As of yesterday, John and I have been married for twelve years. We had a GLORIOUS weekend away from EVERYTHING. We shipped the kids off (THANK YOU Shawn & Jodi) and farmed Auntie Marge out (THANKS Mom & Dad), and we just hung out in solitude at our place for the whole weekend. It was marvelous! The highlight of our weekend was dream shopping at Home Depot… (hee hee hee)
But on this first day of the thirteenth year of our marriage, I thought I would do a little more reflection. Here are a few things that this weekend (and thirteen years) have taught me...
1. John Joseph Kastner is an amazing, enigmatic, hard working, funny, adorable, incredible, dedicated man. I just REALLY love this man. I love being with him. I love talking to him. I love everything about him. You know I’m sure after twelve years one or two of his flaws have presented themselves, but I have learned two things about loving my spouse: (1) Everyone in this world has positive and negative characteristics…. EVERYONE (2) It is MY CHOICE to highlight his attributes or emphasize his weaknesses… MY satisfaction level depends upon which choice I make. I work my hardest every day to CHOOSE to highlight John's positives while helping him work through his negatives....
2. Marriage is HARD! Anyone who tells you otherwise is either a newlywed or is lying. Taking two individuals and melding them into one cohesive unit takes WORK! It does not come naturally. Crucifying your own desires on a daily basis is not inherent, it is a learned trait. Even after twelve years, marriage takes work. I don't believe that will ever change. I believe marriage is a lifelong assignment. If you think you have completed that assignment and you and your spouse are still alive, well then you have some more thinking to do.
3. Marriage is worth fighting for. As difficult as it can be to meld two people into one unit, the benefits reaped from doing so FAR surpass the effort required. Having someone with whom to weather all the storms of life is an amazing blessing. Having someone who just "gets" you with hardly any explanation on your part is invaluable. Having someone who is always, always, always there for you is a gift that is worth fighting your butt off for. So don't be discouraged by point number 2, instead be ENCOURAGED, marriage may be a difficult, but it is definitely worthwhile.
4. A marriage can withstand ANYTHING if the people in it are stubbornly headstrong to this one purpose: marriage is FOREVER! One of the best things my parents EVER did for me was to show me that no matter what their relationship weathered, they were going to stick together. They taught me marriage was going to be hard, but exiting marriage was not an option. Trust me, John and I are both stubborn and headstrong so I think we've got this one in the bag.
5. Everyone in this world can benefit from a little downtime. Sometimes John and I do not realize the superhuman load we are attempting to carry: He works a full time job and a part-time job. I work a part-time job, homeschool four children, and care for my elderly aunt. Neither of us gets much sleep. Neither of us has much of a social life. We rarely go out on dates. We have never once been on a family vacation. We live life at a frenzied pace. We have always just adapted to this craziness out of necessity, but this weekend I realized how very, very, very nice downtime (and sleep) can be.
Well I guess that's about all I have time for (it's not all I learned, but Blogger stymied my efforts all day by way of a broken link that kept prohibiting me from posting this). I guess my closing is more of a dedication than a wrap up:
Happy anniversary John Kastner... I love you with all of me. Thank you for loving me when I'm unlovable. Thank you for believing in me no matter what. Thank you for being my biggest fan and my best critic. I can't wait to see what the next decade or two brings.
Oh Jami! This was a wonderful blog! (Ok...I like all of your blogs and read them every time you post, even though I rarely leave comments!) It is great to still see people committed to marriage even though we sometimes go through VERY difficult times! Dale & I just celebrated 26 years this year and have had our ups, downs and really down "downs" but we have survived! Your blog was a refreshing reminder of WHY we work so hard at marriage...Thanks!
ReplyDeleteAt first, when you said all those wonderful things about John, I said to myself...must be nice to have such a wonderful husband! :P Then I read that you were saying you were 'choosing' to be positive, and that marriage was hard work but so worthwhile...and I said YES she's right! :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you do it with the multiple jobs and multiple kids...more power to ya!
My hubby Dan and I have been married for over 12 years now (Aug 2010 will be 13) ... and they said it wouldn't last! I agree with you and Cho - it is the commitment and the knowing someone so well that carries you through. Amen! :)