Letting go...

Why do I have such a hard time letting go??? I'm not really a hoarder. (Although my husband would probably disagree as he is DEFINITELY a purger extrordinaire.) I haven't been saving the jeans I wore senior year of high school hoping to fit back into them. I don't have every single solitary Sunday school project my children ever created. In fact, I actually took part in LOSING one of Jeremiah's baby teeth. The last one that fell out came out at my parents' house, and I have NO idea where it ended up. Yet still on I struggle to let go of what seems like it was never meant to be.

I pray and pray and pray for God to help me let go of my grasp on it. Yet the feelings of sadness and sorrow and longing remain. So then I start to think, "WAIT! Maybe God doesn't want me to let go. Maybe I'm supposed to persevere in hope?" So I get my hopes up a little and cling tightly to what is clearly just a vapor.... a shadow of what it used to be.

How to know? How to know? Like when you're facing a new job opportunity.... how to know what's God's will? When there are positives and negatives on BOTH sides, how do you know which way to go.

Here's the best I've come up with. It's not rocket science. In fact in some ways it's not even a choice..... WAIT. Just WAIT. When you aren't sure which path to travel, when you're unsure if you should let go or hang on, when you're singing along with the Clash, "Should I stay or should I go now? If I stay there will be trouble... If I go it will be double..." Just WAIT.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

Waiting is no fun, but when you are unsure what to do I think it is the best strategy. I've been sitting on a decision since Saturday. I had the weirdest dream on Friday night that actually turned out to be creepily prophetic. I spent the day Saturday feeling a bit like I was on Sixth Sense.... I see dead people... okay the people in my dream weren't dead but it was weird to dream something and then see it come true the next day! I tried hard all weekend to figure out what this dream meant. What did God want me to do with this crazy situation? I still cannot figure out if he is telling me to proceed in faith and speak or let go and wash my hands of the situation.

I thought maybe typing this out would make my decision more clear, but it has not. So.... if you're looking for me... I'll be right here.... waiting.... He'll speak. I know He will. But His timing is not my timing. So until His time.... I will WAIT.