I was just sitting here watching In Plain Sight....the ending brought tears to my eyes (not a surprise...I'm a big fat bawl bag)...so I stood up to get started cleaning the kitchen and all of a sudden I felt sobs welling up inside me. As I let myself cry, I realized how good it felt to let out some of the pent up emotion I'd been keeping inside of me. As tears coursed down my face and sobs rose from deep inside me, I realized: trusting in God does not mean stuffing your feelings. God doesn't want us to deny, hide or bury what we're feeling. He desires honesty in our inmost being. Trusting in God is being afraid and lying it in his lap. Trusting in God is being worried about the Goliath in front of you but slinging that stone anyways. Trusting in God is being real and scared and defeated but GOING ON ANYWAYS!
I feel a little better now. The real truth is I am scared of our current financial situation, and on top of it all, I've been suffering from some pretty miserable sinus pain for the past 3 days, and I just needed to let a little of the fear and pain and misery out of me. That didn't make me a weaker person...that didn't mean I don't believe that God is sovereign...that didn't mean that I'm not "doing it right this time." It just meant I was being real.
Here's to keeping it real!
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