile.  I moaned and complained to God, "This hurts and I don't want to got through it!"  Last night I was at breaking point.  I went to bed with a wounded heart and defeated spirit.  But I awoke with hope and a path of action.

God revealed to me that I needed to get the focus off the pain that was inflicted upon me, and put the focus on what I could do to avoid those situations in the future.  See people are ALWAYS going to be fallible.  They are going to hurt me and let me down.  But in those situations, instead of obsessing over my pain and pointing the finger, God wants me to turn the finger around and figure out something I could do better.  If I've said it once, I've said it a MILLION times:  I am the ONLY one I have the power to change!

I am a self-admitted conflict-a-phob who has taken the directive from James (be slow to speak) a little too seriously.  I am WAY too likely to just absorb something painful in the spirit of peace.  However, constantly keeping my mouth shut gives people some type of permission to continue to ambush me with unfiltered comments, to assault me with unwanted advice, and to basically walk all over me.  Yes blessed are the peacemakers; however, being a peacemaker doesn't have to look like being a doormat.

This morning I have been mulling over the same wounds I was licking last night.  However, instead of cowering in the corner and whimpering over them, I've been examining them and posing the question to myself, "What should I have SAID in those situations to calmly but honestly express myself?"  SEVERAL months ago, a friend gave me some wisdom on this type of situation...  I'm not sure why I stopped applying it....  "simply to say out loud 'that hurts my feelings' or 'it makes me angry when...' once you verbalize it, the feelings dissipate. I think the key to being Christlike is to verbalize the emotions in a calm manner. "  


Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  I'm finally to the part where I'm going to explain the title of this blog!!!!  I think what God wants me to do is to start selfishly taking responsibility for the pain I feel instead of cowering in the corner pointing my finger at the person who hurt me.  I cannot do ANYTHING to change other people.  I can't fix their faulty filters.  I can't make them act in an unbiased manner.  I can't compel people to consider my feelings.  But I can control the way I respond in those situations.  I can calmly respond.  I can make sure I always employ my filter.  I can treat others fairly.  I can consider the feelings of others.  


I guess my encouragement to you today is to refuse to allow others to enslave you.  When we point the finger, when we blame other people, we are giving THEM power over us.  We are saying we are weaklings at their mercy.  We are saying we have no power...  THEY hurt us, THEY made us angry.   I always tell my children, "No one can MAKE you angry.  You allow what they did to bring your anger."  Take selfish responsibility for your pain or anger!  Look at what YOU can change!  Examine YOUR actions prior to the pain.  Because NONE of us can change anyone but ourselves. 


God bless and have a good day!