Why oh why do you share as you do???

I share it all (almost). I lay it all out there. The good, the bad, the ugly, almost ALL of it is out there for the world to see. Recently the question arose again, "Why? Why do you do it Jami?" I realized that there are many reasons I do this: to beg for prayer, encouragement, support during a trial; to allow others to witness God's miraculous provisions right along with me; as a catharsis for my soul... there is something so liberating about "getting things off your chest." But recently one reason has risen to the top to reign supreme. It is the BIGGEST reason that I share. I share so that others will know: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I, too, know the depths of despair.

As I have walked through the various struggles I have faced in life, the hardest part for me has always been the loneliness of feeling like no one understands and the shame of feeling surely NO ONE else in the world has been this low. As I walked through the valley of the shadow of financial destitution, as I swam through the rapids of the river of betrayal, as I hiked up the side of the mountain of perpetual singleness, as I fought in the battle of the struggle against bulimia, the thing that I hated the most was the isolation... That feeling that surely no one would understand if I told them exactly what I was going through. That feeling that surely I was the only one to have plunged to these depths. The thing that I craved the most was someone to understand... someone to tell me I have been there and I made it through or even I'm there right now and I don't know if I'll make it through.

There is some truth to that old adage: "Misery loves company." On Monday I spent literally the ENTIRE morning on the phone hashing out the specifics of our medical insurance plan with our benefits administrator, clarifying amounts on medical bills received with billing offices, and setting up medical appointments with doctors. It was so mind numbing and time consuming. I mentioned to my mom how RIDICULOUS it is that it takes SO much time to manage your family's health care. She responded with her own tale of woe about trying to manage care for my great aunt in Florida: social workers, attorneys, nurses, etc... Somehow when I picked up the phone the next day to start another round of calls to doctors, nurses, and customer service representatives, I was comforted in knowing there was someone out there, my own mother, who knew EXACTLY what I was going through.... someone who had felt my pain, someone who was standing up under those same pressures.

That is my BIGGEST reason for sharing. I share all the nitty, gritty details.... I share frequently.... and I share just about all of it.... in the hopes that someone out there will hear my underlying message, my REASON for laying it all out there: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Even if your struggles aren't the exact same as mine, whether you have it better than I do or you have it worse than I do.... YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And I am still standing up under these pressures which proves you can too! Do not give up! Stand up with me because YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are NEVER alone!

I risk the rejection, the possibility that others may judge me and look down on me, the chance that I may be misunderstood.... all for this reason. So I hope you're hearing it from me loud and clear. I hope it pulses in the background as you read the words I write. I hope it echos through your soul in the dark of the night when the worries or recriminations flood in. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!